Would like your opinion.

[Cheryl Anne]

I would like your opinion on something. I go to a T support group where I live. We had decided to go one restaurant during the meeting. Checking a second time with someone before leaving, the same place came up as to where we were eating. Well, being one of the first out I didn’t want to stand in the cool night air talking, would have done enough of that at the restaurant, I take off. I waited for the others and only half showed. We told the hostess that there would be about 10 and told we had a 10 minute wait. Well, after about 3 minutes we were looking for the rest of the group. We tried to call one of the members of the other group and no answer. We get our table and are seated and we finally get in touch with the other group and come to find out they decided to go someplace else.

I feel that if the place to eat was changed then maybe it would have been nice to have been told and given the choice.

The restaurant staff where we were at was very nice to us, but the only reason I went there was because of the group. I still have a hard time going out and about dressed to places like this because of the people in the places with all the stares and all.

[curse within]

A group although probably the safest way to go out sometimes can have problems as you describe ..I would bring the abandonment up in your next meeting..

Ask how they would feel if they were left behind in a suppose group adventure..After all wasn't it suppose to be a group event? Isn't that why you went in the first place?..I would let them know how you felt about that. Leave no man behind( or lady if you perfer)..

[boardpuppy]

That is only good manners, maybe some social educcaation is needed, something they oviously didn't get growing up.

Hugs,
Alice

[Kayla Shadows]

If as a group you all decided to go eat,a phone call or something would be nice in the event of a change of plans.

[MarcellaMcNul]

Just plain inconsiderate to me. I wonder if Miss Manners is available to be guest speaker at your next meeting?

[Kate Simmons]

One reason I'm basically a "loner" my friend.:)

[TGMarla]

Yes, they should have said something to you. It's only good manners.

[Fab Karen]

They were extremely rude. You should definitely talk about it at the next meeting.

[Karren H]

That is only good manners, maybe some social educcaation is needed, something they oviously didn't get growing up.

Hugs,
Alice
:iagree:

[Sophie Lynne]

This is so rude on several levels.

First, it would be common courtesy if you weren't a "special" group."

Second, you were en femme and that makes it really rude (and somewhat dangerous) to do this.

Third- that restaurant expected a LARGE group and got little. Think they'll make special accomodation for your group again? Not likely.

YES, bring this up HARD at the next meeting. This will not stand.

[alexis GG]

Sorry to hear this trip out didn;t go well for you... a phone call wouldn't have gone amiss on their part... I hope next time is a success for you

[tricia_uktv]

Hey Cheryl, some turned up with you and you probably got to know them better. So don't always look on the darkside. Its been and gone now but I think a quiet word is well in order at your next meeting (it would be handy to understand who was leading the other group)

[nvlady]

I think a word is necessary at the next meeting, but not a quiet word. This is after all supposed to be a SUPPORT group.

[Rachel Morley]

TG groups logistics are only as good as the members themselves or the people that organize them. Why not step up and offer to be your group's Activities Director then that way it'll never happen again or at least you'll know about it if it does! :)

[sterling12]

Sounds like you might be having a conflict within The Group. It happens! And sometimes it's the start of a much bigger deal that can end with The Group splitting or dissolving.

With only ten people going to dinner, you should have all been able to be seated at The Same Table; certainly no need for two restaurants. And yes, to take off like that and go somewhere else was just rude!

I'd be checking with The Leadership, to see if there's a problem. You will probably need to know what is going on.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[PaulaSF]

Ah, the "cat herding" aspect that seems inevitable, once 3, or more, trannies, try to agree to anything :)

Having been in many, similar, situations, it does seems odd, but mebbe the "secret" is to linger in the night air, and find out about the venue change, first hand.

My experience with support groups, is that usually the newer, more scared gal's feelings are considered, and it wouldn't be expected for them to be comfortable with a more "out" dining choice.

Since several did go to the same spot as you, not a total waste... I've waited, alone, up to an hour, for the dragtime stricken gals to show, etc.

SOmetimes there may be those unfamiliar with the venue, get lost, tough parking, slow walking in heels (didn't bring flats), etc., that can legitimately cause delays, but switching venues ought to be looked at thru furrowed brows! Tho usually key gals in either group would be able to call/text each other to sort things out...

Any cliques in the group dynamic? Perhaps some were consciously trying to "ditch" the others. etc.? Even tho, in theory, we're middle-aged women (in general, here), the reality is more akin to 12-13 year-old girls, and exactly the sort of behavior one might expect...

Those are the kind of things that don't sit well, and hopefully will help inspire you, as your confidence builds, to become more independent in your outings, and avoid dissapointment/frustration from those in a group.

Also keep in mind the unfortunate reality of self-centeredness in the t-community...

Do bring it up at the next meeting, as their could be some logic (distance, carpooling, some not wanting to spend as much, etc.), and try to get a consensus, prior to breaking up??

cheers,
Paula

[luv2x-dress53959]

Part of being in a group is good communication. You should definately bring this up in your next meeting. Autumn

[suzanne]

You know Newton's laws of motion, right?
1 - A body at rest tends to stay at rest.
2- A body in motion tends to stay in motion.
To these I add my own in reference to groups of people:
3 - A group of bodies tends to grind to a halt.

My meaning is this: When a large group tries to decide on an activity, it is nearly impossible to get everyone to agree on even the most trivial points, like where to go, or when, or what type of cuisine. For that reason, I tend to strike off in my own direction and there's usually someone who agrees with me and comes along. My guess is that's what happened in your group: somewhere along the way somebody got an idea they liked better and went with it. It's unfortunate that maybe your sense of safety in numbers was affected, but in a group of ten or more, that's what you can expect to have happen.

[Di]

Sorry it happened, but sometimes it does with TG group outings....................I hate that it does but from past experiences......what I found was the girls wanted to go to a public place....but the nerves sometimes get the best of them and some even get as far as the restaurant but cannot make themselves walk in out of fear of seeing someone they know or for whatever reasons.:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Just might be the reason hon:sad:

[Genifer Teal]

It's not nice but it happens.

I had a similar situation although much more informal. I was out with a friend who was out for the first time. We went to a gay bar in NYC. Met some trannies there. This was unplanned, we didn't know them at all. Had dinner and drinks with them. They invited us to follow them to a very straight club. I convinced my friend it would be ok. Secretly, I was a little unsure of our reception at this place. We each took separate cabs and low and behold the other trannies never made it.

Did this surprise me? No. Did it bother me? No. My friend was a little surprised. So what happened?

We obviously got there first. While waiting outside, some GG's immediately started talking with us. They invited us to come in with them and bought us a shot. The bartender even bought me a drink. We hung out with them the rest of the nite. It turned out to be a great night and we never would have tried a place like that had it not been for the trannies who never showed up.

Just look at the bright side and move on. Since - in your case - you will see the other girls again, I would mention it to them. It wasn't nice.

Gen

[DonnaT]

Third- that restaurant expected a LARGE group and got little. Think they'll make special accomodation for your group again? Not likely.

Yes, this is one big muck-up. restaurants put other patrons on hold just so they can put tables together to accommodate a large group.

If the group is a no-show, it's likely they ask if all are present the next time before even thinking about putting tables together.

And if they are real busy everyone will be waiting a while for a table, or will be scattered in small groups around the restaurant.

So, it needs to be discussed at the next meeting so everyone understands the consequences.