How do I tell a friend?

[Shelby]

I need some advice. I want to tell a gg friend about my dressing. I don't have to tell her, but I want to and I feel that she is the best person to share this with based on some comments that she has made to me.

A little backstory - We both help run a community theater and as a guy in theater, eventually you dress as a woman which I have. She has seen my pics and even recently we appeared together at a local business show as Nuns promoting our theater and upcoming show (Nunsense II). She occasionally makes comments or suggestions that I should could dress as a woman for things. I once commented on her high heels and she slipped them off and asked if I would like to try them on. I passed because I knew they were to small and others were around. At the business show, she said that if I had worn makeup, I could pass as a woman and offered to use what she had in her purse. She suggested at a meeting that I dress as a woman to draw attention to our booth at future business shows (I think it would have the opposite effect though). Either she knows something about me or it is coincidence.

So I drafted an email giving her plenty of warning as to what she is about to read and time to stop and delete if she can't keep this between us. My senses say that she will accept the terms and read and then call me about this. I can even imagine her offering to go shopping (wait, I recall her offering to go shopping with me for womens shoes once, out of the blue). So it is a good chance that she knows and will support me, but is this the best way. I hate talking on the phone. I have always been better at conveying my thoughts in text form. I think I have fashioned a good intro email to her.

I guess I would like to know if anyone has had an similiar experiences and how did you share with a gg friend?

Shelby

[Stephanie Miller]

Shelby, have you ever heard of "womens intuition?" From how you describe it... she knows, hun. And she sounds accepting and fun to be around and...and... well why are you sitting around the darn computer and not our shopping with her right now! :thumbup:
And here's a little tip that I usually tell those that have asked the same thing about telling someone. If you're not good at face to face because of nerves or presentation, then at least
1) prepare as much as you can with the information that is going to be needed in order to answer the questions that are sure to follow.
2) write down what it is that you want them to know
3) Sit with them when you hand them the letter and let them read it without interupting them.
4) Be ready to answer their questions honestly.

I have found that when most people find out ( goes the same for parents, S.O.'s friends etc) and are given time without the CORRECT information to thier questions, they will find the wrong answers. Remember, society as a whole has a differing opinion of CD's (most is not true)- or we would be accepted.
As it is, with you their to immediatly give the correct information, at least it will give them less to re-sort out in their own heads about this.
Good luck and enjoy your freind.

[gretchen_love]

I recently told a gg who I have been friends with for 8 years...wow since middle school...anyway, I told her over IM and she was super excited, wanted to know more, watned to see pics, etc. I wish I had told her sooner!!! If you think she is accepting, she probably will be.

[Sally2005]

Don't do it unless it is in person. Only a small amount of information is exchanged by text...in person you get about 80%. The feedback will tell you what she thinks. My first thought is not to tell her anything...just take her up on one of her offers and tell her you enjoyed it. If she is okay with it, she will probably invite you to do more and or ask you about...then just be open with her.

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Shelby
I agree with Sarah. Call me old fashioned but I think anything important that you have to tell someone should be done face to face. I know I'd appreciate that much more from someone. Its more difficult granted, but I think texting or emailing is a tad cowardly.
Take care
Bev

[Lisa Golightly]

Never... ever... ever... ever say things that need to be said in person by email... You can't guarantee the mood of the recipient when they read it. Least when they're in front of you you know if they're grouchy, angry, or cheesed off.

I was caught off guard by an off hand email once when I wasn't in the mood... It was a disaster.

Tell her to her face... Least then the inevitable questions can be done on the spot and shaped to the mood of the conversation.

I know the email option seems good to you... but speaking as a bit of a girl... Don't do it. Talk to her...

Lisa x

[Melora]

YOU sound like a VERRY "Lucky" Girl...
PLEASE Go for her!

[Shelly Preston]

Well Shelby

If your going to tell her dont do it by email

What you could do is print it out
If you find it difficult to get the words out her ask her to read it while you are there

That way you can see her reaction and be there to answer any question that she chooses to ask

Try reading the link in my signature on telling your partner a lot of the comments still apply to friends and family

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

Like you I have always been better at conveying my thoughts in written form, search for a thread called "Starting to tell others". In short I used an email wishing her Happy Birthday, the email signature has a picture of Kimberly vs one of my male persona. She replied to the email asking whose picture is that, she has beautiful stunning eye's. Since she asked, I replied to her and told her everything, my years of crossdressing and my being transsexual and my soon to start HRT. I was so overwhelmed with her totall acceptance and support. Sometime's you just need creative ways to get them to ask you. Kimberly :battingeyelashes:

[Nattastic]

I personally wouldnt write her.. I think that complicates, and essentially makes it out to be a great big toxic deal. She is already comfortable with the idea, you as such, are 95% of the way there! Make it fun for her! Relax, theres no need for you to tell her everything you feel all at once - in fact its not fair to her to do so. Just take it slow and give in to her whims.. have fun with it yourself, thats the door she`s opening for you.
:)

[Paula TV]

I'm glad others saying it's better face-to-face than through email. Waiting for a responce on your email could much more tenser than telling her in person, it's a mystifying experience, as questions will run through your head, such as will she approve? etc. If i knew somebody like that, and dressing up was aspects of the job, i would've told her about it earlier on. I think you shouldn't have a problem telling her face-to-face.

[Nattastic]

`it's a mystifying experience`

Well put, that right there is the good stuff!

Don`t talk yourself out of that type of experience



With regard to the origional post -
Sounds like the ideal postion to be in though! Just don`t pull the parashoot prematurely

[Mary Morgan]

I did and it was a wonderful moment of two friends coming closer. Other than my wife, she is my dearest friend in the world. She always shows her caring and I just love her so.

[Karren H]

You need a segway!! No not the cute two wheeled ones.... Something like "ohh look... Victoria Secret has panties on sale...... Speaking of Panties.......... ". Yeah!!

[Shelby]

Well it seems that the majority here feel that I shouldn't email her about this but talk to her personally. So I have deleted the draft email (wouldn't want that to accidently get sent out). So now instead I just have to wait for the time to present itself. We will see each other throughout the summer months and I should be able to tell her then.

My email wasn't lengthy but rather to the point and touched on some of the important points of obvious questions but I can see how waiting for her response would be a killer.

Thanks to everyone who offered some ideas. I'm sure the opportunity will come up sometime considering she is always making comments that "segway" into it.

[Jilmac]

I'm not into texting or lengthy emails to communicate my thoughts. I'm a face to face girl and I believe that actually seeing somebody and using the voice the lord gave me to convey a message about something as important as crossdressing, is much more sincere. If she has been dropping hints about feminization, I see no problem telling her face to face, all you have to do is choose where and when.

[Phyliss Hdson]

Don't know about texting her, sound like you you could juast ask her to go shopping with you. She sounds like she would be willing to come over and help you with your make up before hand. It would be nice to have a GG I could tell so she could help me learn about make up and fashoin.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I guess I would like to know if anyone has had an similiar experiences and how did you share with a gg friend?

I've been flirting with the idea of telling an acquaintance myself... but haven't gotten too serious about it.

In terms of telling your friend, as it's been stated already, probably best to do so in person.

I think it's good that you've gotten it all written down. You can use that when discussing it with her. The fact that you've got all your thoughts written down is a great way to have all the points in your conscious thoughts when having the talk. You might even consider taking a print out of it with you - give it another look over before chatting or even have it handy when chatting. I've used notes to remember points when talking with someone about something serious before. It helps keep me from forgetting any good points I came up with before.

It sounds like this friend of yours would be receptive if you told her. Good luck with it. :)

Looking forward to the follow-up post.

[Ralph]

Shelby, from everything you described about your relationship with this person I'm absolutely certain she will be supportive. My one concern is the burden you are placing on her - demanding that she carry your secret to her grave. I suppose your idea helps to preface it (either in conversation or in email) with the explanation that it's important for you not to let this secret out and you'll understand if she would rather not know any more. But even so, don't make such a big deal out of it that she lies awake nights worrying that you'll kill yourself or lose your job the first time she accidentally says the wrong thing where someone else can hear.

I know that's odd advice coming from someone who rants "Tell the truth always", but unless your relationship is such that a permanent commitment is a likely outcome, I don't advocate giving casual friends more information than they want or need to know.

ralph

[Joy Carter]

"Let's go shopping !" "I have something to tell you." :D

[Erica K.]

I sympathize with you...

My 3 closest friends are gg's, and I have been thinking of telling them more & more as time goes by. I have my suspicions that they know something is up already. I know they would be more than ok with it, encouraging even. One would even most likely want my to go clubbing/shopping with her, since we have similar style of dress (we both shop at nordsrtoms).
This is a big step for me, seeing as I have never told anyone before. I really want to tell them, but the chicken sets in. I have no problem buying things in drab or en femme, but when it comes to people that I care about...

Tell her, I bet she is coaxing you to tell her. I mean, how many gg's ask their male friends to try on heels, and how many males comment on hells fo rthat matter? She wants you to tell her. Heh, maybe I will take my own advice...

Good luck :)

[Mirani]

I "came out" to my GG work colleagues. They embraced me and encouraged me, supported me and now see me as "one of the girls".

Have to admit tho that having a business partner who saw me "out" once but never said anything until we "got it together" made a big difference.

If it means waiting a long time, how about a phone call instead of the email?

All the best