Passable?

[socute]

Why is it important to some cds that they are passable? (No flames, please. I am new here and am just wondering.)

[gretchen2]

I could go into why it is so important to be passable, but i would like to know what no flames means?

[Jilmac]

I think passing is a huge ego trip for some, but I'll be the first to admit that there are some on this forum who could pass in a ladies locker room. Foe me, passing is blending in. I've gotten looks and stares from people but that's just part of CDing. I've also seen GGs who would stop a wolf pack dead in thier tracks. I could pass very easy alongside any of them.

[thegeneralpublic]

I could go into why it is so important to be passable, but i would like to know what no flames means?


Computer Slang. an angry, critical, or disparaging electronic message, as an e-mail or newsgroup post.

Usually it refers to somebody replying with a post that is both rancorous and lacking in constructive or meaningful content.

To answer the original question, for some people it isn't. I'm kind of in the middle: I'd like to wear some borderline stuff while I'm a guy but would still like to pass at some point. I guess part of it is that it wouldn't seem abnormal to those who I met. I also think that passing kind of enhances it for me...it makes it feel more complete/natural.

[windycissy]

It's only important if you want to go out without calling attention to yourself, which is so much fun and important to me, it's opened up a whole new world.

[Melinda G]

Passing tends to reduce the amount of staring, laughing, pointing, ridicule and harrassment, we have to put up with, when we don't pass.

[Karren H]

Well for me it used to be fun!! Like your getting away with something!! Something that's not accepted by society but no one knew!!

And its not looks that get you through the mall.. Its 95% attitude!!!

I really don't pass that well but then again lately I could caue less what people think..

[Taylermade]

Basically people are different. IF everyone was the same, then that would be quite boring.

It think it has alot to do with how people view it too and their personality.

For example, I am a perfectionist and anything I put forth no matter what it is, I do it with full effort. I have to look good.
I do not want to be viewed as "just another guy in a dress" (no offense to those). When I dress like a chick, I want to look like one. That is how I view it. It certainly doesn't mean my opinion is the right one.
I don't think that is horrible trait to have either. We all have our kwirks. This is simply just who I am.

I agree on some other points too. Being passable gives me a sense of comfort and acceptance. But let's keep in mind that there are non-passable cd's I have met who are just as accepted too. Again this is my thoughts on how I view me needing to be passable.

[countrygirl]

To be able to pass is a huge dream for me right now I am just a guy in a skirt, but to be able to pass would mean so much, to be able to go out and not get stared at, not be laughed at, and so much more. If only I could.

[NancyTO]

It certainly makes life a lot easier when out in public. And yes it's a bit of head trip when you get treated like a lady and guys open doors for you and you can shop in the women's sections without stares and giggles from others.

[Nena]

In addition to personal pride, I think that there also is a safety issue. If being able to exit the domicile en femme is important to a person, then it is equally important that they be able to "pass" as female as much as possible. Otherwise, their safety may be in jeopardy.

Nena GG

[Angie Sweet]

I think at some point you want to break out of the dressing around the house and taking and posting pics. As you go on this journey, you take certain steps. Wearing the wife's, girlfriend's clothes. Wearing makeup. Buying a wig, online usually for the first one. Shopping for clothes for yourself. Shopping for makeup in the stores...etc.
Once you have reached a certain point, and think that you look pretty good dressed. After getting all the advice you can from the ladies here on looking and acting feminine. There is just one step left. Can I pass in public? I think at this point you want to stretch the boundries. The house and the camera are too small. We love to dress, and act feminine, but are caged in by our homes.
That is my bit of free form therapy for myself. I do not pretend to speak for others. I admire the ones that go out in public. I doubt I ever will. I would need someone to tell me, face to face, that I am passable. Then a huge push out the (closet) door.
Hope that helps,
Angie Sweet

[kellycan27]

Passing? Who cares? If I cared about passing, I'd probably spend the equivalent of another full time job dieting and exercising, plucking,combing,leg shaving,trying this on,trying that on, shoving my feet into shoes a size too small,making sure my make-up is just so, and still think I look like crap!.... Oh wait, I do do those things! :heehee: And yeah.. what the others above me said too.

[Satrana]

There are different aspects - such as the successful outcome to the project of physically transforming into a believable woman, the satisfaction of achieving a life-long fantasy of "becoming" a woman, the validation from others of the CD's own femininity.

Also there is a psychological need to pass because the CD does not want to be seen as a man in a dress - which has connotations- i.e. pervert or gay man seeking sex etc which he feels he is not.

There is the issue of public acceptance and safety, it is better and easier for others to accept the CD if he conforms to society's gender binary system ie only men and women and nothing inbetween.

One final reason - he becomes a different person - he can no longer relate to his male self so it is like becoming a new person with the freedom to do things which he would never do otherwise. And nobody recognizes the man under the wig and makeup.

[Sheila]

hun, Debs and I went out faily recently and we both tried to ensure that she looked as good as she could to blend in, it meant that she could enjoy the day out ( and yes it was daytime) ........ it is about trying to minimizing rude stares and comments, to allow them to enjoy the experiance to the fullest, nobody wants stares and comments, whether they are a cdr, an overwight person, a particularly tall/short person, a disabled person etc

[<3 Keri Lynn <3]

For me, I don't think I will ever go out in public until I look 85% female and probably after I have started my transition. Right now I am trying to lose over 150 pounds. I have a soldier determination to get down under 200 from over 300 and I guess to be passable is the main reason I am doing it.

In my mind I wont be happy until I can go out in public, confident and maybe notice a guy or two checking me out :daydreaming:


*Hugs*Kisses*

[Tasha McIntyre]

Sure i would love to 'pass'. To be able to wander around seamlessly as a female in the real world is the ultimate dream :daydreaming: Alas, I couldn't 'pass' unless I remained quiet in a very dark room. Knowing that, what I try to achieve is to blend in, or more specifically not to stand out like a light house beacon.

In short I try to do the best I can, and look the best I can.....improving my make up skills would help.

Cheers

Tash :)

[Deb The Brunette]

Why is it important to some cds that they are passable?

I think it's only important if it's important to you

For me it's an acceptance thing, being able to integrate with society is just so wonderful

[Laurie909]

I remember someone said once, "It's not really necessary to be passable when you go out, but it's so much nicer when you are!"

[Kate Simmons]

Quite honestly most CD's do not know. They want to be able to make others think they are a woman but if they are treated like one by guys for instance they don't like it. Yeah I know, it makes no sense but that is part of the CD "mystique". Go figure.:rolleyes:

[MsJanessa]

for some it is very important, for others including me much less so---I would rather be admired as a stunning CD than pass as a drab gg--the irony about passing is that when we "dress down"--crappy jeans and sneakers, light make up, blah wig, ordinary top we are much more likely to pass then when we dress to the nines because no body is going to notice us. I have a friend that when she dresses looks like a somewhat overweight maiden aunt---no body would suspect she isn't female--but then she doesn't attract much attention

"flame wars" are personal attacks and pissing matches on line between two or more posters.

[Alana65]

In addition to personal pride, I think that there also is a safety issue. If being able to exit the domicile en femme is important to a person, then it is equally important that they be able to "pass" as female as much as possible. Otherwise, their safety may be in jeopardy.

Nena GG

:iagree: with Nena.....

[Sam-antha]

Once upon a time it was good to get out, to be seen, and looked at, knowing that I was haveing fun getting away with it. Nowadays it is enough to be out, accepted and happy with the me wearing my heels.
~Samm

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Passing is a measuring stick to many - it means to achieve a level of CDing

where you and others feel like you can blend in when out in public - to

close who are in the closet or those who have no intention of going out in

public or those who don't "pass" and because of facial and body features

could never "pass", it really doesn't mean that much. Crossdressing should

be enjoyable and satisfying no matter what level of dressing a Girl aspires to


JoAnne Wheeler

[Sarah...]

Why is it important to some cds that they are passable? (No flames, please. I am new here and am just wondering.)

I guess some folks want to emulate women and some just want to be themselves?

Sarah...

[JaylaaGurl]

Passing to me isn't even so much about passing for other people. I want to look in the mirror or pics and video of myself and see the beautiful sexy woman that I want to me. Getting to that point would be passing because the girl I want to see in the mirror is just another cute girl living her life. All be it shorter than most peoples because she has to share with a man who can't let her play much...

[LA CINDY LOVE]

Why is it important to some cds that they are passable? (No flames, please. I am new here and am just wondering.)
To a CD who is in the closet self expression is more important to them then passing, you also have some Cd's who want to come out of the closet but feel that they do not pass so they they stay in the closet and work on them self until they feel that they can pass.

Passing is important to lots of Cd's who are out of the closet and who love to go out in public to many places, going out at night time is what a lot of Cd's like but going out in the day time is a real challenge for a CD your confidence your attitude what you look like and what you wear will help you to pass...........sometimes.


LA CINDY LOVE

[Jo1997]

So very true. I suppose it is possible to be of two minds on this issue.

[Jo1997]

It is the Everest we all try to climb, if you get my meaning. Those of us who on occasion have metaphorically reached the sumit know just how wonderful it can be to be accepted if only briefly as a woman. I know I am speaking to the choir, but when we are addressed by the feminine pronoun or a man holds a door open for us do our heart and souls not dance? Do we not tingle from our heads to our toes, do we not feel as if for just a moment we have breached the confines of gravity of reality?

[Jo1997]

What somone once told me (another CD who was my mentor so to speak) passing is a frame of mind. If you go out and with confidence, relax and behave like nothing is odd 99% of the time you will blend in without notice.

[christinek]

There is a fear factor to the entire ordeal. Drawing attention to ones self is great but to draw negative attention can have some uncomfortable side effects. If you know a loud mouth Southern Bubba then you know what I mean. I just want to pass so I can go about my business with little fuss.

[Georgia Rose]

From the short time I've been in this forum it seems to be there is a whole lot of different reasons why we crossdress. Some people want to pass but for others, like me, it is a non-event. I will always be a "closet" CD. I like to dress with as much glamour as possible and would probably stand out but more importantly it is a very personal thing for me. I'm very happy being a male who likes occasionally to dress as a woman. There are aspects of I don't even attempt such as speaking like a woman. I just want to dress. However I do respect those who want to take it further. Crossdressing is a very broad church which is one of the reasons this forum is so great.

:drink:

[marla01]

I can explain why it's important to me, and possibly why it might be important to others. It's tied to why I am TG.

The way I look at my transgenderism is that like most humans, I am a social animal. Being social animals, we actually need our social interactions to nourish ourselves and our souls. I would point out that the social interactions of being a man in our society, and being a woman in our society, are very very different. These different interactions can actually be seen as different forms of social nourishment.

Now, for some reason, I find that my person, my soul, gets nourished by the social interaction of being a woman. Why this is true is open to much debate, but that is not important. What is important is the fact that I am nourished by interacting with other members of society as a woman. That means that to get that social interaction, I need to be accepted by other members of society as a woman, i.e. I need to pass.

That is why passing is important to me. It feeds my soul. And I'm suspicious that that is why it is important to a lot of T's if they dig deep enough.

Note thought that I define 'passing' a little differently than most people. To me, passing is not about being accepted as a woman by disguising the sex of my body. I have always been bothered by the implied dishonesty of this definition.

Instead, passing to me means being accepted as a woman even though others know that my body is male. And although passing under this definition can be a bit more difficult, I find it achievable and much more satisfying.

Marla

[Karen__Starr]

to me it means blending on, not calling attention to myself. I much rather look average or below average so that I can spend my time as planned rather than dealing with those who judge us for being different.

[msginaadoll]

To me it means taking pride in my appearance and trying to look nice. Also more. I guess in some ways it means I dont look like a freak, that I have an acceptable level of presentation. Maybe people dont see me as a woman, but Im not a hideous being who would be stared and pointed at. That may sound flippant but it is not meant to be. It means I am more comfortable being out of the shadows and into the real world. For me Id love to pass, but at least strive for being accepted.

[Carly D.]

I did a photo session today and uhg.. dream of passing.. I wish I could pass.. actually I can pass in a dark ally.. otherwise not happening.. is it important for me to pass or would it be important for me to pass?? yes on both counts.. I'd like to once in a while go to a store and browse the different departments (mostly womens sections) and not worry about what everyone thinks because I browse the womens section when totally dressed as the male that I am..

[tricia_uktv]

You know the irony of it? If you not worried about passing you will have more chance of passing. Its all about being yourself, and confidence, and attitude.

[Anna the Dub]

I suppose being ts I am looking at it a bit differently. Passing is important to me for a couple of reasons; I want to be seen and treated as the woman I am not like a 'bloke in a dress'; I want to blend in as I am basically a very shy person and like to be anonymous in a crowd, not so easy to do if you are perceived as a bloke. I want to be just another woman amongst many.

[PennyLane2]

My reality is that I could never pass either by my personal choice of dress or by the way I walk or look.It does not alter the pleasure I get from my dressing so I am content.
Love from Penny

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

Why is it important to some cds that they are passable? (No flames, please. I am new here and am just wondering.)

For me, it is my ultimate goal. I long to look as female as I can (without actually becoming one). I love women. I love how they look, dress, move, etc. I want to become that as much as I can. The more feminine I can look, the better I feel about it

Passing AND looking good while doing so is the ultimate achievement in my book.

In additional to fulfilling my personal desires in crossdressing, passing would also allow me the opportunity to move about in public without getting looked at funny, hassled, ridiculed or possibly even attacked (plenty of haters in my town). If people see only a woman when they look at me, and not a guy in a dress, then I'd be able to be myself while out and about with a lot more freedom and a lot less fear.

Even if I never venture out of my house en femme, I'd still like to be able to pass. Again, that is my personal, ultimate goal. I really, really want to look feminine, girly, sexy, gorgeous, beautiful and as much like a real woman as possible.

Passing is important to me and that is why.

[Laura_Stephens]

socute, I wish I could pass. My thinking is that is because I would have rather been born a GG -- note, that only applies to some people here.

However, given that I am ugly as a man, I have absolutely zero chance of being an attractive female. Think of me as Janet Reno's REALLY, REALLY ugly sister.

[Crysten]

Well for me it used to be fun!! Like your getting away with something!! Something that's not accepted by society but no one knew!!

And its not looks that get you through the mall.. Its 95% attitude!!!

I really don't pass that well but then again lately I could caue less what people think..

Yikes - if Karren doesn't pass well, the rest of us must be pink elephants or something. :)

Crysten

[Roxi Loh]

I am not sure if any of us pass completely. Maybe in casual contact but not with more direct interaction. I think if we present a classy, sophisticated woman that we blend in and are more accepted. I did like the comment that it is more important to be an appealing CD than pass as a woman. I just like looking as good as I can whenever I go out.

[Violetgray]

What somone once told me (another CD who was my mentor so to speak) passing is a frame of mind. If you go out and with confidence, relax and behave like nothing is odd 99% of the time you will blend in without notice.

I have to disagree with this statement. Being confident helps very much, true. There have been TS people who looked really good but I picked them out because they had that same nervous air about them that I have when I go out. The thing is, even if you are 100% confident, you still have to give their eyes something to work with.

Also, I have to say that I would rather look like a GG who's a 5 than a cd who's a 9.5.

[Angie G]

I for one don't worry about it cause it ain't happening here. As lone as I can mack my body look good I'm happy hun. I don't go out except on Halloween.:hugs:
Angie

[Ronni Seymour]

...it is about trying to minimizing rude stares and comments, to allow them to enjoy the experiance to the fullest, nobody wants stares and comments, whether they are a cdr, an overwight person, a particularly tall/short person, a disabled person etc

:iagree:

[windycissy]

I am not sure if any of us pass completely. Maybe in casual contact but not with more direct interaction. I think if we present a classy, sophisticated woman that we blend in and are more accepted. I did like the comment that it is more important to be an appealing CD than pass as a woman. I just like looking as good as I can whenever I go out.

I dunno...last week I was having breakfast at my hotel when Regis and Kelly came on the bigscreen TV and the woman at the table next to me with her two children rolled her eyes, we would up having a spirited debate about the merits of Regis and Kelly (I was for, she was against) while she supervised her kids, maybe she was too distracted by them to pay much attention to me but for that magic moment, we were just two women chatting, a magic moment...

[sparky1962]

thank you for sharing your thoughts

[phballet]

well like what almost everyone said its only important to those pple who feel it matters to them. i think we all understand everyone is different and thats a great thing:> for me i love to pass because of the feeling i get when i look into the mirror and see a girl looking back....doesn't mean its the only reason i CD but for me its one of the main reasons....

[TxKimberly]

You know, I can't help it - I've got to say it - thats really a silly question. Isn't that almost the same as saying "why would a man want to be handsome?" or "Why would a woman desire to be pretty?"
Should we be wise enough to accept that we are not handsome, pretty, or passable and move on to enjoy our life? Of course we should! But is there really anyone out there honestly doesn't wish on some level that they were the physical ideal?
OK, if your staying home and not entering the world I suppose there is no point to worrying about whether you look good, or look like a real woman, but if your going out into the world, there a number of quite good reasons you would want to pass as female.
- If everyone thinks you are female you have no worries about someone harassing you for being a male in a dress.
- Get the experience. If the whole point for you is to experience the world as female, passing makes this possible
- Ego. Guilty. I do want to be good at pretty much anything I do, and that includes cross dressing. Whats the point of doing ANYTHING half assed?

Now the reality is I do not pass 100%. I pass from a few feet away, but when we are face to face and speaking to each other, you will not have any doubts as to my real gender. I have long since reached the conclusion that my failing to pass is not going to scare me back in to the closet. I am perfectly comfortable now with people knowing they are speaking to a crossdresser. It literally doesn't bother me at all, but if there were a magic switch I could throw that allowed me to pass perfectly I most certainly would

[Nicki B]

Why is it important to some cds that they are passable?

Perhaps you could define for us what you mean, by 'passable'?

As we've discovered here before (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=87757), it means different things to different people..

[Jonianne]

.......I have long since reached the conclusion that my failing to pass is not going to scare me back in to the closet. I am perfectly comfortable now with people knowing they are speaking to a crossdresser.......

That is what I regard as the best form of "passing". I showed someone my photos from my wife's and my trip to Niagra Falls where I spent a couple days dressed and they asked, Did you fool anyone? I answered, Most people did not pay attention or notice and the ones that did just "gave me a pass". I don't even come close to being seen as a gg, but I had a wonderful time and just enjoyed being myself, a crossdresser.

[Marie-Claire]

Well, one reason I dress is because it feels good. Another is to look like a woman instead of a guy. Looking in the mirror and seeing a man with funny clothes doesn't make me feel particularly feminine.
I think of you want to look like a girl, then you know you've done it when you look like a girl (i.e., pass).

[Miranda09]

Well, one reason I dress is because it feels good. Another is to look like a woman instead of a guy. Looking in the mirror and seeing a man with funny clothes doesn't make me feel particularly feminine.
I think of you want to look like a girl, then you know you've done it when you look like a girl (i.e., pass).

That's pretty much the way I feel. I need the escape dressing provides from the outside world and if I can look in the mirror and see Miranda staring back, then I'm happy and feel feminine. I find it a challenge to achieve this fantasy and look at it as if I'm taking the perfect photo.

[Carly D.]

THAT'S A WRAP!!: I don't know if I would have continued on if we still had another month of cooler weather, or if my situation was different.. I dress better in cooler weather than hot.. so for a while I'll be dressing more less (I.E. wearing just the essentials for my enjoyment(?)).. anyway it was fun.. I think I will still push the envelop some as it warms up, but really dressing up full as Carly is almost completely over... until it chills out..