neighbor's son

[gretchenD]

I cannot stand this,my neighbor Robert and Kendra's 10 year old son Chris across the street.Everytime I am outside,he calls me a freak,weirdo and many more names.I even got a note say males do not wear women's clothing and you are a freak.Luckily I get along with Robert and Kendra whom know I am a full time crossdresser and accept it which I had a talk with this morning.Thier son was in the room and called me a fag with them seeing him saying it.They are doiing something about it and sent him to his room.They are going to have a talk with him about my lifestyle,as a crossdresser with me present tonight.I am glad Robert and Kendra are doing something about it including my wife Nikki.I hope everytrhing goes right tonight at 7:30.

[Jacky Aikou]

Very courageous of you, Gretchen. It's great to hear you have accepting neighbors, even if their son isn't. He's only 10, though - just try to be patient and he's sure to get over it.

[NatashaCD]

maybe you should buy him a matchbox car or something lol

[donnaking]

Please explain why the neighbor's son is required to accept your lifestyle?

[Mirani]

Donna - he doesnt have to agree with Gretchen's lifestyle - BUT insulting words or behaviour is against the law here in the UK .. but even if it wasn't . . it is wrong to be insulting and abusive . . whatrever the "difference" in values.

[kym]

Please explain why the neighbor's son is required to accept your lifestyle?

I don't think the point is the son being required to accept the lifestyle but rather respecting the person in general no matter what lifestyle is being dealt with.:2c:

[spiroxlii]

Please explain why the neighbor's son is required to accept your lifestyle?

The neighbor's son DOESN'T have to like it or even accept it. It is not unreasonable, however, to expect the kid to mind his own damn business. The boy's attitude and opinions are his own business, but his actions extend to the point of verbal abuse.

[Marissa]

I have to agree to those who responded to Donna's question.. no, the 10 yr old does not have to accept the lifestyle and while it may be against the law in some places while in others, it goes back to the parent to address. Most times its an adult who will have legal issues when calling minors names. Anyway,


At least the parents are addressing the issue to let their son know how they feel about it, both being acceptable to this lifestlye and the boy's verbal abuse.


Now if this does not work out to an agreement, I would be very careful around that child. At ten or slightly younger, they can be just as evil and hurt or even kill someone who they feel angry towards, no matter what the reason is.

[Ruth]

To answer donnaking's rather naive question, we are talking about basic politeness and respect. Acceptance of the lifestyle is maybe beyond the discernment of a 10-year-old, but good manners are not.

[Christina2008]

"He doesn't understand he's small"

[darla_g]

To answer donnaking's rather naive question, we are talking about basic politeness and respect. Acceptance of the lifestyle is maybe beyond the discernment of a 10-year-old, but good manners are not.i agree wholeheartedly. But i think the blame lies with the parents. This is complete BS that a 10 year old should express himself however he sees fit. This is disrespectful and should not be tolerated especially by you Christina.

[MAJESTYK]

What I dont understand is, if they are "doing something about it", where did he learn it? I dont know them and I dont mean to imply they are duplicitous in their actions, but someone is teaching him this if not directly then indirectly by not teaching acceptance of others.
I think they should be commended for correcting it if that is their intention however, the damage has already been done. Water once muddied is never pure again. They should find out it's origin and change that too.
If they dont, what will he pick up next? .....Just my 2 cents

[deja true]

But if the parents seem to be accepting, where is the kid getting his attitude? At school?

And if the kid's attitude has gotten to the point of being publicly insulting even in front of his parents, then why haven't the parents done something about his manners before now?

Whatever...there's somethig not right here... and there's a problem either with the kid or with his parents or both...

:strugglin

[spiroxlii]

It may be that he's getting the attitude from school friends, and his parents might be the new-age type who don't believe in controlling how their kids express themselves. Structure and discipline are evil, you know.

[tricia_uktv]

They'll always be some and you have to live with it. The fact that he's ten years old means there may be a chance that he can tolerate you in the future. I'm afraid we just have to accept that this happens, whether its right or wrong.

[rachel_rachel]

The kid doesn't have to anything but show respect to an adult...
I think we've all come from a time where kids showed respect and were seen and not heard..

The fact he's a 10 year old means he's not too old for an old fashioned arse kicking either.

[Karen564]

I cannot stand this,my neighbor Robert and Kendra's 10 year old son Chris across the street..

Well, You cant stand him, and obviously he feels the same towards you, so the feelings are mutual then..

I take it that you dont have any children..

Well, Boy's will be boy's, especially 10 year old ones...So I wouldn't expect any miracles from him, but hopefully his parents will at least tell him to stop the verbal abuse towards you immediately, he may not like you or what you do, but there's no excuse for his bad mouthy behaviour.
This now falls on the parents shoulders to deal with.. and hopefully wont strain your relationship with them if the boy acts up again..because they may get sick of hearing the complaints..

So, Good luck..

[txrobinm]

Where's the 10-year-old getting this attitude? From the society at large.

In general, kids need to see things as binarily as possible (black-and-white, male-and-female, etc) until about age 11 or so (about 5th grade in the US). Then they start to be more aware of the world outside of themselves and are able to discern things along a continuum (shades of grey), which is obviously where we are. His emotional reaction, IMHO, is as normal as his behaviour is regrettable.

Until the need to actively teach that there is a gender continuum arises, such as in this case, most parents wouldn't think about it. Look at the discussions around sexuality current happening in homes: "Dad, why is that girl singing about kissing a girl and liking it? - Well, Jr., most girls like boys and most boys like girls, but some girls like girls and some boys like boys. As long as you know what YOU like, and everyone respects that, and you respect what other people like, what's the problem?" Hopefully this scenario is playing out more frequently than the "I think they need to be taken out back with a baseball bat" response that I grew up with in the 80's.

Hopefully my own kids, when first coming face-to-face with a real-life CDer (it'll probably be me), will react with questions instead of judgement.

[cd_britney_426]

The good news is that the parents are making an effort to teach the kid to accept other people's differences. The bad news is this is a case of "mind your own business" not being followed. I don't know if it is an American thing or just parts of America or certain types of people but I have always had a hard time understanding why so many people can't mind their own business. If someone doesn't like the fact that a neighbor is TG that is fine. However, that neighbor is lawfully the owner or renter of that property and has the right to be left alone. It would be protected freedom of speech for an individual to confront the TG neighbor and state they do not approve of their lifestyle. However, saying something one time to someone is one thing and endlessly bothering them is something else. If a person is constantly being yelled at, having notes delivered to them, etc. it is considered harrassment which in most jurisdictions can even be a jailable offense.

So again, someone doesn't have to like the fact that I CD for instance, but I do have the right to reasonable privacy and to be left alone. I am fortunate enough that I have not had to deal with problems from neighbors although I'm sure a number of them know. However, I don't have to put up with any problems either. I would not hesitate to report any stalking, harrassment, or other illegal activity to the authorities as well as the property management. Unfortunately, a lot of people out there have real problems. If you don't like someone then fine, but you don't get in their business and harrass them when they aren't even bothering you or anyone else. I would urge any other CDs/TGs here who have or are currently experiencing any such problems to be vigilant and aggressive in your defense. Just as they reserve the right NOT to associate with you, you also reserve the right NOT to associate with them meaning they are clearly to leave you alone. I am also not afraid to deal with the police while dressed. Remember, you are breaking no laws but harrassing neigbhors definitely are. Britney

[Angie G]

I think you are going about it in the right way Gretchen. Someone that age should not be disrespecting anyone. No matter what.:hugs:
Angie

[boardpuppy]

At 10 years olds, kids pick up comments and don't even know what they mean. But it is up to the parents to correct the behavior/language of kids. The biggest problem parents preach condoning language/behavior by lack of correcting this same misbehavior/language. Some parents are red necks and just say whatever they want and don't care who hears it or who it hurts. They interprupt Freedom of Speech and as expressing what they think, any way or how they want.

Hugs,
Alice

[Stephanie-L]

What bothers me about this particular 10 year old is not that he made a derogitory comment about a CDer, but that he did it repeatedly and in front of his parents. As many of you are certainly aware, children and young adults often feel certain that they know everything, and that thiers is the one and only true way. It is only with age that we learn how much we do not know. So, I am not surprised that a child is insulting toward one of us, I am surprised that they weren't taught the manners that a child in our society is supposed to exhibit towards an adult. I worry that this child could easily end up as the type of person who feels no remorse about killing someone different than him "because they was a queer/wierdo/freak" i.e. someone differnt than him and therefore wrong. Perhaps I am reading too much into this, but it still worries me.....Stephanie

[Jill]

I'm a youth counselor by profession and have been for years and have a lot of thoughts on this situation.

The first thought that I have is, yes, there is something wrong with parents and kids these days. For some reason, it seems, parents attitudes towards their kids has changed drastically over the years. I'm not even that old and can remember a very different time. I would never have dreamed of mouthing off to adults the way that some kids do these days. It's hard to pin down one reason, I think parents don't want to treat their kids in ways that their parents treated them so they over compensate. I also think that there's a fierce spirit of competition in this country, all their parents want their kids to be the best and the smartest and as a result end up creating little narcissists. Some kids these days seem to think that the only use adults have in their lives is to drive them around and give them money.

My honest opinion is that it does not sound, for one second, like the parents in this situation will do much about this. When I was kid, I was afraid my parents would spank me till I couldn't sit down and ground me for a month and mean it.

My other thought is about this kid as a person. He's obviously learned that he has a lot of power over adults by acting out while at the same time they really don't do anything about it. I've learned that people really only have as much power as we give them. When I truly stopped caring what teenagers thought of me and started ignoring them, that was exactly when they started to seek my approval. I know it's hard to release the power that certain people have over us, but it always helps a ton.

All in all, I don't blame you for being bothered by this. I know that when I'm dressed, I feel very vulnerable. My masculinity is obviously compromised and I know that if I was out and someone was giving me crap about it, I'd want to hole up and never come out. It's reasons like this that I keep this very hidden and probably always will. If I ever did come out, I would even expect, to some extent, these types of things to happen.

[Sally2005]

Kids need to learn what is right. Win the kid over somehow. Help him fix his bike or something. He will learn to respect you if he sees that you are more than just 'a freak'...at worst you will be the 'freak that helped him fix his bike'...

do it well and you might turn out to be the cool freak.

[Karen564]

Kids need to learn what is right. Win the kid over somehow. Help him fix his bike or something. He will learn to respect you if he sees that you are more than just 'a freak'...at worst you will be the 'freak that helped him fix his bike'...

do it well and you might turn out to be the cool freak.
Thanks Sally,
Now that's the best suggestion I've heard here yet, and it could be anything along the lines of helping him or his parents in any way, even a simple drive to his little league ball game or whatever, just to show him your really an alright guy and a human being that has feelings too, not just a freak..

[Emily01]

insulting words or behaviour is against the law here in the UK

well we've identified one place i wouldn't care to live! who gets to decide what's insulting, the great unwashed mob? save me from that crew!

if this were my kid he wouldn't be able to sit for a week. what's to discuss with the little twerp? some things cannot be fathomed and one is how a parent would permit a child to behave like this for more than a minute. first the behavior stops then we deal with it's source.

a few less laws and a bit more corrective behavior would likely help. well, that's my rant! and i feel better already, thank you for being patient with me here.

[Lisa Golightly]

Ah... my brother is exactly the same with me... Hey ho... You can't choose your family can you. :rolleyes:

[Melora]

Kidds...
They say the Darnest things dont they!..
Sometimes kinda embarrasing too!
In your case, As I am sure that others who responded to this thread have said...
Where does this kid get his views and then correct his opinions?
TALK to him!
Change him while you can, while he is young if you can!
YOU might even become his best friend!
2 Cents!

[Brenda79135]

Another possibility might be confusion. Teh child is protesting to much. He could be having the same problems with the guilt that we have all felt at one time. He might be trying to keep his own feeling of CDing from cropping up by putting the one person he knows of down. I would keep an ey on him and see if he starts to CD himslef.

[victoriamwilliams1]

Donna - he doesnt have to agree with Gretchen's lifestyle - BUT insulting words or behaviour is against the law here in the UK .. but even if it wasn't . . it is wrong to be insulting and abusive . . whatrever the "difference" in values.


Actually it is technically illegal in the States as well under hate crimes, However he is 10 he is still finding himself as well as he may have told some of his peers and they will pressure him to say these words.

My problem is the lack of respect children have for adults today! No child has a right to speak disrespectfully to any adult period!! That means they need to keep certain comments to themselves.

[SuzanneS]

Ah... my brother is exactly the same with me... Hey ho... You can't choose your family can you. :rolleyes:
Unfortunately, you can't choose your family, I love mine, but they don't know about my CD'ing(I think) and they will never know.

I'm also thinking that maybe the kid likes to dress up also:eek:

Suzanne

[Kate Simmons]

His parents need to kick this kid's a**. There is no excuse for his lack of respect.

[curse within]

That's just kids although a little young to be calling adults names, his parents need to address that..I have always been one who feels that when someone has an issue about certain things and become out spoken about it. They secretly envey the fact that you are brave enough to pursue it .The kid may be jealous, who knows, kinda like at that age when you like a girl you are mean to her.

[Edwina]

Why is the palm of my hand itching :devil:
:love:
Edwina

[Niya W]

If he is willing to act out like this in front of is parents what else is he doing ?

[Nicole Erin]

If you get along with the grown ups, does it truely matter what the bratty kid thinks? If you were not friends with the parents I would say just yell at him but seriously, you get along with his parents, your peers, so worry not about some punk brat kid.


Please explain why the neighbor's son is required to accept your lifestyle?

Dat guy there done got "DA BOOT!" :D

[deja true]

So...any progress on this conversation you were supposed to be having with them yesterday eve?

:strugglin

[scarlett]

IF this post is real then maybe the kid is on a guilt trip. One of my first thoughts was where do people let their kids act like this. Hmmm, Gretchen is totally out to the neighbors but can't post even a city in her profile.
If this concerns the parents enough to have a "touchy/feely" conference over it , why didn't they stop it when it happened?
I have real doubts about this post. Gretchen, please help us out here.

[sterling12]

Well, we can hope! You said The parents are "trying to do something about it," and well they should. If they don't "do something about it," it's a real possibility that this ten year old will soon grow into a surly, angry teenager who will quickly find other Jr. Nazi's who have the same bad attitude.

An awful lot of the crimes committed against transfolk; assaults, harassment, and killings have been done by one group of individuals....teenage boys who have a hatred for transgendered people.

And that's why The Parents, And if need be others, need "to do something about it!"

Peace and Love, Joanie

[JoannaCaroline]

I seriously doubt it. 10yr olds tend to be mirrors of their parents belief systems. Sure they act out and push boundaries but their core beliefs are generally instilled by their parents. If this kid has done this several times, I would seriously doubt he is not getting it from somewhere else and probably from the parents. Has this lovely little creature been raised by his parents?

[Samantha B L]

He doesn't have to accept your lifestyle and it may be beyond him to do so. And most kids learn their prejudices from their parents. He is being an amazing nuisance and hopefully his Mom and Dad will tell him to cut it out! If not in the name of progressive liberal acceptance of people with TG/TS/CD tendencies(all that could possibly be too convoluted and complicated for many 10 year olds to figure out and understand)then at least in the name of common decency and everybody in the neighborhood getting along!

There was a teacher in my Junior High who all the kids assumed was "queer" and the truth is I think this teacher had relations with several kids over the years,unfortunately. the truth is he was a good instructor and a nice guy but he made the mistake of sometimes fraternizing with students to lure young guys who were in a 14-15 year old age bracket into spending the night with him. Strangely,he wasn't a bad guy.


As more of the kids found out about him they were relentless in calling him "queer" and all sorts of other names,too. We were all blatantly disrespectful to this teacher and a couple of times he was threatened and assaulted. One kid came into the guy's front yard and punched around on him.
Another kid clobbered him several times with a brickbat!


The school administration knew about this teacher and in a way it's commendable that they stood by him and never fired him. But they never did anything about the harassment of this person. they should have issued the student body of The Junior High and The High School a warning that if we didn't cut it out we'd be kicked out of school!

[Paula TV]

Don't let a 10 year old get on your nerves, it's not worth it. At that age, they don't realise the meaning of the words or how it will affect the victim.

However, if you want something done about it then don't talk to the kid, just ignore him. The kid wants a reaction. Maybe you have done that anyway, but your doing absolutely the right thing, about talking about it to the parents, because the way he is the now, is something to do with how the parents brought him up.

I would say something has to be done early, and that he has to see your point of view via the parents, otherwise, even if does mellow out when he grows up, his attitude might take a turn for the worse when he becomes a teen. In high School, it's worse, the use of homophobic language. You have to consider the scenario could get worse, as it might not be the boy only outside next time, but him and his friends if they ever hanged outside the house, things could then take a turn for the worse. It also depends on what kind of background are you from, and the neighbours currently, if it's working class i'd be worried, but if it's middle class, he might finally mature, as the parents seem to be well-meaning?

[gretchenD]

We had the talk,Saturday and it got to him.He told thaht he was very sorry for what he did to me and it will never hapen again.His parents taught him to respect someone's lifestyle and he disrespected me in a way I did not like.

[amanda w]

I thank that youne man needs A time out with a dress on for the weekend

[NikkiTV_47]

there is a diffreance between accpet and respect.

[Sheila]

Please explain why the neighbor's son is required to accept your lifestyle?

I don't think he is required to accept anybodies life style, but I think his parents are trying to teach him to repect individuals and their choices, without resorting to insults and disrespecting other peoples.
If he were my son, I too would try to teach hime to respect other peoples views even if he did not agree with them.

Glad it went well