Cross Dressing and False Thoughts

[az_azeel]

Hi people
I dont want this to be taken the wrong way, but just a thought. and a couple of questions ..
My thought is that when i was growing up and thinking i was the only crossdresser on the planet, yeah no internet, and very little referance, to what CD'ing is all about, I could have quite easily have gone down the road of SRS.. .However knowing what i know now, I realise that I am simply a guy that loves womans clothing.
I'm thinking that if i was 18 - 19 now, with the information available and if i was a bit vulnerable, it could be so easy to go down the wrong road and therefore making the wrong decision.
My question is ..has anyone else thought about this ? and had any regrets, or even a young person out there, starting out thinking about SRS..myself if it was me i would not consider it until i was at least 25....

[MarinaTwelve200]

I DO beleive that THAT is THE reason that candidates for SRS are put through a battery of psychological tests and treatments before any surgery is done---Just to keep this very thing from happening.

A lack of information , or the wrong kind of info can make us beleive all sorts of crazy things, just because we Crossdress. Some of us may THINK we might be gay, for example, and even, for a while at least, live a gay "lifestyle"--(Pseudo homosexuality) untill we figgure out what "gay" actually is--and "it aint me".

We might also fear or suspect that we might be transsexual, and look into getting surgery.----When really we might be simply very turned on by women and have an extreme fetish or SM situation going on (autogynophylia) A REAL M 2 F Trannsexual usually is NOT turned on by women, but rather feels she IS one. Even so, it might take some fancy psychotherapy, to untangle things and discover the REAL situation. The consequences of making an irreversible mistake are quite daunting, and have led to suicide in some cases.

[Samantha B L]

Hi Az,
When I was 18 or 19 I was pretty sure that I was either transexual or homosexual and that dressing was somehow psychologically a big part of it and that if I simply didn't start living as gay or TS I was in a way,a pervert for crossdressing bacause I really enjoyed crossdressing in ALL the ways,narcicistic,relaxation and sexual. All this was before the internet of course. This must've been around 1975 or 1976. I've been with guys a few times but it was a dud and besides,male looks don't turn me on. And in a way I've always thought of myself as being rather girly. I kind of wish I didn't have facial hair and didn't have to shave. I was a sissified kid and they even used to call me Samantha sometimes. But getting to the point, I never experienced things like rejection of my male genitalia that some people do. I never felt like I was psychologically a woman. In about 1978 or 1979 there was on the newstand at a pharmacy 2 or 3 blocks from where I lived a book about the history of Transexual operations and the entire pathology of TG/TS/CD and this was the first I'd heard of the term "crossdresser" but it came as kind of a releif to me that I wasn't perverted or mentally ill and that this thing that is a pretty big part of my life and my personality is nuerological or hormonal(to one extent or another)and it probably runs in familys! It was also some releif to me to confirm in my mind that I'm not gay or transexual,but I have some cousins who are gay and lesbian and I don't see anything the matter with that. I'm sorry,but it's been so many,many years I dont remember the name of the book or the author. It was some mental health person or medical doctor,I think.

[Mary Morgan]

Ironically, if I had known then what I know now, I would have transitioned in my late teens, if not sooner, and never looked back. Of course we never really have all the information because most of it comes from the life experiences we have. I have had and continue to have a wonderful life, but the possibilities of having lived it as a woman are so intriguing and so attractive.

[SuzanneS]

az,

I was raised on a farm, and didn't really get out to see the world until I was at least 18-19 years old. I read alot of magazines, tabloids and books, so I suppose I had heard about crossdressing, but since I pretty much started the CD'ing when I was 14-15 yrs old, I suppose that I thought I just had a problem that I was going to have to try to get rid of, or live with for the rest of my life without telling anyone. I'm still uncomfortable letting anyone know about my crossdressing, and I don't want to become a female, but I just want to 'be' a female, which is funny because the only female in my immediate family is my mother, and I wasn't very close to any cousins, aunts, or grandmas.
Anyway...this story could go on a lot longer than it already has, but I don't think I would have wanted to transition at all until I found all the info I needed....I've always been the type to check out everything way too thoroughly before I did anything, so I'd just have suppressed my feelings way, way, way down inside for the rest of my life until I had found anything certain.:doh::doh:How's that answer for you?

Suzanne

[<3 Keri Lynn <3]

Young person chiming in!
Ok lets see for many years I would dress at least once a month but before I ever started dressing I was wondering why I act differently then most guys. Physical characteristics, I have small feet and slender hands, I get emotional over events/movies. I had a lot of female friends in HS because I connected with them more then the guys. Yes at times before I knew what I know now I thought I was gay but I loved feminine figures. Just in the pass 2 years I have come to realize that I am transgender. Every time I saw a good looking woman on TV I am jealous of her body and would wish I had it. And the constant dreams of being some random cheerleader, female acourse, I know there are male ones :heehee:

After finding this site, I have learned more about myself in the last 2 weeks then I ever have my whole life. I knew about Crossdressers and Drag Queens but that was the extent of my knowledge but now I know there is much, much MUCH more to it and I'm in no way alone! :hugs:

At the moment I'm trying to grow my hair out, work on my figure, shaving and practicing makeup. After I finish collage and get out on my own I will most likely start living full time female before my 26th birthday. Talking to most of you has really opened my eyes, before March I didn't know what I was going to do with my life other then I'm a good artist but after that, no idea. Now I have life goals and some of them will make my life much better.

I don't know what SRS is but it doesn't sound very good the way you are saying it.

[Ballerina]

Being 23 now, I never recalled wanting to become a full time woman. It just wasn't me, it wasn't who I was. But, I did fall for the "crossdressers are homosexual" spiel and felt that I may end up a homosexual. As soon as that passed, I felt that crossdressers were nothing but gay and fetishy. I felt like I was the only one that was probably interested in not only women, but their clothing, too. That, of course, ended after doing my research online last year and finally coming to a realization about the community.

[SuzanneS]

Being 23 now, I never recalled wanting to become a full time woman. It just wasn't me, it wasn't who I was. But, I did fall for the "crossdressers are homosexual" spiel and felt that I may end up a homosexual. As soon as that passed, I felt that crossdressers were nothing but gay and fetishy. I felt like I was the only one that was probably interested in not only women, but their clothing, too. That, of course, ended after doing my research online last year and finally coming to a realization about the community.
And that post right there is one reason why the internet is one of the greatest inventions of the 20th century.....

Suzanne

[Karen564]

I thought I was the only person on the planet that was really a girl born in the wrong body of a boy..I knew this by the age of 5 or 6, ..and before I ever tried on a stitch of girls clothing..and after I did start dressing by the age of 8 or 9, it just confirmed my feelings more than ever..& I got caught a few times, but they just got really mad, but never confronted me to talk about it after, as if they just wanted to forget about it and like it never ever happened, maybe figuring it would pass?, but I was so scarred that I was crazy at that point and thought I'd be locked away in some mental hospital, so I was so much more careful & hid it very extremely well, but I could never stop and I knew what I felt like inside because that never went away, but I had no Internet back then, so I didn't know what I was and not the only one like this & didn't know it could be corrected UNTIL the Internet came along...

So by far, my biggest regret in my life was not confronting my parents at an early age about how I really felt, so if I did, maybe I could of started to have my gender fixed before puberty hit or at an early age, but that would be a big maybe, because that would of been in the 60's, so I could of very easily been put away too and been subject to the mental procedures of the time...
But it would of saved me from pretending to be a man for so many years and the heartbreak of my now Ex wife & children..:sad:

[RobynP]

My thought is that when i was growing up and thinking i was the only crossdresser on the planet, yeah no internet, and very little referance, to what CD'ing is all about, I could have quite easily have gone down the road of SRS.. .However knowing what i know now, I realise that I am simply a guy that loves womans clothing.

When I was growing up, there was no Internet and VERY little information about crossdressing available anywhere.


I'm thinking that if i was 18 - 19 now, with the information available and if i was a bit vulnerable, it could be so easy to go down the wrong road and therefore making the wrong decision.
My question is ..has anyone else thought about this ?
However, there was some information available on people who had changed their sex. I read the books about or by Christine Jorgenson, Rene Richards, and Jan Morris and the fictional Myra Breckrenridge. I remember when I was 14 or 15 years old that I could not identify with them and I knew very definitely that I did not want to go down the road to SRS.

What a journey this has been!

Robyn

[Byanca]

The reason I have not get started on hormones (from there it would be no turning back) is fear for lack of knowledge. I dont know how to be a man. Probably I dont know how to be a woman either. But people have asked me in the past if i've considered changing. And some people that know me kind of threat me like a woman. So it is not just me that notices the disconnection.

So basically I think it is a shame we have just two gender roles. Because who I am is closer to the woman. If I wasnt pushed into the wrong gender role(thats been clear from day one) I think maybe I could have been happy with my my physical self...but I dont know. Like when I first noticed beard-that was a real shock. And I dislike everything testosterone does to the body. In summer, when it is really hot-i've always been fully dressed(covered :P). And the dislike gets stronger for each day as I grow older.

And I should probably stop thinking I am not TS-instead of something else. But that is usually how it goes-how can I know...no man I've known at least is like me, reacts like I do-but a lot of woman have. I'm good at stopping time. It's just a shame that it does not work on the people around me.

[suzanneq]

how&where do we come from?,our lives in what we are,are secrective&supposedly not normal,if we come out as gay,acceptable,not that we all are,female cds acceptable,so why is it we have to be so secretive in what we do,why do the majority of us have to hide what we are,some are lucky enough to look feminine but most of us are not,unfortunatly guys in skirts etc look like guys in skirts,but having said that i am beyond that now,i go running in tights nickers&skirt every night,get the odd comment though but hey i might have been unfortunatly been born with the male bits(not that i want em),if i know im female inside then i know one day i will be outside,so how far you want to live your ultimate dreams is how far you want to take urself,but be cautious,its a life changing decision,worth it if its what you feel deep inside.

[joann07]

I started crossdressing late at age 37 and I enjoy both my guy and my girl sides.
I'm happy at where I am and I've never had thoughts of being a woman nor going through SRS.

Hugs!

[Carly D.]

Hmmm I was the only cross dresser on the planet back in the sixties, when I would sneak a wearing of moms stockings and panties and heels.. only back then I just called it... I don't know what I called it.. probably just wearing nice things that felt nice to wear..

[tricia_uktv]

Hmmm. What is the right path? I have three daughters which, I feel, are more important than my dressing. With hindsight I would like to go back and live my life twice - once with my daughters growing up again and once as Tricia, but I can't so there's no point worrying about it.

[Anna the Dub]

I DO beleive that THAT is THE reason that candidates for SRS are put through a battery of psychological tests and treatments before any surgery is done---Just to keep this very thing from happening.

A lack of information , or the wrong kind of info can make us beleive all sorts of crazy things, just because we Crossdress. Some of us may THINK we might be gay, for example, and even, for a while at least, live a gay "lifestyle"--(Pseudo homosexuality) untill we figgure out what "gay" actually is--and "it aint me".

We might also fear or suspect that we might be transsexual, and look into getting surgery.----When really we might be simply very turned on by women and have an extreme fetish or SM situation going on (autogynophylia) A REAL M 2 F Trannsexual usually is NOT turned on by women, but rather feels she IS one. Even so, it might take some fancy psychotherapy, to untangle things and discover the REAL situation. The consequences of making an irreversible mistake are quite daunting, and have led to suicide in some cases.

Marina, you keep bringing this up. It is but one theory put forward that is now generally totally rejected by the psychiatric community.

[Kate Simmons]

When I was younger I thought SRS was my only option. I had fully intended to have surgery when I got out of the Army. Then I met my wife and decided to give the guy thing a chance. Even though later on I came out as my femme self, I have no regrets for my decisions. Sometimes "walking the walk" and "talking the talk" is the only real way to find out things for sure.:)

[Samantha Kelsey]

I thought exactly the same as you, it's only this last six or so years when I started to see sites like this on the net that my thoughts changed about who/what I am.

[sometimes_miss]

When we start out, we know virtually nothing about the gender spectrum and where we might fit. So it's no surprise that we may wind up with some false assumptions, as we collect information that isn't complete and try to fit ourselves into it.

Commercial interruption here:

A REAL M 2 F Trannsexual usually is NOT turned on by women, but rather feels she IS one.
Nope. Sexual identity and sexual attraction are two entirely separate things. But it used to be that if you were a man attracted to women, that automatically eliminated you from SRS, so a lot of TS m2f might have had to lie about that. I'm not sure if this is the case anymore; I haven't spoken to a professional psychological gender specialist in over ten years.

When I was a teen, I thought that I was TS. There really was not a lot of information available back then (60's to 70's). Even today, it takes a lot to weed through all the inaccurate information out there. I remained 'on the fence' for a long time, until I came across information explaining the differences in how men and women think, communicate, and how we see the world. When I realized that I fell solidly into the male 'camp' in all those areas, I knew that my initial assumption that I was TS was false. If there were any lingering doubts, the fact that I was only attracted to women, found the concept of sex with a male rather gross, pretty much made the conclusion that SRS would be a great mistake pretty obvious. Yes, the number of women attracted to a crossdressing male is slim, but the number of women attracted to transsexual m2f's are even less than that. At least as a guy, I have a slim chance at finding love. The m2f TS's that I have known in the past who are interested in women were all alone. I think for me, the defining moment is that when I do have a woman in my arms, any desire to be female is completely absent, and doesn't return for a while after we part; it's a knee jerk response to loneliness, whether conscious or subconscious.
Today, there are plenty of books available as well as online sources to help people understand who they really are; several very complete biographies by TS folk that I could compare my own feelings with and be able to clearly see the differences between them and myself. I suppose that if I were 15 today, I would be able to resolve a lot of issues that took me years, no, decades to understand.

I think that one of the most difficult concepts for people to understand is that like sexuality, there's a gray area. Society pretty much demands that we make a clear cut choice, be all male, or be all female; and when we stray from either pole, they automatically want to toss us into the opposite end and declare us defective.

We're not defective; we're just, well, a little different. In fact, I think the vast majority of the folks here would make wonderful friends, even the ones I disagree with on a regular basis.

[wishfulcd]

I was always convinced that I was not Gay, or Transsexual, but just liked to wear womens clothing (even without internet or therapy). But that actually made it even more difficult, because I thought I had no true direction, no north to guide me by, I thought I was alone. How could a perfectly heterosexual male have no gay tendency, have no aspiration to surgery and yet want to wear womens lace and silk panties ?? I struggled with that one for ages, and to be honest I am not sure I can fully explain it today. My SO has a hard time believing me as to the limits of my "thing" and we try to define our life in response to my recent announcement. She is very patient and tries to be understanding as we sort this out. But I am still defining my own wishes while she asks where the limits are; tough !!

[JoAnne Wheeler]

When I was in my late teens, I dreamed of having SRS and living as a woman

Back, then, the only SRS Girl that I had ever heard of was Christeen

Jorgensen. I had no Internet. I had no books or information. I had no one

to talk to about this. It seemed only to be a dream. IF I had known then

what I know now and had the information that is now available, I may very

well have transitioned. Now I'm old and married and all of that is impossible.

But I can still dream and wonder what it would have been like.

JoAnne Wheeler

[Lisa Golightly]

As a youngster I knew what I needed to do... It was just building up the courage to do something about it... The internet helped massively. However, I'm sure if I was 18 now, and CD not TS the internet and attitudes in general would help me know I was CD pretty damn quick... and there'd be comfort in that too. I don't think SRS is an option that people with an interest in dressing really consider unless there is a deeper underlying issue...

[docrobbysherry]

When I started CDing about 11 years ago, ALL my information came from "common knowledge" of folks who dressed. By that, I mean, "they're ALL gays and/or drag queens"!:doh:

I approached CDing only with the info from "fetish" mags! U know, " Hey, u freak! Buy our breast growing herbs and suction devices". ( Which I tried). And the, " Forced fem", picture mags!:eek:

Until I come out of my closet almost 2 years ago, and found other CDs on the internet, I thot "trans" was the oil in my big Mac!:brolleyes:

HOPEFULLY, others will receive info about what being TG/TS means, BEFORE they begin to fully explore the fetish aspect of dressing! I wish I had!:sad:

[trisha59]

I guess for me I never considered getting the operation. I started dressing young. I never felt that what I was doing was wrong. I knew that it would be best if I didn't share this part of me with anyone, but I never had the thoughts of being gay or thinking I had problems that needed fixing. From as early as I can remember I knew that I liked girls. It goes without saying that I liked the way they dressed, I also liked hanging out with them and eventually when I worked up the nerve I liked dating them and I really enjoyed marrying one of them. I never wanted to become one though. So if I had all of this information that is available now, then would I be any different? I don't believe I would be.

[Sweet Cindy]

I only wish the internet had been around in my younger years for the shopping.
Oh to be 18 again with access to eBay and a Visa card...

[cindym5_04]

With the horrible luck that I had with girls when I was growing up- yes, Jr High and High School were BAD (had a total of TWO dates...Sr. year of HS) and for a few years after that, I look back and go "if I knew then what I know know, I just may have given up on girls and become one". At times it seems so much easier.

The downside to that thought is the fact that if I had done that, I never would have met or married my awesome wife. If you don't believe me that she's amazingly awesome, check out a couple of my posts- like us going out this past weekend.

[Deborah Jane]

I briefly wondered about being able to become a woman when i was a teenager after seeing Tula in the tabloids [She was quite famous for having SRS during the 70s]

Not too long after that my C/Ding disappeared, only to return again about five years ago. After my marriage breakup i went into to therapy for other issues in my life, i'd also started dressing more regularly during that time and was also refered to a gender therapist to discuss the issue of whether having SRS would help me at all.
At the end of the day we decided i am happiest where i am now.....As a guy who likes to dress as a girl!

[RylieCD]

Like many I had very little information growing up. Once we did get the internet I found some information to at least show me I wasnt alone (or a freak). But It wasnt until this site that I learned that people live in a variety of roles and that GID is something that is a part of who you are and the best you can do is to understand it. It is not something to be cured or ignored.

[Samantha43]

I started crossdressing way back in the '70's when I was in my early teens. I had thoughts and desires when I was a child, but never acted on them until I was in my teens. Like most other crossdressers back then, I thought I was the only one. I knew I wasn't gay, because I REALLY liked girls. I also liked their makeup, clothes, shoes and jewelry........

I had heard the term "crossdresser" so I went to the local library and did some research. I found that I was not the only one and that crossdressing went as far back as written history. I found that most crossdressers live normal lives, get married and have kids. That eased my mind and I have been an avid crossdresser ever since.

I have been crossdressing for over 30 years now, and really only perfected my look (always room for improvement) in the last five years or so. The internet is such a great resource. I wish it would have been around when I was younger.

I wouldn't change anything about my life. I like being a man....I just have a somewhat unusual hobby.

[Mary Jane1]

It really is quite difficult to get srs in this country (Canada) without fairly extensive counselling, medical referral etc.

As far as your other comment, I'm 51, have done extensive feminizing and am talking to doctors about srs now. If I knew 25 years ago what I know now, I'd probably be a woman.

Either way the powers that be won't let you make the decision lightly, and they shouldn't. In some provinces where the government will pay for the operation, the requirements are very high including living completely as a woman for at least a year.