tellling

[mishelle379]

I have a new gf, want to tell her and have thrown a few hints, not sure if shes gotten it though, wondering if I should just be blunt and see what happens

[Di]

Hints are def not the way to go..........thats just games and sillyness.

Heres some links to help you good luck with whatever you decided.:hugs:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=90231


http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=13841

[TommiTN]

This won't be much help but only you know her well enough to make that decision. You will know when the time is right, if ever.

[Sharon]

If you feel a need to tell her, then do so. Forget the hints which would most likely only confuse her.

[nicole 555]

She need to and so do before you get to far. If it is ok with her it is so much better for both of you

[Karren H]

Just dress up and jump out and surprise her!! Quicker and easier that way and if she hangs around afterwards then marry her quickly!! She's a keeper!! :)

[Sarah_GG]

:rofl:

Hilarious Karren. But seriously, talk to her...

:hugs:

[MJ]

i like Karren's idea ..just do it :heehee:

[Lisa Golightly]

I was always honest... about the dressing... I just lied through my teeth about the TS stuff... but then even I was undecided about that one...

If you tell her she stays or walks... If she stays cool... If she walks... Well my attitude was I was better off...

[Fran Moore]

Also consider the possibilities that if she reacts in a negative way what the consequences might be, i.e. telling others that you know, etc. Please think it thru first!

Suzanne

[boardpuppy]

Hi Mishelle,
Yes you have to tell her (everything) and remember you have to be prepared if she is the vengeful type (only you know that). Not trying to be an alarmist but have a back up plan.

Hugs,
Alice

[Di]

Just dress up and jump out and surprise her!! Quicker and easier that way and if she hangs around afterwards then marry her quickly!! She's a keeper!! :)

You are fairly new so you prob do not know know Karren is a big joker...so please do not dress and jump out and surprise her............that is just about the worse thing to do.

[MissConstrued]

Tell her you're gay. Then when she freaks out, just tell her "Only kidding dear! I'm just a crossdresser!" She'll then be relieved. :D

[Carole Cross]

Just sit her down and tell her, sooner rather than later. I am a TS and I was absolutely terrified when I came out to my parents last week and I was suprised by their positive reaction. I was fairly certain that my father would not like it at all, but he was very cool about it.
If you are honest with her and answer any questions truthfully you may find she will accept it. I have found, since going out, that younger people are more accepting, so if she is under the age of around 30 you have a good chance of acceptance.
If she decides to walk, then you aree probably better off witout her IMHO.

[Bethany38]

The very best thing you could do is to be honest with her, especially if you think this relationship is going somewhere. However as some have warned I have to reitterate that beware of repercusions of her outing you to others. With that said I think being open with her can only help you. It will either show you if it will work long term, or show you it will not. Having a relationship while being a CD can be very hard, but it can be even more hard on both of you if you go too long without comeing clean. I myself was very, very lucky when I finally came clean with my wife. She was, and is very supportive and encourageing. We had been married for about ten years before I started CD'ing again. awhen I started again I brought her in as soon as I realized what was going on myself. Now I could not imagine how it would have been if I kept it all inside and closeted. Not all women are as excepting as my wife. But ask yourself how you would feel if she kept a similar secret from you, and then after being together for sometime decided to tell you? Wow I did not realize how long winded this response was. I just wanted to give my best :2c: worth I guess. Whatever road you decide to take I wish you the very best.


Bethnay

[Samantha Kelsey]

Put it this way, if you tell her 'straight' now it'll save a whole load of heartache for you both for the rest of your lives. And that goes whichever way she takes it. Please don't cheat her or yourself!

[Sarah_GG]

I just read a post on another thread where Mischelle said she told her g/f who "ran for the hills". I'm really sorry to hear that... perhaps she wasn't the one for you. Or perhaps she needs time to absorb what you've said. Did you follow the advice 'how to tell your SO'?

Please don't let this put you off telling your SO in the future. I think you have to invest enough time to know that you trust the person. Get to know her and understand where she's coming from. Work out whether you think she is open-minded. Don't try dropping hints, you'll both end up confused! Try to be clear about what you're telling her and be ready to answer her questions. If she's that into you she will listen to what you've said and try to find out what it means.

My SO told me eight months into our relationship. By that time he'd worked out that I really cared for him, wanted him to be happy, that he could trust me with his 'secret' and thought I might possibly be open to the idea. I felt that was exactly the right amount of time as I had also got to know and love his male side enough to not be worried about his sexuality etc.

I apologise as I should have said more earlier instead of simply responding to Karren's joke.

:hugs:

[mishelle379]

ty for all your wonderful help

as my heart is hurting

[Sarah_GG]

Can you tell us what happened? Are you sure she'd gone for good? How long were you two together? No matter that she wasn't the right person for you, I understand how much you must be hurting. I'm really sorry it didn't work out for you this time...

:hugs:

[linnea]

If you want peace of mind and you're serious about this gf, you should tell her.

[JulieC]

:yt:

The only thing I'd add would be, keep it light. Think of it this way, which of these two openings would you rather hear from a partner over the fish course on your third date:

Look, I have this terrible problem I need to talk about. I have to reveal this awful secret about myself that's blighting my life; you'll probably think I'm insane, and I wouldn't blame you...
I bet you can't guess what fun I had last Saturday night. OK, call me crazy, but it was really exciting. What I did was...


I very much agree in abstract with the above. If you approach a woman with this "secret" as some dark, hidden, negative, sick thing...it should come as no surprise that she'll view it as dark, hidden, negative and sick.

You have to accept yourself before you can reasonably expect someone else to accept you.

Be positive, content, confident and at ease. You might not have all the answers to crossdressing, but what you do most likely have is the knowledge that you are a CDer and that's highly unlikely to change. Accept yourself, then seek acceptance elsewhere.


as my heart is hurting

As much as it hurts now, it's a good thing she is gone. You will meet someone who is more accepting. Be as upfront with her as you have been with this now past girlfriend. You'll get there. It will take longer than finding a "standard" woman, but you will find her.

[JaylaaGurl]

I got caught dressed and my wife flipped out. The only way I could calm her was to say that I would stop and that I didn't need it... I wish it could have played out differently but I didn't want to risk losing her.

[Kayla Shadows]

:( Im sorry Mishelle :hugs:

[JoAnne Wheeler]

If you become serious with her and she is serious about you, then tell her

before each of you do something that you can't live with - if I had it to do

over again, I certainly would want this to be solved BEFORE I got married


JoAnne Wheeler

[Leslie Mary S]

This whole thread is very close to home to me because I had my first date with a new g/f last night. I do not know were the road will go with her. so I will wait a few more dates.

[tealannette]

don't you give up girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:hugs:

[Ralph]

Tell her you're gay. Then when she freaks out, just tell her "Only kidding dear! I'm just a crossdresser!" She'll then be relieved. :D

{chortle} but seriously, that's how it worked for me although unintentionally. When soon-to-be Mrs. Ralph and I started getting serious, I knew I needed to tell her but I was very hesitant to bring it up so when we were settled down for the evening I started quite slowly. Something along the lines of "Before we go any further, there's something else you should know about me."

I didn't say or imply that I'm gay, but that's what she thought I was leading up to. As a result she was indeed relieved that it was "only" crossdressing.

ralph