Where to find accepting friends?

[Seras]

I've went through a brief period of depression for two years, though thanks to healthy lifestyle choices and a proper diet I've managed to turn myself around and am now of a sound mind and body, *however* during those two years I've managed to alienate myself from most of those around me, and now that I've moved into a different town I don't have any friends left at all.

So, I would like to find some friends and preferably the kind of people who would accept my femme side without a problem.

Any ideas on where I can start?

[Mercedes]

Hello Seras,

Here is a great place to start making new friends online. Everyone is very accepting, understanding, warm and friendly.

Mercedes XOXOXO

[Seras]

Right you are, Mercedes :)

But my initial post was referring to real-life friends rather online ones!

[subaru_forster]

Online is a good start. If you meet friends in this forum in real life, more power to you, but you'll have better luck with a site of less specific interest: okcupid, craigslist, various local chat sites, probably many others.

Your job is probably a good place to meet friends as well. Doesn't hurt to get to know those you work with.

Clubs and bars are good too. If you find one that is close to your wavelength and frequent it, you will probably get to know people there.

What are your hobbies? These can provide leads as well. Skiing? Kayaking? Geek Conventions?

Take a class in something you might be interested in. Instant room full of people you will have at least one common ground to share.

Important to remember that anything that seems to set crossdressing apart from other quirks people might have is a socially imposed illusion. Cut through it yourself, remember it, and about half the people you meet won't see it as any worse than you do. For the other half, do what you can to show the illusion for what it is.

[Chloe Renee]

Just a thought, judging by the avatar. Look into your local anime, sci fi fan scenes these people are often great open minded people. Many of my old friends have drifted into the past. Only to be replaced by a tight nit group of great people, I can't imagine living without. I have been fully accepted with these people. It has been great.

As for e-friends, they are a start, often people who start as e-friends become real friends down the line.

[Hope]

I would suggest that you look wherever well-educated people hang out. And yes I know that statement will get me in trouble. While I acknowledge that there are some well educated bigots, and there are some poorly educated open minded folks - the truth is that education tends to expand one's world, and the larger one's world is, the more open one's mind must be to make sense of it. So - if you are going to play the numbers - hang out with the well educated.

There is a great quote attributed to Malcolm Forbes "Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."

Register for a class or five at your local state U. Not only will you be increasing your own skill set, but meeting awesome people too.

[JeanneF]

A lot of it really depends on how old you are, where you live and what sort of social circles you tend to run in.

From the picture in your profile, you look young. That's a plus...younger people tend to be more accepting of having people of alternative lifestyles in their social group (I know this is a broad generalization).

Another generalization, but I would suggest look in larger cities, particularly those that have vibrant LGBT and/or creative communities. If you prefer small towns, I would suggest towns that cater to more artistic-type people vs. "good ol' boys".

Finally, what do you do for a living and what kind of people do you socialize with? My friends tend to be attorneys, educators (college-level), non-profit types, media people, etc...people who gravitate to those kind of fields tend to be more open-minded about others. When I decided that I wanted to be more "out" about my girl side, I made a career transition from the financial world to working in media/design...when your co-workers and colleagues are into their own "self-expression", they're more likely to be open to yours.

[MissConstrued]

I concur with jasmin479. Scifi/fantasy/anime geeks revel in the unconventional.

At your age, making lots of new friends will be a piece of cake. Put 5 20-year-old girls in a room, and 3 of them will think you're hot as a girl -- I guarantee it. Maybe 4 if they're nerdy girls. Just find people your age with some common interests, and hang out as a guy until they get to know you. And never assume anything!

You don't sound like you're ashamed of who you are, so support groups would be pointless, methinks.

[Butterfly Bill]

Depending on what your spiritual beliefs are, you can look for a GLBT-friendly church. (Yes, they exist; look for some ads in your local gay newspaper.) There you can find instant community.

[linnea]

There are lots of accepting people. Keep looking. Don't give up.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

You have already received a wealth of great information - but to get to

another point - Isn't it TRAGIC that we crossdressers, as a whole, have to

live in secrecy and spend so much time in loneliness - It is just TRAGIC - we

are great people who love life and want so much to be aout in the public

with acceptance - instead we have been subjected to a guilt trip of fear,

guilt, embarrassment, loneliness, consternation, ridicule and a whole lot more

JoAnne Wheeler

[Sheila]

You have already received a wealth of great information - but to get to

another point - Isn't it TRAGIC that we crossdressers, as a whole, have to

live in secrecy and spend so much time in loneliness - It is just TRAGIC - we

are great people who love life and want so much to be aout in the public

with acceptance - instead we have been subjected to a guilt trip of fear,

guilt, embarrassment, loneliness, consternation, ridicule and a whole lot more

JoAnne Wheeler

The sad thing is JoAnne you do not have to do all of the above, instead you have chosen not to reveal who you are to the world for your own reason for over 40 years, and now bitch about THE CHOICE YOU MADE ............

TO THE OP

Hun go out be yourself, the times have changed more and more people are realisng all the time that it is their fear that is holding them back, & in actual fact the vast majority of the world gives not a damn about what you wear, in fact they don't really give a damn about what/who you are, so long as you do not negatively impact on their lives :sad: but ow so true

[Senban]

I couldn't help myself :p

http://levelselect.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/doom-piano.gif

Seriously though, some great advice already but the best is definitely just be yourself and be happy with who that person is. People love to be around confident people :)

[Jilmac]

Hi Seras, You didn't say where you live so it's difficult to predict where you might find accepting friends. A good place to start would be a local LGBT community center. There are accepting people out there in just about every community but it may take some time and a great deal of patience to find them. People at the LGBT center may be the best informed and best able to help you at this point. Good luck and please keep us all informed on the success of your search.

[JeanneF]

The sad thing is JoAnne you do not have to do all of the above, instead you have chosen not to reveal who you are to the world for your own reason for over 40 years, and now bitch about THE CHOICE YOU MADE ............

Exactly.

You have two choices in life. Be who others want you to be or be who you want to be. If you choose the former and are unhappy about it, it's no ones fault but your own.

[MJ]

simple go out dressed have fun enjoy life. you will make new friends who accept you for who you are

[Hope]

The sad thing is JoAnne you do not have to do all of the above, instead you have chosen not to reveal who you are to the world for your own reason for over 40 years, and now bitch about THE CHOICE YOU MADE ............

Awesome job of blaming the victim, and in all caps too. Go you.

I have no idea how old you are, or the circumstances of your life, but do you know what life in this country was like for people with "non conforming" lifestyles 40 years ago? Do you know the circumstances of JoAnne's life?

Lighten up.

[Nicole Erin]

People are hard to get along with anyways. Finding friends is hard.

I think if you are seriously wanting to find genuine friends instead of casual acquaintances, then talk to as many people as you can.

Someone mentioned church? MCC or Unitarian chruches are good and GLBT friendly.
MAybe find TG support groups.
Gay clubs

Yeah but no matter who one is, friends are just hard to come by.
Maybe just for me but I tend to be a social hermit.

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Seras,
Yes I agree with those who said join some kind of support group. Might not be your cup of tea but you will meet others in a similar situation and make friends. We feel that we have kind of outgrown our support group because its rather a long way to travel and we have made lots of friends who live more or less on our door steps. We tend to have social gatherings round our house now and we do have a bunch of very loyal friends. It took some time but it was worth it.
Bev

[Sheila]

Awesome job of blaming the victim, and in all caps too. Go you.

I have no idea how old you are, or the circumstances of your life, but do you know what life in this country was like for people with "non conforming" lifestyles 40 years ago? Do you know the circumstances of JoAnne's life?

Lighten up.

Okay hun I am 51, and just a quick look in my profile page would have told you that ............ & for your information JoAnne and I have exchanged PM's and we have exchanged views in several threads, so yes I do have a clue .... DO you?

The circumastances on my life have made me realise that if i want to do something as much as JoAnne wants, then it is up to me too get off my Butt & do something about it, next time you wanna have a go at me do it in PM okay:Angry3:

to the OP I hope we have all been of some help sweetie

[Holly]

I'd expand a bit on JiFem9ll's advice about the GLBT center... find it and volunteer your time. Not only will you be helping others, you will find yourself surrounded with others familiar with the social challenges you yourself face. Best Wishes.

[Kaz]

I've went through a brief period of depression for two years, though thanks to healthy lifestyle choices and a proper diet I've managed to turn myself around and am now of a sound mind and body, *however* during those two years I've managed to alienate myself from most of those around me, and now that I've moved into a different town I don't have any friends left at all.

So, I would like to find some friends and preferably the kind of people who would accept my femme side without a problem.

Any ideas on where I can start?


Not so sure what I can add, but think about it... I have moved town about 6/7 times in my life... with or without considering my "Kaz" needs.. each time the issue is the same... where can I make new friends? So what does anyone do?

I have a crazy obsession that is music that has served me well for years.. but I still feel intimidated when I first move so it takes time.. it is that first connection thing... and it is true whatever your lifestyle choices...

If you have an extraverted personality breaking the ice is so much easier - if you don't... it's a slow path...

Forums like this may be virtual, but you might be able to get to meet people local to you... there are a lot of us here and more knowledge about what it is like than you can possibly imagine!

Good Luck!

Kaz :love::hugs: