Croddersser...do I come out?

[libby-anna]

I hope this is the right place to post this...forgive me, I am new here.

Let me start telling a bit about my life, though, I'm sure no one will read and I'll just get flamed, but this is important to me. I hope someone out there can give real input.

It started around when I was 4 or 5. I wanted to be a girl so bad, I would get so angry that I was born a boy, I would tell my parents but of course at that age no one takes you seriously. I used to "play" dress-up as a child with friends, no one thought it was strange, I was young, it was normal. But I was always dressing as a girl, not for fun, but because I could finally be who I wanted to be. I was happy.

I would dream of being a girl. It's all I wanted, it's all I want now. There honestly hasn't been a day I haven't gotten upset over my gender.

Now I'm 21, I've always dressed, dreamed and wished that I could still be who I want to be. But I can't.

I live a lonely life, not many friends. I live with my parents. My last girlfriend (who I was with for 4 years) bailed on me. I have no job. I start school in the summer, and I also suffer from extreme anxiety.

I wish I would have come out at an earlier age. I wish I would have told my parents the truth and made them believe me.

At 21 I feel time has runing out, the older I get the more weird it'll be for everyone.

No one knows this, no my friends, not my family.

My question is this, do I come out to my family or keep living miserable as a man? I know I can never truly be a woman, and I've accepted that.

[tamarav]

Gees Libby, lighten up on yourself! Your age is such an advantage, you cannot even comprehend how much so many of the people here will envy you. Many of us have been hiding for years and have had the same wishes and desires you have. Believe it or not, you have an entire life ahead of you. Time to get things in perspective and seek our sources for eveything.

You will be fine, just take things in stride and move toward what you want without just sitting there wishing.

Take it form a 60 year old, you are never too old to start and 21 is so young, not to you obviously, but to the rest of the world. Be good to yourself, you deserve it.

Oh, and by the way, Welcome to the forums!!



Your new sis,

Tami

[msginaadoll]

First of all, I dont think people here will flame you for your post. I think a number of people here understand the pain you feel. There are quite a few here that are or have been in similar situations. However in my opinion that is not always what u need to hear. My opinion, (I have worked in a psychiatric setting for years) is that you need someone to talk too. I dont know if there is anyone in your family you have a strong and trusting enough relationship to talk to, but that is my suggestion. I would think you dont need advice at first(and hear I am trying to give it) but just someone who will listen to you with compassion. If you dont have that in a family member or even a friend(or even if you do) I would suggest you might want to talk to a counselor. Community Mental health agencies can be great places and confedential for free counseling. There are also agencies that support the gay, bi and transgender community. We have one near me in Michigan called Affirmations. I dont know if any of these suggestions help, but I just hope you know that you are not alone unless you chose to be. People will offer support. Take care of yourself.

[SuzanneS]

Goodness Libby! Mellow out...you're gonna be fine! I'm 34 and just realizing that I am able to maybe do something about how I feel, BUT there are girls here twice my age that didn't find out that they could 'express' themselves until they were older than you or me.

First of all, don't expect your parents to help you out, just hope that they accept what you want to do, but don't worry much if they don't. Trust me that's helping you out more than you know, and when you look back, you're going to realize that your parents helped you out more than you'll ever know. You're gonna have to take care of the rest by yourself, but that's a good thing, because it helps build your character. Other than that, get some friends that accept you.....this forum is a great place to start....and you will do fine, trust me, your world is NOT going to end no matter how much you think it is going to, so suck it up, work your butt off, and do what you gotta do.....the rest is easy, trust me!

Suzanne

[Gina_G]

Libby, when we are young we often feel we are the only person in the world with our set of problems. The truth is that everyone is dealing with their own set of issues and no one fits the worlds image of normal.

I dropped out of high school and stayed in the house for the next two years because I thought I was just to weird to go out in public. I eventually worked through my problems and went on with my life.

Tamara Ann and msginaadoll both made good suggestions. Especially the suggestion to find someone to talk to about your problems. If you don't have a member of your family or friends you can talk to how about one of the help lines available in most communities ?

I googled and found this one that is available nation wide and has a toll free number.

http://www.fenwayhealth.org/site/PageServer?pagename=FCHC_srv_services_tollfree

But there are probably others in your community. You will be surprised how much better things will look after you have someone to talk them over with.

Keep posting here also and we can try to help with your problems.

Gina

Oh by the way I just turned 50 and I am still working through my issues, so at 21 you have plenty of time left to
come to terms with your life choices.

[Malori Cross]

Welcome to the Forum Libby-Anna! You've got more friends here than you can imagine. You've taken the first step to becoming the person you are meant to be just by being here, so you've already "come out."

Now to get on with the rest of your life. I agree with the others who suggest you find someone in your area with whom you can talk about this. But if that isn't possible, just accept what you are and enjoy it. Society is changing faster than I can believe, so things will change for the better for all of us. Just get away from negative thinking or feeling shame about your feminine side. Celebrate it!

Meanwhile, how about telling us a bit more about yourself--how do you like to dress? How often? Have you ever gone out in public as a woman? How did that go? Do you have any questions about dressing? I for one have had several questions I had answered here.

Malori

[Crysten]

Oh I agree - it's easy to let things get out of perspective!! First, take a deep breath ------ and relax.

Now, nothing about you is going to be resolved today, or probably tomorrow for that matter. Start school, make some friends. Let the CDing develop at it's own pace. Maybe, find someone at school you trust enough to come out to.

More than anything, trust in your own feelings, keep in mind your responsibilities, and enjoy life as much as you can!! Sometimes it isn't easy, and sometimes life sucks plain and simple. Happens to everyone, but with a little persistance, you will be fine :)

Crysten

[Ballerina]

Truthfully, I think you need to find some way to deal with your anxiety first before you proceed onto your feminine thoughts and coming out to everyone. I too suffer from severe anxiety problems, and I'm looking towards my state to help fund me seeing a therapist. May be a good start for you.

[Karren H]

If you feel that at 21 time has run out.... wait till you get to your 50's.... Especially pointient on my birthday.... sigh.....

[TJ Tresa]

I agree with Tami,"liten up and be good to yourself."

[Carly D.]

I would say find what article of clothing makes you feel that feeling.. if it it panties more than pantyhose or whatever and start wearing it.. if it is a skirt start wearing it.. if you want to be a girl start somewhere and be it.. I never wanted to be a girl so badly that I was miserable that I was born a guy.. I love cross dressing.. but I can see where you want to be a girl/woman and so if that is the case then start the transformation now.. start buying the clothes that you want to wear.. and just start being who you want to be.. live a little.. be the ball...

[PennyLane2]

I do agree with everyone that suggested you "chill" a little.There seems a lot of issues and internal turmoils that you need to ventilate either with someone you trust or a professional.Your whole life is in front of you,seek help with your decisions and begin your journey of self discovery.Best wishes.
Love from Penny

[Leslie Mary S]

As many have said, your youth is your fortune and you have your future ahead of you.

Work hard at fitting in so you can get a good job. With a good job you can eventually afford to go TG if you still want to.

Meet people. Meeting people will increase the chance of finding the right person who understands you and your problems. If you don't meet people than there is little chance of this happening.

Learn to control you anixity. The anxiety problem will be the hardest. Maybe your gender problem is the source of your anxiety. When I am me (Leslie). I have less problems, or different problems, the when I am drab me.

Oh and I am presently 65 years old but new to cross dressing. The need was always there, I just recently figured it out. You have a jump on me and many of the rest of us older people. You also live in a newer era where people are more liberal in their thinking and acceptance of people's ways.

So get out and Live!

[Teri Jean]

Libby, sweetheart please listen to the girls here as they have more to offer than I and at 60 yrs young I have a lot to learn yet. You will do fine and by the way.......I wish I was your age again. Have fun and never look back. 21........................let's see how much fun can I get into. Well have fun and welcome to the family. Huggs Keli

[ronny]

The decision is yours! But you will primarily be the one who lives with the decision. Others will adjust..in time. Give yourself patience and permission to be the real you. Others have (I am one) and not regreted their decision. Again, no one can decide for you...it's your decision girl!! We are friends here and available to help you as possible.

roni

[Jilmac]

Hi Libby, Here's my:2c:. If it was me in your situation I would go to the parent who I deemed most understanding and least confrontational, (if both are like that, all the better), and I would tell that parent everything you wrote in this thread. I have a feeling your anxiety may stem from the fact that you are still deep in the closet and are aching to come out and be yourself.

I know from my own experience how living with the constant pressure of family expectations can keep a person in a shell, and fear such consequences as being chastized and shunned by family and friends. I never came out to my parents and siblings but told both women I married about my dressing. Neither of them approved and so I remained in the closet until I became a senior citizen. My wife passed away a couple of years ago and I was finally able to come out and be myself.

Please weigh all your options but try coming out as soon as you can. It may be the most important thing you have done to save yourself from a life of anxiety.

[phballet]

i just wanted to add my support to all the other girls who have posted here. whatever it is, just remember that you are not the only going through this...neither will you be the last. this is prob what bonds most of us together....so cheer up! give it some time....you'll look back on this a couple of years later and will only be stronger...

[Lorileah]

(loads flame thrower...decides it is the wrong weapon)

21, I don't even remember that side of the hill. I think you have noticed that most the posts here were from the older contingent. Take our wisdom and run with it. I think that if we had the opportunity you have there would be at least 500 more TS's out in the world now. At your age, the world is your oyster (how that is good thing I don't know they are cold and slimy).

Your story is the story of many of us. We were confused. We knew we were different. We hid that for many many years. Since it is the standard in today's world, I am going to push you toward counseling . You first need to determine what you want in life. If transitioning is the answer, you are at a perfect age to do that. As to coming "out", hold off until you have the answers you need. Telling people who will understand is a good thing. Broadcasting to the world before you are sure isn't.

Trust us though, you are not alone. Anyone who would disrespect you here or flame you for pouring out your feelings will be shunned and banished from our queendom!

I wish you all the best and WELCOME!

[Nicki B]

Now I'm 21, I've always dressed, dreamed and wished that I could still be who I want to be. But I can't.

Yes, you can. :)

Even if it takes you another 21 years - but I bet it doesn't... ;)

[trannie T]

I do not want to come anywhere close to 'flaming' you Libby Anna I know the stresses you are enduring. When you go back to school there will probably be a free counseling service available to help guide you, in the meantime read the threads and posts here some may be of help.

You are not the first one to experience these problems and you will not be the last, please continue to post here and let us know how you are doing.

[anna kate]

I just had the 48th anniversary of my 21st birthday. Do yourself a favor and find someone to talk to, be it parents (that would be my choice) a good friend or a professional councelor. The longer you wait, the harder it's going to be for you to continue... I was married 25 years,(now married 43 years) before I told my wife, it was the hardest thing I've ever done. She accused me of lieing to her, I could not deny it. It put our marriage on the rocks for a while, but that's now straightened out. She is not as supportive as I would like, but she is there for me. Give your parents some credit, they love you, because you are part of them. If they feel anything about thier kids like I do mine, they will at least listen, then tell you how they feel. Give 'em a shot. Wouldn't it be a kick in the panties, if your dad was one of us???
I think you'll find a big drop in the anxiety, once you come out. I felt like a ton of bricks got lifted off my shoulders.

[Christina Horton]

Hay girl I was 21 when I told my family give or take a year or two. I am 38 in may 27th I will be 39 . Just last year I started going out as Christina, As I type this I am Christina , I just got home from A great day out. If you want to read about my frist time and all of my other trips out I think it might help you cuz I was in the same sit your in. The only thing that not the same it the internet was eather not buit or so new no one kenw it was there. If you come out to your family you might find it the best or the worst thing you have done. No girl's here can tell you if it would be good or not but if your not happy just do it girl!!!!!!!! I did and I am the happest I have ever been now that Christina has seen the sun every day I am home from trucking. So I say do it but only you can judge if it's will be ok for you hun . And welcome to our FAMLIY HUN .HUGGS:hugs: :canada:

[wishfulcd]

Like evreyone already, wisely, said, mellow out. Your anxiety is probably because you worry too much of what is expected, or what people want from you. It is your life, and your decision, don't make decisions based on what others want to hear or see.

For what it is worth, I sometimes feel I should have told earlier, and the I also think I wasn't mature enough to share earlier. Each soul decides by its own when to open up, and no time is going to be perferct, or ideal, but you choose the right time based on what you are ready to do, and what you are willing to deal with. When young, as yourself, you have more energy and passion to deal with negative reactions, and when older, like myself, you are more "hardened" to deal with negatives.

There is no formula or potion for this, but keep in mind that you are not alone. We are quite a bunch and not a small buch per say, diverse, fun, and with a world of experience. You're in the right place for support.

Smile and be happy!

[JoAnne Wheeler]

God, I wish that I could be free and 21 again instead of 64 and not so free

says my spouse. You are just at the best time in your life to explore these

feminine interests. I would start with your mother. I think mothers can

accept their children no matter what they do or want. Feel her out. Ask

for her help and understanding. Fathers tend to freak out and go ballistic.

Keep us informed.

JoAnne Wheeler

[Sheila]

hun only you can make that decision, many here can give you advice and if you were my child i would certainly want to know, not all mothers will accept and NOT ALL FATHERS WILL REJECT despite what people think. If you decide to tell your family I suggested you have some sort of reading material that you can give then to read, that they can eduacate thenselves about your TG status and be in a better place to support you.

Good luck Sweetie :hugs:

Sheila

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Libby

:welcom: to the forum

Firstly take a deep breath and relax. At the age of 21 there is no real need to rush any decision. Try to be more observant of your parents attitude as to comments they may make about cross dressing
This may give you some indication as too their attitude

If you do decide to tell either or both parents you should read the link in my signature ( how to tell your partner )

It has some advice which you may find useful

[Nicole Erin]

So yeah at 21 you still have your whole adult life ahead.
Just don't do anything to mess up your life like getting married or having kids.
Do not get into situations that you cannot easily back out of.

Kids sometimes do things to aggrivate their parents. My kid does to me, and I know my parents have probably cursed the day I was born a few times. BUT - they are still family.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, how do you want to live it?

[Mary Jane1]

I seriously doubt you'll find any enemies or even critics on here so relax.

Believe me, time is not running out. I first became aware of my feminine self pre-teen and I've been dressing privately all my life. It's only in the last three years I've considered transitioning and am on that path now. And I'm 51. Do I wish I'd made the decision earlier ... yes. Do I feel it's too late ... absolutely not. So don't you.

When you say it's too late to be who you've dreamed & wished you could be, that's simply not true. Actually, you can be a woman. But whether your goal is to be 'en femme' 24/7, a transitioned woman or anything in between, you have lots of time. I suggest visiting www.lynnconway.com. There is a wealth of info there about male femininity in general, not just transitioning.

Your age and other circumstances probably have as much to do with your anxiety as cd'ing does. If your seeing a doctor or therapist for that, maybe discuss cd with them. Or find a gender therapist through a doctor or a school program. Someone who can help you find the best way to tell family & friends.

I'm running on here, aren't I? - Just remember, there are lot's of options and you have lot's of time. Don't feel pressured. They'll still be selling dresses & high heels next year.
Take care and good luck

[Tina B.]

Libby, welcome!
I was 21 before I knew what I was even had a name, and I was not the only one like this in the world. You are lucky, you know you belong to a fairly large group of very supportive people! And if you look around school I bet you can find help with the anxiety problems and a LGBT group to help you find your way through the maze of choices before you. Take your time you have pleanty of it, and remember it's your life, find what makes you happy and go for it.
Tina

[Christina Horton]

Don't feel pressured. They'll still be selling dresses & high heels next year.
Take care and good luck

Not if I buy them first there won't be. LOL. I spend way to much in Christina. Just imagine if I had a girl friend, I would be living in a tent or something.

[tricia_uktv]

Live your dream Libby-Anna. Come out it slowly, take your time and enjoy it. I wouldn't say anything yet to your parents. Its amazing what you can do if you are determined. Above all though, have fun!