I wish I was gay

[cd_michelle_mpls]

Thanks for your thoughts and input. Best wishes to all.

[battybattybats]

But if you were gay a generation ago youd be in the same boat.

But back then enough gays decided to change things and things did change.

A few were out on the cutting edge, the rest closeted but many supportive by buying gay magazines and newspapers, buying the products of out gays to keep them financially viable, voting on Gay issues, lending small support where they could in direct and active ways.

[Carole Cross]

Michelle, I think I can understand where you are coming from. I am TS and just beginning my transition but for many years I thought I was too masculine to follow my dream of trasitioning. I only used to dress up in private and, like you, never took advantage of halloween or other times to express my feminimity.

I have daterd women and have never told them about my desires but the relationships failed for other reasons, usually my lack of confidence and not acting manly enough. :doh: I still find women attractive but I guess that will change once I have been on hormones for a few months, I am open to that, although I am not gay and have never had sex with a man.

Have you ever considewred that you may yourself be TS? I went through a period where I tried to forget about my feelings but found it impossible.

I don't think it would ber possible to turn gay. It is something you are born with, like yuor desire to dresss up or be TS.

[cd_michelle_mpls]

Thank you all for your thoughts and kind words.

[ultraboy09]

nice article michelle, i have some of the same feelings you do.

[Leanne2]

Hi Michelle,
Yes, you are right. It's easier to be accepted as a cross dresser if you are gay. The ladies at my salon think that I am gay so I just go with that. Then I don't have to explain my wife and family to them. It's the easy way out for me.
You made a comment about what you would do if you turned gay. I'm sorry honey but it doesn't work that way. You are straight. You can pretend to be gay but you can't decide to be gay. Good luck with your search for those answers. Leanne

[Nicki B]

Sure, if it was socially acceptable I'd crossdress all the time, but it's not, so I can't. And there's no chance I'll ever fool anyone into thinking I'm a woman. I'm far too average of a male specimen to ever fool anyone I'm anything but a man in a dress. The sad part is that I'm a better person, a happier person, when I can express my feminine side.

If I was gay it would be a lot easier to go out and meet people. Heck it'd be easier to go out, period. If I turn gay tomorrow, nobody is going to look at me funny if my new gay persona goes to the grocery store for a cart of groceries. But if my new crossdressing persona goes to the grocery story tomorrow, I'd turn far more heads than I care to.

...........

I'm not gay, but life would be so much easier if I was.

It seems to me that the restrictions you see, are there because you are imposing them on yourself. :sad:


Like everything in life, you only get better with practice..

[JoAnne Wheeler]

If you LUST after women, being gay really might be the opposite of what you

want. Yes Gays are tolerated better than CDers, but in parts of the country,

even Gays are not tolerated even now.

JoAnne Wheeler

[Kate Simmons]

I don't see how being gay would change anything. Being gay has it's own issues. I think it depends more on the person than anything and self acceptance. Whether we are gay, straight or somewhere in-between nothing in life is ever ideal. We just do the best we can to work with what we have. That is the real lesson in life and living.:)

[Karren H]

Maybe you could try out for the other team? See if you like it... Maybe there's a minor league somewhere...

Life would be easier if a lot of things were different..

[deja true]

Hi Michelle,
Yes, you are right. It's easier to be accepted as a cross dresser if you are gay. The ladies at my salon think that I am gay so I just go with that. Then I don't have to explain my wife and family to them. It's the easy way out for me. .....


This works for me sometimes, too. Personally I don't care if someone thinks I'm gay or not, especially among the dozens of people that we come into contact with everyday that mean nothing to our lives...salespeople, counter people, taxi drivers, passing acquaintances, the mailman, and on and on...

But it behooves us, that if we present as gay, even by default, to act in such a way that it does gay folks credit, too. To be a normal, friendly, helpful, polite human being...and not bring dishonor or opprobrium or insult to that life style.

But here's where the quandary lies. To those that know us well, that we work with, that we have to deal with every day, I think it may be important for our own self esteem (and maybe even more important to the thousands of other's like us) to be upfront about exactly who we are. By going with the flow of (mistaken) assumption about the perceived connection between being gay and being a trans person, we are actually doing a disservice to the majority of our sisters by not enlightening those folks about the reality that the majority of us (including yourself) are closer to the norm than most people believe.

It's that possibility of gently educating the vanilla world that's gonna eventually get us all a little more respect and ultimately a little more freedom
over time.

You have to pick your opportunities, though. Whether I choose to allow contacts to believe I'm gay or let them know that (contrary to their opinion) I am not, I still try to be a polite and friendly person... and do nothing to give a bad perception of any other segment of society.

("Whoa! Those trannies aren't as weird as I thought !", is the impression that maybe we should be trying to leave with others at first, huh?)

:)

[The Gas Man Cometh]

Most people are surprised to learn that a large percent of MtF CDers are in fact straight. I think it's a revelation that HELPS CDers.

"Oh, he's straight? Hmm.." Rather than, "He's gay? Typical."

I think the grass is never greener on the other side, so try to be happy being YOU, and stop wishing to be in someone elses' shoes. (Unless of course they're heels. ;) )

[sissystephanie]

Because I belong to one of those sub-categories that is still stigmatized. And I'm not going to be the one to change that. I'm a crossdresser.

Sure, if it was socially acceptable I'd crossdress all the time, but it's not, so I can't. And there's no chance I'll ever fool anyone into thinking I'm a woman. I'm far too average of a male specimen to ever fool anyone I'm anything but a man in a dress. The sad part is that I'm a better person, a happier person, when I can express my feminine side.

If I was gay it would be a lot easier to go out and meet people. Heck it'd be easier to go out, period. If I turn gay tomorrow, nobody is going to look at me funny if my new gay persona goes to the grocery store for a cart of groceries. But if my new crossdressing persona goes to the grocery story tomorrow, I'd turn far more heads than I care to.

I'm not gay, but life would be so much easier if I was.

Nickie B stated your problem very well! You are creating the problem with your own perception of things. You stated that, " I'm far too average of a male specimen to ever fool anyone I'm anything but a man in a dress." So what? I am the same, but I go out dressed all the time! No wig and very little, if any, makeup! The difference is, I don't care what others think!! And the real funny thing is, hardly anybody pays any attention to me! Sometimes a person may give me a "double take" look, but I just smile and move on!

I stated in another thread that perception starts within yourself. That is very true, and comes through very strongly in your post. You apparently don't have much self confidence, especially when it comes to wearing feminine things! That is not meant to be an insult, it is merely stating the obvious. How old are you, and how long have you been dressing? You don't sound young, but then you don't sound as though you have been dressing for very long either! The tolerence of gays, CD, etc. varies depending on the part of our country you live, or travel, in. I currently live in the deep south, which is certainly not tolerent as a matter of course. But, as I said, I have no problems. The answer as to why is very simple. I DON'T CARE!!!:):)

:hugs::hugs:

[kellycan27]

Maybe you could try out for the other team? See if you like it... Maybe there's a minor league somewhere...

Life would be easier if a lot of things were different..


Try out for other team....:lol: your killin me.

[Sharon B.]

Maybe just maybe (s)he may think if (s)he was gay it would be easier to explain why (s)he enjoys dressing as a woman.
In someone's mind set, my ex-wife for example always thinks only gay men would want to dress as women. Not a straight men would want to dress as women but only gay men would.

[Alberta_Girl77]

I have made this comment and articulated similar feelings to my wife and my struggle with her support.

[Paula TV]

I would agree alot of people don't understand why we do this, and it's one of the last taboo's in public, a woman dresses as a guy in public, it doesn't bat an eyelid as it's already part of common culture, a guy who effeminates himself is seen as weak and a freak.

It's best to avoid/ignore, pick the people you tell about it carefully, and use your intuition or read body language of passers-by, it might be better going out of your way to avoid them, such as crossing the road. It's sad, but it's common sense.

[Kaz]

Wooaah Michelle! Lots of questions/issues in this...

1) Yeah being a CD is tough if you want to be out as we are not as officially recognised and accepted as say, gays now are... BUT,

2) as has been said, they fought for their cause, lost battles but have now generally won the war (a bit of non-acceptance there but thankfully marginalised), HOWEVER

3) as you will see from further delving into this site and the many forums in it, CD is a very broad "church"... we cover a lot of different "sub-species" here... and I guess most of us are trying to figure out where we are...

I have now reached my 50s, I have a wife, 3 girls - the youngest is 21 - am I gay? Doesn't work for me I am afraid. Do I love women? I love everything about women... maybe that's why I am a CD. En femme, should I be attractive to men... if I want to appear as feminine as possible that is an inevitable yes. Hmmm... the paradox starts to appear...

Easier to pass yourself off as gay to gain acceptance? I haven't found this necessary. In boy mode I now get more positive notice and acceptance from women than ever - maybe it is because I understand them better and give off different signals? My eyebrows are probably more feminine than male, though they pass equally - I do eye contact and smile more... all more feminine messaging than male.

There are people on this forum who wear girly jeans and get complemented by girls for their choice!

It is complicated... don't get hung up about things, explore.

I know that it is easy for an oldie like me to say, but you are young yet and you need to understand where you are on this spectrum.

I am still learning... I guess that's because where you want to be on the spectrum changes! :daydreaming: