How did your wife find out

[CristyPoe]

Just wondering how your wife found out that you crossdressr.Been thinking about telling mine but have not found the right time or way

[Tina Dixon]

Mine found pictures on the computer, oh well s**t happens!

[tamarav]

I told her 3 years before we got serious..

[Melissa Anne]

I told her about a year after we got married. I knew that I couldn't keep trying to hide it from her. I wrote her a long letter explaining everything. She has been very understanding and after a few years of taking things slowly, she is very supportive. I'm very lucky to have her.

[Carroll]

Told mine on our first date

[Tasha McIntyre]

Told her late last year after being together since early 2000. Wish I had fessup up much much earlier :doh:

[Kaz]

I haven't told her, but then I didn't really know before we married (naive?) - we are now in our 50s... she knows, we don't talk about it. I don't think this is important to her as long as it isn't public.

How did she find out? Early years - there were accidents that raised suspicions of something but which were easily explainiable. Recent years - I decided to embrace things and made more mistakes.

All the GGs on this site will say I should be open about it... I am one of the group that is not so sure about that.. I am not sure this is what she wants - and if the genie comes out of the bottle... it may take her some place she wasn't ready to go to... I have no desire to strand my loved ones on a desert planet from which they cannot find a way to return...

It is called responsibility?

Or am I being arrogant?

[serinalynn]

My wife would buy me sexy female lingerie, panties first then chemise's, bra's, slips and it went frorm there. She would tell me when Lane Bryant Stores were having a sale and then tell me it's ok to go buy something. Yes She knows!! :) :heehee:

[Karren H]

Like this - http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15376&highlight=gone+wrong

[Angie G]

I made her feel sorry for me one vary hot day 3 years ago. So she let my wear one of her skirts then come some panties and so on we talked she asked how long I've been dressing and I told her. And she is about 90% O K with it.:hugs:
Angie

[robbie]

Told her one week after we started dating. She hasn't killed me yet but she has shot me.

[luv2x-dress53959]

Mine found a picture on the computer...couple weeks later I told her I am a crossdresser. You have to pick the right time and place. It will be hard for her to accept at first. She might like you crossdressing and she might not. I am one of the lucky ones. My fiancee loves it when I crossdress. Autumn

[kimmy p]

I told mine before we were married. While we were in bed, naked....:confused2::doh::eek::OMG:

[leesametz]

While we were in bed, naked....

the only person who knows ME as me, as a crossdresser found out this same way. only i wasnt naked, i had a pair of pantyhose on...

[TeriAnn]

I told my wife 5 years into our marriage took her a few days to give me an answer but it was the one I was hoping for. She is fully supportive and loves me for who I am on the inside not what I dress like on the outside. We are seperated right now but not because of crossdressing.:)

[RWillow]

I told my wife after 47 years of marriage, she doesn't like it, thinks I'm crazy (she is probably right), and NEVER wants to see me dressed. I thought I was doing the right thing by telling her before she found out on her own, but looking back I think it was a mistake. I was succesful hiding it since I was 6 years old, a few more years would have been easy.

Renyta

[Rita D]

I told my wife 7 years after we were married. I was in deep denial myself previous to telling her. Told myself I just had a "slip fetish". But the day I looked in the mirror and saw I was wearing not just a slip,but panties, bra, stockings and pumps; I could deny it no longer.
I had never lied to her about anything else, so I HAD to tell her...
It was very rough for a long time, but we're now married over 31 years. She still doesn't like it, but accepts it as a part of me and gives me my space. I don't dress when she's around, but that's part of the deal , and I love her....

[Gwendolyn]

Discussed it with my wife (then girlfriend) before we decided to move in together.

[Sally2005]

Knowing what I know now, I should have been more open about it when we first met. However, I'm of the opinion that telling her you are a CDer is not such a great idea...instead just do it and little by little let her see that you dress up sometimes and it is not a major issue in your life. I have never official told anyone, however, all my friends and family have seen or know I dressed up at least on halloween or slightly more and on more than one occasion so its not really news to them... I'm sure it would surprise if they knew I went out dressed in daytime, but my answer to that is it is an experiment I just had to try...and then I liked it. If it turns out to be something I need to do all the time...like 24x7 then I would have to tell more since it would impact the way she lives her life also.

[Sedona]

Told my wife six months into dating. Got married three 1/2 years later. A bit rough for the first year after I told her, no problems now.

[Teddie]

Told mine a few months after we were married, 40+ years ago. We were just discussing various things, and I just told her. She's been very accepting of the whole thing. In fact she loves it when I dress, and enjoys doing my makeup for me.

[Melora]

My Wife found out by..
Finding Me passed out from Alcohole on the bathroom floor, dressed in a pink sweater, black tightes and a short black dress, with makeup smeared and an empty bourbon bottle.. = Not too Sexy!! Hehe..
SOME Explaining later I assure you...

[Joanne f]

To cut a long story short (as i would not want to bore you):D i told her that i was going to leave something on the bed that i wanted her to see , it was a skirt.
OK some may say the cowards way but i know the best way to get my wife asking about things , and it did .:)

[RachelDenise]

My wife came home unexpectedly early one day. It was as you would have imagined it. We had only been married 1 1/2 yrs, and she didn't take it well, nor has she since. Should I have told before marrying? Yes. I thought that it would be something that she would understand but telling her before we got married would have been the right thing. It i something I regret to this day. In retrospect, I'm sure it would have ended the plans for the marriage. It's been like the Cold War since, don't ask, don't tell. No discussion, and I don't have any clue if she is getting her own information. I'm basically alone with no hope of exiting the closet.

[shannonFL]

While we were engaged,she found a packing slip from, yes, Fredericks of Hollywood, and wanted to know who I purchased those things for. So ever since I tried to quit, hide it, make it go away, didn't work.

Since I don't believe in keeping secrets, she is aware of Shannon (does not want to know her name), our last talk last week went like this......The biggest problem that drives me crazy is you refuse to give up hope that there is even the slightest chance that I will participate, accept or tolerate your dressing, just keep it hidden...I love you.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/37047380@N08/

[Jenniferpl]

One night after we had been married a year I asked my wife what is it like to wear nylons. She told me try on a pair of hers and it went from there. In a lot ways it just evolved. Never really had to tell her. It was her that told me I was a cd'r. The denial part was hard to deal with though. Now she buys my makeup and clothes. This is a blast with a supportive spouse.

[Raychel]

I told her about 4 years ago, We had been married about 12 years. It did not go well, but we got thru it, and she pretty much accepts it now. Although we don't really talk about it much.

[Kelly Greene]

I told my wife while we were dating, I figured I could not hide the several pairs of size 11 high heels that I had laying around the house and I felt that she should know before things got to serious that way she had an out if she could not handle a man who likes to ware skirts and heels. Our ten year anniversary will be this July 10th.

[BLUE ORCHID]

We where married about six months so one night I asked if I could
put on one of her bras and pantys she wasn't too cool with the idea
but said ok and the snow ball started rolling down the hill.
That was fourty five and a half years ago she tolerates it but
to this day it's a don't ask--don't tell thinggie you know.
The good thing every thing is hidden in plans sight in our walkin closet
and my dresser drawers.
I guess sometimes it just shatters there dreams when they find out.
.
I went back and read KARRENS POST of OCT.2005 I know the feeling.
.................................................. ....................thanks........ORCHID

[TxKimberly]

I told her shortly after we were married.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

I told her before I started dressing....

Actually the idea came to me rather suddenly and I thought about it for a couple of weeks...had never done it before, but the idea of dressing up totally complete/acurate as a female really intrigued me...so I approached her with the idea....at first she went rather "ballistic" with the "you want to do what"???.... "what the f*** is going on with you"???? but we talked about it and all and she said OK if that's what you want to do....and as they say, from there the rest is history....she's OK with it as long as I' don't over do it....and make it all consuming...and go crazy buying stuff....a little at a time as the budget can handle it...as you know being "femmed" isn't cheap!!!!

She's gone along with everything so far....including getting the ears pierced...but I've got to go at her pace more or less and can't go hog wild on buying all the different things a girl needs...but for the first year I've done pretty well at accumalting a decent wardrobe for Stephanie.....

So for her and I it's worked out pretty well....

[BeckyAnderson]

Mine came in quite unexpectedly and discovered her "man" dressed in women's clothes. If you want the gruesome details you can read them in my diary on my web site, Becky's World (http://home.comcast.net/%7Eiamacd/diary.htm)

We are still married and just celebrated our 39th anniversary earlier this month.

Hugs,
Becky

[PennyLane2]

The trouble with allowing the "genie " out of the bottle is that you cannot get the damn thing back in, no matter what devastation it causes.My fear is if I do tell my wife and am rejected where do I go from there.Just left with a destroyed relationship.She has already endured heartache with bereavements how can I be so wicked to add to that burden.No, I will stay hidden as long as I can.
Penny

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I response to the thread title:

I kept my crossdressing a secret from my wife for more than a decade of marriage. I was still in denial about who I am when I first married her and felt I had to keep it a secret or be labeled a sick freak and loose the woman I love.

When it got to the point where I accepted myself and could no longer live a lie - in other words, I needed to live as my crossdresing self, I gradually told her more about myself over a long duration of time. I didn't step out of the closet, I kind of eased myself out slowly - so as not to shock or overwhelm her.

The "coming out" link in my sig explains the whole thing in pretty good depth. Not exactly your usual coming out story, but it had a happy ending... and an even happier new beginning. :)

[Jonianne]

After mistakes I made in my first marriage, I learned the hard way to not only tell about my crossdressing before another serious relationship, but to let her know this is an important part of who I am. My first wife knew before we were married, but she said I didn't let her know how important it was to me. She eventually grew extremely intolerent and we ended up divorced even though I had not dressed in front of her and kept it in the closet for the last 15 years of our marriage.

When I met my wife, Angel, now, I gave her the "There is something you need to know about me" talk the moment she first told me she was interested in me. (Thank God for women's liberation!). She was glad I let her know and asked the "two questions" and said she would call me later. She went home and thought about it and the next day she told me she didn't care what cloths I wore.

Long before we got married we discusssed boundries and groundrules. She went to triess meetings with me before we were married to learn more about it and has been content about it ever since. She was the one who took me on my first outing, again before we were married, telling me "Joni needs to feel the sun on her face". I am so thankful for my wife and I am so glad I learned from my first marriage and told Angel from the begining. This year we will have been together 10 years.

[Sallee]

Mine found some things when we were dating she then did some research on her own. I eventually brought it up and she told me she had found some things and had done some research. It still took awhile for me to be more open about my haobby

[RobertaM]

after about 10 years of marriage, i didnt not know who what I was.
I was in the closet to my wife, and a fetish only dresser,
One day, I did my toes up one day in a really nice french. Showed them to the wife. She was ok with it. Slowly added bits and pieces to the dressing mostly just heels and skirts. Did some dressing around the house with her , when no kids at home.

10 years later after the first event, i decided to fully dress and go out, went to a makeover service and had a blast.
Told(asked) SO that i was planning to expand my xd out. We had the "talk" after 20 years of marriage, Used the "transgendered" and "cd" words with her for the first time. She is accepting becuase it makes me happy. Its all good. That was Jan 1.
SO sort of a quiet evolution for me. With a big sprint recently.

[SexyLatexSamantha]

I told mine on our first date. It was during the cake eating part of the date. She was/is totally fine with it.

[Julieanne]

I told my wife-to-be when we started getting serious. She was ok with the concept and saw crossdressing as a normal thing to do, but the reality that I was a CD took some working out.

We were married for 33 years when she died. Looking back my being transgendered was a main reason that we clicked; she liked the more sensitive feminine part of me.

[maid phylis]

after dressing in the closet for too long i finally told my wife about eight years ago. love phylisanne:love:

[TGMarla]

I married my wife when her son was just about to turn 8 years old. I was dressed one day, when he was about 12 or 13, and he came home unexpectedly. Very, very unpleasant. He was not thrilled at all, and was at a very impressionable age when kids routinely use terms like "faggot" and "that's gay" to describe things they don't like. He never did get used to the idea that his mother took a husband, after being the only one in her life for his whole life so far. He was pleased that he had something to hold over my head and to use against me as a weapon.

And he did. I was on my way home from work one day when I got a phone call. It was my wife, and she wanted an explanation for what her son was telling her. In the background, I could hear him gleefully yelling "....... wears women's clothes!!!" Again, very unpleasant. And it got worse. He was an immature young man, and spewed this delicious information to his idiot cousin (waste of skin to this day) who went and told everyone in our family. Nice. No one in my extended family has ever brought it up to me, and they have all acted as though nothing ever happened.

Anyway, when my wife and I got the chance to talk privately, she was very typical in her reactions. I got all the "are you gay?" questions. "Do you want a sex-change?" The whole gauntlet. She threatened divorce, and really did not speak to me normally for a long time. I tried as best I could to explain, but how do you explain things to someone that you really don't understand yourself? I hemmed and hawed, and danced around the truth (whatever that is) looking for reasons that I could tell her, but in the end, it was just left hanging out there, a cancer in our relationship.

Finally, shortly after joining this forum, I wrote her a 5-page letter detailing my lifelong preoccupation with crossdressing. I told her that I'd been doing this since I was 12, and that I was likely never going to stop. I told her that I was not gay, nor was I ever going to get a sex-change. I told her that I loved her, and that my crossdressing had nothing to do with her, or was in any way any fault of hers. Many women think erroneously that crossdressing is an attempt to fill a void left in a relationship because the woman fails to fill the man's needs and desires. I assured her that this was not the case. I could be completely satisfied in my relationship with her, yet I would still crossdress. I told her everything, and laid myself out before her completely.

She shredded the letter, and never discussed the matter with me again. And in the years following that episode, we have grown stronger and closer than I ever imagined we would. I love her very much, and I cannot imagine my life without her. But we still do not talk about my crossdressing at all. I have to conclude that she wants to keep it that way. I am at present, doing my best to keep to her wishes, and I dress only in private when she is not home. I do go out now and then, but for the most part, it is an activity that I keep to the home. And here we stand.

[JoannaCaroline]

I told her the night I met her and showed her pictures 3 days later on our first date.

[Presh GG]

I don't remember this , but my husband does. [ after all it was 30 odd years ago ] Ha . He stayed the night and asked if I had a robe he could wear . I handed him a blue pokadot dress and said " it's all I have that will fit you " He said it was the most comfortable thing on earth. After all it's JUST a dress !
Springtime, gg

[Tammy298]

My ex found some pictures of me! I know she told her folks since her dad, who I had more of a father-son relationship with, only mentioned that I needed to work some "things" out with her, nothing more. That added to other problems, eventually led to our divorce. Thinking back, my crossdressing started during the marriage, so telling her before we got married, was never an issue. I probably should have told her when I first started "exploring" her lingerie, but back then, I realy felt I had a major problem, way beyond what anyone else could possibly be doing!
My current wife, I told shortly after we met. We've been together nearly 9 years now, but recently I've been feeling the need to explore CDing more than underdressing, (like the panties, garter belt & stockings I have under my jeans right now) or the nighttime attire I occasionally wear, usually to my wife's delight.

[PretzelGirl]

When my wife and I got married, I wasn't actively dressing. My life had been more of periodic trying something on when the opportunity arose and then it wouldn't happen for awhile. Crossdressing started creeping into our sex life in the usual way.

I knew we hit a new level when we planned a weekend away from the kids at this Bed and Breakfast. I got off work and picked her up. She told me she had already been by and checked in. When we got up to the room, there was a chemise laid out and she told me it was for me.:love:

Everything else has been progressive. Communication has always been the key and recognizing and living within her boundaries is critical to me.

[tinachristina]

I told mine before we were married. While we were in bed, naked....:confused2::doh::eek::OMG:

Same here :battingeyelashes::o:):D

[Vicky_Scot]

Coming up for 20 years married this year. I told her about 12 years ago because I could not live a lie any longer. It was not fair on her or me.

So she has known for 12 years and we are still as happily married as we ever were. So I guess she has accepted me for me,in fact I know she has because she told me.

I know I'm a lucky girl. :battingeyelashes:

Xx Vicky xX

[eugeniahall41]

told my wife several years ago after she found some things on computer we are taking it slow but she is wonderful and supportive:love:

[JulieC]

Told her one week after we started dating. She hasn't killed me yet but she has shot me.

She has shot you? Uh, explanation please?

----

I told my wife before we got married, after we'd been dating for a few months. I told her while we were driving on the interstate. No opportunity to bolt and run for the hills before I had a chance to explain myself :) She shrugged, basically said "so what" and nothing changed really. A few days later she bought me some pantyhose. We've had some bumps and problems along the way with respect to CDing, but it's all worked out. Now, she routinely buys me femme clothes.

Just this morning, she found a pretty pair of panties in the to-be-folded laundry and said "Are these yours?" and I said "yes" and she said "I thought so; they were just too big for me but they look like another pair of mine" and on life went.

Yesterday, for Easter, she wore an exact copy of a dress I have that she bought for me.

[Melanie R]

One month after we were married in 1980 I told my wife about Melanie in a 43 page letter. Her reaction was I love you and we will make it work. Being a doctoral researcher she immediately hit the books that existed in 1980 (very few) and also started talkking with other crossdressers and other wives. All of this research lead to the writing of her first book, My Husband Wears My Clothes, by Dr. Peggy Rudd. Most of the contents of this letter are in the book and were also discussed in the documentary, Secret Lives of Women: Married to Crossdressers. Now if we only clone Peggy!

[Deborah Jane]

I told my first wife when the urge to dress came back....We divorced, but not over crossdressing, that was just the final straw where she was concerned after her having issues with my other big hobby

My second wife [B][to be] [Sheila] already knew about my crossdressing as we met on here :) :love:

[kristinacd1]

I got careless and my wife saw an e-mail i left on AOl about a wedding dress i bought...i had to confess cause she thought i was buying a wedding dress for someone else...and i was leaving her....it all worked out fine in the end..

[Michelle_NY]

She found some of my clothes up in my attic. Instead of lieing, I just came clean

[Sarah...]

I told her about a year in about my preferred dressing style. At 18 years in I told her about being TS. She said I should've told her earlier because I could've been living as a woman by now - much better than after a further 18 years of testosterone she said.

Sarah...

[RylieCD]

The trouble with allowing the "genie " out of the bottle is that you cannot get the damn thing back in, no matter what devastation it causes.My fear is if I do tell my wife and am rejected where do I go from there.Just left with a destroyed relationship.She has already endured heartache with bereavements how can I be so wicked to add to that burden.No, I will stay hidden as long as I can.
Penny

I always feared that too, but realized too late that our SO's love us just as much as we love them and want to help and understand. Yes I was affraid, I tried testing the waters here and there to see where she would stand on the subject, but that isnt a gauge, especiall whe you are hiding it from her. So I stayed hidden, the cd'ing started back up just after our wedding (few months, i think, and I think that was everthing else settling down) anyway few months later I screwed up and she caught me, She found the wig I just ordered (yea the pink fog had set in). and from then on other things. At the time we were on different shifts and had to discuss/explain things over the phone. But the worst part was that she had ti find things out on her own and speculate things, I should have taken control of the situation long before thing got out of control.

[sometimes_miss]

I accidently left a slip lying around after I got changed. She found it. I never found out exactly where I left it, somewhere in the bedroom where I changed my clothes. I had a choice; she brought it out, and asked 'whose is this?'. At that moment I had to decide to lie and let her think I was fooling around, or tell her the truth. Yes, the truth will set you free, and three years later, I was free of my wife, house, my belongings, my bank accounts, every cent I had, and my credit rating.

[JulieC]

Yes, the truth will set you free, and three years later, I was free of my wife, house, my belongings, my bank accounts, every cent I had, and my credit rating.

Which is why it is SOOOO much better to tell before saying "I do".

:(

[AmandaM]

Told mine about three months dating. She said, "So?". A month later we were engaged. That was 20 years ago.

[Jennifer_Cross]

Mine made me do it... I probably gave something away!

Jen

[Jilmac]

My wife didn't have to "find out" because I told her that I enjoyed wearing womens clothes while I was dating her. She married me anyway and never approved of my dressing so I stayed in the closet until her death. I also told my new SO shortly after we met. She's fine with my dressing as long as I don't do it in her presence. If you want my :2c: I would say to tell your wife and hope she takes it well.

[sometimes_miss]

Which is why it is SOOOO much better to tell before saying "I do".

:(

Hey, she didn't tell me she was a passive aggressive witch before we got married either :laughing:

[allisonrn06]

I told her before we were married, let her see me in heels and pantyhose - she told me at that time I could keep my fem stuff, but didn't want to see me in it. Didn't bring the subject up again with her until several years later, and found out that somewhere along the line, she had become accepting of it. We had a great relationship before this, it's gotten even better now that she's accepted me this way!!

[JulieC]

Hey, she didn't tell me she was a passive aggressive witch before we got married either :laughing:

So long as she only slow cooks you in the witch's cauldron :lol:

[LA CINDY LOVE]

When I got with my wife I was not a crossdresser that came 4yrs latter, she felt something was up because I was always clean shave and keep asking my why do I keep shaving and I would go out on the weekend and come home late........I was going to the clubs

Then one day I was getting dress to go out she had just left when she show up before I could leave, and she wanted to know what was going on and was i going out to see some girl she ask are you having a affair I said no then she said what is it then you are up to something I can feel it, and that is when I told her I like to wear women clothing.

She was glad I was not having a affair.

LA CINDY LOVE

[Desiree2bababe]

Told her before we married.

[Tammy298]

Christy, Thank you for this thread!

Since following this thread (and a lot of others here!) I've begun to talk more openly to my wife about my CDing. My CDing is really limited to underdressing and nighttime attire (nightgowns & lingerie) due to children.
Anyway, A big concern that I've had for quite a while, is whether her acceptance and claims of liking what I wear to bed were genuine, or just appeasing me. Listening to everyone here has really gotten us talking about my dressing, and her beginning to take a more active role. Last night was wonderful and since earlier in the day, she's been talking about tonight!:D
I know CDing isn't just about bedtime, but I'm working toward expanding our discussions to wigs, forms, more clothes and even a little makeup!
Also, I think she might have visited this forum several months ago since I make no attempt to hide it and often leave an interesting thread open. I'm hoping to get her to join, if she hasn't already. I'm sure she'd enjoy all the folks here and gain a better understanding of the importance of CDing to some many!

[Joanne_2003]

I told mine after we had been living together for several years. We started talking about getting married and I told her I had something she needed to know. She was queit for a couple of weks and started asking me questions about it and after that she thought about it some more (couple of weeks) and said that she thought she could deal with it that was 6 years ago.

XOXO
Joanne

[JenniferInUtah]

In the first two weeks Of dating her I had to tell her. I felt the relationship going serious and i wanted no lies between us. She was very accepting and accomodating. I love her for that.

[AshleyCDFL]

Not sure really how it came up anymore. We've always been very open in our relationship of what we want, telling fantasies to each other, etc. We hadn't been dating very long and were hanging out in my dorm room at college, she pretty much lived with me already so she had quite a bit stuff there. The question came up of whether I would wear women's panties and I jumped at the chance! Shortly after I confessed that I would like to dress up fully as a women and she was very accepting, that was about 9 years ago now... and we still have a wonderful relationship. I truly believe that most disagreements come out of a lack of communication or miscommunication, so I believe it's important to be truthful and approach everything with an open mind.

[dennisGTS]

I told her about my panty fetish a little over a year after we got married. After that, she walked in on me a couple times wearing lingerie - that was before she accepted it. At the time I just had womens lingerie and didn't really have any desire to fully dress. Initially, she was extremely disturbed by this; it took many years and marriage counseling to help us out. Now, with a little compromise, I get to crossdress around her once a week.

[KandisTX]

Told my current wife three days after we met.
Told wife #3, well, didn't have to she met me while Kandis was out and about.
Wife #2 was told before she moved from Anniston AL to Montgomery AL to live with me.
Wife #1 was not told for a year after we got married... 2 years later she hands me divorce papers on our sons 3rd birthday with the phrase "Husband does things unbecoming of a husband and a father".


Kandis:love::rose2:

[Samantha Kelsey]

I told her! But not soon enough. I thought it had all gone away but it came back a couple of years after we married. Just wearing panties/knickers then. So I told her. Ballistic doesn't adequately describe the result. I don't know a word that's a million times stronger but thats what would describe her reaction. Funnily enough that wasn't the sole cause of our demise but part we did. Thank God! Peace at last and everlasting sunshine.

[crossdrezzer1]

I told my wife before we got married during a car ride,,,, just blurted it out before we got married,,, 15 years later we talked about it and she said maybe if I told her before she fell in love with me she might of not of been with me,, she has played with me in the past and supports me,, but still doesnt like it,,some times she knows I need it and does unmentional stuff and sometimes tells me to keep it to my self,,its her rules but lets me be alone when I want it,,she knows its a part of me and supports that,,and helps me when she can but tells me she married a man and likes that...happily married 15 years and growing stronger,.,,

[Sarah C.]

I told my wife after we'd been dating for only 1 month. I knew then that I really like her, and if we were to have a future, she needed to know this about me. I figured, if she's ok with it, then great, let's keep going. But if she wasn't, then neither of us has invested too much in the relationship at that point. Good news, she was ok with it! Not 100%, and still isn't (6 years later), but I'd say she's about 90% ok with it. We had many discussions which really helped her to understand. She was very appreciative that I told before we got married.

[DeniseNJ]

I guess mine found out way back when. We were dating and halloween came around and she suggested I be a girl for the fun of it.. Little did she know I was all giglly inside having her suggest it. Maybe she thought I would just put on a dress and army boots and a wig. Oh no , I had been dressing and in the closet for years, I went out and bought my first new pair of Heels Purple
3" pumps, a nice dress shaved my legs, polished my nails, {I was having to much fun and couldn't get feminine fast enough.} Her girlfriend was like I think he's enjoying this seeing how serious I took itand I was:daydreaming: That was the first day Denise went out and had lots of compleiments . first few years were fun. now it's not

[Shelly67]

After years of hiding away my concience got the hold of me . My excuses for " panda " eyes wasn,t working . I hated myself for the deviousness of it all . It soon overtook my reasons for keeping quiet . I imagined if she didn't know it,d be a positive measure . I was wrong , she began to pick up on my behaviour. I was having a hard time , the hiding of clothes , make up , wigs .... but more than anything accepting myself .
So I sat her down , and tried to tell her . I stammered , spoke so fast not a word made sense . The atmosphere was very strained , she very quietly asked me was I crossdressing . I nearly fainted . I opened up , she sat there silent , staring at the floor . Those silent seconds will haunt me forever ... I imagined my marriage to be over . Her only remark was that she'd suspected something was going on due to make up still present on my eyelashes , she thought it was just a moment alone , playing with make up and getting off .

That was over 3 years ago . It hasn't been easy , certainly we've been to war , cried , argued , made up so many times .

[Aaron Zwidling]

I told my wife after we had been dating for a month or so. A few years later we married, and have been married for fifteen years now. It was a bit of a process for her to accept it at first, but she's been fine with it for most of our time together.

[Ediosa]

I told her.

[curse within]

Yep ,,,,,told her 2 years before we married. She said she could accept it...So here I am 20 some odd years later.. Feel like the family car that was set out to the pasture ..:doh:

[angie^]

Married at 23, and had been dressing in the closet as far back as I can remember. About 6 months after we were married, and having a great sex life by the way, she asked me to wear her stockings and garter belt in bed. I of course jumped at the chance, and we had such a great night. Progressively, things continued, until she was buying me lingerie and heels etc, dressing me up, doing my hair and make up. I always teased her, that she had turned me into a crossdresser. Now 25 years later, still dressing, still having great sex. On our 25th wedding anniversary I confessed to her that I had been dressing way before I met her. She laughed and kissed me.

Angie xx

[Elizebeth]

Told her when we were starting to think about getting married.

[Kelli Ann]

I want so much to tell her. Like other closeted cder's here, I play the conversation out in my mind and want her to know but I just can't seem to find the courage.

I know most of you have understanding wives but if she did not accept my cding, I would have no where else to go. It would be just like starting over in my life.

We have been married for 15 years and I dressed a few times in my little bachelor pad before we met but although I have always had the urge, I did not start dressing in our marriage until about 2 years ago. I have to hide my things.

Like any wife, she would be more concerned about our kids, my job, and fine reputation in the community.

We are already on shaky ground due to other issues in our marriage and I know this would put the nail in the coffin and I would have to move back to that bachelor pad.

[Pink_Lace]

i met mine online and we chatted for awhile before we got together, i told here before we ever even started to get involved.

[Alice B]

I told her.

[JuAnn]

When she found my bras, forms and panties - the first time she told me to get rid of them. I did for awhile but not for long.
JuAnn

[Toni_Lynn]

Quite simply told her while we where dating. While she okay with it from the get go, she had questions which I honestly and openly answered. The result has been crossdressing heaven, not only in regular day to day life, but also in the intimacy sense.

BTW -- one reason it all worked out is of course my honesty, but also because her son, my step-son now, who is autistic, also crossdresses. So as a result she has been able to understand him to a greater degree.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Edyta_C]

I told my wife after being married for 10 years. At first she was shocked and upset. Now after many many hours of discussion, she understands that this is part of me. She accepts it and occasionally buys me things. I don't think she is totally OK with it but loves me and accepts it as a wart on my personality. I don't recommend telling your wife unless 1) you are prepared and armed with information. 2) you understand where you are at on the CD to TS spectrum (it might change later but you need to know where you are today) 3) Very confident of her love 4) and prepared for the worst!

I was so depressed and not getting better that I thought that what ever happened, I would be better with getting it in the open. I was lucky, very lucky! She accepts and this has helped with my depression. While not perfect, I am really doing well in that respect. Which I attribute to being able to bring that part of me into the open.

The worst part for most SOs is that you have been lieing to them. The trust thing is VERY big! If she listens to you, you have to explain the horrible consequences you imagine happening to you when others find out. This understanding is the only thing that I think made my wife trust me again.

Edy

[suchacutie]

My wife had given me a couple of pieces of lingerie that didn't fit her, but did fit me. After I joked that I'd have to fill out some pieces in order to wear them she said, OK. So, I bought platforms and opaque stockings, learned how to walk in heels and generally tried to figure out how to deal with all this stuff, but only from the waist down.

We went off for an overnight together and in the morning she asked if I was going to model for her, so I got dressed including a unisex black top, no makeup or anyuthing, and out I came for the first time perched on 6" heels and very nervous. She took one look and I thought it was all over. Instead she said,"look at those legs! They're better than Tina Turner's! We HAVE to buy you a dress!"

Well, that as they say, was that, and we've never looked back!

tina

[Karen564]

This is a very interesting thread....
I would have never realized before reading this thread that so many came clean before or during the marriage & have accepting spouses, and only a small handful got caught... :straightface:

Very interesting & quite amazing...So my hat is off to every one of you that were honest about it...:thumbsup:


But sadly, I wasn't so forthcoming with my spouse, I never told her & I never got caught during our relationship of 25+years...and she never knew anything, (despite the fact I had my clothes & shoes in our joint closet)
But did tell her 4+ years after our divorce was settled that I was TS with GID & plan on living as a woman & getting SRS..:)

Yes, I guess I was a bad kitty..:sad:

Now I know I should of told her before we were married & faced my issues in the open, so she could of dumped me right then & there, then maybe I could of started to live my life the way it should of been from that point on as a woman...just too many wasted years for both me & her in the end..:sad:

[Miranda09]

This is very interesting. After reading all of your posts, I find a wide range of responses from the spouces, girlfriends, etc. Everything downright refusal to accept the CDing, or actually embracing it and having fun with it. I've never had this kind of experience, at least not yet, but if I ever do get involved again with woman, I'd have to think long and hard about how to tell her. Again, trust will be a big factor here.

[JulieC]

if I ever do get involved again with woman, I'd have to think long and hard about how to tell her. Again, trust will be a big factor here.

Just do yourself a huge favor and make sure she knows BEFORE you ask her to marry you. It will take a lot of courage to tell her, but it takes a heck of a lot less courage to tell her then rather than after she's engaged to you, or after she's married to you, or (the worst) after you've had kids together.

[SouthernBelle.GG]

Two years after we were married, I had to borrow my husband's car when mine wouldn't start. I opened the trunk to put the groceries in and saw an almost full trash bag. There was a convenience center on the way home and I was going to throw it away for him, but thought I'd better make sure it was trash.

Surprise!

[amanda gg]

Hi,
I hope it is ok to post here. I am a wife who just found out about her husband's crossdressing several months ago. He was hiding his clothes and other things in a couple of boxes in the garage. I found them one day when I was looking for something. I had no idea who they belonged to. I asked him when he got home and he spilled the beans and told me about his cding. Not the best way for me to find out about this part of him...

[Girly Sara]

I told my long-term girlfriend about my dressing up just over a year after we first met each other and just before we were about to move in together.

The process of 'coming clean' took hours of agonising one evening as we drank at a local pub. It came to the point that she was beginning to think i was having an affair. At that time, back in 1997, my need to dress up was only an underwear thing before Sara blossomed in 2003.

Anyways, getting to the point, when i finally admitted to my girlfriend that i liked to wear womens' panties, bras etc etc, she momentarily giggled and then said it was fine. She admitted she was initially worried that i was having an affair but i re-assured her i wasn't. What a big weight off my shoulders!

Fast-forward to now and i have the same girlfriend that fully supports my need to be Sara and has truly helped me become who i am now.

Sara xxx

[JulieC]

Hi, I hope it is ok to post here.

Of course it is! WELCOME! :)


I am a wife who just found out about her husband's crossdressing several months ago. He was hiding his clothes and other things in a couple of boxes in the garage. I found them one day when I was looking for something. I had no idea who they belonged to. I asked him when he got home and he spilled the beans and told me about his cding. Not the best way for me to find out about this part of him...

No, it isn't. I tell everyone who will listen that the best time to tell is BEFORE getting married. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. I'm sorry this happened this way for you. Talk to us, and perhaps we can help you through.

[JenniferR771]

I hinted a couple of times--"Didn't my mother tell you I was a crossdresser?" "Just kidding." Her reaction was negative. Our 25th wedding anniversary was coming up. She was loving. I wanted to tell her. Didn't have the nerve. But eventually just got careless. She came home an hour early. Caught me in her clothes. "What the frick do you think you are doing in my clothes?" Fast forward 10 years. She is slightly accepting. Recently made me purge 6 dresses, and 16 pair of shoes. But she let me keep 6 dresses and about 4 pair of shoes. Plus a few odds and ends, underwear and accessories. She is having a hard time with my cding, but more understanding every year.

[patricia marie]

It was my wife that got me started about 15 years ago and now I have tons of clothes. If I go too long without wearing where she can see me I am told about it. Lucky I guess.

[Miranda09]

Hi Amanda.....Glad you made this post. How are you accepting his CDing? Remember, many dont tell their SO's about this for fear of ridicule...or worse. Then again, others take in stride, realize he's still the sam person they fell in love with, and wind up having a great time with. It all depends on your outlook. Keep us posted...dont be shy!!

[Miranda09]

Just do yourself a huge favor and make sure she knows BEFORE you ask her to marry you. It will take a lot of courage to tell her, but it takes a heck of a lot less courage to tell her then rather than after she's engaged to you, or after she's married to you, or (the worst) after you've had kids together.

Absolutely Julie. I agree with you. Even tho it could be hard, I wouldnt marry her unless she knew ahead of time.

[Shikyo]

My wife was there when I started with it, so I never had anything to hide. First she was little suspicious about it but in the end she was fine with it, even though I want to go all the way through. Of course all of this I did not realize on the first day, or even the first month, but slowly and slowly constantly talking about it with my wife. All in all it was a long process, but I'm very happy I did it, otherwise I'd still be living as a male, even though my mind tells me something else.

I did start very slowly, like just with underwear, the occasional skirt or so. Before we even knew I was totally dressed. It happens a lot faster than one would think.

[jackieo]

I told mine the night that we were going to move into gather and that was 18 years ago and she has been real supportive.
I'm lucky I gess. Jackieo

[gwen cd]

Well it was around 01:30 in the morning taking a drive around town to put my 4 month old son to sleep. ( difficult child from birth.)

We were frustrated and tired and have been fighting all week.
She asked me why are you so angry.
We realy opened up to each other about everything.
She then asked me is that all or is there something else on your mind.
I hit her with it full on and everything about Gwen.

She did not speak to me for 3 weeks and left with my son to Capetown for 10 days to get away.
She said ( It was a lot to process mentaly...) when I picked here up from the airport.
Since then all has been Ok, she even reminds me ( is it not time for Gwen to come visit) With a smile.

[Tammy298]

Married at 23, and had been dressing in the closet as far back as I can remember. About 6 months after we were married, and having a great sex life by the way, she asked me to wear her stockings and garter belt in bed. I of course jumped at the chance, and we had such a great night.
....
Angie xx

Mmmmmm.. Garter belt & stockings are my favorite! I'm now wearing them frequently to bed, even just to snuggle at night! My wife also wears them frequent which is even better for a fun time!:D
Does your wife also wear them when you wear them to bed?
I find stocking clad legs rubbing together very, very sensuous!

[Briana Blonde]

My gf found a pair of my shoes 12 years ago but still hasn't seen me fully dressed yet.

[barbaralynn]

i revealed my other side to my wife before we got married. still together after 23 wonderful years of marriage.

[Joanne108]

Just wondering how your wife found out that you crossdressr.Been thinking about telling mine but have not found the right time or way

I told her about while we were still dating. She married me anyway!:) SHe doesn't understand it but she supports me.:)

[Quandry]

I wasn't a cd untill my wife found my girlfriend's panties in my car. Had to tell her they were mine. Found out I liked it. Now my wife fixes my hair and does my makeup.

[dominique]

She found pictures on the computer, while looking for family snaps to send to a friend. Told not to dress again, but have had a few relaspes.

[JulieC]

She found pictures on the computer, while looking for family snaps to send to a friend. Told not to dress again, but have had a few relaspes.

Sigh. Tell her not to wear pants again or else. :)

[Claire B]

Told Cindy shortly after we got together. At first she didn't understand what crossdressing was all about. But thankful for an understanding ex-mother in law who explained it better than I could. She has come to not only accept Claire. But has become very supportive of me. Even to the point of insisting that I become Claire for a day at least once a week.

[Kate17]

I havn't yet either but i am getting close. I have gone through many senarios in my head. I am leaving clothes "hidden" in plain sight hoping she finds them and asks "What is this? Well dear its my nightie - BAMM !
I know I should have told he when we got married but I was in my denial stage so it did not come up. Now, I shave all over, just bought a epil, pluck my eyebrows, wear silky stuff to bed, apply feminine face creme at night and a very fragrent body creme yet I still cant get over the hump. I am using the you didn't know???? approach.

I know, I am a chicken and probably should have more faith in her. I think I do not want to let her down. So, that is my approach. If you spill the beans, please let me know how you did it.

Kate 17

[sarah-cd]

My wife found a couple of pics on the computer and then we had a discussion. She wants me to dress when she isn't around, but she's been good about not trying to stop me. She even went with me to Victoria's Secret and Frederick's when we were in Las Vegas. I picked out what I wanted and she took it through the checkout. Of course, she got a Coach purse out of the deal! :)

[kristinacd55]

Cristy, go ahead & tell her. Don't wait 32 years when she finds a sex toy & thinks you're having an affair with another woman like mine did. I did think my wife got the hint in college when I dressed up in front of her. Or when my sister in law used to do up my hair like Farrah Fawcett. Unfortunately, she didn't catch on & I foolishly dove into the closet.
After you do tell her, make sure to do it gently & don't overdo it!

[Jessica Who]

Within a month of being together, I shared it with her one night in bed. I was very scared because I really liked her. She took the news very well, and we went from there.

We've certainly had our ups and downs, but that's part of life I guess. What's important is that she has always been supportive of me and is very encouraging of Jessica.

I love her so much.:love:

[Kate17]

I see I had an earlier post saying I was thinking about it - Well- I did last weekend. I am really glad I did and yes it was one of the tougher things I had to do in my life.

[5150 Girl]

My previous SO found out by finding a few items of my "stash". She was furious because she thought I was dating another woman. I had to try stuff on for her to proove I wasn't a cheeter, and even then she still had a small degree of doubt. THat is, untill one day she caught me in the act of dressing. Eventulaly reached an agreement that Nonnie would be kept out of her sight, and inside the house. With the lodgical exceptoin of Haloween I kept that agreement. In time, she even gave me some of her old clothes. (again, with the keep it out her sight provision) When she left me, 99.9% of her reasoning was financhial.

When I met my new SO it was a breif meeting and I was en-drab. When our paths crossed again it was Haloween and I was Sarah Palin. She noticed I was to pretty for this to be a one time thing, and we had a discussion about it. Our fist kiss was even that night. She hasn't seen me dressed scince, but she's seen pics. This new one even seems to delight in telling her family and freinds she's daitng a CDer.

[missy10]

I asked her to buy me some panties. She did!

[Lisa LIckorice]

I still have not told my wife, but I really want to. I'm soooo torn by the whole thing..................I kind of started telling her. Here is the story.

About two months ago my wife was going through the garage and found a black bag with an empty sex toy packaging box and a used condom. When I got home she told me that she found something in the garage. I thought she found my duffle bag with forms, stockings, and shoes. When she told me what she found she asked if I was cheating on her. I told her no and that I bought the sex toy to experiment with (which I did) and told her that I used the condom to sanitary reasons (which I did). I was very embarrassed by it. She told me that, that was ok and while we were sitting on the couch I told her that I sometimes wore her panties when I masturbated. She said she has noticed her panties out of place and smiled.

I really screwed up because that was my chance to tell her. Since then I've been shaving my legs and she has noticed and asked why. I told her that I liked the way it felt. Again, another chance to tell her! I just don't know why I can't! I'm really lost with this........

[Joni Beauman]

Well, there was the gradual transition to women's only underwear and tights in the winter. But the real discovery was a result of being put on hold on a necessary phone call....My wife had left to go into the nearby larger town and I quickly slipped into a little summer dress, stockings, and pumps to make the call. I had to wait a long time on hold and at the same time I got through on the line while my wife returned with a package from post office. I stayed on the phone.

Later, after packing for an out-of-town trip, she rumaged through my backpack and found my purse ready for the road (with wig, heals,etc...) since I always switch before dinner and head out as Joan. These were surprises somehow, after perhaps 18 years or so of marriage at the time, and not something she wants to understand or see. But somehow now at year 26 of our otherwise wonderful marriage, I think she is resigned to it and kind of tacitly accepts it. At least I hope. Joni

[Veronica S]

She found some pantyhose that she knew weren't hers. She asked me about it and as I was really embarrassed and didn't want to talk about it, she never pressed the issue, but also never said anything negative. With our children being younger at that time and with the hectic life of school, sports etc, it got relegated to the back burner.

Fast forward a number of years. Life gets less rushed as the kids grow up, and I think I just felt the need to clear the air. One night in a clothing related conversation I simply said something like 'You know I like to wear these things too.' The discussion took several days, but she had already figured things out previously and had sort of come to terms with it, though she had a lot of unanswered questions.

Me being the type of person who wasn't very forthcoming with anything probably made an honest discussion with her about my crossdressing far more difficult, and years later than it needed to be.

Today it's just part of our lives. I don't make a big thing of it and she takes me as I am. We have a good time with it. We do things together now, like shopping for clothes, doing our nails, etc, that I never would have thought possible.

[Joanne108]

I told my wife before we were married. It's been almost 20 years of marriage now and she loves and supports me, but doesn't want to know any more about it.

[susan2010]

Back when we are dating, one night while driving, she asked me what was the weirdest thing I'd ever done sexually. I missed the opportunity to spill the beans completely, and only told her I'd worn a slip and panties a couple of times. She seemed to enjoy it and we experimented a few time before and after the wedding, but she was really turned off and disgusted later when I wanted to do more. She is very angry that I wasn't completely honest, and it has a lot to do with our upcoming separation.

[Roxi Loh]

When we were dating I sort of tricked her into making me up and dressing me as a girl. We had wild sex while I was dressed and she seemed to like it a lot. I told her that I had dressed as a girl from a young age. It was no turning back after that. In the last four years she has changed from a participant to more of a tolerant role. She tolerates it...I sometimes dress when she is there but for the most part she doesn't have a lot to do with it. I am very glad I did it before we were married.

[Leona Feelsgood]

A certain girl who I met through an internet dating agency doofy, came to stay with me for our first weekend of actually meeting. Travelling light, she had only brought minimum clothes with her and when on Saturday eve I was taking her out for a meal and she was in her jeans again, I asked her if she had a skirt to wear for a 'change'.

She said no, sorry this is about all that I've brought with me. So, I went to my wardrobe and produced a knee length denim skirt which fitted her superbly followed by a pair of high heels to match. [These had been bought by me for a previous girl who was no longer around luckily, she took the same size shoes!!!]

Obviously, she then asked why I had a skirt in my wardrobe so I told her. Bang! Just like that. Then we went for the meal where, amongst other subjects, cross dressing came up. Suffice it to say that, on Sunday afternoon she went back to where she was living at the time [southern England] and four days later she returned to me in Liverpool and we've been together since, actually marrying last year.

Leona X X X

[JulieC]

A certain girl who I met ... I asked her if she had a skirt to wear for a 'change'.

She said no, sorry this is about all that I've brought with me. So, I went to my wardrobe and produced a knee length denim skirt which fitted her superbly followed by a pair of high heels to match. [These had been bought by me for a previous girl who was no longer around luckily, she took the same size shoes!!!]...we've been together since, actually marrying last year.

Leona X X X
I think maybe she married you for your wardrobe? :lol:

[karynspanties]

My wife and I dated in our senior year of high school. We were having sex everyday. She used her panties to rub on me. I did not object. I have dressed as long as I can remember. We were married that fall (1982) and she always new I really liked her panties and camis she wore. About a month into our marriage during sexual activities, I asked her to put her cami on me. She did. This lead up to her dressing me in her clothes (at the time we were the same size) doing my make-up and my hair. Now for as long as I can remember, we have matching underwear/lingerie. She went from an active participant to not wanting to see me fully enfemme. In panties and lingerie, just not fully enfemme.

[Kerrie Sifton]

Not the way to have it happen!

Last year my wife found some lingerie in the trunk of her car. I had been on a trip and bought some things while I was on the road. She was startled and wondered if I had a girlfriend. Saying no, but really dodging the issue we talked briefly about it, me treating it as fetish, then dropped the subject.

However the subject had been brought up with our therapist. And at the time when he asked if I felt guilty, I had a major revelation that I did not feel guilty at all. It was a changing moment which sent me on a direction to have a complete transformation and purchase several complete outfits.

After the transformation, I realized that this was not a simple fetish, but I could not bring myself to reveal it all to my wife. Procrastination set in...
Then this year she found a receipt on a credit card bill for a corset shop. Well this set her to looking at other bills and she realized that It was much more than a fetish. So my preparations to tell her were brought to the fore. And I was more frank than I had been. After 28 years of marriage she was stunned and angered, more so that I was not open with her than anything else.

So now we are working through the issues. Being more open and sooner is a better policy. Keeping your alternate side underwraps or in the closet may not always be the best choice for you or for others around you.

[Miss Petra]

My GF, now wife found my stash when we were moving in together after a month of dating. She asked what is this? I told her that Im a CD. Her only reaction was she knew I wasnt like the manly men she was used to dating and was actually attracted to some of my feminine qualities like being kind compassionate good listener etc.. She thought that it could be fun sometime to try and explore.

Everything was great then after engaged the hammer came down and the dressing was to stop. So for 15 years it was I hide she seeks she destroys.

3 Years ago I told her that this was it I was tired of the lying and living in guilt, shame & fear. I knew that either we try and work it out or I have to leave her.

We go to therapy 2x a month our marriage has never been better. :hugs:She buys me things I go out as Petra once a month. Not once did I feel I was entitled and acepted the wives feelings as her feelngs and what ever she thought was OK. I kept the pink fog to a minimum and went very slow with lots of negotiations and boundaries set that I dont cross.

We have both worked very hard on this and always accepted each others feelings and has not been easy. Who said marriage was supposed to be easy. She went from homophobic totally unaccepting to supportive, tolerating and knows Im who I am even though I wear womans clothing.

HUgz,

Petra

[spanky1959]

I told my wife soon after we started dating. I was totally shocked after I told her. All she said was, is that all! " I thought you were cheating on me". We talked a long time and she now takes me shopping, we have so much fun together. The big bonus is we are the same size, so we can mix and match. Then another shocker. I had come to the conclusion, after months of therapy, I realized that I was TS. WOW! So I told her this, and she said if I wanted to try hormones she was o.k., as long as I kept her updated on my feelings of a full transition. She told me she accepts hormones, but she's not sure if she can accept a full transition. Now my problem, my therapist who gave me the letter had set up my appt. with an endo. Weeks later I went back to my endo and was told I have factor 5 five, (one gene) a disorder that causes me to make blood clots. I am on coumadin for life. So i am trying to see if there are any other alternatives to my problem. I do not want anybody to do what I did, as it is very dangerous. For six months I took spiro and estrogen, no clots, but I did have sgnificant progress. My chest grew more rapidly than I could ever imagine, everything I could have hoped for and more. Having hormones in my system was giving me the answer I had sought. So it is heartbreaking to know I will never again feel RIGHT anymore. I want that feeling back

[catriona36]

After reading the replies, I cant help but think, the younger generation (me included) have it a lil bit easier.
In that i mean, that now even more and more meeting is via the net. I think that the net gives us a sry of invisible barrier, where we can be more open without feer as people would have been say 10 or 20 years ago...

Having said that, i know that some on the net hide the truth and be more than they are, so it works both ways.

Im single at the moment but cant help but feel that the first woman i lived with would have been ok with this.
tho her being her and not making "girl" friends i would prob have been dressed and draged around by her lol

[sfwarbonnet]

Interesting thread. I am amazed that although many of you disclosed your CDing early in your relationship, almost as many of you CD in “stealth” mode. The biggest disadvantage to the latter, is that you lose the opportunity to choose where and when, as the timing will be determined when your spouse finds a stash of femme clothes and accessories or pictures of you “dressed”. As for me, there are no stashes and no pictures to find. I think that men should be as comfortable shopping for, and wearing traditionally women’s clothes as women are in wearing men’s clothes. However, many of the replies to these finding suggest that I was trying to justify CDing and that I should avoid “girl things”. The more I am told that it is not PC for a man to wear traditionally women's apparel. the more femme items I want to wear. When you are accused of CDing do it – and go as far as possible.

My wearing traditionally women’s clothes has evolved, and the frequency thereof has increased. CDing had been dormant for me for years, but restarted in earnest when she got me women’s pull-on pants, and a doctor recommended pantyhose. With women’s pants and pantyhose. The fly in men’s underwear is not needed, and panties are lighter anyway. A short slip is better than a men’s undershirt as it precludes seeing the tops of panties and pantyhose and avoids exposed skin. She reluctantly “bought in” and got many of my femme clothes (although getting her to buy me panties and nylons was a challenge).

[Trip_rockcity]

Sally2005 your a bit of a legend really.. arnt you (^^,).. .. thats pritty much how i see things about telling people..

[sfwarbonnet]

I have never had “the talk” with my wife, I keep going further in her presence. It was a significant step when she saw me in pantyhose and a slip in our hotel in Vegas a couple years ago. My goal is to go “out” in public en femme with her. Although I have made considerable progress lately in wearing panties, pantyhose, and slip daily, and a dress too in the evening at home when she’s there, I still don’t wear a bra though unless she’s away (like now) and I underdress when we go out here. Next, I want to enlarge my breasts so I need to wear a bra all the time. I may also need an “excuse” to go-all-the-way and it may need to be at a distant location.

[Sarah Doepner]

Ouch! Yes I knew I should have told her, but I was always worried. I wasn't worried about my CDing, but she had so much stress in her life I didn't want to add to it. Boy oh boy, that was a great excuse for not telling her. She needed something in the closet and I had almost managed to get changed and covered up. I blurted it out, answering the 3 or 4 BIG questions in a single breath. No, I'm not gay, I don't want to be a woman, I love you, and I've been doing this for years and not telling you, I'm sooooo very sorry.

She left almost as soon as she came in and I got to stew over it for about 5 or 6 days before she brought it up. She did her research on the internet, found my stash in the basement and decided that I was worth keeping. I should have told her years earlier, but I had blinders on and didn't really know her as well as I thought I did. She is supportive to this day, nearly 7 years later.

I am very lucky and I will do anything for that woman.

[Dawn Marie]

One of her friends saw me at a club and told her. She called me up ( this was while we were still dating) And asked me straight out if it was me and I said yes. She did a lot of yelling that night and I finally gave in and said I would quit. (but we all know how that goes) It's been now going on 13 yrs and she is still not approving and I have been caught several times but we are still together.

[Katheryn]

Ouch! Yes I knew I should have told her, but I was always worried. I wasn't worried about my CDing, but she had so much stress in her life I didn't want to add to it. Boy oh boy, that was a great excuse for not telling her.

I had similar reasons for not telling my wife at first.



No, I'm not gay, I don't want to be a woman, I love you, and I've been doing this for years and not telling you, I'm sooooo very sorry.


Yeah, those are the primary fears. My wife figured I would leave her, have SRS, and find a guy. Wrong. I love her, don't want to leave her, and it took awhile for her to accept that I didn't want to go further than cd'ing.




She left almost as soon as she came in and I got to stew over it for about 5 or 6 days before she brought it up. She did her research on the internet, found my stash in the basement and decided that I was worth keeping.

At least nowadays there is an internet with which to do research. I underlined, often, in the discussion that it was the qualities in me, the femme ones, that attracted her to me in the first place, over most of the macho a----les that she'd dated before. The Marlboro Man lookalike who beat her up, etc. Those same qualities urged me to dress. You can't have one without the other in me. I tried, at first, to bury the dressing for her sake, but realized, as so many of us do, you can't disregard half of yourself without consequences.



I am very lucky and I will do anything for that woman.

Same boat here, hun.


kate

[TxKimberly]

I told her - 21 years ago and about 2 weeks after we were married.

[serina lopez]

i agree with Kimmy P. i basically told my fiance while we were naked in bed having sex and talking dirty.
if you tell her in that scenario, u can find out what she thinks about it. if she doesnt like it,, you can always just say it was bed-talk, and dismiss it as such.
this method is almost fool-proof!

[tanya1976]

[QUOTE=deborah jane;1684382]I told my first wife when the urge to dress came back....We divorced, but not over crossdressing, that was just the final straw...'

Me too. In my first wife's defense she did try to get her head around it initially but I suppose to simplify a very long and painful process, in her own words, it was just 'not her scene'. So yeah we split but it wasn't the end of the world, just the beginning of a new journey for both of us. I am now with someone who, although we have our ups and downs/differences/falling outs/making ups like everybody else has absolutely no problems with me crossdressing.

[Heather Daniels]

I've never really told her about my cding. The subject of lingerie was brought up in bed several years ago, and she did let me wear some of her lingerie to bed. She even went so far as to buy me a few things. I actually had to tell her that I had enough lingerie. (what was I thinking ) Anyway, I think she suspects something, but the subject has not come up again. Part of me wants to confess, but another part of me wants to keep this to myself.

[Jonianne]

We had the "There is something you need to know about me" talk, just as soon as she told me she was interested in me (thank God for womens lib!). She asked me the usual two questions and told me she had to think about this. The next day she called and said she did not care what cloths I wore, she just loved me. We then discussed boundries and groundrules and a couple years later we got married. That was 10 years ago. I love my wonderful Angel!

[nancyish]

I was wearing my wife's panties for about 4 or 5 years and i couldn't take keeping it a secret anymore.One night i wore one of her plain cotton panties to see iff she'd notice the difference.I wore men's bathing suit because of the nice nylon feel and i didn't think she'd know the difference.Well she did notice and was not happy but she agreed to give me a few pairs when i told her i liked them.Since then she's given me some and bought me more.

[Poona]

I told my wife about 2 years ago. It was very hard for her to accept and she felt betrayed. She now accepts that this is a part of who I am, but she doesn't want to see what I look like dressed up. On a good note, she does like buying panties that we can both wear.

[Super Amanda]

I did the worst thing possible and thought I would "surprise" her. I have a couple of pics from that day I found on my computer that I thought I had deleted them long ago.

Our relationship was falling apart, she was doing whatever she wanted, so I figured I would do whatever I want. We split up weeks later. This was in 2005, and our divorce was only final as of the 8th of this month!

I've been taking care of my son solo since then, he was almost 2. It's ironic, because after we split up, I HAD to become Mother as well as Father. Everywhere I went it was diaper bags, car seats and bottles.

She owes me now over 6000 dollars in child support,legally we have joint custody, but I pretty much have sole custody because she, unfortunately, is a horrible Mother and just won't get it together. Sigh.

No wonder she was horrified by the way I looked though, it was by far not my best presentation. Things seemed OK for like two days, she even borrowed my wig and beanie in the pic(and looked fantastic...bitch...just kidding) to go to work one night.

Bottom line, what I did was wrong, wrong, wrong. I wasn't prepared to tell her why, hell, I still was very confused about what I wanted from all of it. It was awful, and I really hurt her by doing it like that.

The pics are tiny thumbnails because lie I said, I though I has deleted the pics, but somehow my computer made thumbs of the pics I thought I deleted.

[sfwarbonnet]

Appearing as a woman and wearing women’s clothes is an evolving process for me. The further I go, the further I want to go. My goal is to go out enfemme with my wife, and be a “girl” with her! She initially balked at my wearing panties, pantyhose and a slip. Now she accepts them, add, if fact, often buys them for me. The first time (that wasn't Halloween) she say me wearing traditionally women's clothed was in our hotel room on a trip a couple yeas ago, but now I wear them routinely and openly. I now wear a dress when she’s home, and she doesn’t react any differentl han if I’m in drab. If I can enlarge my breasts so I need to wear a bra full time then that will be a fait accompli and I can add a bra to the panties, pantyhose, slip, and women’s pull-on slacks that I routinely wear now when we go “out”, even though I am underdressing.

[WandaRae2009]

I came home from a trip out of town, I faild to remove a pair of pantyhose from my briefcase. She went looking for something and found them. She though they belonged to a GG and was having an affair. I told her a lie at first that since it was winter, I just used them to stay warm in the cold. I couldn't stand that I lied, and she suspected it wasn't the truth. After a few days, and I knew the kids were not going to be home for some time I told her the whole truth.

She has done some reading on the internet & We have had one very good counseling session. She is not happy about it but understands that I cannot stop. Hopefully some day she will become more accepting, and we can do more feminine things together.

[sfwarbonnet]

I have now become so accustomed to wearing a bra, that it is only a matter of time until I forget to remove it brfore my wife gets home and she finds me wearing her bra.

[Dana]

I told her 3 years before we got serious..


We can STAND THIS!

If we give a damn!

Nothing is going to stop us!

Now!

Put your arms around me!

BELIVE!

BELIVE!

[becca687]

she found my panties, but has not said anything. she also gives me crap about shaving my legs.:eek:

[JulieC]

I have now become so accustomed to wearing a bra, that it is only a matter of time until I forget to remove it brfore my wife gets home and she finds me wearing her bra.

Get your own! Fit better, and WHEN your wife discovers there will be less for her to be upset about!

[Rachel05]

Oh well my wife apparently had her suspicions, she never said why and then one night she came up stairs unexpectedly when I was getting changed from my male work clothes into my favorite slouching clothes, and I had panties and hold ups on, I thought I got my trousers up in time but she caught a glimpse of lace top on the stockings and thought that's it, where is he hiding this stuff.

She found my stash and left me a note that said "you must expalin this to me sometime" so I did and we have never spoken about it since, our relationship has not changed one little bit and I would love her to share, but she isn't interested in talking it through, but maybe one day, who knows

[sfwarbonnet]

Get your own! Fit better, and WHEN your wife discovers there will be less for her to be upset about!

Good idea. To avoid a stash that she would most likely find, a bra slip would seem ideal since I wear a short slip daily anyway, and a bra slip would avoid a back closure. Of course, the cup size would need to be a B or less so it wouldn't show... I am a natural A now, but am a B wannabe so I will need to wear a bra.

[deborahtg42]

I told my wife before we got married I liked wearing stockings and suspenders, couple years later told her I like wearing pretty much everything else as well and I was a crossdresser.

[Bluesman]

I hinted at it at the very beginning of our relationship. We were long-distance for a while, writing letters (this was before the internet!), and I described a cross-dressing fantasy. In response, she sent me a pair of stockings and garter-belt. I was thrilled and thought, wow, she understands and is supportive. However nothing further was mentioned when she moved in with me, and I was so much in love and lust with her that I wasn't having any xdressing desires at the time. Over the years I would occasionally wear a pair of panties, or we would play a little lingerie dress-up/domination game in the bedroom on RARE occasions, and it stayed at that level for several more years. After about 6 years, during a period when she was out of town for several weeks I started getting into cross dressing fantasies during phone sex. I bought a sexy nightgown at Victoria's secret, told her about it, also bought a bra/panty/garter belt set. When she returned home I did a big reveal, we had great sex with me dressed, I slept in the nightgown and put on bra and panties in the morning, continued this way for a few days, and then she kind of lost it, wanting to know if this meant I was gay, or wanted to become a woman (I'm not and don't). She finally just kind of shut it out, didn't want to deal with it, and I just went back to dressing in private, in a kind of "don't ask/don't tell mode." Anyway, this continued for about 10 years until I decided I didn't want to hide anymore. I told her I was a fetish crossdresser (it's always sensual/sexual with me), we talked about it, I told her I didn't want to hide this part of me, but that I also understood if she wasn't comfortable and would include her or not include her as she wished. Sooo... now I sleep with her in a nightgown when I like, wear panties and keep them in my dresser drawer, she washes and folds them if they are in the laundry (as do I). She's seen my dress (she said I needed a betterr one!) and shoes (thought they were cute), but hasn't seen me in them. She asked me the other night if I had a bra, and I said yes. I used to sneak into my nightgown either before she came to bed or after she was asleep, but for the last 5 nights I've worn it openly, and last night I put it on while she was reading in bed, hopped in next to her, and worked on a crossword puzzle. I still play a little cat and mouse. If I put color polish on my toenails, I hide them from her, I just bought a new nightgown, and haven't let her know or see it. When I dress at home during the day, I make sure that I'm in male clothes (except for panties) when she gets home.

[BillieJoe]

About two months before we got married my wife, her sister and sister-in-law drove from our hometown to the apartment we would be sharing after we got married. I had no idea she would be coming that night. I had my stuff all over the apartment. Of course at first they all thought that I was living with someone but then they found a journal (very explicitly written about my CD/TS tendencies.) I got a very irate phone call at work. I had to punch out that night and go and see my future wife. We stayed up until the wee hours of the morning discussing 'my thing'. We eventually got through it. My wife was way more accepting of me in our early years. We've had two separations brought on by my CDing. She still doesn't appreciate the fact that I do dress and in fact would like to see me 'cured'. Recently we celebrated our 37th anniversary.

[darla_g]

I didn't have to tell her. It sort of happened after we were married for a while. Trust me its easier that way.

[sallyjones]

i told her about 3 months into the relationship took her about 3 years to totally be cool with it went out 1 time and that was it i was hooked. now she does my makeup and goesshopping with me. good way to tell her is go get a pedicure with her.

[johnnaisacd]

I told her that I had a fetish for latex and hi heels,ie: the dominatrix look. This was while we were datting. She came over for dinner one Saterday afternoon an I had my latex blouse and dress with my 6" heels. She liked what she saw.. She even wears latex at times.. My wife like's seeing me dressed. been Married seven years. What a woman.

[Bernadina]

It told her just after we met.

[julie0110]

Early in my relationship, i told my then fiancee that I wanted to make love to her wearing her underwear. She eventrually agreed and it just progressed from there. Eventually the time came when I asked her if i could wear my special clothes. At first she was a bit shocked at seeing me in all my splendour but we talked about it afterwards and she agreed that i could dress up as often as i liked but would have to be careful around the children.

I would test the water and drop subtle hints and let it progress naturally. I am certain that if I just suddenly started to wear fem clothes the reaction would not have been so positive.

I hope you get the result you are looking for and that your wife is as understanding as mine.

Hugz and stuff

Julie

X X X

[Katrina26cd]

Well we had been dating a couple months and she painted my toenails. That really broke the ice. I think the first halloween really let the cat out of the bag. Not to mention when we moved in together I had a few pairs of heels.

[sfwarbonnet]

I didn't have to tell her. It sort of happened after we were married for a while. Trust me its easier that way.


Early in my relationship, i told my then fiancee that I wanted to make love to her wearing her underwear. She eventrually agreed and it just progressed from there. I would test the water and drop subtle hints and let it progress naturally. I am certain that if I just suddenly started to wear fem clothes the reaction would not have been so positive.

I too am taking small steps. When she accepts them, I add the next one. I started wearing women’s pull-on pamts and pantyhose. Then came panties and a slip. It was a significant step a couple years ago when she saw me in pantyhose and a slip in our hotel room and I had a purse when we went out. Now I am wearing panties, pantyhose, slip, and pull-on pants routinely - underdressing when we go out, but uncovered with a dress at home. She seems to be OK with that and bought panties, nylons, a garter bely, women’s slacks and shorts for me, and we are now slip shopping. Next I want to wear a bra full time when my boobs grow so I need it. My goal is to go all-the-way with her when we’re in public (and use the ladies restroom), but I reasonably sure that she would balk if I didn’t let it evolve so she could accept each small step.

[Lee Andrews]

I have been dressing most of my life so when an old girlfriend suggested it I was all over the idea. It went well for awhile but I think it got to her and she ended up leaving shortly there after. After that episode I vowed to never dress again, :heehee: well we know how that turns out don't we.

I had come to the realization that this was part of me and it wasn't going to disappear. I told myself that this was going to be disclosed to anyone I began to really feel for before it got too serious. I didn't want to be in a relationship and have to hide or lie about myself.

Along came my wife, we met on a blind date. I really fell for this girl. With in the first year of dating I struggled to find a way to tell her but couldn't muster up the courage to do so. I was having the worst arguements with myself, one part was yelling to tell her and see if she would still stay with this cross dresser before we got too serious. The other side is screaming she is the best thing that had ever happened to me and not to screw this up, you'll be fine just get rid of everything and fight off Lee whenever she decides to visit.

After about two months of not dressing with anything alone, it started to pop up all over my life. Looking at women, not admiring them but their outfits and how nice it would be to wear something like that, I decided I couldn't live like this and had to speak to her about it.

America's Funniest Video's was on. A guy was jumping around in a red bikini. She say's something to the effect of "Why would he do that in public, let alone on national T.V. He looks silly." I figured someone was trying to tell me something so I jumped in with both feet. I responded with something along the lines of "I like to do that once and a while." Will I could have scraped her jaw off the floor. We talked for a long while that night.

She has had her ups and downs with it. At the begining she was very active and has slowly drawn away from it but is still accepting. She wishes I didn't do it but knows it will not go away, so full dressing usually happens when she isn't home.

So am I glad I told her up front because I would be absolutely miserable right now. The thought of sneaking around behind her back or getting caught some time down the road was worse than rejection at the begining for me. 18 yrs later and still going strong.

[DianneW]

Told mine when we were dating, she loved the fact that if this is my only vise she was more than OK with it

[Laciegurl]

hehehe great question. Funny story here, my wife came home early and I was all in her clothes, no makeup or anything, and when I heard the car in the drive I went stripping. I threw the clothes in the closet, but she had heard all the commotion and thought I was cheating and the girl ran out the back or somthing. To save myself from looking unfaithfull I had to tell her. And a shock to me she took it very well. And after some talk we dicided to try it together.

[Kate17]

I see this thread has been going on a while. I originally posted # 111. I was trying to muster the courage to tell my wife.

I did. I read everything I could about the how to etc and just told her. So here I sit at my computer, toes painted red, a very sexy night dress and panties. I came downstairs the other morning wearing something sexy and her comment was - my you look ravishing. Girls, I died and went to CD heaven.

[danacd50]

In two instances it happened the same way...and ended the same. The first time was after a couple of years of marriage. The second was after 25 years of marriage. Both times they discovered me dressed and in both cases it ended the marriage.

[StephanieH]

I had surpressed this part of my life for a loooong time. Finally told her about it, things were a bit bumpy at first, then she accepted it and everything's been better since - just don't get to do it nearly often enough! :sad:

[Diane_2902]

I put her panties on one night and told her i put her panties on in the drark by aksudent. and she sed cool lrt me see. and then she whated to see me in more.

[Laciegurl]

As accepting as my wife is about my habits she does still demand a little attention as the male self. it's a game of give and trade. Make her happy and she will take care of you.

[Billywolf]

It wasn't fun when I came home from work & she was on the couch watching video's of me all
dolled up playing with myself in front of the camcorder saying nastythings like what I want from a group of men & next to her was a bag filled with my clothing,makeup,&wigs

[DianneW]

Didn,t tell my first wife for several years, wasn,t really sure what was going on with myself. I just didn,t know about crossdressing, I just knew I liked the look and feel of womens clothes and how sexy I felt. Well like so many others, she went ballistic, we finally agreed on , do it when I'm not around. She was OK with this arangement up untill her death back in 95. When I was dating my second wife I told her long before we were married and she has never had a problem been very supportive, taken me shopping, gone out to clubs etc.etc. She got a husband/girlfriend and I got a wife & best friend.

[DianneW]

ShannonFL....WOW!!! you look fantanstic. I'd date you myself if we both weren,t already married. Your hot!!!

[sfwarbonnet]

Found this bra slip at <jcp.com> (Item # RN129-6041Q) yesterday and ordered a couple in the largest bandwidth (42) and smallest cup size (B). Should come later this week. I'm hoping they will be just what I need to wear a bra full time with my wife’s knowledge. This bra slip appears to be similar to the ones I got a couple years ago, except those had a tank top and no bra. Tried a briefer then too but C was the smallest bra cup size available, and that was too big. The bra slip comes in a B and that should be OK.

The new bodyslips came today. They were short enough to be worn with pants, but alas, they were just too tight, and the cup size of the bra, albeit a B, was too big and would be apparent when underdressing as I'm not a B, yet... Looks like I avoided a tight fit on the previous ones by getting a larger size that fit my waist. They fit OK over my wife's B cup bras, and are OK for underdressing as they avoided the too-large-cup-size as they didn't have a bra. If only they hadn't "disappeared". The new ones would probably have been OK if they were available in a 3X with an A cup bra and would have presented my wife with a raison d'etre for my wearing a bra, and not needing to wear hers.

[yvonne10]

i told her before she became my wife

[shelley leigh]

We were just dating at the time, but i didn't realize that you could look up anyones purchases on eBay. So I had purchased some female articles of clothing and she just happen to find out what I had purchased and wanted to know who I was buying them for. So I told her. Thought she was gonna leave for sure, but she was actually relieved. So we had the talks and went thru the questions and worked it all out and we are now happily married!

[lexygirl]

I told my wife a few months before we got married. I was getting cold feet and told here. I was trying to get her to freek out and run but she said "there is no way you are getting out of this.":eek: It has been great ever since. I have an understanding wife that helps me out all the time. Sometimes if i don't dress, she asks when her girl friend is coming out to play?? I love my wife and I tell her all the time. It will be five years in september.:love:

[SissyNYC]

What a lovely thread, and a wonderful place to say hello! I think there's no perfect answer to the question...and I've tried several times:

1st wife: never knew, even though I left FemDom mags out...she was too self absorbed to notice!

2nd wife: told her after we were engaged, and we played together - even publicly, switching Dom/Sub (though I certainly loved her more as a Domme!), but it broke up the relationship. She said she "just never saw me the same" after she saw me in a dress...

3rd wife: met her in a tranny bar, with me fully dressed, and we dated primarily with me as a girl...so it wasn't an issue. But - when we had kids, the girl was banned... which leaves me very unsatisfied in that area of life right now...ten years in.

[kellylynn_31]

We had a heart to heart years after we were married. lots of wine and tears. She accepts and helps. She has been present for the birth and life of Kelly.
Unfortunately dressing time is limited lately (kids getting older and dont need to now).

[Cheryl T]

Mine found clippings from my cropping of a photo I had taken of myself. She got curious and found the photo in my wallet.
Then she got really quiet for about 3 days until I pestered her with "what's wrong" enough times.
At that point she said, "Who is she?". I had no idea who she meant and said so. Then she told me, "the woman in the picture you have in your wallet".
OOps...time to fess up so I told her..."it's me".

"Don't lie to me. Who is she, who is that woman?"
Mmmm didn't think I looked that good...
"Okay, wait here", I said as I went to the car and returned with my box of clothes and showed her the complete outfit.

Days of talking later she started to accept and now she goes out with me and shops with me all the time.
She's fabulous...sorry I scared her that way.

[SandraInHose]

Seventeen years into our marriage, I accidentally left some old skirts (I was going to throw away) in the back of my truck. Later that night we had a long talk, and her first thoughts were that the skirts were someone else's, and I was having an affair. But I dropped a bomb by telling her they were mine. I fit the 'macho' label fairly well, and although she knew I was into pantyhose, she thought it only was about womens' legs, and not my own.

I explained that I had been dressing up since I was 13, and had tried to stop countless times. I explained that for years I thought I was the only person in the world who did what I did, until the internet opened up my eyes. She was stunned, angry, curious, and furious all at the same time. I went through the usual explanations...no, I'm not gay...no, I don't want to become a woman...and that I just felt great when I dressed up in women's clothing, especially pantyhose.

Over the next few months it was a three steps forward, two steps backwards, over and over again. She educated herself about my crossdressing by visiting numerous websites, and at times would try to accept it, even having me dress up for sex a few times. But I could see in her eyes she was disgusted by what she saw, and although I'd love a fully accepting spouse, I didn't push it.

We eventually reached a compromise where I agreed to get rid of my clothes and heels, but I could continue to wear pantyhose as often as I wanted. I was OK with that, since pantyhose are by far my favorite item, and probably wouldn't CD much at all without them. But over the next few years, even pantyhose became an issue from time to time.

She did tell me that had she found out earlier in our marriage, she probably wouldn't have stuck around, but after 17 years, she admitted my other qualities were worth staying together for. Like I said earlier, three steps forward, two steps back. It's been over five years since she found out, and it's been a tough road.

[tricia_uktv]

I told her. EVENTUALLY I HAD TO.

[Jaclyn NM]

That's easy, I told her. I just worked up the courage for about a week, and then sat done with her and opened up. Initially she was just kind of okay with it, but she did buy me some female clothing, and accepted me being dressed in front of her. Unfortunately she quickly became cool to the idea, and said she didn't want to see me dressed. So I have followed her wishes, and only dress, when she is not around, but at least she knows, and I'm not keeping secrets. I hope eventually she will reconsider, but until then, I'll just keep on doing things this way.

[Mya Summers]

I actually told mine almost a year into our marriage, she said she had some susppitions of it. It has been very difficult but we have our rules about when I do it.

[Leanne2]

Thirty five years ago, when my wife and I were dating, I took her to a beech. It was unplanned so we didn't have swimsuits with us. She mentioned that we should take our shoes off and walk in the water. I told her that I couldn't do that. When she asked "why" I took my shoes and socks off to show her my painted toenails. Of course that started the "what is this all about" conversation.
I'm glad that the cat was out of the bag before we were married but she has never liked the fact that I am a cross dresser. I haven't told her that I now believe that I am transgendered. She has a lot of stress now trying to deal with her sick elderly parents who live three states away. This information would push her over the edge. I don't think that I will ever tell her. I'm too old to transition any way. Leanne

[Laura_Stephens]

I left a copy of "I wear my wife's clothes" on the nightstand with certain passges highlighted in yellow marker. I got all of the usual questions. that was after 20 years of marriage. To this day, she predents that her finding that book never happened. We haven't been "intimate" since that day. She hates me.

[sfwarbonnet]

Told her that the bra slips I ordered in the largest bandwidth available were too tight, and the B cup was too big. She remarked "I told you so"; they were women's girdles with boobs. She said do I have to return them at the store? Do they have an "ordered for and by a guy" on their "reasons for returning" them list. We have not been "intimate" for years; the last time we were just "going through the motions". For me CDing is a substitute. I want to go as far as I can, but accompanying her as a woman will be a major challenge.
.

[Panty Lover]

I jumped into bed wearing her pantis...she freaked...then she liked a few minutes later and then she went shopping and brought me home my own leopard's!!! She thinks I am cute...but she doesn't want me wearing pink...I said I will just leave that to you! She laughed...I did point out to her this morning a sale adverstisement in the paper for ladies panties...she asked..what is the brand?? Gosh, I love her....Panty Lover

[DAWNB]

My wife found my stash of female underwear. It just progressed from there and she still may not like it but shall we say tolerates it in moderation. Probably should have told before she found on her own but like most of us we tend to have that fear that we will lose our SO. As I type this I am dressed but she is out for the night.

[Jilmac]

I told my wife while we were dating, that I enjoyed wearing women's clothes, and she voiced her disapproval as soon as I told her. That didn't stop her from marrying me and it didn't stop me from dressing. I just stayed in the closet until she passed away two years ago. I don't know if there is ever a "best" time to tell a spouse (or a gf) but I always believed in being honest and up front about something as important as dressing, that way if there were any dire consequences, I could deal with them before any long term relationship. I wish you all the luck in the world in telling your wife, and hope everything turns out for the best for both of you.

[claire_hollinger]

she found pics of me on the cell phone that i had forgotten to delete, then i guess i kicked a sock off in my sleep and she saw my painted toenails....then she brought it up lol. She is mildly accepting, even did my toenails (i think she felt sorry for the poor little piggies for their poor paint job), but doesnt want to see me dressed (in person) yet

[KateConnors]

Told my wife a couple of weeks after I proposed to her. We've been married 4 years (6 years since I proposed). I can talk to her anytime about tranny stuff: she knows when I've got gender issues on my brain, and refers to me "trannied out". She's not super comfortable round me when I'm dressed though. Not that's she's against the idea per se, rather she's worried her attraction to me will vanish if she's too comfortable with me being female.

[epsxyblkm]

I have to say I let my wife know by having her come into my "computer space" when I was fully dressed. She thought that my heels were a bit high<6 inch>, but loved how they made my legs look. She was a bit upset that I took her skirt and made it a mini.

I think it was mostly because she is 4'11' and I'm 6'7 and it fit, even though she was only about 100# at the time.

That is "her" skirt in my profile pic.

[donna anne]

I got us both really drunk and told her. The sneaking around was killing me.

[kayesimone]

she found a pic on my cell phone and then a web site address on my computer. she did some digging and found a few pics of me on the internet.
She though about it for a couple months and after much conversation, she decided not to stick around. it has been about a year and we are great friends, just no longer married.

[luvSophia]

It was easy in our relationship, SHE told ME. My wife saw the feminine side in me and helped me bring it out. She recognized it as just one more piece of the man she loved.

[iwearstockings]

when we first started going out I went to a fancy dress party with her and she noticed how I put on stockings quicker than she did! No kidding! She gave me this look.. we had a talk about it a fewdays later and I told her.

[Shawnacdin]

I had moved to MN to be with my then GF (now wife) and she knew nothing about my dressing. We had a long distance relationship for about a year then we moved right in together. I hadn't moved all my cloths yet so for about 3 months I didn't dress. Once my cloths arrived I was dressing within 24 hours of their arrival. My wife found out because she saw pictures on my computer of me dressed. She freaked out at first then wanted to know all about it. Needless to say my biggest regret was not telling her sooner!!! She is supportive and I love her so much.

[Yvonne York]

My wife, she was my girlfriend at the time, actually got me back into it after many years of not dressing. How she knew, I will never know, but one night she offered me her bra, and it went from there. She is 100% supportive, buys me nice things, and we have a great life.

[Charla]

I told my wife after we were married for about 6 months. To her the idea was to wear lingerie to bed and it was hard for her to make love to a man wearing a bra! That was 30 years ago. She recently for a tag from panties I bought on a business trip in my luggage and left the tag on my desk. We didn't talk about it though....

[RobynG]

carelessness, i forgot to put my clothes away and she found them all over the living room. It was ugly at first but now 20 yrs later we dress together

[FlygrlChristy]

I just got really careless, my wardrobe was becoming rather large, and was kept in boxes in the attic, my wife never went up there. I kept buying clothes, and shoes, lots of shoes, and didn't have time to put them away so I just put them in the bottom of an old file cabinet that wasn't locked, that she also never looked into. Much to my surprise, and my stupidity, she went looking for something in that cabinet and found my shoes. Of course she was pretty upset since I hadn't told her prior to that, and thought I was having an affair. I had to tell her I was crossdressing, and boy was that an awkward conversation. After a lot of tears, and a good TG therapist, she has reaced a real level of understanding, she doesn't want to see me dressed, but she doesn't mind so much now that I do, and she gets to have me help her with her outfits when she's shopping, she knows I'm looking too, and doesn't mind if I buy something, or she will buy it for me. I don't have to hide the things I buy any longer, so that keeps the stress level down.

Christy

[TJ Tresa]

We were watching, Of all things "Springer". There was a man on there wearring a pair of red lacy panties. My wife looked at me and said she wondered what I would look like in a pair of panties. I told her to hold that thought, went and got a pair and put them on. That is how she fond out, seh asked if I had any more women's cloting and just came clean showed her everything and told her I had tried to quit. She told me that seh was fine with it and to get dressed so she could see waht I looked like. Once I was dressed she took me ove toher vanity and applied make-up, then she gave me a wig. i couldn't belive my luck. I had found the woman of most all CDers dreams, one who accepts and participates. se then she has bought me dresses, shorts, skirts, bras, panties, night gwons, blouses, make-up, earrings, everything I need to be more feminine. All she askes in retrun is that I help with the house work. Yep I can do this.

[Jayne]

Hi Kaz
I am with you on keeping quiet about it.
My wife is OK as long as I don't rub her nose in it and I don't dress too often.
We are almost 50 and have been together 26 years.
I have slipped up a few times but only when I wanted to get caught :)
I just have to respect her wishes.

[Sissyjanet22]

She didn't. Although she did ask me "is that pink plush on your toes? " once!

[ginafaye]

Just wondering how your wife found out that you crossdressr.Been thinking about telling mine but have not found the right time or way
we just kinda fell into it early on while dating i kiddied that she always got to wear all the sexy stuff i wound up sleeping in her baby doll and the short version is i cofessed to really really liking it and soon after we went shoping for some nite things to keep at my house she is now my wonderful wife of many years,or am i the wife, its all been great

[sfwarbonnet]

I jumped into bed wearing her pantis...she freaked...then she liked a few minutes later and then she went shopping and brought me home my own leopard's!!!


Once after a Halloween party, I got into bed wearing lingerie and pantuhose. She made me remove the "girl things". She has subsequently bought me panties and pantyhose, and pointed out a slip that she saw in a catalog. I hope this means her hard line position is softening... I hope she doesn't catch on that I wear her bras when she's away. When my boobs grow so I need a bra, I'll add that. I already wear panties, women's pull-on pants, short slip, and pantyhose when she's home - without the pants in the evening when it's unlikely anyone will drop in.