You Lied I felt ... CDERs responses only please

[Sheila]

To compliment Tamara's thread Why Do You Lie? (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1681149&postcount=1) I started a GG only response in the loved ones section which can viewed by just clicking on the blue highlited text ( for newbie information :)) You Lied I Felt (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1681300&postcount=1). Now I would like to get your responses to that thread in the loved ones, has it helped any of you understand better where you SO may be coming from, neither of these threads are aimed at being a blame game, but rather perhaps another way of learning and understanding where each of us is coming from, and how our actions/reactions, can cause hurt anger and confusion without meaning to.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I lie because of shame, embarrassment, guilt, being scared, being fragile, fear

of rejection - I'm sorry, but that is the way I had to grow up and it is too

hard to overcome.

JoAnne Wheeler

[battybattybats]

Internalised Opression.
Explanation: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oppression#Internalized_oppression
Transgender example: http://takingsteps.blogspot.com/2009/03/fair.html

Just like other oppressed minorities.
It's well-studied.
Untill we CDs and TSs and our SOs start to learn about and understand these things CDs and SOs will continue to be hurt by, and hurt each other by our failure to acknowledge and face, transphobia we don't even realise we have embeded in ourselves.

[The Gas Man Cometh]

I actually don't lie. I openly wear men's clothing, and even told my mother last night I'm a CDer. I know that FtM's may be more easily accepted, but I'd still not lie about it.

I've got far less accepted personality traits that I still don't lie about.

[Billijo49504]

I never lied to either of my wives. Actually, my first wife asked if she could be buried in one of my outfits. My second and present wife was hired as a baby sitter / house keeper. Being a father with 2 preteen girls, she asked who's bras and panties were in the wash. I said mine. That pretty much got things out in the daylight....BJ

[trisha59]

I can never know how it would feel to have a bombshell like Crossdressing dropped on me by a SO. I have tried to come up with something that she could confess to me that would be similar and everything I think of pales in comparison.

What I can understand is why it can take you the SO a long time to come to terms with this. We have had our whole lives to deal with this and when we tell you we expect you to immediately be accepting, supportive and in some case an active participant in crossdressing. It seems that we think now that I shared this deep personal secret with you. You must love me even more, so lets play dress up.

The first two rules in the CD Handbook should be:
1. Tell
2. When you do tell give them time to deal with it.

[Teri Jean]

Sheila,
A lie is a lie and there is no gray area. I know many have said they felt that if they were married it would go away but the truth be told it does not happen that way. I put this life behind me and it's urges for thirty five years and when I found myself single (widowed) the urges were still there and then I persued it. Any new relationship will have this on the table before we get serious and possibly sooner. Life is to short for those games, take me as I am or not.

Keli

[curse within]

Sheila, I am very sad that things didn't work out so well in your first relationship with a CDer,but on a positive note look where you are today.
Sometimes I think you understand more about CDing than anyone in here and I feel it is because you are very opened minded to CDing. Understanding , that's what most of us want and to me for one to consider the fact that someone lied to you because they withheld CDing from you at the beggining of a relatationship is bogus.
Reason is most people are not understanding of why people CD, they feel it is a phase or fetish that you can just pull the plugg on at anytime. That's not true, it is very hard to expose a CDing lifestyle to someone you just met without knowing the persons stance about CDing. So much is at risk for both partys, the Cder risk being outed,trust issue are at bay. Of course you feel hurt when you learn that you fell in love with someone who Cd's but the Cder is also hurt that you was hurt over it.This makes the CDer feel demoralise trust me just as much pain on both parts and rejection .

Is it a lie? I would think it would only be considered a lie if the question was asked from the start if your new partener was a CDer and said no to later find out differently.. Mis lead and betrayed would only be your tolerance of acceptance torwards CDing ,after all if you had no problem with it like my wife said from the start of my marriage then who was mislead and betrayed ? As I think back looking at 20 years of quilt and shame because she really did have a problem with it.

[JulieK1980]

I don't currently lie. Completely honest in the matter, I told my wife less than a week after I met her. In the past I lied for all the other reasons written here. Guilt, shame, embarrassment, fear.

[Tina Dixon]

If know one asks you if your a crossdresser is it a lie?

[Angie G]

I didn't tell my wife because I didn't think she would understand. When it finally came out she was accepting of it. I wish I'd done it sooner.:hugs:
Angie

[Jenniferpl]

If I lied about anything, it was about being in denial about it. My wife tried more than once to get me to talk about it but I would not open up about it. One day, out of frustration, she just said I could do whatever I wanted just as long as I did not embarrass her, go out in public dressed or dress in front of the kids.

[docrobbysherry]

If know one asks you if your a crossdresser is it a lie?


Jolan Tru,
I do not lie. I simply choose not to answer questions which may incriminate me. Everything I need to say is: "Go about your business and stay out of mine." Open honesty is the worst solution.

I ASSUME Sheila's post was aimed at CD's with SOs. Otherwise, "Don't ask, don't tell, MAY be appropriate".

Do Tina, Tal, and others who profess that philosophy, believe NOT telling your SO is still NOT lying? :eek:

[Joanne f]

As i have said before i do not think that by keeping a secret from someone is really telling a lie, i am wondering if it has more to do with deep down inside there is a reaction when you find out that a male likes to dress and act like a female and you feel hurt that you could fall for someone like that because you do not understand it (at that time).
Would you feel so hurt and feel that you had been lied to if later on in a relationship you found out that while in active service your partner had killed many people, i expect it is something that most would rather not know.
I would have a geuss and say that if most GGs from say 10yrs + ago found out that the person they wanted to go out with would have run a mile if they knew that person Cd in any way .
No one can say for sure that they know all there is to know about their partner and i do not think that it would be right to tell all as that may be invading on other peoples privacy.
I do not feel that i lied to my wife (yes i know i would say that ) because it sort of crept up on me without me realising what was happening and then when i thought i did realise what was happening i thought that i was some sort of pervert not quite right in the head ( OK so i am still not quite right in the head) so i am hardly going to look up and say "oh by the way dear you are married to a pervert" and it was not until i saw something on the television ( seams wrong to put TV):heehee: that i realised i was just different .
So i do wish that the term YOU ARE A LIER would stop being used to the ones who are not out of the closet to their SOs or even to the ones who came out after a few years into a relationship and maybe replaced by something more like deceitful, but i feel that may still be a bit unfair when the Cd feels that they have a very good reason for hiding it , we have to let them be the judge of that .

[deja true]

I never comment in these "lying" threads because I have no experience at all with having to tell a seriously involved SO or family. Don't have either one these days! Never married, never will, no kids, no living relatives.

Went to a long time friend's house yesterday. First thing she asked was "Are you wearing eyeliner?". (Seems I wasn't as thorough with the clean up from the day before as I should have been. Still it was almost unnoticeable, but she does know me well.)

"Well...yes, I am. Can we talk?", I replied. An hour of conversation and question time later, while looking at the encrypted file on the laptop, her final judgement was..."Well...I'm not bothered by all that. You do a pretty good job...and I guess it's just another aspect of your overall "artistic" personality! Have fun with that. I've always known you for a good person. You still are!"

So, after that little test, I guess the answer is...No, I don't lie!

As far as any others of my acquaintance...it's a strictly need to know thing...but if asked, I guess I'd opt for admission and an attempt at education about all of us. Otherwise...if they ain't askin', I ain't volunteerin'!

Were I to find myself again in the beginning of what might become a serious relationship...I'd test the waters with generalities, gauge the depth, and then the coolness or warmth of the waters, and then either dive in or back away from the springboard.

Ain't really pursuing another relationship, though. I'm happy enough these days being a lone wolf. Being alone is not necessarily lonely! :)

[Joanne f]

[QUOTE=deja true;1683202]

"Well...yes, I am. Can we talk?", I replied. An hour of conversation and question time later, while looking at the encrypted file on the laptop, her final judgement was..."Well...I'm not bothered by all that. You do a pretty good job...and I guess it's just another aspect of your overall "artistic" personality! Have fun with that. I've always known you for a good person. You still are!"

It`s funny how they have to answer like that as if they have just found out something really bad about you .

[Sheila]

If no one asks you if your a crossdresser is it a lie?


Just because you didn’t speak the facts out loud didn’t erase their existence. Silence was just a quieter way to lie

yup as far as I am concerned

[curse within]

Well if I was never asked about my political beliefs or religon for that matter and it wasn't something my partner felt ok with or agree'd with would those make me a liar as well? Crossdressing isn't something one is so eager to share with total strangers if the relationship was heading toward a serious note and was never brought up I could see the lie, about a persons lifestyle. But to consider a person a liar from the gate for holding back a dark and unacceptable to socitey a secret that is safe and harmless, is a slap in the face ..

I mean ..." Hi I am so and so I crossdress"...good night nice to met you.. I think more valued traits are to be exposed rather than the fact that you like to expose your fem side sometimes.

I'm sorry Sheila, but look at what it says below my comments..Clothing doesn't make a man?

[Tina Dixon]

yup as far as I am concerned
And if I or for that matter any one else did some thing with out telling is that then also a lie?

This is a debate that could go one for ever with know winner, every one has some thing that they want to keep to there selfs, is it good for the mind? Probley not, but calling it a lie I don't believe that at all.

[MsJanessa]

see my answer to Tamara's post in that thread

[Kelli Michelle]

Yes it has I guess. But, I have always been understanding of my wife's feelings. It doesn't mean that I always agree.

From a strictly semantical (is that even a word?)viewpoint, the Miariam/Webster defines a lie as:

1 : to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive
2 : to create a false or misleading impression

I suppose, possibly, that definition 2 could fit many of us.

For me, it doesn't matter what is is. I know a wife would feel she was lied to and betrayed (not sure why the betrayed part). I'll say it again, I have always felt what's more impt. is the reason for the "lie" if you will. If the reason for the "lie" is widely considered bad, (infidelity, drugs, crime, etc.) than that makes it infinitely worse. If the reason for the "lie" is internal shame, guilt, and/or fear, about something that most medical people would call a harmless act, than the reason we "lie" should be quite understandable to the partner. Also, the "lie" itself is not the strict property of just the wife/so. That particular "lie" has been the mainstay of the crossdressers personality (in all liklihood) for years, and maintained in relation to many other people.

Now, all that being said, it is still hurtful or worse for the wife/so, due to the unique, and, hopefully, deep relationship they share with their partner. I think the hurt relates to how deep a love you have, how much honesty you have with each other, and how much trust you have. Some couples share everything, while some couple have a sort of causal sharing. The more the trust/honesty factor, the more this will hurt.

Also, it is likely (to me very likely) that the cder WANTS to tell his wife. That's another sad part to this whole issue. The fact that, often, the cder doesn't tell, even when he and his wife/so are very close, just underscores the uniqueness, and internal (if not social) problems that the activity generates.

I have no answers, really, but it's not clearly just about lying for lyings sake.

[Carly D.]

I didn't lie, I just didn't tell because
1: I'm not sure how anyone would react (family, friends, the world)...
2: I am not about to start wearing in front of everybody because you found out and you say you can accept a cross dresser when you are only slightly curious as to why I do this and you just found out, and you think I have just been wearing since?? when in fact I've been wearing since I was a little boy..
3: I'm not sure I can accept myself as a cross dresser let alone feel confident in telling you or anyone else.. I can't see telling anyone because every week I go through the old "I'm throwing everything away and never gonna look back" type of thing only to realize that I do have feelings for my fem side that I can't explain.. it's like a a woman that you are interested in has feelings for a guy that abuses her (beats on her) and you wonder why she loves him and you realize that is the kind of guy she wants to be with, that is love to her.. the same thing with me towards dressing up fem.. I can't apologize for it because to me I'm not doing anything wrong...

[Rachaelb64]

I did lie about my cding, keeping a secert, denial, I was advoiding the truth. It cost my a lot and was very painful. But out of the pain and lost I grew stronger.

I no longer lie, told those I want to tell, anyone else, all the have to do is ask I will not deny my cding.

[Lorileah]

OK lets start the meeting here.

Hi I am Lori and I am a liar and I am selfish. That's a load off my shoulders. The first step of 12. This is going to be one HUGE meeting though. If you can lie by omission, 99.9% of everyone here will be at the next meeting. If we are selfish for pursuing our own personal happiness, that will at least pick up the other.1% who never held anything back. I don't think I will keep coming to these meeting because they don't make me feel better about myself. That will lead to going to meetings about depression.

I am starting to feel like a target here. It seems that no matter what we do as Cd's we are wrong. Tell your date when you make the date....no date. Tell her at the restaurant...no dessert. Tell her six dates in....you're a liar (and in some minds a cheat). Tell her before the nuptials...no wedding for you and you wasted her whole adult life. Tell her 20 years in...You are a jerk a-hole, sob, gay, no wonder you can't hold a job, no wonder you can't fix the car, a-hole. Tell her at the end of your life...that might be the ideal because they may forgive you.

Face it here, the majority of women (and yes I did say majority) are afraid of us for all the wrong reasons. If we liked men for sex, we would not have dated them to start (the days of being a "beard" are long gone in most cases). If we wanted to be a woman, we can do that now. If we were all axe murderers like in Silence of the Lambs, we would not have to tell., you'd figure it out rather rapidly.

I appreciate the women on this site. Most of them care and want the relationship to work out. Others want to understand (and if they ever do please let us know so we can understand too). But they are a small minority. Although thier numbers are larger than the men who would accept us in real life (even for a beer and football game). So I love the women who take the time to try and understand what we do.

So lets get off the "you are all liars" train. How to the do it in debate?

"Resolved all people are liars." I'll take the pro side of that argument. We will set ground rules that saints and deities are exempt. Now who among you wants to cast the first stone?

[Sarah...]

yup as far as I am concerned

Aaahhh. This makes clear the contextual condition of the subject at hand. The above question and answer is illogical if applied as a blanket rule to humanity. For example, no-one has ever asked me if I like riding a unicyle at night. By not telling everyone who I meet the answer to this question before they ask then I am lying through my silence.

Which is clearly absurd.

Which means there must be a context that is important to the question above. I'll bet no-one argues with that.

So if there is a context that is important then answering "yes" to the question above is only possible in some cases, not all. In other words, it is not always a lie to keep crossdressing silent. It is just not possible to answer "yes" to that question for all people / partnerships.

What about another example? I organised a tenth anniversary holiday for my wife - no kids. I spent £lots. Organised work cover. Organised childcare. I said nothing about it until a few days before we left when it was too late to cancel. My wife didn't accuse me of lying through silence and immediately demand I cancel the holiday. She was very pleased indeed in fact.

So does it come down to, "you kept a secret and it benefits me in some way so it's a nice surprise" or, "you kept a secret and it's of no benefit to me so it's a lie"? Surely not? That's quite an ugly conclusion to draw. There must be more. There is. It's the context.

The only possible logical solution to this is that a) the answer to the question at the top is not always "yes" and b) sometimes the secret has to be divulged and sometimes not.

For me, Becky knows who I am and that I am transitioning - we are transitioning. We have benefited from each of us being 100% honest. But I am not going to say outright that every CD must tell their SO that they crossdress. Or that they lie if they don't . There's too much individual context for me to be able to do that.

Finally, does it hurt to be lied to? You bet it does! It feels awful. But if you are lied to and don't make any effort to see the context of that lie then the problem is exacerbated. I've been in that position. So I understand that much.

Sarah...

[Joanne f]

You put it so much better than i can Lorileah,
And this target is beginning to feel very uncomfortable on this forum which i am sure will please some :sad:

[tanya1976]

yup as far as I am concerned

That's slightly harsh I think, although my ex-wife would agree with you. Personally I feel no one owes anyone anything at the beginning of a relationship and it's up to the individual themselves whenever they feel comfortable to reveal WHATEVER personal, and lets face it there are a lot more worse things than crossdressing, skeletons they may have hanging in the closet. While I can understand how someone in those circumstances may feel they have been lied to by omission, I don't agree.
In the end we are all human, and unless we are very young, we all have a past and things we prefer to not so much to keep hidden as just choosing to not put on general display. Trust
has to be earned both ways.
Incidentally I told my current girlfriend about my 'little hobby' about 2-3 weeks after we started going out, although I'd dropped plenty of hints, and she was perfectly ok with it. We've been together a year now and are very happy together.

[Sheila]

To compliment Tamara's thread Why Do You Lie? (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1681149&postcount=1) I started a GG only response in the loved ones section which can viewed by just clicking on the red highlited text ( for newbie information :)) You Lied I Felt (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1681300&postcount=1). Now I would like to get your responses to that thread in the loved ones, has it helped any of you understand better where you SO may be coming from, neither of these threads are aimed at being a blame game, but rather perhaps another way of learning and understanding where each of us is coming from, and how our actions/reactions, can cause hurt anger and confusion without meaning to.


mention lies and the majority fo you start trying to justify why you did not tell ..................... THAT IS FOR TAMARA'S THREAD.......... this is about something else:brolleyes: now those of you who totally missed the damn point wanna try again :Angry3:

[KateC]

To compliment Tamara's thread Why Do You Lie? (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1681149&postcount=1) I started a GG only response in the loved ones section which can viewed by just clicking on the red highlited text ( for newbie information :)) You Lied I Felt (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1681300&postcount=1). Now I would like to get your responses to that thread in the loved ones, has it helped any of you understand better where you SO may be coming from, neither of these threads are aimed at being a blame game, but rather perhaps another way of learning and understanding where each of us is coming from, and how our actions/reactions, can cause hurt anger and confusion without meaning to.

I'm not sure what you're asking to be honest... I apologize in advance if i'm nitpicking your post but from what I gather...

You want a response to another thread... and asking if it helped me understand where my SO is coming from?

And the rest is just a commentary correct?

If it is this, then I'll answer like this:

I already kind of know where my SO is coming from, it's obvious, I'm sure anything helps me understand things. I just know for my SO or typically most gen pop of women are more into the typical social gender roles, hence not really understanding CD/TS. Face it, we are a minority. As much as there are so many people on this forum and support groups which people come out etc, that's only concentrated in those areas. If you look in a typical group of people, it's not going to be alot of us, more like 1/10 is a CD/TS or something like that.

It's herd mentality though, or sheep following, I don't like that but that's what most people do anyways.

[Sarah...]

mention lies and the majority fo you start trying to justify why you did not tell ..................... THAT IS FOR TAMARA'S THREAD.......... this is about something else:brolleyes: now those of you who totally missed the damn point wanna try again :Angry3:

Apologies. I inadvertently responded to your second point that CDs who remain silent are lying whilst overlooking your first point.

To answer the original point. No. Reading the other thread didn't help. Listening to Becky helped - we have our own context and it's not the same as the other examples given - excellent though they are and very moving indeed to read. I described the contents of these two threads to Becky, because she won't visit here anymore, and she made the point that not only did I listen to her and her context but she listened to me and my context. And that is what has made us stronger as a couple.

Sarah...

[sometimes_miss]

I don't consider not telling my wife about my crossdressing before getting married to be a lie, or deceit of any kind. I truly believed that I could stop doing it forever, and for the two years we dated, and the first five years of marriage, I managed to do just that. And I think that you'll find a lot of guys like me in this matter. Do all women tell every guy absolutely every detail about their past? No; you tell what you believe to be important or pertinent. And that's exactly what we do. But why do any of us lie, or omit parts of our past? Because either we think it won't matter (such as in my case) or because we're afraid that it will. When I did it in the past, it was because I thought it wouldn't matter. Now, I understand that it will, and am up front about it. And that turns out to be a very big deal indeed. Before I got married, I thought that crossdressing wasn't really a problem, that women would be able to overlook it. Boy was I mistaken.

[tanya1976]

mention lies and the majority fo you start trying to justify why you did not tell ..................... THAT IS FOR TAMARA'S THREAD.......... this is about something else:brolleyes: now those of you who totally missed the damn point wanna try again :Angry3:

'Just because you didn’t speak the facts out loud, didn’t erase their existence. Silence was just a quieter way to lie'.

When an accusation is hurled, it should be expected that a 'justification', or defense if you prefer, will be forthcoming....
As for how my previous so felt it is really too complicated to explain here with any justice but her dislike of my crossdressing was only the tip of the iceberg of what was wrong between us,and actually said a lot more about her own personal insecurities. Contrary to accepted wisdom clothes DO NOT maketh the man, or the woman for that matter.
However I accept my own responsibilty and I could have left a lot sooner, and saved us both a lot of hurt and upset, when it became apparent she could never accept that side of me. Although again hindsight is a wonderful thing and it isn't easy to think clearly when you're trying still to figure out who you are...In either case, in that situation, no amount of threads and outside opinions would've helped..

[Sheila]

Apologies. I inadvertently responded to your second point that CDs who remain silent are lying whilst overlooking your first point.

To answer the original point. No. Reading the other thread didn't help. Listening to Becky helped - we have our own context and it's not the same as the other examples given - excellent though they are and very moving indeed to read. I described the contents of these two threads to Becky, because she won't visit here anymore, and she made the point that not only did I listen to her and her context but she listened to me and my context. And that is what has made us stronger as a couple. Sarah...

Thanks Sarah ...... you and Backy have a great relationship ............ some struggle with their SO's and where they are coming from, I wanted to try to get them to see why their SO's think as they do, from some who have been where their SO's are & to give some hope that it can be overcome ............. Ideally talking things through with your partner is the best way to go , but many struggle to understand why when their partners firsdt find out they do not jump up and down with joy, why they struggle, and as you know a lot of time PINK FOG sinks in as they now Feel "FREE TO At Last Be ME", becuase their partners know.:brolleyes:

I have been in 2 CDing relationship one worse then bad ........... and now with Debs ................ couldn't be happier this time, both with Mr Debs and Debs herself, one great person with two distinctive varing, compassionate sides, apartner fully content in themselves:D

[Sarah...]

, but many struggle to understand why when their partners firsdt find out they do not jump up and down with joy, why they struggle, and as you know a lot of time PINK FOG sinks in as they now Feel "FREE TO At Last Be ME", becuase their partners know.:brolleyes:



Indeed. In fact we came across that very thing today with a couple we are supporting and it was very sad to hear of the outcome of the weekend's supposed mutual understanding activity. :( They'll be ok but there's hard work to be done now.

Sarah...

[ChanDelle]

I've got to go with Lorileah on this one. (Probably because I'm lazy.) I know I'm guilty of omission, but if my wife found evidence and fished it with understanding and compassion, I'd fess up. I do also believe in partial credit! Got me through college and hopefully life.

ChanDelle

[Sheila]

I've got to go with Lorileah on this one. (Probably because I'm lazy.) I know I'm guilty of omission, but if my wife found evidence and fished it with understanding and compassion, I'd fess up. I do also believe in partial credit! Got me through college and hopefully life.

ChanDelle

did you read my OP (original post)?

[Cary]

I don't have a SO or kids, so I'm not sure I should reply here. I do have a family and friends. Nobody has asked and I'm not telling. If they do ask, I will answer with the truth. I think the folks in my life may think something going on, but nobody talks about it and I only dress at home. I would like to be happly married someday. To that end, the truth is the best place to start.:2c:

[Nicki B]

..has it helped any of you understand better where you SO may be coming from

Sheila - it would be good if you could put links to the relevant threads in your opening posts - not just the single first posts? ;)

For me, what is obvious is how corrosive the lying is. But I might've guessed that..

However, I don't feel I've ever lied to my partner about it - she doesn't know now, but that's only because we can't physically have the conversation. But our situation is, I hope, unlike anyone else's here.

[Sheila]

And if I or for that matter any one else did some thing with out telling is that then also a lie?

This is a debate that could go one for ever with know winner, every one has some thing that they want to keep to there selfs, is it good for the mind? Probley not, but calling it a lie I don't believe that at all.

have you actually read the original post I made Tina ............. is so wht have you not responded to that ? & if not why not

[Marie O]

When we were married I hid everything from her, and if she found or suspected something I would lie! Because of the shame, guilt, and afraid of losing her. Now that it's out in the open, no more lie's! She is very supportive and at times encourages me! I realize that the hidding and lying just made matters worse. If I had it tod all over again, no more lies!

[Nadia-Maria]

Lying, not lying, where is the exact problem ? Much is a matter of appreciation and of circumstances. Nobody's perfect. Everybody lies to a certain extent in any relationship and it's normal because nobody's perfect, and because a life without any lies (including lies to oneself) would be not bearable for most people.

Some people are quick to blame others for their faults, and their lack of honesty. My lifelong experience is they are often the most hypocritical ones and the ones who are the most to blame.:devil:

Nadia

[Rachaelb64]

Everyone lies

I've lied/denied my CDing for years

My ex-wife tells everyone I'm an alcoholic rather than a CDer. Who's the biggest lair? Me or Her

My Mum doesn't want me to tell my step-dad about my CDing cus he wouldn't understand.

Mum lies about new clothes she brought to my step-father sticks them in the wardrobe for a few days then wears them, 'Had this for ages dear'

My father lied to us about his lung cancer, cus he did want to scare us.

My Mum lies to my younger brother about how many angina attacks she had.

My Step-dad lies to the doctor about his drinking habits.

Yes I lied about my CDing, but does that make me a bad persons or just a coward?

Everyone lies..........

[Sheila]

Can people please respond to the thread in the loved ones section which is what this thread is about


You lied ....... I felt !!!!!!! GG's ONLY ANSWERS PLEASE (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=104970) which is what this thread is about ................... it is not about why you lied ........ it is about how we felt as GG's, when we found out after being in a relationship for however long

[curse within]

Sheila,

I am sorry for not fully understanding as most I just jumped in ..I guess most of us are just so use to defending ourselves we don't look at the whole picture..

Im sorry if I was negative ..:hugs:

[yvonne10]

why lie to start with you are not doing anything wrong if people ask you tell the truth.if noone asks then dont tell you have nothing to be ashamed of its not killing people is it?

[DanaR]

I have always been upfront and honest with my wife. It is easier to remember the truth, than something you made up, especially later. Trust is the most important part of any relationship.

[Sonia Greene]

I suggest it is logical that IF one were to tell one's partner, it COULD end a relationship.....or an ultimatum, stop this---or I go!
In a happier scenario, it MIGHT be accepted.
But not guaranteed, therefore risking everything.....
I believe most dressers would not tell the partner, reason in my first sentence! And for this reason, it is justified to tell this white lie.

Sonia

[Stephanie Michelle]

I told my wife while we were dating about my CDing. She accepted it and even participated (helping with makeup dressing and some clothes buying). Every once and awhile she would get me she would bring up the Cding as a bad thing. I started to get a little uncomfortable dressing in front of her. She knew I would dress while she was out and didn't mind. We have been together for 23 years married for 21. For other reasons though, it looks like we will be divorcing. Still living at home (no money to move out) but she has stated that if I don't agree with her terms (she wants 80% of everything) that she will tell everybody about my CDing. She stated she has some pics but I am not sure. I told her that I was always honest with her and that it was accepted by her. For her to use this to threaten me into giving her want she wants she is nuts. I thought that we would be with each other for the rest of or lives. Never thought that she would stoop down and try to intimidate me with my CDing.

OK, after that my philosophy is dam if you do (maybe) dam if you don't. I think it is best to get it out early and not hide it. Like most of the wives said it is more of the hiding the fact rather than the Cding itself. If either spouse can't trust the other there is nothing left your marriage.

Sorry for the long post

Stephanie Michelle

[Dressing Jill]

Yes a lie is a lie even if it is silent. However It can protect also