What Would It Take?

[Senban]

Assuming you're not already out, what would it take for you to out yourself publicly? For example:-


Knowing that you'd have acceptance and support in principle from those around you.

A strong role model to follow (real or fictional).

Someone else had already done it and you'd seen that it had gone well i.e. a success story.

A change in your personal viewpoint (e.g. how you view yourself).

Greater courage.

More confidence in yourself.

The possibility of outing yourself as part of a group i.e. confidence in numbers.

Passability (to include from passing visually at a distance right up to passing for an arbitrary five minute period at close quarters).

A better/wider wardrobe available to you (or similar)

A bucket of alcohol :heehee:

Other (please describe)


For those of you who have already outed yourselves (rather than been outed by others), what were the triggers that enabled you to make that decision?

NOTE - List was amended to include "passability" option.

NOTE - "Courage", "confidence" and "part of a group" options added and some small changes for clarity in general.

[Shadeauxmarie]

Enough money to live comfortably in retirement away from my family. Their stern ridicule would be too harsh methinks.

[jennifer easton]

a bucket of alcohol, the lottery, and drop 50lb, yeah that should do it!! Jennifer

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Let me see: #1 - enough money to live on and move away from family

#2 - acceptance and passability

#3 - a totally supportive spouse

I think that is about it !!!

JoAnne Wheeler

[Angie G]

I'd have to say the first one Sen.:hugs:
Angie

[Senban]

Interesting answers so far, keep them coming :)

Oh and thanks JoAnne, I missed "passability" from my original list so I'm going to go back and edit that accordingly :)

[Kate Simmons]

Gumption, basically.;):battingeyelashes::)

[Senban]

Ahh, I was classing that under "change of personal viewpoint" but I think that perhaps "courage" and perhaps "confidence" could be mentioned separately. Again, I'll go back and edit the original list :)

EDIT - I also added the option of outing yourself as part of a group for confidence in numbers.

[Ujean1998]

Good question, given my current position in life I would never be able too.

Enablers:
#1 I would have to move out of state to some place new. I know I would already get to much backlash from my friends and family.

#2 Not fooling myself here after I have moved building a new support base would take time, but the investment would be worth it.

#3 I would have to feel more comfortable with myself in my femme form. Alot more than I do now. That includes coming up with a solid look that I believe compliments myself and a nice reflection of who I actually am.

#4 A job place that would not mind me becoming who I am over the time needed.

#5 A spouse would make all the worth while and sharing everything about ourselves.

#6 You get me liquored up enough and this girl would spill almost any bean you want.

[Donna Marie]

In my case, it took a prostatectomy!! But I don't recommend that course for others. It's a bit unpleasant. A biopsy revealed cancer in the little sucker, so out it came. As I was recovering (and still am) I found I had a strong urge to be femme - maybe a form of coping. One day I needed to get the mail and decided, heck, I'll just go out and get it in my skirt, wig, & all. As the days have progressed, so has my boldness. I recently wrote about a couple of shopping trips and it seems to be getting easier. I just don't seem to give a darn who sees me now - must have been that damn prostate that was holding me back!!!! And I was even sober when I went out, too. Jeez.

[suchacutie]

Only one person knows both sides of me, and that would be my wife. Let me split this answer into two pieces:

1) Having everyone I associate with know that I live in two genders: Nothing could entice me to do that. What would be the point? The wrench that would throw into the works of my life is definitely not worth anything.

2) Regularly going out in public presenting as Tina: This is easy: money to generate a "home base" for Tina in a different city, an identity for Tina involving ID, credit cards, etc., a more practiced female voice, a couple of makeovers to settle on a few "looks" for Tina, time to be at Tina's "home base", and, most importantly, my wife thinking this would be fun.

I'm one of those people who totally separate "him" from "her". We really have two different personalities and if I allow people to know both of us, that separation gets blurred. I don't want Tina bogged down with "his" identity, and if I don't ever get to scenario 2), it won't be an issue. I happen to enjoy Tina just as she is :)

tina

[erica12b]

#1 - enough money to live on and move away from family

#2 - acceptance and passability

#3 - a totally supportive spouse

moving to more tolerant area

[sometimes_miss]

Assuming you're not already out, what would it take for you to out yourself publicly? For example:-


Knowing that you'd have acceptance and support in principle from those around you.

A strong role model to follow (real or fictional).

Someone else had already done it and you'd seen that it had gone well i.e. a success story.

A change in your personal viewpoint (e.g. how you view yourself).

Greater courage.

More confidence in yourself.

The possibility of outing yourself as part of a group i.e. confidence in numbers.

Passability (to include from passing visually at a distance right up to passing for an arbitrary five minute period at close quarters).

A better/wider wardrobe available to you (or similar)

A bucket of alcohol :heehee:

Other (please describe)


For those of you who have already outed yourselves (rather than been outed by others), what were the triggers that enabled you to make that decision?

NOTE - List was amended to include "passability" option.

NOTE - "Courage", "confidence" and "part of a group" options added and some small changes for clarity in general.

1. A supportive SO who would push me a little to do it because she wanted me to. I really have no desire to go out anywhere dressed up as a girl; I'm fine right here at home.
2. going somewhere far enough away that I won't be recognized.
3. While knowing I would have support of the folks around me, indifference would be just fine, thank you. Luckily, I live near NYC, and in the village no one really cares what anyone else looks like there.
4. A bucket of alcohol would probably help, but I rarely drink, so I might wind up waking up in an emergency room somewhere and that wouldn't be good at all.

[Carly D.]

"Assuming you're not already out, what would it take for you to out yourself publicly? For example:-

* Knowing that you'd have acceptance and support in principle from those around you.
* A strong role model to follow (real or fictional).
* Someone else had already done it and you'd seen that it had gone well i.e. a success story.
* A change in your personal viewpoint (e.g. how you view yourself).
* Greater courage.
* More confidence in yourself.
* The possibility of outing yourself as part of a group i.e. confidence in numbers.
* Passability (to include from passing visually at a distance right up to passing for an arbitrary five minute period at close quarters).
* A better/wider wardrobe available to you (or similar)
* A bucket of alcohol
* Other (please describe)"

Kind of in a nutshell all of the above... this is fantastic, you nailed everything that goes through my mind.. I'd love to come out if I felt there wouldn't be a backlash of ridicule even if they were halfhearted jokes... I would rather start the "I'm a cross dresser" conversation rather than join in fifteen minutes later (like all the celebs that are getting on the I'm gay bandwagon, seems to be chic to be gay now) I'd hate to sound like I'm joining the I'm a cross dresser bandwagon after Herm the "stiff" doctor joins the procession.. as far as being drunk, that seems like a cop out, rather than easier.. I think I could dress full and go to the local Walmart if I was at a party and got drunk and we all decided to get dressed and do something wild... and other?? don't get me started..

[sandra-leigh]

Depends what you mean by "out".

If for some reason I was to find out that my workplace would support (not just tolerate) me going to work in a skirt, I would seriously consider doing so.

One of my next-door neighbours knows and continues to treat me just fine. The other side might know (e.g., I openly walk out dressed to the taxi, and they saw me in the local mall one day when I was a guy with a skirt... but they might have failed to observe.) That second neighbour, I prefer to keep on good terms with, but they are not "friends"; if they were for some reason to get really upset about my cross-dressing it could get uncomfortable but it wouldn't make me feel like I had any less right to cross-dress.

I have had hints that my sister either knows or strongly suspects, and is accepting; I'd just go ahead and tell her except she has a lot of personal difficulties these days and doesn't need the extra burden.

My mother... as far as I know she doesn't know or suspect. But I'll be visiting her for a week starting in a couple of days, and the changes in wardrobe and the pierced ears might be a bit obvious since she hasn't seen me for a year and I don't intend to restrict myself to pure guy clothes during the visit. I dunno whether I'll tell her at this time or not... if she asks, I won't deny.

[Karren H]

A clearence sale... :D

[kathrynjanos]

Hi Sen,

I think honestly there are two things that I'd require:

- I'd need my father and grandmother to accept who I am. That is, I know that neither would, and quite literally, my father could have a heart attack over it.
- That bucket of alcohol you mentioned.

I have a bit of unwanted help in outing myself, that is a friend of mine with a big mouth and a small filter. Fortunately many of my friends know who I am now, so I am less worried about that. None of my family as yet knows, however. Of course, should I choose to continue down the path of hormones and surgeries, I'll have no choice.

[SuzanneS]

I could probably make this a really long post, but I will try and just hit the highlights.

The bucket of alcohol would probably help...normally in male mode I'd go for Bud or Bud Lite, but in female mode it'd be something kinda cheap(I have $ to spend on clothes dammit!) like Arbor Mist.:o

As far as the family thing...both of my brothers live several miles away now, my parents are pretty close, but really, I don't think too much shocks them anymore...

Courage, Confidence, and Passability all go together IMHO. But the liqour would still help.:)

A great wardrobe would help, and the fact that someone else had passed there before would also help.

The strong role model would probably help the most(and keep me from thinking that the alcohol would help) whether they are real or fictional....I used to wish that I was Jennifer Garner off of Alias.:o

Anyway, that's it in a nutshell...if I had my choice, I'd never have to let my parents know...my brothers, I couldn't care less, as long as they never let my parents know.

That's it for now...

Suzanne

P.S. Just got to thinking and rereading....acceptance and support would be the greatest, but I don't think I could ever expect it(especially from my Dad, I'm not his favorite already), but If my Mom would support and accept me as her Daughter that she never had(but wanted), I would be extremely happy!

[SuzanneS]

A clearence sale... :DKarren, you are awesome!!! Someday I hope to have your confidence!

Suzanne

[twozillion]

1. Confidence
2. To be passable in that I look good, whatever that may mean (just starting to get serious about it). For myself getting my face to be pretty is more important that my body...oddly enough. If my face looked slamming I would be going out in public :)


Out for me would be sharing it with those in my life I want or think should know (this is beyond SO's, I have always spilt the beans prior to getting serious with a GG). If people found out about me that I didn't tell, wouldnt be a huge deal, as long as they treated me with respect :)


G

[Intertwined]

I am out, in my 50/50, on a very limited basis, I would probably do it full time, IF, I could be sure I would not loose my job, & my family would not be ridiculed because of it.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/picture.php?pictureid=9987&albumid=927&dl=1232602284&thumb=1 - http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/picture.php?pictureid=10259&albumid=927&dl=1233114683&thumb=1 - http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/picture.php?pictureid=9649&albumid=927&dl=1232199706&thumb=1 - http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/picture.php?pictureid=9650&albumid=927&dl=1232199706&thumb=1

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I think in my case it would just take time, more work on my personal female appearance, a change in profession and probably a change in location.

Time - I'm not ready yet, but evolving and growing every day.

Appearance - When I get my female appearance closer to what I'm happy with, I'll be more comfortable with the idea of showing it off in public.

Job - I'll probably need to be working in a more open-minded company (with more open-minded coworkers).

Location - I don't exactly live in a cd-friendly area right now.

With all of those, I'm sure I'd feel a lot more confident and have more courage to be myself in public and elsewhere. :)

[battybattybats]

I already have painted nails and often makeup including lipstick in public.

To wear a dress more often in public rather than just to the womens comedy fesitval or walking to and from a friends place and at a friends I currently would need:

A couple more local accepting friends living here long-term so that when out and about I'd be in company. Alas most Goths etc don't stay here in town but move away when their studies are done. It's a rural town and my only transport is public or my feet and I suffered enough violence years ago to be a little cautious and taking things slowly.

However if the federal Bill/Charter/Statute of Human Rights goes through that I'm attending a town meeting on tomorrow evening (thinking of being only a little androgynous but definately Goth for that) then when It's signed into law I'll be there in Canberra at Parliament House In a nice black velvet skirt with lace trim if I can possibly get there!

[Deb The Brunette]

A clearence sale... :D


:lol:
Like yer style x



.

[deja true]

A great question to muse upon, Sen...

Got no living family at all..so that's not the problem!

Got no wife or really serious SO...so that's not the problem!

Not rich, but might be able to retire if I live carefully...so that's not really the problem!

Never been or been seen as a particularly masculine man anyway...so that's not the problem!

Have a lot of acquaintances that I get along with and a few friends who already know about me..so that's only a minor problem!

Live in a very small, very unenlightened and conservative community...so that is a problem!

So what's really holding me back? :thinking:

-The fear of the new...(at my advanced age...LOL!), I guess...
-The hassle of moving after 30 years living in this place that I hate and love at the same time...
-The cost and discomfort of the inevitably needed electrolysis (Hate pain!)
-My freekin' lottery numbers never come up!


Kinda gutless, huh?

:strugglin

[Alana65]

What Would It Take?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Assuming you're not already out, what would it take for you to out yourself publicly? For example:-

Knowing that you'd have acceptance and support in principle from those around you.
Yes.

A change in your personal viewpoint (e.g. how you view yourself).
Yes.

Greater courage.
Yes.

More confidence in yourself.
Yes.

The possibility of outing yourself as part of a group i.e. confidence in numbers.
Yes.

Passability (to include from passing visually at a distance right up to passing for an arbitrary five minute period at close quarters).
MOST DEFINITELY !!!!!

[TJ Tresa]

I would have to say total acceptance from family, freinds and neighbors and the general communitee.
Either enough money to live on for the rest of my life, or a job where I could be either my female self or male self. That would be the best of both worlds.
My wife knows and sometimes I wish my son and daughter did, especially my daughter. I wonder what it would be like to go shopping with her, or the beauty shop, getting our nails done or doing each others nails like my wife and I do. Oh well I seem to be going on.

[Seras]

Probably a more secure financial situation and a good career that wouldn't be hampered even if I out myself.

[Samantha43]

Assuming you're not already out, what would it take for you to out yourself publicly? For example:-


Knowing that you'd have acceptance and support in principle from those around you.

A strong role model to follow (real or fictional).

Someone else had already done it and you'd seen that it had gone well i.e. a success story.

A change in your personal viewpoint (e.g. how you view yourself).

Greater courage.

More confidence in yourself.

The possibility of outing yourself as part of a group i.e. confidence in numbers.

Passability (to include from passing visually at a distance right up to passing for an arbitrary five minute period at close quarters).

A better/wider wardrobe available to you (or similar)

A bucket of alcohol :heehee:

Other (please describe)



Pretty much all of the above. :)

[Carin]

For those of you who have already outed yourselves (rather than been outed by others), what were the triggers that enabled you to make that decision?

From your list:
Knowing that you'd have acceptance and support in principle from those around you.
Greater courage. & More confidence in yourself.
A change in your personal viewpoint (e.g. how you view yourself).

My kids were very supportive after we told them. This helped a lot in my own self confidence. A comment from one in particular reinforced the quality in 'being myself'. After that I eased into wearing more and more femme items when I went out. A little makeup, a few accessories. Day by day I added a little more and got comfortable with that. Before too long I was comfortable in myself with whatever I wore.

The real impetus to going out was the growing contradiction within of hiding my self. In order to be TRUE to my SELF I needed to BE my SELF. And so I am.

I worked mostly from home so that helped. Now I am looking for a job so that hurdle still remains to be crossed.

[ladybirdloves]

Knowing I wouldnt be shunned or insulted would be the most important for me.