Felix
04-03-2009, 11:48 AM
I wanted to share this with you all......
:hugs:Well its been a little over a month now since I have written anything in here about my transition and where I am at, so I figured time is right to get something down on here.
During the past month things have been very much the same as previous months really. Changes I have noticed, more body hair, I'm very excited about that to be honest, I like the fact that my front is becoming quite hairy. My mustache is coming right in and people always comment about that, especially the kids in school. I have a lot of whiskers on my chin which I call puberty whiskers and a lot of peach fuzz lol ya can see a definite shadow now. I'm bulking out more and that was confirmed today by a pupil who hasn't seen me in a year he commented on how broad I was and asked me if I'd been working out
What has really blown me away is the change in how I think about things, that has been drastic and sometimes it really pulls me short. It can be quite disconcerting to be honest at times and I find myself having to step right back and analyze how I am thinking and acting. Sometimes this has to be done quickly, especially when I am in the work place. This whole process is quite immense and seems to be affecting me in many more ways than I had even thought possible. I am definitely redeveloping and redefining myself. The core person remains the same. I think that is the female spirit which I feared loosing so very much when I started out with this whole thing. That remains and I know this is what anchors me to the ground. At times I find both my male and female entities working side by side, this most definitely happened today and has happened a lot lately. I feel I am able to resolve things at an acceptable rate. I do still question everything as I have always done looking at all angles and I will still look at every possible solution before giving up on stuff. I've done that over the last week. My body language and none verbal cues have not changed as yet they remain the same. My voice is getting deeper, I have been doing voice clips and will try to put them on when I feel its settled enough.
Other stuff well more personal I guess but you can read between the lines here. Physically I have only gained 10lbs since I started transitioning in December last year which I am really pleased about. Other things are developing quite nicely if you know what I mean.
Right now my biggest problem well if one wishes to refer to it as that is my disphoria which is mainly centered around my U F O's these are causing me more distress than I've ever had in my whole life time. I am so aware of them all the time when I am in public and I have to consciously distract myself from them other wise I get quite panicked and stressed about them. I realize this is a direct consequence of the 'T' and the more of a man I become the more the disphoria kicks in around my U F O's. I'm fine with my GF totally comfortable with her as she sees them as my chest anyways it's just how everybody else sees them and if indeed they can see them, especially coz I have put some weight on and it inevitably goes on my chest, life long problem grrrr!!! I just hope I can get it sorted in the next year really coz I think it will drive me nuts if I don't.
Finally my school has at long last got the training in which I said would help them lol last September regarding my transition. Well it isn't in place yet but it will be soon. That is a great relief to me I can't really say how much, I literally jumped up and down this afternoon when my senior line manager told me that he had been for the training and that he wanted to get it for the rest of the staff. The road has been tough in this department and I have been very much alone in the education of both staff and pupils since last September.
Well that's it for now folks xx Felix :hugs:
:hugs:Well its been a little over a month now since I have written anything in here about my transition and where I am at, so I figured time is right to get something down on here.
During the past month things have been very much the same as previous months really. Changes I have noticed, more body hair, I'm very excited about that to be honest, I like the fact that my front is becoming quite hairy. My mustache is coming right in and people always comment about that, especially the kids in school. I have a lot of whiskers on my chin which I call puberty whiskers and a lot of peach fuzz lol ya can see a definite shadow now. I'm bulking out more and that was confirmed today by a pupil who hasn't seen me in a year he commented on how broad I was and asked me if I'd been working out
What has really blown me away is the change in how I think about things, that has been drastic and sometimes it really pulls me short. It can be quite disconcerting to be honest at times and I find myself having to step right back and analyze how I am thinking and acting. Sometimes this has to be done quickly, especially when I am in the work place. This whole process is quite immense and seems to be affecting me in many more ways than I had even thought possible. I am definitely redeveloping and redefining myself. The core person remains the same. I think that is the female spirit which I feared loosing so very much when I started out with this whole thing. That remains and I know this is what anchors me to the ground. At times I find both my male and female entities working side by side, this most definitely happened today and has happened a lot lately. I feel I am able to resolve things at an acceptable rate. I do still question everything as I have always done looking at all angles and I will still look at every possible solution before giving up on stuff. I've done that over the last week. My body language and none verbal cues have not changed as yet they remain the same. My voice is getting deeper, I have been doing voice clips and will try to put them on when I feel its settled enough.
Other stuff well more personal I guess but you can read between the lines here. Physically I have only gained 10lbs since I started transitioning in December last year which I am really pleased about. Other things are developing quite nicely if you know what I mean.
Right now my biggest problem well if one wishes to refer to it as that is my disphoria which is mainly centered around my U F O's these are causing me more distress than I've ever had in my whole life time. I am so aware of them all the time when I am in public and I have to consciously distract myself from them other wise I get quite panicked and stressed about them. I realize this is a direct consequence of the 'T' and the more of a man I become the more the disphoria kicks in around my U F O's. I'm fine with my GF totally comfortable with her as she sees them as my chest anyways it's just how everybody else sees them and if indeed they can see them, especially coz I have put some weight on and it inevitably goes on my chest, life long problem grrrr!!! I just hope I can get it sorted in the next year really coz I think it will drive me nuts if I don't.
Finally my school has at long last got the training in which I said would help them lol last September regarding my transition. Well it isn't in place yet but it will be soon. That is a great relief to me I can't really say how much, I literally jumped up and down this afternoon when my senior line manager told me that he had been for the training and that he wanted to get it for the rest of the staff. The road has been tough in this department and I have been very much alone in the education of both staff and pupils since last September.
Well that's it for now folks xx Felix :hugs: