Am I TS/TV/CD/etc?

[KateC]

Originally when I started CDing at early age like 9-10, and in my teens, I mostly associated with lingerie and sexual satisfaction..

as I grew older to my current age, late 20's, it slowly evolved, still encompassing the sexual portion but including becoming a woman and being accepted as society.

Now as I read from many sources most people who are TS, usually feel from early early age they are born in the wrong body and despise their male body etc...

For myself, I'm not sure if I was born in the wrong body, but I don't despise my male body.. I'm fine with it, though if I had the choice I would be happy in a female body as well. So what is it then, am I a TS or will become one later? Will I need to start hormones or do SRS etc to fully become a woman?

Just from my recent adventures outside as a girl, it was fun, I liked it but not sure how far this really takes me, or why am I doing it. I just want to know what I am or if I'm just in an early phase of something bigger so if I tell my SO more about me, I can be definite.

As I said before, she knows about my CD, from long ago and recently I've told her more like how it's related mostly to sexual and lingerie, but its obviously more, which I want to tell her but I want to be more sure of myself before going "Oh guess what, t here's more" in a few years.. or saying "well i'm not sure exactly but there could be more! So wanna get married and take a chance?"

[<3 Keri Lynn <3]

I'm still young but I think I can put in my :2c:

I have been wearing women's cloths most of my life, since I was about 5. Right around 15 or 16, normal little boy sexual feelings kicked in and I felt horrible after having an "accident" while dressed so that didn't last long. I just know who I am and its a woman on the inside but a man on the outside. After I move out on my own I plan on buying 50/50 man and women cloths and work my way up to 100% woman. For me its not a sexual or erotic feeling why I do it is it makes me feel whole, confident and at peace with myself.

In my opinion if it makes you feel good while doing it then keep doing it! :heehee:

There really isn't a right answer that I can give you, so if it feels right then do it if not, then don't. Hope this helps!


*Hugs*Kisses*

[Karren H]

If your going to wait for what could be your never going to do anything so live for today..

[Sharon]

For myself, I'm not sure if I was born in the wrong body, but I don't despise my male body.. I'm fine with it, though if I had the choice I would be happy in a female body as well. So what is it then, am I a TS or will become one later? Will I need to start hormones or do SRS etc to fully become a woman?



You don't need to do anything! You are at peace with being a male, so that most likely means you are not transsexual. And you most definitely don't need hormones or surgery.

Just be who you are. :)

[JulieC]

Just from my recent adventures outside as a girl, it was fun, I liked it but not sure how far this really takes me, or why am I doing it. I just want to know what I am or if I'm just in an early phase of something bigger so if I tell my SO more about me, I can be definite.

As I said before, she knows about my CD, from long ago and recently I've told her more like how it's related mostly to sexual and lingerie, but its obviously more, which I want to tell her but I want to be more sure of myself before going "Oh guess what, t here's more" in a few years.. or saying "well i'm not sure exactly but there could be more! So wanna get married and take a chance?"


Discovering who and what you are is a life long experiment. If you stop changing and/or stop learning, you must be dead.

Years ago, a friend of mine was set to get married for his third time. I asked him "Aren't you afraid of divorcing again? Aren't you afraid of the future of this relationship?" He answered no, that there's no way he can predict the future with any certainty. He has to go with what he knows now, and if it means divorce then so be it. If he were to live in fear, he'd never do anything.

He was right.

I don't know what you are, and certainly none of us here can begin to describe you, much less tell you if you're really TS or CD or whatever. Only YOU can answer such questions. A gender therapist can assist you in finding those answers (and I recommend it) but the answers are in you.

It took me decades to figure out what I am to the point that I am comfortable enough with myself to not feel awkward most of the time.

I think I'd approach your so along these lines "I don't know exactly what I am. I'm not 100% male, and I'm not 100% female. I do know that I'm a person who is madly in love with you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up when I'm 80, look over, and see your wrinkly face and know how lucky I was that I asked you to marry me. We all change, and I want to go through all of your changes and my changes together, with you, forever. "

[KateC]

So what should I do then.. I'm really confused and have been for years.. I keep thinking this is just a phase but obviously it isn't and it's going to be with me rest of my life...

what about when or if I have kids, will they know or should they, what would my SO think of that...

It's just also not fair for her right? Like how'd you feel in their shoes, committing a life time which you can NEVER get back and finding out 10-20 years later the person you married doesn't want to be your wife anymore but your husband...

I can imagine myself as a wife, girlfriend, daughter, mother, I wouldn't dislike it or hate it, I would embrace if say tomorrow something happened miraculously and I've became a GG... but yet again I don't mind being a guy... I don't hate it either, I guess it's just trying both things, I really don't know the "whY" in my CD/TG/TS/TV whatever... That's the big question and scary thing.. what does it lead to, what's the ultimate purpose... I posted similar questions on many forums and all I really got was "you figure it out yourself" or "go see a therapist" or something similar.. if it was that simple and easy, people like me wouldn't need to post on forums.. lol

[KateC]

Discovering who and what you are is a life long experiment. If you stop changing and/or stop learning, you must be dead.

Years ago, a friend of mine was set to get married for his third time. I asked him "Aren't you afraid of divorcing again? Aren't you afraid of the future of this relationship?" He answered no, that there's no way he can predict the future with any certainty. He has to go with what he knows now, and if it means divorce then so be it. If he were to live in fear, he'd never do anything.

He was right.

I don't know what you are, and certainly none of us here can begin to describe you, much less tell you if you're really TS or CD or whatever. Only YOU can answer such questions. A gender therapist can assist you in finding those answers (and I recommend it) but the answers are in you.

It took me decades to figure out what I am to the point that I am comfortable enough with myself to not feel awkward most of the time.

I think I'd approach your so along these lines "I don't know exactly what I am. I'm not 100% male, and I'm not 100% female. I do know that I'm a person who is madly in love with you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up when I'm 80, look over, and see your wrinkly face and know how lucky I was that I asked you to marry me. We all change, and I want to go through all of your changes and my changes together, with you, forever. "

Wow that's actually great advice... it is true.. if you lived in fear or what might or might not happen, nothing would get done... my SO actually tells me that more often than I think of it myself, because I'm always so scared to do stuff...

I'm not entirely sure what she wants in a relationship or expectations in the future and whatnot... Some people are rigid like that, want a life that's planned or nothing deviating... we've been together for over 12 years... so that should mean something... and it gets me upset how she always doesn't want to talk about this, gets mad at it when I bring it up etc... I think she just wants to push it away and pretend it's not there or nothing big... which is bad...

[Kelli Michelle]

Just from my recent adventures outside as a girl, it was fun, I liked it but not sure how far this really takes me, or why am I doing it. I just want to know what I am or if I'm just in an early phase of something bigger so if I tell my SO more about me, I can be definite.

As I said before, she knows about my CD, from long ago and recently I've told her more like how it's related mostly to sexual and lingerie, but its obviously more, which I want to tell her but I want to be more sure of myself before going "Oh guess what, t here's more" in a few years.. or saying "well i'm not sure exactly but there could be more! So wanna get married and take a chance?"

Thi is a pretty common issue. The problems are:
1. This side of you has been repressed for years (and maybe still is).
2. One doesn't live through the feminine side enough (often times)to get a handle on it.
3. Fear, rejection, etc.

This is something I am having trouble coming to grips with too. In the short (relatively) time I have been going out fully dressed, do I know enough to tell what I am? I would love to know, as I would like to be straight-forward with my spouse, but if I don't know yet, how can I tell her?

For me, all I can do is keep searching until I have a pretty good idea of what I want from this. Then, I can have a reasonable discussion with my wife. I have told her (and I think this would fit for you), that I don't know where this will lead. I have taken NOTHING off the table. I have told her my current ideas of what I am thinking now.

If, as you say, it is more than just the sexual feelings you get from the clothes, etc, than you might want to consider telling her that, but remind her, you are just slowly exloring this aspect of yourself, and still don't know the rest yourself, fully.

[KateC]

Thi is a pretty common issue. The problems are:
1. This side of you has been repressed for years (and maybe still is).
2. One doesn't live through the feminine side enough (often times)to get a handle on it.
3. Fear, rejection, etc.

This is something I am having trouble coming to grips with too. In the short (relatively) time I have been going out fully dressed, do I know enough to tell what I am? I would love to know, as I would like to be straight-forward with my spouse, but if I don't know yet, how can I tell her?

For me, all I can do is keep searching until I have a pretty good idea of what I want from this. Then, I can have a reasonable discussion with my wife. I have told her (and I think this would fit for you), that I don't know where this will lead. I have taken NOTHING off the table. I have told her my current ideas of what I am thinking now.

If, as you say, it is more than just the sexual feelings you get from the clothes, etc, than you might want to consider telling her that, but remind her, you are just slowly exloring this aspect of yourself, and still don't know the rest yourself, fully.

Thanks for this insight Kelli :)

I just know she'll be upset, even if just talking about this subject... I just wish she can talk more civil regardless of what I'm about to discuss....

Can any GG give some insight as what exactly you are afraid of dislike about this.. other than the obvious fact, he's a guy but wants to be a girl...

[Lisa Golightly]

Well it isn't going to happen miraculously and you'll not be a GG... It's a slog, often an uphill slug, full of predjudice, ridicule, and abuse... You'll see friends vanish, family turn, and strangers snigger... The hormones could kill you slowly or quickly...

But if you're TS you'll do it, because the fact is there is no choice... Unless you want a half life, or no life.

As for the 'go see a therapist' it's very sage advice.

[KateC]

Therapist... so do usually people go alone or with their SO....

I don't mind going honestly.. even alone... just 1 session or something... but I hard sometimes the therapists kinda steer you which means you don't make up your own mind though...

[Lisa Golightly]

Kind of depends where you are... If you're in the US you need to ask one of the US girls... Maybe ask the question in the Transsexual bit of the forum :)

[CharleneT]

Therapist... so do usually people go alone or with their SO....

I don't mind going honestly.. even alone... just 1 session or something... but I hard sometimes the therapists kinda steer you which means you don't make up your own mind though...


A good therapist is not going to steer you in any particular direction. Look around, ask around your area and see if you can find out about who is available and what experience others have had. It sounds like you do not trust therapy to begin with - that will make it hard for it to help/work.

[Carole Cross]

Kate, I think the only person who can answer your question truthfully is yourself. If you are unsure then you probanly need more time to find out who you really are. For now just enjoy your feminine side and think about what you want to do. Some people don't realise whether they are TS or not until a very late age because the resources available now via the internet weren't available when they were younger.
You will eventually know what you want to do, if you are still uncertain then you are not ready to make a decision. Hope this helps. :hugs:

[GypsyKaren]

You certainly don't need to start anything, it's all a choice, but only you can decide...you really should find someone to talk to and play it as it goes.

Karen :g3:

[Deedee Dupree]

Originally when I started CDing at early age like 9-10, and in my teens, I mostly associated with lingerie and sexual satisfaction..

>>>Sexual satisfaction during our early years is very common.. "normal" for many in our community. Whether it's lingerie or some other clothing or combination does not matter. <<<

.....as I grew older to my current age, late 20's, it slowly evolved, still encompassing the sexual portion but including becoming a woman and being accepted as society.

>>> Of course, as a young adult the pressure to fit in and build for one's future comes to the fore... when one has extra cards in their deck, and if one is self aware at that time allowing more time and effort is a necessary and worthwhile investment in the long term. Being accepted by society is a separate issue. You can influence that depending on how well you prepare to be "out".<<<

Now as I read from many sources most people who are TS, usually feel from early early age they are born in the wrong body and despise their male body etc...

>>>So true, and a very important self-realization, equally as important is the realization that one does NOT feel this way.<<<

For myself, I'm not sure if I was born in the wrong body, but I don't despise my male body.. I'm fine with it, though if I had the choice I would be happy in a female body as well.

>>>Understandable. As you explore and learn about yourself you will become more comfortable with what is. I am equally happy with both my M & F aspects and I would be diminished without both working at full capacity. It is my male self that is the enabler after all.<<<

So what is it then, am I a TS or will become one later? Will I need to start hormones or do SRS etc to fully become a woman?

>>>No one can answer that except you. Take the time to enjoy those aspects of yourself that are evident now, develop... and in time you will discover whether or not you should go further. Don't be in a hurry.<<<

Just from my recent adventures outside as a girl, it was fun, I liked it but not sure how far this really takes me, or why am I doing it. I just want to know what I am or if I'm just in an early phase of something bigger so if I tell my SO more about me, I can be definite.

>>>You have answered your own question at this point. Why is anything fun? Is it necessary to understand why one enjoys whatever it is? Seek out and meet other people face to face who have similar concerns, join an org., find a big sister who has no other agenda than to do something worthwhile for you. <<<

As I said before, she knows about my CD, from long ago

>>>How long ago?<<<

and recently I've told her more like how it's related mostly to sexual and lingerie,

>>>Be VERY careful with this....<<<

but its obviously more, which I want to tell her but I want to be more sure of myself before going "Oh guess what, there's here's more" in a few years..

>>>When you are clear about yourself and what you are risking/stand to loose/gain you will know how to proceed.<<<

or saying "well I'm not sure exactly but there could be more! So want to get married and take a chance?"

>>>I don't gamble unless I have no other option. When it is necessary I do what I can to stack the odds in my favor before I proceed.

??? How long have you been in the relationship with your SO?

dd

Feel free to PM.

[KateC]

Answering DeeDee

She knew from probably near start of relationship, like within a year or so into.. we were pretty young like 17-18 I think.. but I told her about before I met her, I dressed as a girl with my mother's clothing and stuff.. also did stuff like this with another male friend pretending to be girls

I also did something sexual with someone too.. not really relating to CDing but it was a male.. not gay though... again around 12-13ish.

She knows of all this and since I've met her she knew I wore thongs and stuff even during school, didn't say much about it, I think it stopped a bit after a few years that I didn't wear them with her knowing... until maybe couple years from now or so..

Like I'm not sure it's never been a conscious subject, it's always the elephant in the room, something she wishes to pretend it's not there... but just liek I said 2 years ago or so it came back into light, then just recently I told her about how I need to do this etc and do it for sexual gratification.. so this is about 1 year ago or so... told her twice

Been with her 12 years. I thought I wrote this up there?

[KateC]

Actually now thinking more... this is basically my progression.. no need to PM this, I want anyone who can help know who I am.


Age 6-7: Sexually attracted to female but also attracted to feminine looks, didn't really think about "being a girl" really but something elementary similar did cross my mind I think

Age 9-10: Experimented with female clothing and enjoyed it, mostly hosiery and panties, did some together with friends for about a year.

Age 10-11: Did some sexual experimentation with another male friend.

Between 12-16 nothing really happened much with CDing, maybe when I gratified myself I would think to be a girl sometimes...

Age 17-18: When I met my SO, told her about what I did before as shown above, also started to buy first lingerie, for her but secretly kept it for myself mainly. She isn't really interested in lingerie and stuff like that (even to this day...)

Age 19-23: Started buying more lingerie purely for myself, but some for my SO which ended up being mine, wore more and more under my regular male clothing. She knew I did this but not "out in the open" really. Didn't talk about it, probably thought was a phase only.

Age 24-present: I think this is the turning point, I had opportunity... she had to live away from home to attend graduate studies, so here I started experimenting more, buying more lingerie, online, in stores, bras, stockings, heels, etc.

Started wearing the more, and alot relating to sexual, even showing myself in windows hoping to get notice... or around outside of the house.

I moved shortly so even more opportunity so while accumulating clothes I got regular clothes so I could wear out, started just to wear them out of my condo down to the parking and back, then going out (which is recent recent like in weeks time from now)

So it was because I had opportunity that I can do this, if somehow maybe 8-10 years ago that I had this same opportunity I probably would be doing it and become even way more than I am now... going out with friends, clubs, places everything...

Needing to tell SO this because she's coming to move back soon within a month, so this is why I'm so distressed, I can't just ignore this and think oh well that's it... it's a part of me... my dream ideal is that she accepts this and also does activities with me, like go out shopping, movies etc, but also accepts me as a guy in parallel when I'm not dressed...

That's basically my life story..

[Karen564]

Kate,
I nor anyone else can tell you what you are, only YOU can really do that, there's too many shades of gray to put a true label on it.
Based on what you have said so far leads me to believe your very passionate about cross dressing at this point, and you have said you dont mind being a guy and you dont hate your male body, so to me, that doesn't make me believe to think your an all out full blown TS.. but like I said, there's many shades of gray.. You say you dont despise your maleness, but are you positive about that?? does that mean you want to live a she-male kind of lifestyle??
Either way, if want to change your appearance to live & dress as a woman 24/7 and that's truly the path you want to take, just be prepared it's not an easy life by any means..
I would suggest you start seeing a gender Therapist just to help you sort out your feelings, they wont tell you what you should be or what to do, that's entirely up to you, but they will throw some things at you for you to think about very seriously before you do anything you may regret..

[KateC]

I will try to see one asap... as for being she-male or whatever that is.. labels.... I don't know I just I guess see myself being whatever makes me happy at the time...

There a lot of things in life that only certain people or groups or ages and sexes can do.. that kinda pisses me off because everyone should be allowed to enjoy everything.. so I guess this might be one of my personal reasons for doing what I am doing... I don't like being forced into a role, though doesn't mean I don't like roles.. as I make myself up to be a woman and play that role, it's just I didn't choose to be male so why should that be forced upon me just because I was born into it? No one told me to attend school, I chose it, I chose my job...

And the fact that I can pull it off (somewhat passing etc) makes me very happy, that I can achieve something most normal people can't.. being the opposite sex.... I think people like us are special.. I don't know maybe alot won't agree with my thinking but that's how I feel about it at least

[Deedee Dupree]

Answering DeeDee

She knew from probably near start of relationship, like within a year or so into.. we were pretty young like 17-18 I think.. but I told her about before I met her, I dressed as a girl with my mother's clothing and stuff.. also did stuff like this with another male friend pretending to be girls

I also did something sexual with someone too.. not really relating to CDing but it was a male.. not gay though... again around 12-13ish.

She knows of all this and since I've met her she knew I wore thongs and stuff even during school, didn't say much about it, I think it stopped a bit after a few years that I didn't wear them with her knowing... until maybe couple years from now or so..

Like I'm not sure it's never been a conscious subject, it's always the elephant in the room, something she wishes to pretend it's not there... but just liek I said 2 years ago or so it came back into light, then just recently I told her about how I need to do this etc and do it for sexual gratification.. so this is about 1 year ago or so... told her twice

Been with her 12 years. I thought I wrote this up there?


Hi KateC,

Thank you for your response and subsequent explanation. Your thread has (obviously) been moved to a section that I was about to suggest you submit your questions to. Feedback here will help you qualify where you stand with respect to your TS questions. I am not qualified to comment on that. However, I can discuss how to manage M & F integration into a viable whole. I'm busy at the moment (attending elderly parent) but will return later to respond after I have read everything new. Best, dd

[Byanca]

Heya, I wrote a little about my own experiences so you can compare. I can delete it if this was not the type of info you where looking for.

For me;
Age 6-10: No sexual-some girly clothes and other clothes mixed. Me and my two other brothers slept in the same bed, and used to play role playing every night. I remember that I was always the mother or the daughter. Also remembered I didn't want to play any other part.

Age 9-10: Sex with a same age more mature male relative. I didnt understand anything, but I played the girl. We where caught by his mother when I was on all 4, and he enter. Only later I started to think that something was weird there.

Between 11-22 Dressing up in my room every day. From 14 I start to drink a lot, but not often. Anyway, every time I was to drunk I woke up in the morning in girly clothes. Without remembering. So busted again and again and again.

Age 22: Try With a girl drunk for the first time.And I tried a few more times up to 27. But it was so and so. At 24 I had sex with my relative again. Very drunk, so when he was out. I took of my pants on instinct. And put a blanket around me. And when he came in I said he could have me if he liked. We did most, but when he was about to enter me I pushed him away, because I was afraid of deasease, so he was sexually active, and condom.

22-31 I dress girly or androgyny most of the time, except when I am home with parents.

And I haven't been doing anything really since 22. So I am kind of existing in nothingness. And the number of times I have woken up unconscious and damaged on a hospital on the intensive, I cant count on 1 hand.

But for me I think it would help with some light hormones. So beard stop, maybe a little bit more shape. And more small things. I think I would like a vagina only if it is a nice guy that will happen to me. If a girls comes along again-maybe she wants the penis. For my self I really don't care what is down there. The penis is handy for pissing. And for getting ormasms easy-I actually like the orgasms. But I usually fantaze about a man entering me. Every stroke I do, is actually a man that does ot instead. I have a vivid imagination-so that works excellent. Sometimes girls also-but that is more playing-never penetration-that never enters my fantasies at all.

And there is more, so I think I fit a TS profile quite well. But I consider myself a cross dresser. But my emotional life is almost purely female, from what I have found out-at least with similarities. And not so much with the males. Still I am CD or probably TV. I will not become TS before I want to change sex. And I dont. Because I think I have some male qualities also, that I dont want to throw out the window. Like protectiveness for the weak and so on. I want the middle road. As I am convinced there is true third gender-different from both male and female. But social conditioning force us to take a side. This is what I am fighting. In our existence everything is dualistic(btw-that started with the entrance of certain religions)-but that is not how things truly are in my opinion.

Not sure if this help my, but you can compare and see. Ignore all the weird talk :eek: And I can delete this if it is inappropriate, just say my name. I never seem to get things like that either..:doh:

[morgan pure]

I'm sorry to say that I've been doing this for a long time.

It doesn't go away.

How many times did I throw away all my clothes, then buy more a year later. I KNEW it was permanent, when one time when I had sworn off dressing and was really in love with my beautiful wife, as I was packaging everything to dispose of it I realised that there was a couple of hundred dollars worth of stuff there. So I decided to hide it well and throw it out six months later if I was still resolved. Well, six months later I was glad not to have to buy new stuff.

Where IS that Maidenform Sweet Nothings unlined bra I loved so much-and can wear now without falsies? I threw out some nice stuff over the years.

It doesn't go away.

[KateC]

I know it won't go away... I just want to know if this is just starting of something bigger (aka full TS)...

This always gets me crying because I'm so confused sometimes =(