My 'coming out' letter to co-workers and customers

[Suzy Harrison]

On May 8th the HR Director of the company I work for, will be sending out an e-mail to all of our staff and customers concerning my condition and plans to go full time. An hour later I'll be sending out an email of my own also to everyone.

I found it difficult to write an e-mail that concerns such a private and personal secret, but here it is in full:





E-Mail to all staff and customers



After the information Teresa has passed on to you concerning my position, I thought it would be a good idea to give you my personal perspective. No doubt all of this has come as a surprise. The fact that very few of you, if any, had any suspicions regarding my condition will give you some indication of my efforts to conceal it and also the stress I have endured in doing so.


These days I feel very much at ease in telling you how I came to arrive at my present position. I hope that as you appreciate the anguish I have suffered all of my life; you will be able to understand why I have decided to finally ‘put things right’.

Basically this is a medical condition, which I’m now told, would have developed a few months before my birth.

By the young age of 12 years old I was beginning to understand something was terribly wrong. I realised I was different and thought I was the only person in the world who felt that way. You can imagine the distress I felt, especially since I dared not confide in any one.

At the time I didn’t understand that I was transgendered. That is, a female mind in a male body. I didn’t even realise that such a condition could exist.

As I got older these feelings have become much more intense – and the thought of trying to live like this much longer is very distressing to me. To try to understand my condition I sought medical advice.

I have been told that this condition is genetic and there’s nothing I have done, or anything that could have been done, to change the outcome. It starts in the womb where different hormones (female, in my case) can flood the brain, compared to ones that act on the rest of the developing baby’s body (male). So it is possible to end up with a brain that’s been arranged for a female, within a body of a baby male.

This problem occurs for about 1 in 30,000 births to both male and female babies. This rate increased in the 1950s and 1960s where some mothers were given a drug called DES, which was prescribed to reduce the chances of stillbirth. It was later found it also had the effect of making this condition even more likely to occur.

I guess you’re probably thinking: What does it mean to me and what’s the overall effect?

The effect is that although I had been born with a male body, I would really prefer to present myself (dress, look etc) as a female.

To this end I have seen doctors, psychiatrists, voice therapists, endocrinologists and attended a transgender conference - to make sure this is the right solution for me. I have already started laser treatment to remove my facial hair, voice coaching to sound as a female and after exhaustive medical tests have been prescribed female hormones to finally change my body. Later surgery will complete the process.

I’m sure you’re going to find this hard to comprehend and you probably can’t imagine how I would look – and so I’ll add some photos at the end of this e-mail.

As far as my work ethic and approach to my employment is concerned - nothing will change. I will look and sound very different to the Richard you once knew, but in many ways will be the same, apart from the fact I will be far happier, relaxed and contented.

No doubt you may feel a little uneasy or embarrassed when you see me for the first time. Please don’t worry about this. I understand that I’m going to be the subject of more than a little curiosity for quite some time to come. Believe me - if the tables were turned and it was one of you who had changed, then I would be just as curious!


I would prefer you call me by my new name and also use the pronoun ‘she’ when referring to me. However I understand that there are bound to be many slip-ups and that won’t bother me at all. Please also feel free to ask me questions at any time.

After reading this letter I hope you have a better insight into this rare and debilitating condition, which has marred most of my life. However, I still feel I’m one of the lucky few, as already for quite some time I have been able to interact as female in public places such as shops, restaurants and flying etc and during all this time being perceived as a female. There are many thousands in this world with this condition who will never be able to do this and will continue to suffer. I am fortunate that I may have the drive, but more importantly, the support of loving family and friends to help me realise my true birthright.

Suzy Harrison
April 2009

86445...86446

[DanielMacBride]

Nice one! I thought it was very well written and explains the basics of being trans quite well for the layman - well done :) I bet you feel a lot better having that all out in the open now too :)

[deja true]

A brave and brilliant letter, darling Suzy!

And I think that your inbox over the days following will be filled with messages of support and lots of questions. Knowing you I'm sure they'll all be answered in the same gentle and forthright way.

Do you know the substance of your HR manager friend's initial note? I think it might be beneficial if the message was also gotten across that you have the full support of your company as well as your closer friends and colleagues.

I'm anxious to hear about the outcome of your 'official' coming out. And don't forget to send us piccies of the giant party that's sure to happen!

You've had a pretty quick and relatively painless ride with this so far, I think, and as brave and lovely as you are, the rest of this ride is gonna be a lot easier than the beginning.

mucho respect & love,

d

;)...:<3:...:)

[Suzy Harrison]

Do you know the subsistence of your HR manager friend's initial note? I think it might be beneficial if the message was also gotten across that you have the full support of your company as well as your closer friends and colleagues.





Hi Deja - Yes she sent me the letter the other week to make sure I'm okay with it. It makes it very clear that the company is totally 100% behind me. She is also going to produce a booklet for the local staff so they can understand even more about the condition.

She also mentions in her e-mail that the company will be funding a cocktail party for me in a private room of a local restuarant and inviting staff and key customers.

I shouldn't publish her letter on this forum until she has made it public, but I will do once it's all out in the open.

[Sheila]

Suzy, a well thought out and written letter, like Deja i would consider including the point about support from family & friends as well as the support you are getting from the company.

I wish you all the best in the journey ahead & look forward to sharing it with you:hugs:

[robyn1114]

Very nicely written Suzy, I so hope things go smoothly for you. :hugs:

[Carole Cross]

Very well written Suzy. i hope your colleagues will be as equally accepting as your employers. good luck in your new life, stay in touch. :hugs:

[bobi jean]

ATTA GIRL!!!! WAY TO GO! CONGRADULATIONS!

The letter is extremely well written and very easy to read and understand which, I believe will make it easier for others to understand a little better what most TG'S, TV'S, CROSSDRESSERS, TRANSSEXUALS, WHETHER MTF OR FTM, go through in life. I have to tell you though, I hope you don't loose your b#%&s any time soon after posting the letters. You may need them for a while afterwards.....

I personally wish you the very best and I am confident you will keep us all informed in the future.
GOOD FOR YOU DEAR...

[CharleneT]

Very nicely written! Good idea and well done ;)

[tracigirl_tv]

Suzy, I join the sisters in wishing you well. Your courage is admirable....and you're cute too! *hugggg*

[MJ]

A Very nicely written letter well done sis. i wish you all the very best for your future :love:

[Karen564]

Great Letter Suzy.!!! ..:)

Congrats,
:hugs:

[pamela_a]

Thank you very much for sharing your very well written, thoughtful and concise letter Suzy.

As always, only the best wishes for you.

-Paula-

[Joan Merrie]

Suzy, that is a beautifully written letter. I hope you will have the support of all your co-workers.:hugs:

[kristyk]

Congratulation I am so happy for you

[gillian1968]

Wow, that's a wonderful email - I think people appreciate when you write from the heart. They may not all outwardly convey that because it's not particularly macho :\ but you explain so clearly some really tricky issues.

Congratulations, I'm sure this is going to go great for you!

[Sarah...]

That's a marvelous letter, Suzy. I'm very impressed indeed! Well done.

Sarah xxx

[debbeelee1]

At a girl Suzy! Great job on the letter!

[Ashlie Marie]

wow you go girl.. Congrats. I was told by my Manager the other day that once It changes my name everywhere, she wants me to sned something out to everyone that I work with each day. so that is like close to 1000 ppl lol.. so lets just say I have no idea what to write yet, but you have given me great insight by just reading yours.. Good Luck with everything

Hugs,
Ashlie

[Sharon]

It is an excellent letter, Suzy! :clap: :hugs:

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

In fact I'm keeping a copy to use as a model for my eventual letter as well. As I start on my transtion journey at work in the next 6-8 months I will be writing a similar letter to co-workers as well, it was very well worded.

By the way is that a wig or your natural hair? The style is beautiful and fits you perfectly. :battingeyelashes:

[Midnight Skye]

That was really inspiring Suzy. Thanks for posting this for all of us. This is the first time I've seen someone post a letter online like this. I've always wondered what I would say to my employers. Now I have a better idea. Thanks Suzy, and congratulations!

[Melissa A.]

Very good. Congrats, Suzy. Work can be the hardest situation to overcome. I know it will be for me. Co-workers often don't have a vested interest in your well-being and happiness, like family and close friends may, but in alot of cases, they are the people you spend more time with than anyone else. Great milestone, I'm happy for you.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[NikkiSimpson]

Love ya ways, take care Lotsa HUGS from Melbourne

[Sally24]

Beautifly written Suzi! If you aren't already involved in professional writing you should consider that as an option. I can really sense your calm and comfortable demeanor thru your words. Congratulations on coming so far, so fast. Enjoy your new found freedoms and peace of mind.

PS - perhaps there should be a sticky or something to archive really good coming out letters like this.

[kristyk]

Suzy I hope you can be treated likwe you desreve I'm sure you have gone through quiet a bit to get where you are today. Suzy it's trans people like you who help others continue their journey when times are tough.

Way to go Suzy and your letter is very well done

KristyK

[trannie T]

You letter is moving and eloquent. If your work for your company is half as good as the letter you are a valuable employee.

[AshleyCDFL]

Courageous to say the least! How odd that I am in the process of writing a paper for my master's class that deals with diversity in the workplace and how to embrace it! Your experience spells to a T how an organization is supposed to deal with this sort of thing. I wish you the best of luck!

[KaraChristine]

Suzy, I agree with the main sentiment echoed here - your letter is honest, intelligent and beautifully written.

It's truly amazing to come across a personal document from someone halfway around the world that could quite easily be taken from my inner thoughts and experiences. You've managed to summarize the trauma, background and courage of our situation in a totally understandable little package.

Thank you for both the example of your courage in facing the world and for the gift of solidarity - reading your letter helps all of us going through transition remember our common struggle. Not to be too trite, but your letter made me remember why trans women sometimes call each other "sisters". :hugs:

[morgan51]

Thankyou for sharing this letter I wish you the very best . Morgan

[Jenn2716]

Thanks for sharing your very thoughtful and heartfelt letter with us. You've given me inspiration for my own letter that I'll have to write sometime next year.

I'm sure you'll have lots of fun conversations with your co-workers. Hopefully you'll let us know how the transition at work progresses over the next few months. I hope it goes smoothly for you. :)

[Suzy Harrison]

I went to have a maintenance laser hair removal session the other week and mentioned my e-mail that explains all, to the girl who does the sessions for me. We've become good friends and she's taken an avid interest in my quest to become female.

I left a copy of the email for her to read.

A day later she phoned me and said that she had shown it to her friend (the owner of the laser/skin care business) and said:

That "they would love to offer me a facial, eyebrow waxing and tinting and also lash tinting, as a present for my coming out, free of charge"

I was really taken aback - and gratefully accepted. That's so kind. It goes to show that if you open your heart to people they do respond in kindness.

[TxKimberly]

:hugs:
Suzy, I think it is very well stated. You can't completely educate someone who knows nothing about TG in one short letter, but yours has managed to convey the basics as well as the feelings and emotions behind them.

Very well done and my very best wishes!

[Veronica_Jean]

When I read your letter I was both thrilled and impressed. I have a couple of books that I passed along to my employer to help them understand, but have done that quite well in your letter to your employer.

With your permission, I would like to adapt what you wrote for myself for when the time comes.

I hope they realize what a valued employee you are.

Good luck dear!

Veroncia

[Suzy Harrison]

When I read your letter I was both thrilled and impressed. I have a couple of books that I passed along to my employer to help them understand, but have done that quite well in your letter to your employer.

With your permission, I would like to adapt what you wrote for myself for when the time comes.

I hope they realize what a valued employee you are.

Good luck dear!

Veroncia





Of course you can Veronica, my pleasure


:hugs: Suzy

[Veronica_Jean]

Thank you sweetie.

I can identify with the time frame, I was born in 1955. Go figure.
:doh:

[Jessica Keys]

Wow' Very nice informative letter that should set peoples mine at ease when they meet the real you.
And you are sooo right, there are many of us that will never achieve what you have done for yourself.
Jessica

[Brooke Smith]

May I join the chorus and offer my congratulations. Well done.

[Empress Lainie]

Please add my congratulations too.

I am now living as female and nearing my 2nd anniversary of such.
Few people (the one's I knew before) know I am transexual. I have already had a one new temporary job where I was completely another female, so I share completely in your joy for your change. (I don't like "coming out.") Actually I am in total stealth as to my being transexual, and live as any other woman.

[Samantha Kelsey]

Hello there Suzy, you are a credit to the human race and an icon for the CD/TG community. I really do admire what you have done. May you have all the luck in the world in your new life. You must have a heart like a lion. What an example.
I wish you all the best
Samantha x x x x x

[Sarah Rabbit]

Hey Suzy

That is an awesome letter. Very well written and very explanative. You are true inspiration to our community. Lets us know how things progress

:hugs:

(I might plagiarize it, if I decide to come out:p)

Sarah R. :bunny:

[Patricia1]

Very touching Suzy as well as courageous and forthright. Your personal strength will help to ease any discomfort others may experience. At the same time I predict an outpouring of support & understanding as people sympathize with your plight & recognize your strength of character. :hugs:

[Sue Too]

Dear Suzie-----What a lady! your words showed you to be nothing but a class act. I've heard it said many times in our group that the longest step is the first one out your front door. Those are baby steps compared to the one you are taking. I wish you luck. I'll pray for you and I'll certainly be thinking of you on your coming out day. And yes I know your a day ahead of us. You are so brave. I hope you find the inner peace you are looking for. Please keep us posted. Don't be a stranger.

Susan in Phoenix

[Natasha_C]

Hi Suzy.

I am new here but I was told I would get great support from these forums and reading your letter gave me such insight how I could one day explain this to my family.

It is a beautiful letter and I wish you every success.

Natasha.

[Suzy Harrison]

Today I came out to 250 fellow employees and 500+ customers.

Everything went so smoothly and I'm getting heaps of letters of support from both employees and customers alike.

I'll write up a post when I calm down


:hugs: Suzy

[deja true]

A good soul is obvious to all, no matter what form the vessel takes.

Suzy, the outpouring of support is your due.

I love you, dear one...even if you do live your life upside down!

respect & love, more than ever...

d

:<3:

[laceyjessica]

wow i hope to experience that one day

[Veronica_Jean]

Awwwww that is so wonderful to hear Suzy!!!

[Andrea Elva]

Very nice Suzy...my one was a lot shorter..

Hugs

[eastbaymm]

Today I came out to 250 fellow employees and 500+ customers.

Everything went so smoothly and I'm getting heaps of letters of support from both employees and customers alike.

I'll write up a post when I calm down


:hugs: Suzy

Suzy,

A *huge* step. I am happy to hear it has gone so well.

About 10 years ago, I hired a transitioning woman. She is about 6'5", with a large build, so there would be questions and whispers. Wanting to get it done quickly, I sat down with the whole company and explained it to them (no, I did not give them a choice). I was surprised at the reaction -- no one cared. In fact, they were all rather bored by the meeting. There was never an issue.

I am not suggesting that it always goes this well, but I heard of so many cases were it does. It give me hope for the world.


Again, Suzy, happy for you.

-- Randy

[Samantha Kelsey]

Hi Suzy and congratulations. I'm so glad to hear that things went okay for you. I really do hope that you can enjoy the rest of your new life.

[Donnadcd]

I could only wish to be in your shoes - soon I hope. I'm so glad it went well for you and wish you the best as you continue. Please keep posting.

[Suzy Harrison]

I've had 2 weeks off work so far. In that time I have:

Gone full time (after getting rid of all boy clothes)
Had 8 hours of electrolysis and 1 hour of laser
Been issued with a new Driving Licence
Had my ears pierced
Changed all my banking details
Informed 6 other institutions of my name change
Had my nails done ( where the operator asked me about 'my husband'! )
Had my hormone dosage doubled by my doctor



In this last 3rd week I will:

Have my eyebrows waxed and tinted
Have my lashes tinted
Go into work on Thursday for a few hours (I'm taking in a cake for everyone for the teabreak)
On Saturday, attend the Cocktail Party the company has arranged

Then on Tuesday 2 June I return to work full time

[deja true]

Gosh Almighty! It's a crying kind of day for me today.

There's lots of good news and happy news here on the site today...but...

this is the happiest so far...

Happy, happy tears are falling for you today, dear one!

:<3: