Don't tell, she doesn't ask

[helenr]

To borrow the military expression with slight inversion, I wonder how many have the very awkward situation of a wife clearly knowing, but no discussion ensues ? I wear my Silk Reflections in all but the warmest weather. I don't wear socks at home and the ankles and feet covered in beige nylon are hard to conceal. I know my dear wife observes this-women see everything!- but never any discussion. She just tolerates. How is it for others?

[Nena]

Never underestimate the power of denial. :)

Nena GG

[raleighbelle]

Is there a reason you don't talk to her about this? I would imagine she would be pretty uncomfortable bringing it all up if you don't say anything about it. She is your wife - I would think these are the types of things that a couple would discuss. Personally, I think you owe it to her. Especially if you are parading it right in front of her. She may actually be fine with it, in which case won't things be great? And if she is not fine with it, you know already she at least tolerates it. I wouldn't wait any longer to talk with her.

[robyn1114]

The power of denial only goes so far and then it normally blows up in your face.
I agree with Raleighbella, I would talk to your wife now, because after years of her suppressing her feeling about your CDing it will be a lot worse.

[Angie G]

My wife don't tolerate she accepts it and is 98% good with it.:hugs:
Angie

[Jenniferpl]

My wife is ok with it as long as I am discreet. Nothing in front of the kids. She buys my makeup and bras for me.

[osteph]

I can identify very much with this.
In my case unfortunately it is worse in a way because my wife used be very relaxed about it and very encouraging. It was fun for us both.
Over the years and for no particular reason that I am aware of that has changed to a point where she definitely knows it has not gone away but she will never discuss it or acknowledge it in any way.
She will wash my things and even iron them and she will call my attention to a nice dress etc in a magazine or on television but that is it.
She did comment I seem to remember way back that the topic came up too often.
I am now afraid to mention it at all.
I believe that I have it in reasonable perspective in my otherwise fairly normal fairly average life. I am a fairly large guy with no outwardly feminine features or habits/mannerisms. My friends would be amazed if they knew.
I am fully hetero and believe in being faithful so am not likely to stray......and she knows that.
I have no desire to be seen in public.............I know how scary it would be for others!!!
I do dream about us regaining the good innocent fun we used have with it but everytime I begin to hope I seem to be disappointed.
I wish it would go away but i know now that it never will.
Thank God therefore for this and similar sites...........they keep me sane and ease the loneliness.
Sorry if that was a bit of a rant but you struck a cord with me.
May I say a sincere thanks to all the accepting and supportive wives and partners. I hope your SOs never take you for granted.
And to everyone I say........please keep talking to each other!
ThanK you all.
Osteph

[TGMarla]

My wife knows I dress, but we don't discuss it, and I don't do it in front of her. This is the way it is for us, and for now, it works. We are close and loving, but she does not want anything to do with this. She has a right to not have this in her life, and I respect that.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Just like a dormant volcano - one day after the pressure builds up, she's

gonna blow - and you are going to be caught in the fallout - I hope you can

take what is gonna happen.

JoAnne Wheeler

[Crysten]

Hmmm. Two comments on this.

1. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. --If you've both found a happy medium, why cause unnecessary problems.

--Alternately--

2. Damn the torpedos, full speed ahead. -- Wait till she leaves to go shopping, then fully dress up, I mean the whole nine yards. Then ACCIDENTALLY get "caught". More than likely, she won't be able to ignore you if you're in a cute little black dress, breast forms, heels, stockings, wig and makeup. If you want to be totally honest with her, then tell her you didn't know how to broach the subject, and thought that "getting caught" would be an easy way to open up discussion. -or - Say "oops, sorry honey, didn't know you were coming home so early -- BUT, don't change immediately LOL. Let her open the discussion.

It's really up to how well you know your wife, and what kind of reaction you think you'll get from her. Maybe, option two isn't worth the pain.

What I did - sort of option two. Our master bedroom is downstairs. So one night, we were watching tv. I got up, went downstairs, 30 mins later came up fully dressed and sat on the couch next to her. Some tears, some yelling, drama, but, I had to let her see (even though she already knew). We got through it, and she is *sort of* accepting (I have a large wardrobe hanging in our closet). I wouldn't recommend that for everyone, BUT, it is an option :)

Good luck!!

Crysten

[helenr]

so many good comments! thanks to all. I think that ages play a key role in this quandary. I am 62, have been treated for cancer, my wife has very mixed feelings. She clearly would prefer her former 'normal' husband, but feels responsibilities and caring that offset her disappointment. Clearly she has never fitted into the 'accepting wife' scenario that others describe. I have to wonder how real those are, as women surely all have conflicted feelings-they want to be the only squaw in the wigwam!
Were we 20 years younger, I am sure she would divorce me.
this is a hurtful realizaion but the reality. hugs to all! helenr

[Nena]

I shared this with a CD friend and I will repeat it here. Some guys like to play golf. For them it is more than just a hobby; it is an avocation. They read magazines, go to websites, watch how-to videos, etc. They have a "kit" (e.g. clubs and other paraphernalia), usually sequestered away in the garage or similar location. They wear special outfits when they golf. They have golfing buddies, sometimes people that the wife does not know.

Many of the wives of these men have no interest at all in golf and want no part of it whatsoever. Does this spell the end of the relationship? No. The two negotiate space in their relationship for him to enjoy his avocation without her participation. The husband might wish that his wife took more of an interest in his golf, maybe to the point of playing with him, but he accepts that this simply is not a activity in which she has any interest or desire to participate.

I am not necessarily trying to draw a direct analogy between golf and cross dressing, but I find it puzzling why it is so important that a wife/GF accepts and participates in her husband's cross dressing. Negotiations like the golf example are made all of the time in marriages. Perhaps I am being simplistic, by why cannot this be applied to cross dressing?

Nena GG

[Ruth]

I think the golfing analogy is an excellent one. There are a number of pastimes like it, that married men may take up to the point of obsession. Fishing is another one.
Crossdressing seems to me altogether healthier because there's much more scope for the wife to join in.

[TGMarla]

:D I like to golf and I like to crossdress!

[Michelia]

so many good comments! thanks to all. I think that ages play a key role in this quandary. I am 62, have been treated for cancer, my wife has very mixed feelings. She clearly would prefer her former 'normal' husband, but feels responsibilities and caring that offset her disappointment. Clearly she has never fitted into the 'accepting wife' scenario that others describe. I have to wonder how real those are, as women surely all have conflicted feelings-they want to be the only squaw in the wigwam!
Were we 20 years younger, I am sure she would divorce me.
this is a hurtful realizaion but the reality. hugs to all! helenr


Helen, are you talking about how you doubt how there are women out there that truly accept their husbands without conflict?

If that is the case, believe me. My wife not only accepts it. She thrives on it. The conflicted one is me. Sometimes, it seems I cannot meet all her expectations and be girly enough for her. She will not share the internet with me. She wants nothing to do with it. She will not allow me to discuss certain things. She will allow me to go out with other CDs and even men if I want to - as long as she know everything about it. I have never done so. She keeps me too busy as it is.

But you need to realize this. We talk about everything. We are both open books. It is not easy to do. Actually it is very difficult.

[kristinacd55]

:D I like to golf and I like to crossdress!
I second that motion Marla! :heehee:

[PretzelGirl]

:D I like to golf and I like to crossdress!

And the two together. . . :daydreaming: