Mom found out

[Alicia_lynn419]

Since my divorce, I've been staying with my parents. Of course I always try to be careful about covering up my tracks. Though I suspect my mother may have suspected something, she never confronted me until this morning.

Seems yesterday when I was checking my email on her lap top, I forgot to sign-out. There was nothing content-wise in my email of a sexually explicit theme, etc... but she obviously read through some emails (instead of observing my privacy as I do for her). This morning she told me it was "repulsive". So much for hoping that mom would take a more accepting path if/when she found out.

As far as I'm concerned, her comment has forever changed the quality of our relationship. No child should have to hear their mother call them "repulsive". now, if I need any further reason to get out of this place ASAP....

[MJ]

then maybe you should sit her down and have a good talk. she may not understand .

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

No child should have to hear their mother call them "repulsive". now, if I need any further reason to get out of this place ASAP....

I hope you don't mind my saying, but I think "repulsive" is a very fitting word to describe how your mother treated you - her own child.

I also think it may still be possible to explain yourself better to her once she's over the initial shock. She may never accept this aspect of your life, but I think it is worth a a try. Maybe she will be less repulsed once she understands the realities and purges her mind of the negative cliches and garbage society preaches about it.

A little education can go a long way. :) Even if it goes no where, at least you tried.

[JulieC]

"Mom, what is repulsive is your lack of open mindedness and unwillingness to at least consider your son's input before utterly rejecting him"

[Kaz]

Since my divorce, I've been staying with my parents. Of course I always try to be careful about covering up my tracks. Though I suspect my mother may have suspected something, she never confronted me until this morning.

Seems yesterday when I was checking my email on her lap top, I forgot to sign-out. There was nothing content-wise in my email of a sexually explicit theme, etc... but she obviously read through some emails (instead of observing my privacy as I do for her). This morning she told me it was "repulsive". So much for hoping that mom would take a more accepting path if/when she found out.

As far as I'm concerned, her comment has forever changed the quality of our relationship. No child should have to hear their mother call them "repulsive". now, if I need any further reason to get out of this place ASAP....


She doesn't understand.. that coud be all it is..

There may be loads of other issues overlaying and playing into this of course...

You need to talk to her...

When people read mail addressed to others the responsibility changes... whether it is snail mail or email...

You are in the power position... run with it... she has effectively abused your privacy, even if it is unintentional..

She now needs to accept that responsibility....

[Holly]

As long as you are willing to let your mom continue with her uninformed opinion as to who you are and what you represent, then you, Alicia, need to accept some of the responsibility yourself. Relationships... all relationships take effort. Please make some with your mom and salvage the relationship. She loved you enough to take you in during your divorce. There must be something there on which to9 build. Best wishes.

[Billijo49504]

I don't know if you know it, but there are ppl out there that think we dress as women, so we can molest little girls in the bathroom orwe are really gay. I think you owe your mother an explaination...BJ

[Nicole Erin]

Moving back in with parents is a nightmare regardless of one's age.
I always thought moms were suppose to be the more accepting ones of our TG-ness but a few members have stated otherwise.
maybe it is aside the point but how does dad feel or is he around?

[Alicia_lynn419]

Mom and Dad are still together... I'm sure if Mom knows - Dad does too... but he has acted as if nothing is out of the norm. I expected it to be the other way around.

I feel more violated that Mom invaded my privacy.. this part of me does not concern them... I don't shove it in their face - in fact I walk on egg shells to keep it away from them. I think I've been a good son - a damn good son... and a damn good uncle to my nieces and nephews.... but once again it comes down to someone focusing on individual parts and pieces, instead of seeing the whole person. I can deal with those who don't know me very well having that reaction - but not the one person who has known me longer than myself.

Many of you have suggested that I sit down with Mom and talk to her, but right now I don't feel like I have a "captive audience". Maybe in time....

Hell ... even my ex wife was more understanding about this than I thought she would be.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Try to talk to her - then get out quicker than ASAP

JoAnne Wheeler

[gennee]

Now that the cat's out of the bag, it's a great time to talk with your mom.

Gennee

[darla_g]

I agree, i think my biggest problem is your mom not respecting your privacy. I think i would blow up over that most.

[Mary Morgan]

Alicia, I'd just let it be for a little while. Sooner or later Mom is going to say something and you need to be prepared to react out of knowledge, not anger. Tell her that when she is ready to talk and listen to you that you would be glad to discuss this. I wouldn't force anything and I wouldn't be defensive. You are who you are, the same yesterday today and tomorrow. It may take some time, but it will resolve itself. Hang in there. Mary

[brandi]

When my mom found out about me, she said the same thing. She told me I was a freak, a pervert, and I needed help and didn't want to hear anything about it. I was 18 at the time so I took it pretty hard. It took her several years and alot of talks and crying before she finally somewhat accepted that this is who I am. She still didn't want to see anything but she did apologize for saying those things to me.

Brandi

[Angie G]

MJ 's right Alicia it can hurt hun.:hugs:
Angie

[kellycan27]

Mine still doesn't accept the fact and it's been 10 years now. I suppose you could say that we have reached what one might call an uneasy truce with a skirmish now and then for good measure. She has never apologized for the hurtful things that she's said in the past and just refuses to aknowlege Kelly. Still calls me by my given name and still calls me son or young man. it's not nearly as bad as it was in the beginning, and we do have our moments. Your mother may come around after you speak with her. Give her a chance to digest before you talk to her. Reading your private e-mails wasn't very nice, and I hope you let her know. Good luck, and try and be patient.
And move!

[Melora]

After reading this Thread..
You two just need to sit diwn and "TALK"....
Good Luck. You are her Son..
I AM SURE that she Loves You no matter what!

[Mary Morgan]

I have theory that may have some value. Mothers are protectors as much as fathers, more in many ways, and mothers are acutely aware of the things that make life difficult. Should a percieved "obstacle" appear in front of one of her children she will instinctively stand it its way, make it go away. Mom's know that it isn't easy going for a child who may be transgender, and moms may attack the notion out of their preservation instinct. In time, and in her own way, once she realizes that this is not a threat, she will become more at ease with it. Don't give up on her. You are both much more than this issue.

[Mollyanne]

From what I read in the e-mail your mom didn't call you repulsive, she said that it was repulsive, I'm going to assume here that she referred to our lifestyle. If you think that was bad how about this; I went to Fla to see my dad last November, and as usual he kept telling me and I mean telling me how I should do things, how I screwed up on and on. Finally he just yelled at me that I was stupid and had that hate look in his eyes. I sat there stunned in utter disbelief and was ready to pack up & come home when my younger brother talked me out of it. I stayed for another two days(HELL & I MEAN HELL) and then I departed for home. I speak to him on the phone but I will never go down to see him again. I know how you feel but please replay that scene & be certain of the words & how they were used.

Mollyanne

[Janet pretty CD]

As far as I am concerned it is my mum's fault...if she hadn't left that underwear lying around when I was little...