the time has come

[Corsetgurl]

Well the time has come for me to tell my family about my alter ego (for lack of a better term.) Trouble is I'm not really sure how to go about it. I don't want to dance around the subject before I finally get to the point but then again I don't want to be like "Mom, Dad, I wear panties." A friend has volunteered to be with me when I do tell them but I haven't quite gotten the wording down.

Any advice would be appriciated.

--Corsetgurl

[Holly]

Sorry hon... too little information about you or your family to even speculate on what might work for you. How about some background? How long have you been dressing? How old are you? ow old are your parents? Are you living at home? Are your family's tendencies liberal or Conservative? How do you identify yourself on the transgender spectrum? What is your favorite color? Toilet paper over the top or underneath? Give us something to go on.

[Corsetgurl]

Sorry hon... too little information about you or your family to even speculate on what might work for you. How about some background? How long have you been dressing? How old are you? ow old are your parents? Are you living at home? Are your family's tendencies liberal or Conservative? How do you identify yourself on the transgender spectrum? What is your favorite color? Toilet paper over the top or underneath? Give us something to go on.

Sorry about that I guess I'm just nervous. I've been dressing since puberty, it's been kinda an on and off thing but each time I go back on I go further (buying my own clothes, wearing them out of my room when no one's home etc.) I'm 22 right now and my parents are in their mid 50's and yes I do live at home, which has basically created the reason for me to tell my parents. I want to go out and see my friends or go shopping but as it is now I have to sneak out of the house. I just want to live like a normal girl. Well as normal as I can.

[sybercom11]

What worked for me was this:

Don't spring it on them all at once and give them a big shock. I began by showing my shaved legs and wearing girls shorts and tops. And nail polish too.

Yes, everybody thought I was odd but they got used to me after realizing that was they way I was.

And nobody got all upset with a big single-setting shock to their system.

[Mirani]

You know them best. What do you think their reaction will be?
What is your instict - tell your mum first? . . . tell them together?

Whatever you do, make sure you have thought through the questions they may ask.

Dont overload them with information - but be prepared to answer.

Good luck.

[Jess_cd32]

First know as much as you can about being a cd'er yourself so you can answer the questions and misconceptions that will come your way. Be prepared to do damage control as that's also a very real possibility with some that will hear it.
Here's a link that has links in it and some good information on cd'ers and theories about cd'ing that are good, you can also look for more. I would print the one that feels it fits you the most and after you come out to them leave that material there for them to read and start to have a better understanding of the whole concept of why we are cd's.
From my own experience telling that first loved one is going to be harder than you think, but like myself, you reach that point that you have no choice and have to. Good luck and I hope it all goes well for you. Here's the link that has numerous theories that are helpfull and very informative, you like myself my not agree with it all but it hit the nail on the head moreso than not and explains also that there is no particular theory that fits us all.
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/cathytg/essays.htm

[Holly]

OK, CG, this may sound silly, but the most important thing for you is to have a good understanding of yourself and the journey you find yourself taking. No, you are not going to have all the answers to all their questions and the appropriate, "I don't know," is a valid response. Be aware that your sexuality as well as your gender is likely to be questioned. I'm sure you understand that they are two entirely different things. Be honest and forthright when answering queries about both. Spend AT LEAST as much time listening as you do talking. You will find out an incredible amount about how they are responding by listening. Re-affirm your commitment to them as their child (yes, I realize you are 21, but to them you will always be their child) and re-assure to them that they are not in the least responsible for how you are feeling about yourself, that they haven't somehow "failed you" during your growing up years. Let them know you love them more than ever. Give thought to the question they may ask as to why you haven't told them about this before. It's a legitimate question and deserves an honest and thoughtful answer. Finally, make no ultimatums to them nor accept any from them. And give them time to take in the information you are sharing with them. It could take days, weeks, maybe longer. Do all that you can to keep the lines of communication open. Best wishes.

[MsJanessa]

your best bet is to wait until you have your own place---then tell them--It will be a lot easier for you to deal with any potential fallout that way.

[JulieC]

Echo MsJanessa.

CG, be careful here. You've considered why you want to tell them, what you hope to achieve, but there's a lot more to work on here. To steal the quote "The best laid battle plans fail on first contact with the enemy", "The best laid plans of talking to your parents will fail the moment you start talking with them". They of course aren't your enemy.

But, be aware of unintended consequences of your actions. You live at home. What happens if they decide to disown you? Go ballistic? Think you're treatable and demand you enter therapy to 'cure' you? Consider the worst case scenarios and what your plan will be to respond to those.

If you're not in a position to financially handle moving out right now, I wouldn't tell them.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

CG - did you get enough opinions ? Everything that has been said here is

very true. BEFORE you have this "Come to Jesus" talk with your parents, I

would do several things and ask several questions of myself. First of all, I

would read and study as much as I could about crossdressing - there is a

tremendous amount of material on the Internet to read with some really good

advice. There is a vast archieve of material on this Forum that would help

you. The Girls on this Forum have had a wealth of experience in these

matters. You will find ways to have this talk and what you need to say and

what you can expect to be asked of you. The more informed you are, the

better it will be. Secondly, I would try to get out of your parents' house

BEFORE I had this talk. If things did not go well, they might throw you out

and then where would you be. Your independence is very important.

Thirdly, I would ask myself, Just why do I need to have this talk with them

at this time. It sounds to me like you do not even know what you want -

how are you going to tell them when you don't even know - and WHY are

they the ones that need to know - are their others in your life who could

give you support - at the young age of 22, it is very hard to know where

you want to go with this Transgender Spectrum - crossdressing part-time;

crossdressing full-time; SRS - I just think that before I had this important

talk with my parents, I would spend a lot of time trying to educate myself

and trying to decide where you want to go or where you fit on the Spectrum

JoAnne Wheeler

[Corsetgurl]

Thank you all for the replies they definately help. I'm not really worried about getting kicked out, there's about a 0.1% chance of that happeneing and if it does I have places to go, finances will get a little more complecated but it won't be the end of the world. Anyway on to happier things I think I'm ready to tell them but I just have to get the timing and "speech" figured out, I'll definately keep you updated on how things go.

[Carly D.]

I'm deep in the closet so here's something in jest.. tell them to invest their money in pantyhose companies, you're doing your best to keep them in business and growing..

[Corsetgurl]

I'm deep in the closet so here's something in jest.. tell them to invest their money in pantyhose companies, you're doing your best to keep them in business and growing..

lol I have considered going out and buying an evening gown and just start walking around the house in it.