A Big Day Today for little ol' me

[gillian1968]

Hi Girls,

I'm pretty excited, and just had to write. I wasn't sure what forum to stick this in, I've been guessing wrong lately :\

Today, I had two landmarks:

1. I told my doctor and asked for a referral to someone I could discuss this area of my life with. My ultimate goal is actually to partially transition.

I sat in her office waiting, and she came in. I was there for her to look at my toes because I think I'm getting a spot of gout. When she was done, I asked if I could ask another question - she said fine. Then I just blurted everything out, crossdressing since I was ten, thinking lately I'm more on the transgendered end of the spectrum. She said we are who we are, and it's important that we be who we are. I live in a very (as she put it) "provincial" city, and she didn't think she'd be able to find someone to refer me to locally. Looks like I'm going into Toronto.

I have no idea why I put that off for so long. I can't wait to see where this journey takes me next.

2. We told my oldest daughter today!

My wife and I decided that she'd tell her several days ago when the moment was right. Her first question was "is he any good at it?" and my wife replied that I actually was pretty good at it (yay! vote of confidence there!). I didn't know this was going on actually, I was just upstairs holed up in my room dressing for a little private lounging time. My wife came up and told me she'd broke the news, then went back downstairs to continue talking with her.

Turns out my daughter was disappointed I didn't come downstairs and join the conversation before the younger kids got home (I wasn't sure she wanted me to!). So when my wife left with our middle child to her piano lesson, I invited her upstairs to visit for a bit (it's going to be a few days before Gillian comes out again). She came upstairs, looked at me and smiled. We hugged, chatted for a short bit, and she went back to finish watching her show on TV.

Again, I have no idea why I put _that_ off for so long either.

I have no plans to expand the circle outward yet, we told my oldest daughter because she's out of school and home all the time now, and my wife and I don't get any girl time together anymore. Now that is lifted, we're able to enjoy girl time any day the other kids are off to school.

I just feel like the luckiest girl in the world right now!

-Gillian

[cindym5_04]

Congrats!!

[Malori Cross]

You go, Gillian! Congratulations.

[Kaz]

Gillian, you must be feeling so good!!:hugs:

[Carole Cross]

Congrats Gillian. :hugs:

[Tomara]

Hi Gillian

WOW , I would say you had quite a day , with the doctors and your daughters added support you must be on cloud nine !
Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.

Tomara

[Alana65]

Hooray & Congratulations for you Gillian !! :GD:

[Sarah...]

That sounds just fine Gillian. It seems a bit like how Becky and I approach the issue. We tell people / make advances / transition a bit more as and when it feels right so to do. It makes for a very balanced approach.

Well done. You are learning about who you are and how you relate to others and that's a good thing. :)

Sarah xxx

[JulieC]

we told my oldest daughter because she's out of school and home all the time now, and my wife and I don't get any girl time together anymore. Now that is lifted, we're able to enjoy girl time any day the other kids are off to school.

I just feel like the luckiest girl in the world right now!

-Gillian

Indeed you are.

But, I wanted to voice a word of caution here. You're daddy to this girl. You've been daddy her entire life. The only thing she's known is you as daddy, not as transgendered daddy.

Your daughter is at the very beginning of the learning curve here. She still has a lot to learn and understand, about TG issues in general but also about her own internal assessment and acceptance of it.

Be careful not to overwhelm her. As much as many of us have made the mistake of overwhelming our spouses who seem accepting at first, be aware that you can do the same thing to your daughter, with traumatic, devastating results. Don't assume that just because she knows now that everything's ok and you can dress/be as if she wasn't there at all, and it was just you or you and your wife in the house.

Her returning downstairs to watch TV may just be a defense mechanism. "Wow. Ok, it's fine I guess, but I can't deal with it right now. I'm going to go back and watch my show"

Just be careful, and don't overwhelm her.

[Miranda09]

Wow...you have a great family. Good luck with your journey. keep us posted.

[gillian1968]

Indeed you are.
Just be careful, and don't overwhelm her.

I understand. She was disappointed I didn't join her downstairs, so that was my cue to invite her up for a chat. You are so right in that she needs to be in control of her exposure to Gillian.

The minute she feels she's lost that control, our relationship is at risk.

My relationship with my family is paramount, it was quite a decision to tell her. We don't want to ask her to leave the house with no real explanation or a lie just to get me some Gillian time. On the other hand there was the risk of telling her and having her rebel against it. My wife and I decided together that we'd rather be truthful and open, and trust that we'd raised her with an open mind and our same values.

We've actually had several open family discussions about crossdressing and transgenderism, as it's a common theme in Anime, which all our kids adore. That too gave us many clues as to her ability to handle the situation.

That said, we're explicitly not telling the other two children because we don't believe they're ready. The same crossdressing and transgenderism discussions have given us clues that the middle child is close to being able to handle it and the youngest child not at all. They may never be, and that's OK too. I'm not in a big rush to unleash Gillian upon everyone I know ;)

Thanks for pointing this out, it's important everyone understands this!

-Gillian

[Di]

WOW , I would say you had quite a day indeed:hugs:

[Paula TV]

That's very uplifting news, it seemed your daughter wanted to know more about it!

[Kathi Lake]

Gillian, to help us understand a bit better, what do you mean by "partially" transition?

Kathi

[gillian1968]

Gillian, to help us understand a bit better, what do you mean by "partially" transition?

Hi Kathi,

Well, it's complicated :)

My short to mid-term goal is to be able to present more naturally as a woman. That means laser hair removal (I already epilate, this would be a major time saver!), getting my ears pierced, I'm already growing my hair out, etc. I'm OK using breast prosthesis and padding if it never goes beyond that.

Longer term, I am hoping I am candidate for some level of HRT. This will take some time to determine. I would like to not require the breast forms, I'm OK with a small chest. I realize that physically HRT will not do much beyond this. However, I'm also hoping that HRT will help me with the "background noise" that is this constant buzz in the back of my head that's fixated on being a woman. Again, a small HRT dosage may only help mentally but that would be OK too. And there's always the possibility that I'm just not a candidate for this road, which I'm also OK with.

I must continue to live part of my life as a man for family and financial reasons. I don't intend to undergo FFS or GRS. And my wife has grown quite attached to my male persona and "equipment" (and yes, we understand the "equipment"'s performance will be affected or destroyed by HRT).

So yeah, complicated, there's many years of soul searching and discussions with my wife about all this and this is where we're at.

-Gillian

[Kathi Lake]

That's kind of what I thought you meant. While it woud be convenient in female mode to have breasts - even smaller ones that could be helped with cookies and such, in male mode, they would be quite an obstacle. Laser hair removal would be a very good start and something I'm investigating myself as well.

HRT will indeed present some challenges - in your life, in your marriage, etc. Still, you need to do what you need to do. It sounds like you at least have the provisional support of your wife. Treasure that (I'm sure you already do). Let us know not only how it goes, but if you need any help and/or support along the way.

Kathi

[Patricia1]

Gillian, to help us understand a bit better, what do you mean by "partially" transition?

Kathi

Double down to that!

[Kim_Bitzflick]

WOW! You are a lucky girl. Enjoy all that you have.

Kim



Hi Girls,

I'm pretty excited, and just had to write. I wasn't sure what forum to stick this in, I've been guessing wrong lately :\

Today, I had two landmarks:

1. I told my doctor and asked for a referral to someone I could discuss this area of my life with. My ultimate goal is actually to partially transition.

I sat in her office waiting, and she came in. I was there for her to look at my toes because I think I'm getting a spot of gout. When she was done, I asked if I could ask another question - she said fine. Then I just blurted everything out, crossdressing since I was ten, thinking lately I'm more on the transgendered end of the spectrum. She said we are who we are, and it's important that we be who we are. I live in a very (as she put it) "provincial" city, and she didn't think she'd be able to find someone to refer me to locally. Looks like I'm going into Toronto.

I have no idea why I put that off for so long. I can't wait to see where this journey takes me next.

2. We told my oldest daughter today!

My wife and I decided that she'd tell her several days ago when the moment was right. Her first question was "is he any good at it?" and my wife replied that I actually was pretty good at it (yay! vote of confidence there!). I didn't know this was going on actually, I was just upstairs holed up in my room dressing for a little private lounging time. My wife came up and told me she'd broke the news, then went back downstairs to continue talking with her.

Turns out my daughter was disappointed I didn't come downstairs and join the conversation before the younger kids got home (I wasn't sure she wanted me to!). So when my wife left with our middle child to her piano lesson, I invited her upstairs to visit for a bit (it's going to be a few days before Gillian comes out again). She came upstairs, looked at me and smiled. We hugged, chatted for a short bit, and she went back to finish watching her show on TV.

Again, I have no idea why I put _that_ off for so long either.

I have no plans to expand the circle outward yet, we told my oldest daughter because she's out of school and home all the time now, and my wife and I don't get any girl time together anymore. Now that is lifted, we're able to enjoy girl time any day the other kids are off to school.

I just feel like the luckiest girl in the world right now!

-Gillian

[gillian1968]

That's kind of what I thought you meant. While it woud be convenient in female mode to have breasts - even smaller ones that could be helped with cookies and such

It would, but it isn't a necessity. I have small breasts already, and they are an important part of my physique both in male and female mode. They are easily enhanced...


in male mode, they would be quite an obstacle.

My small breasts haven't been an obstacle to date. They do curtail certain activities, but they're activities I didn't particularly enjoy anyways.

They might become more of an obstacle if they became substantially larger, or they might not. This is however just me personally in my own personal situation, I believe that in general breast growth could certainly cause a myriad of problems, and I completely agree with you here.


HRT will indeed present some challenges - in your life, in your marriage, etc.

Agreed, what's important is that my wife and I are approaching this slowly and together. I won't jeopardize our relationship, we're in this for the long haul.


Still, you need to do what you need to do. It sounds like you at least have the provisional support of your wife. Treasure that (I'm sure you already do).

My wife is the world to me, and I have no idea what I did to deserve her. Hanging around this community has actually helped me see even more things that I love about her. I only wish more of us had such an amazing and supportive person in their lives. While this forum is wonderful for support, it just doesn't compensate due to its virtual nature.


Let us know not only how it goes, but if you need any help and/or support along the way.

I will, and many thanks to all here who have written with such level-headedness, kind words, and sound advice.

[Karen564]

Congrats Gillian on the way your handling it..And I have to hand it to you, I think your wife is a 1 in a million great spouse..Your very lucky indeed to have her..
Good luck.!!

:hugs:

[Teri Jean]

That is fantastic. Enjoy

Keli

[gillian1968]

Hi Girls,

After a couple follow-up conversations that my wife and I have had with our daughter, it really does seem we read her right - Gillian has been accepted.

We had a conversation yesterday where we discussed the intolerance of the world in general to things that are different. We talked about my having a different body shape than a natural woman, finding me a new wig that looks and feels a little nicer, how it's important to me that she give me honest and straightforward feedback on my appearance. We talked about finding a hair salon to make my growing hair look like it's "on purpose" and that could give me a cut that I could style for boy or girl.

She said my jeans looked good on me :)

My wife had a conversation with her as well, and it was determined that my CDing "needs work". My wife also thinks this is a complete non-issue.

I asked if it was OK for Gillian to come out again on Monday and she replied "of course". I don't think she'll come wig shopping with us but mostly because shopping bores her to tears :)

-Gillian