caught between two opposite genders

[BrittanyNJTgirl]

I'm 29 and I've been CDing since childhood, but never all that seriously.o In the last three months I've really been able to dive fully into everything.I feel like I might be a TG rather than a CD and with that my whole life is starting to make sense. I'll never make a very passable girl as I'm 6'2 and I still like lots of guy things. Here is where I'm really confused, I lost a good amount of weight, was never fat though. I'm starting to look really girly when I dress and that makes me so happy. When I'm in guy mode however I feel like I starting to look to skinny and girly, and I keep thinking about lifting weights again, but then I'm like no I want to look good dressed. I can't make up my mind how I want to look and I know I don't want to be somewhere in between. Has anyone else gone through this? I am so beyond confused right now. I can't be as femme as I would like without serious impact on my life as a guy. What is a girl suposed to do?

[AZGia]

I went through the same thoughts twenty years ago, now that I am turning 50 I am happy with my decision then which was a happy medium. I made sure I looked good dressed and fit the roll of a man when not. At fifty it still works I don't have big muscles but I am toned and use the muscle tone to look good when dressed and a man when not.

Gia

[sailcruisn]

Personally I am on the thinner side with more of a feminine build. I have even had comments made about it. It is 100% naturally me so I could care less. I can't seem to really gain or loose weight except in the belly which I don't like so I just stay thin.

I have never lifted weights much at all as when I was little i messed up my shoulder and anything over 100-105 and it gives out.

Time will pass and it will become your norm and then you nor others will think anything of it.

[Dawn Marie]

Brittany, I have been in the same situation and at about the same age, and at that time I had no idea that there were others out there like me. I was as confuse as you. So I decided to go the macho route, even though I was the perfect size for a girl, 5'4"and 122 lbs. I was scared and just as confused. Now that I look back and have been to therapy I realize now that I made a bad choice(for Me). I was very happy letting the girl out in me and I was content with myself. But now I'm in a situation and with too many obligations to change right now. But in the end it is all up to who you want to be, and sometimes that is a big struggle inside of us. Just how do you want to see yourself in a few years?

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I only wish that I had your problem - I'm afraid that I will always look like a

football lineman (make that linewoman)

JoAnne Wheeler

[Karren H]

Well it's all about balance.... and you have to decide where to raw the line.... Personally I dropped 50 pounds to get healthier and to enhance my fem features but had to stop because my male side was looking kind of sickly... so my wife said..... once I reached a balance in my life then crossdressing became fun!! The way it should be, imho!!

[PetiteTonya]

...seven short months ago I have made a few changes to please "her"

I have lost 10 lbs through a healthier diet and vigorous regular exercise to tone and slim my body.

I also wax my entire body now to be completely smooth and I pluck my eyebrows.

I wear a size 4 dress, size 8 shoes and feel wonderful when I'm me. I'm me more often now so although friends have noticed how slim I am and that my eyebrows are arched and nicely formed, I still love the way I feel and look.

For me, I am personally pleased with my appearance.

[Hali]

I'm 29 and I've been CDing since childhood, but never all that seriously.o In the last three months I've really been able to dive fully into everything.I feel like I might be a TG rather than a CD and with that my whole life is starting to make sense. I'll never make a very passable girl as I'm 6'2 and I still like lots of guy things. Here is where I'm really confused, I lost a good amount of weight, was never fat though. I'm starting to look really girly when I dress and that makes me so happy. When I'm in guy mode however I feel like I starting to look to skinny and girly, and I keep thinking about lifting weights again, but then I'm like no I want to look good dressed. I can't make up my mind how I want to look and I know I don't want to be somewhere in between. Has anyone else gone through this? I am so beyond confused right now. I can't be as femme as I would like without serious impact on my life as a guy. What is a girl suposed to do?

CDing come with different likes and dislikes when it comes to body looks/shape due to the fact a CD is cought between two genders.

I have been CDing for quite a long time but all of a sudden i began to dislike how my eye brow looks not that i wanted it to look femme no its just that i dont like the shape i prefer an arch shape.

Then came the dislike of body hair i like my beared or rather i have been tolerant of my beard but never like my moustache or body hair, i like flat tummy, slim shoulders and the scariest part of the things i like is to have an hour glass figure i wanted that since childhood i dont care much about boobs they never bother me.

And in my guy mode i like broad shoulders i then realise that i can still have broad shoulders that are slim and look femme that was what i persuid and got thru exercise now i am almost satisfied with my look in both guy and femme mode, but once in while i feel inadequate as a guy cos my arms/shoulders are not as strong/big as before and the moment i allow my shoulders to grow back a bit i instantly start to loose my girl appeal i guess am caught between the two genders.

[melissacd]

There are no simple answers here. I have been separated from a 25 year relationship since 2007 and have ample opportunity now to dress.

I fight this battle every day, I dress femme 100% at home. I dress femme part of the time in public. I dress in a pseudo male mode the rest of the time (some would call it flamboyant as all of the clothes and the colors are female though configured as male). I shave my arms, legs and chest every other day. I have grown my hair long and color it every month. I am having facial hair removal. I am in the process of breaking up with my girlfriend of almost a year because while she is accepting of my dressing she cannot deal with the possibility that I am going 7/24 femme.

Every day I am at this same cross road, every day I ask myself do I go one step further, do I stop here. Every day I check my emotional temperature to see if I have reached normal and to date I am still not comfortable in my skin except when dressed as a woman. I cannot seem to find that balance yet, I still cannot seem to find a way to create a pseudo male mode that works for me and so I suffer the pain and anguish of losing yet another relationship.

Girl I totally relate to what you are going through because I am 20 years older than you and I still struggle with this, what is the right choice, am I making a mistake going forward, am I making a mistake stopping where I am, am I making a mistake losing a woman that I love over dressing???

And then I look deep inside and ask myself, am I happy yet and the answer is I am happier than I have ever been but I am not happy yet. It is that that tells me something is still not right and so I continue to make small steps in different directions and test the happiness meter.

There is no simple answer, just lots of soul searching, lots of dialog, lots of introspection, lots of checking in on yourself and seeing whether today feels better or worse than yesterday and making the appropriate course corrections.

Huggs
Melissa

[deja true]

All good experiences to learn from...but please...

...don't think of the situation as being a battle between opposite genders..

The more you work at being a complete person, a unified person, the less this problem of muscles or slimness, of macho bod or feminine bod, will bother you.

Consider your feelings before what others think about how you look.

:)

[Kate Simmons]

Getting a handle on the feelings is not easy and requires effort. It does make the difference in whether you control them or they control you, however.:)

[Angel.Marie76]

Perhaps, if you're just CDing for the sake of fun and periodically presenting as a female, then you probably have a safe bet to still be able to present completely as a male and continue to reinforce that male side of you.

I too have been having similar conversations with myself in regards, and what I've come to the determination of where I am so far is this: I'm about your same age, and I've been dressing for at least half that life, and had always liked the idea of presenting as a woman. As of late I've been given MORE chances to realize who I might really be (or have been all this time) under the hood. These opportunities have brought out so much of the woman within that, to me, she's becoming more of the person in the real world than the man has EVER been. I MAY in my past have just considered myself a CDer, now, as I type here, I'd say I'm far more.

With that in mind, the changes to my body, not necessarily hormones or what have you, but just 'the look', accessories, frills and personality and body language, etc. have followed suit. IRL, the man still has charge of the business world, but I'd much rather have Angel have the reigns any moment she can. This has caused me to care much less about (and FYI I didn't care much about it in the first place) the man-erisms that were, perhaps, tied to that binary gender definition.

As they say out there: Gender is NOT Binary!! :)

[kathrynjanos]

I'm 29 and I've been CDing since childhood, but never all that seriously.o In the last three months I've really been able to dive fully into everything.I feel like I might be a TG rather than a CD and with that my whole life is starting to make sense. I'll never make a very passable girl as I'm 6'2 and I still like lots of guy things. Here is where I'm really confused, I lost a good amount of weight, was never fat though. I'm starting to look really girly when I dress and that makes me so happy. When I'm in guy mode however I feel like I starting to look to skinny and girly, and I keep thinking about lifting weights again, but then I'm like no I want to look good dressed. I can't make up my mind how I want to look and I know I don't want to be somewhere in between. Has anyone else gone through this? I am so beyond confused right now. I can't be as femme as I would like without serious impact on my life as a guy. What is a girl suposed to do?

Hi Brittany!!!

First off, I'm going to preface with the fact that I'm in the exact same position that you are right now. I had been struggling with what I really felt was going on in my own mind, and where I was headed. I do not mean to say that I am necessarily going down the same ultimate path, just a similar confusion. I'll PM you more of my story, so I'm not wasting your time just trying to give you a direct answer. Maybe it'll be helpful to you.

I just want to note that most of us would kill for what you have, an appearance that is natively femme. You just need to decide if that's what's right for YOU, and you alone, not society, friends, or a significant other. Just be careful around that last part, because only you can make the final decision about whether or not you feel it's important to please the SO, and how that limits what you do.

Here are two threads where I posted pretty much the exact same thing, but to two different crowds, so you can get an idea of my thought process:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=101159

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=101470

My final decision has been to start feminizing in slow and methodical ways. Growing out my hair, losing some weight, perhaps getting my ears pierced, and picking up some clothes so I can start planning to go out. I've also started waxing my legs and will probably do my eyebrows next time I go. Everything for now is reversible.

Like you, I didn't, and perhaps still don't know where this is going. I've come to the conclusion though that I am most probably a TS, and as I change my appearance and make some public runs, I will know more. I want to start seeing a therapist and plan to get on hormones if all is going well, but again, this is a drastic step.

I'd say just pick whichever you're most comfortable with, and work on that. Remember, today's society has femme males as being "in" or "cool." So even if you choose to work on that, it's unlikely you'll be an outcast. Also, there is NO need to stop doing what you enjoy. I still work on my car and computers, game, do stupid guy things, whatever those may be, etc.