She Checked to See if I had on a bra

[MWCMDarlene]

Well, it happened this morning. Most every day, I get up a couple of hours before wife and kid and usually put on my bra and forms (rice in Pantyhose) for a couple of hours or so before we go for our morning walk in the neighborhood and breakfast. She knows that I X-dress, tolerates it, but in no way approves.

So, this morning, I have on my bra under a T-shirt and Sweat shirt, but had pulled out my forms before she got up. We went for a walk, she got dressed for work, and we ate breakfast together. As she was leaving the house to go to work, we kissed each other good-bye, hugged one another, and she may have felt the bra straps under my 2 shirts. She started out the door, stopped, came back, grabbed my bra by the cup, which was probably protruding a bit since it is a form-fitting bra, pulled it away and made it "pop" back into place. Well, she certainly knew what I had on. She just had this look of disgust and a bit of anger. I didn't respond in any way except to say good-bye and have a good day. So, I guess we get to have another one of those talks where she expresses her anger and disgust, etc. when she gets home tonight.

However, thanks to this site and comments, I have gained a bit more confidence in that I can face up without cowering down and acting like a 2-year old getting caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Wish me luck.

[sissystephanie]

Darlene, just don't be pushy about what YOU want! Remember, she married a man! Let her know that you are still that man she married, no matter what you are wearing! We are here for you when you need us. Or for her, for that matter!

[Debie]

Hi Darlene
Sorry to here about the problems, I hope it goes well when she gets back remember try not to get to upset with her, I am sure she is woried that she may have lost the man she married, just reasure her.

[Kate Simmons]

Hmm I guess that's proof that guys aren't the only ones who do "bra snapping.":)

[PennyLane2]

Darlene,
I am truly sorry that you are experiencing so many difficulties and acceptance.May I suggest that you try not to provoke on her return and just dress in drab.My best wishes anyway.
Love from Penny

[Karren H]

I don't really consider getting my wife pissed off at me as a mark in the success column when it comes to her accepting my crossdressing...

[Sheila]

I don't really consider getting my wife pissed off at me as a mark in the success column when it comes to her accepting my crossdressing...

Well said Karen Thankyou

Seriouslu why oww why do CDER's do this push SO's bounderies ..... if you want them moving sit and talk & if she won't talk then at least state "I plan on doing this & if you are not happy with it then talk to me" ............... maybe not the best way to go, but if you have tried everyrthing else and she is refusing to at least discuss any bounderies whatsoever at least you have given her the opportunity to discuss minor changes

[Senban]

Well it simply boils down to this. You have your needs and your wife has her needs. It's then all about finding a compromise between those two points that you can both live with and be happy with.

Seems to be that in simple terms by wearing the bra you pushed the critical point between you without asking her first and so the result was that you've got a heavy discussion coming up with feelings of "anger and disgust" to be expressed. As Karen said, that's not a good way to gain acceptance. I'm not judging you though because trust me, I've done similar things and I imagine many of the girls here have too. Collectively we pretty much suck :D But everything is fixable.

Now one of two things happened here. Either you forgot you had the bra on or you left it on deliberately so as to push the boundaries of what you could get away with.

1. You forgot. Apologise for crossing the agreed upon boundaries and promise you'll make a better effort in future. But don't just promise, actually make that effort.

2. It was deliberate. You're in for a huge discussion about where the agreed upon boundaries lay and whether those boundaries can be moved whilst keeping both parties happy. From the information you've given, my advice is to stash a pillow and a blanket behind the couch and think of tonight as a camping trip.

[Di]

Well it simply boils down to this. You have your needs and your wife has her needs. It's then all about finding a compromise between those two points that you can both live with and be happy with.
Now one of two things happened here. Either you forgot you had the bra on or you left it on deliberately so as to push the boundaries of what you could get away with.

1. You forgot. Apologise for crossing the agreed upon boundaries and promise you'll make a better effort in future. But don't just promise, actually make that effort.

2. It was deliberate. You're in for a huge discussion about where the agreed upon boundaries lay and whether those boundaries can be moved whilst keeping both parties happy.

THANK YOU....right on:thumbsup:
If she wants to know and NOT see....why could you not wait till she was gone to work to put them on?...........IF this is the case that you just did what YOU wanted and not respected her wishes..how do you think she will ever get further accepting when it more or less you do not even care about her feelings on this? You knew she was leaving for work RIGHT? Why could you not wait?

[Angie G]

I do wish you luck hun you'll need it girl.:hugs:
Angie

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Spouses are afraid that you will be outed and bring embarrassement to her

and the family - I would back off if I were you

JoAnne Wheeler

[Dana]

I don't really consider getting my wife pissed off at me as a mark in the success column when it comes to her accepting my crossdressing...

Your wit, attitude toward life in general always brings a smile to me! :)

[shesadvl]

Hmm I guess that's proof that guys aren't the only ones who do "bra snapping.":)


laffing isnt payback a beech :devil: getting even to snap a bra....:devil:
but my S/O does that as well,.... gets ready for work..... gives me a hug.,
I fink its because he wants to let me know that hes wearing a bra....laffing....I'm not as silly as perhaps I look sumtimes :tongueout n I just say whats this..... so I look front on n shake me head :eek: n say nada can see it....LOL....so he remedies it... (doesnt wear a bra) but wears stockings etc....they are not so noticeable under mens trousers....unless its me then i snap the suspender when he least expects it.... arent I mean nasty and 'orrible ...laffing but look who he plays with ...:devil::tongueout


Quote:
Originally Posted by JoAnne Wheeler
Spouses are afraid that you will be outed and bring embarrassement to her

and the family - I would back off if I were you

JoAnne Wheeler
Thats also what I think sometimes... JoAnne not so much afraid....but worry that it would hurt the cd'er/or your S/O... more then the spouse....in some cases...
but then its more for the protection of my partner then myself, then I guess we would be seen in a different light as well because we condone the cross dressing...whats wrong with it... just peoples views on whats the norm, after reading in the forum there are so many of us outside the norm because we think openly out side the box, a bit like would go where angels fear to tread...nothing hocus pocus about it just that there are men in life that lurve wearing womens clothing and there are women that prefer to be like men.
wouldnt life be boring if we were all the same....LOL.....hey im shesadvl n devilish thats me

[TJ Tresa]

Darlene I hope you and your wife work things out. Reasure her, and maybe get her to join our group. I'm being optomistic here but just maybe it was her way of playing, my wife pops my straps all the time. Hugs and best wishes, TJ Tresa.

[Missy]

some time my wife ask me if i am wearing a bra when we are going out if i say yes then she saids good then we are covered and gose out with out wearing hers

Missy

[Ujean1998]

some time my wife ask me if i am wearing a bra when we are going out if i say yes then she saids good then we are covered and gose out with out wearing hers

Missy

Made me laugh Missy! Let them puppies fly free.

[Intertwined]

arent I mean nasty and 'orrible ...laffing but look who he plays with ...:devil::tongueout

Na... you sound Awesome...!


some time my wife ask me if i am wearing a bra when we are going out if i say yes then she saids good then we are covered and gose out with out wearing hers

Missy

LOL too cute Missy.

[Sheila]

Spouses are afraid that you will be outed and bring embarrassement to her and the family - I would back off if I were you JoAnne Wheeler

JoAnne, some of us do not give a flying rats A$$ about that ........... what is there to be embarressed about, I am personally proud to be seen with my partner in either node and if anybody has a problem with that tough, and if they even think about harrasing him OR her, then they will have me to deal with and they had just better hope i am in a good mood and not been on here and read some of the idiotic comments made by the TG peeps themselves, else it will not be pretty :D

[~Seana~]

Enjoy the couch, it's bound to be more comfortable than the cold in that bed. Which is a shame, relationships should be loving, you shouldnt have to fear being who you are in your own home .
What is amazing to me is you are still able to dress with her attitude. I spent 13 years in a relationship where my occasional ( and I'm talking MAYBE once a year, and in privacy and alone) dressing was ridiculed and belittled. i was never so unhappy in my life as I was then. I'm actually really disappointed in your wife. Walking up and snapping your bra and getting disgusted isnt tolerance...not even close.It's borderline abuse.It sure isnt love either.
To all those who are are preaching to "dress in drab tonight" or to in some way crawl further into your shell, I respectfully disagree wholeheartedly.Be who you are, and if she no longer loves you for who you are, leave her, simple as that. People who behave this way almost never change their opinions, and CDing isnt something that just goes away, you can bury it for a while but it's more likely to come back than not. She needs to come to this realization, and either love you anyway, or not. It sounds like she's not. No matter her fears you are well advised to seek out the advice of a divorce lawyer.It's coming anyway at some point and better on your terms and timing than hers.

Amanda

Amanda

[JuAnn]

Hi Darlene
I share your feelings as I too dress in bra and panties as soon as I shower in the morning. I was still in my undies later in the morning when we had unexpected company. There were hugs all around and when I hugged my SO she rubbed her hand back and forth over the bra closure, snapped it so everyone could hear it and walked away.
I still wear my bra in the mornings and she knows but does not comment.
JuAnn

[jackieo]

I think my wife snaps the back of mine as pay back to all the nasty little boys that did it to here in school and she always say pay back are a B%^$#!
So I got her back and she call me the B Word a laughed.
Then she left for work.:devil:

[Sally2005]

...time to playfully grab her's and give it a snap and she how she responds... :devil:

[MWCMDarlene]

Just an update. The wife hasn't said anything at all about what happened on Monday, but let me re-assure you all that I don't think for a minute that the issue is over nor forgotten.

For those of you who think it was funny what she did, it wasn't done in the playful manner that the young and immature boys do or used to do in school. She was upset when she thought I was and found out that I was wearing a bra at the time. I know she was, but she is such a great wife and I am lucky to have her as such, that she has just let it go.

She knows that I wear my bra and forms most every morning, and that I also X-dress on most of my days off, which is sometimes, once-a-week. She tolerates it, but I know she detests this activity and "hobby" of mine. Over the past couple of years, I have been able to bring all of my panties out of hiding and incorporate them into my underwear drawer. She tolerates, but doesn't like it.

On Friday, we both are off of work and I hope and plan to bring up the topic for discussion and apologize to her for the other day. Hopefully, we can re-visit the issue of boundaries and share our feelings and wishes/desires about the issue and be closer in our relationship afterwards, which is what we all should strive for.

Thanks for everyone's comments, whether I agree with them or not, for i understand and can see your different points of view.

[Di]

Best Wishes Fri hon:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[SouthernBelle.GG]

Hopefully, we can re-visit the issue of boundaries and share our feelings and wishes/desires about the issue and be closer in our relationship afterwards, which is what we all should strive for.

With you pushing her boundaries earlier in the week, I'm not too sure how open she'll be about a discussion. For me, I need the discussion to come first. Knowing that my feelings are important to my DH means a lot.

I do hope she accepts your apology.

[joann426]

gee! i guess i am lucky she snaped mine to but no comment we do breakfast together and she knows i have mine on too but i do alot for her laundry clean the house ,clean up the kitchen after breakfast sweep floors and so on i guess she likes her bi$$h lololo!!!!:heehee:

[JulieC]

On Friday, we both are off of work and I hope and plan to bring up the topic for discussion and apologize to her for the other day.

Be careful what you apologize for. Apologizing for something implies you did something wrong, and you will strive not to let it happen again.

Yet, you've already admitted you wear a bra and forms most mornings. Are you going to stop that? If not, I would not apologize for what happened.

For my part (even though I have an accepting wife) I will not apologize for crossdressing in most respects. I would apologize for embarrassing my wife were that to happen. I would apologize for making an error in judgment regarding crossdressing and its impact on our family. I would never feel that I should apologize for wearing a bra when nobody but my wife knows. But, that's my situation. Your mileage may vary. Some settling of contents (or is that forms?) may occur during shipment.