Easier for a gay?

[Kaylee 85]

I need to clarify something. I know a lot of streight crossdressers that think that it's easier for a gay guy to dress up and go out, but I don't think they understand that everything including personal relationships are just as hard... for instance my ex-boyfriend HATED to see me dress. He sayd that if he wanted to date a girl he would have been a streight man. He had a point and eventually we just decided to be very good friends, but there are other things as well. I had this brainstorming session to figure out if I was classified as a crossdresser or if my preferance to dress as a lady and date men made me a transsexual. Eventually I decided that I was a guy, not a girl and I just happened to like dressing up in womens clothing. One more thing is I had gotten a comment that it's easier beause we have the venues where it's ok to go out dressed up and looking fabulous that it's a totally safe environment, however not even this is true because I had an incident once involving a very angry lesbian who mistook me as a real girl... As you can imagine it was not a happy experience. All in all gay and streight crossdressing are not so different and share just as many hardships. Sorry for going on and on but it's just something I needed to get off my chest.

[Phyliss]

Interesting observation, something I wouldn't have thought about. I can see your point. In any relationship between two people, they both have particular expectations as to the "makeup" of the other person. To find out later that what they were thinking the other person is / was isn't actually the case and they've been misled. Wife , girlfriend, husband, boyfriend, spouse, S.O., any term you want to use. The disappointment is real.

[deja true]

Kaylee, hun, I don't think it's easier for gay or straight. Getting rid (or trying to ignore) the confusion and guilt is hard for all of us. Indeed, maybe even harder for trans women, because they're driven by the inner knowledge that they are women, not just playing a game or role for a little stress relief.

:)

[Kaylee 85]

Oh, no no, don't get me wrong, I realise that not all people think the same way but I was just appalled by a comment I had recived on a different site that basically sayd that gays have a wonderful time dressing up and streight people have it so much harder, and another comment which basically sayd that gays only do it to get off! I put down a nice rant and left the site for good but I suppose I'm still peeved and needed to kind of clear the air, but also I wanted to get others views on the subject as positive reinforcement.

[Karren H]

Not easy for any guy in a dress...

[Angie G]

I can see where it would be just as difficult.:hugs:
Angie

[ErikaLeigh]

I think most people (me included) are bound by societies "boundaries" and social awkwardness. I have to worry about running into people from church, people that I know, and one of my many hundreds of customers while out dressed.

The only thing I see different if (correct me if im wrong) your gay and out then at least you dont have to hide who you are from people you interact with on a daily basis, dressed or not.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I think when some cd's say it would have been easier to be gay than a cd, they're really saying just gay (as in a gay man who is not a cd) rather than a cd. Gays (non cd type) are generally much more accepted in society than cd's are. That's how I usually understood that statement, anyway. I always thought it was about the being accepted by society thing.

I can understand how being a gay cd might be more difficult. The argument you spelled out about your ex seemed very logical.

Being a cd is complicated, regardless, in my opinion. Mainly because of society's dislike of us. Remove the social taboo from crossdressing, and we'd all have a much easier time in life. We could concentrate on living our lives rather than hiding and secrets and trying to find acceptance in who we are.

[Lorileah]

The misconception comes from the long standing theory that we want men when we dress. Thus we HAVE to be gay.

We are lucky that the community is more accepting of us as Gabrielle pointed out. But like the OP said, gays want MEN not men in skirts. Drag queens and FIs in the community spend more time in male mode and only dress for performances. Then the dress and other stuff comes off and they go home with their boyfriends.

I know a few TS's who of course started as gay (since they were females in a male body thus they wanted male partners) and the strange thing about them is that they became lesbians when they transitioned. Talk about irony.

I have noticed that the only males who really have an interest in me when I am dressed are straights (ha ha) or bi's who justify that they would not be having sex with a man because he had a dress on. I do have lots of gay friends who are just that when I am dressed. Sometimes it is good to have an escort when those supposed straight start hitting on you.

We live in an ethereal world, neither belonging to either side. It sounds like fun but it get frustrating. Ok it is fun to flirtand tease.

[Joanne f]

I can see that you are saying , most gay men want a man for a partner not someone who wants to dress as a woman the same as most straight women want a man for a partner not someone who wants to dress as a woman .
Thank god that there are some partners who are willing to look outside of the box on both and all sides

[Kaylee 85]

Most inspirational responses, thanks for the support ladies. It's true, none of us have it really "easy", mainly because of the society we live in, but at least we live in a time when you won't get lynched for being yourself. Someday I'll find someone who loves me for me and untuill that day I'm going to just be... well, me!

[MissConstrued]

The misconception comes from the long standing theory that we want men when we dress.

Gee, wonder where anyone would get that idea! Those "dating men" threads that pop up every month aren't doing much to dispel that notion. Sometimes I begin to feel a little lonely out here in Heteroville.

[Sarah...]

Sometimes I begin to feel a little lonely out here in Heteroville.

...it's a funny thing. So do I...

So when do I stop being gay and start being hetero? Have I always been hetero or will I always be gay?

Sarah xxx

[Pamela Julie]

The only advantage gay's have in going out is, as long as they are not showing any kind of affection for another, the public will not know they are gay. Most crossdressers are obviously wearing clothing of the opposite sex, at least when viewed up close, a disadvantage. Gays also have more legal protections than crossdressers. Overall gays have a small advantage. If you are talking about gay crossdressers, they have the worst case situation, hated because of being gay, and hated because of crossdressing. Though many gays don't like the tg combining with the glb movement and many tg's don't like glb combining with the tg movement, the combination has been an advantage for both sides. For all of us life is a bit easier as more of the public accepts us.

Pamela:)

[Diane Elizabeth]

Hi Kaylee, I am at the same point. I also have been told that if they had wanted someone in a dress then they would date a woman. My bf says as long as I don't have SRS he is okay with my need to dress. I rarely get to drress fully though. My added complication is that I have a wife (platonic only). SO I ask myself am I GAY, BI, CD, TV, TS or androgenous? All are hard to deal with. Just trying to hang in there. dylen

[Jonianne]

.......All in all gay and streight crossdressing are not so different and share just as many hardships. Sorry for going on and on but it's just something I needed to get off my chest.

I remember reading a thread last year, on this forum, about a gay person who crossdressed and had to hide his/her cloths from their partner, just like I have read in so many threads about cd'ers hiding their cloths from their wives. It kind of blew my mind for a moment, until I thought, why would the situation really be any different?

[Christa]

What a great thread... thanks for starting the conversation, Kaylee!

As a gay guy who likes (loves!) to crossdress, I run into the same assumptions and share some of the same frustrations.

Personally, I think being a crossdresser can be tough whether you're a gay guy or a straight guy. Crossdressing is not something that I'm "out" about as I feel most folks (gay or straight) wouldn't understand. There's certainly acceptance within the gay community for drag queens as entertainers, but many gay men are just as hung up on effeminate, girly, trying-to-pass crossdressers as straight men are. American men (gay or straight) are typically raised to suppress any display of femininity. So when someone pushes those gender boundaries it really touches a nerve in most men.

Being in a gay relationship doesn't necessarily make being a crossdresser any easier either. I came out to my husband (yes, we're married in California... for now) after being together for nearly 15 years. It was terrifying. And although I'm greatly relieved that he knows, he has no desire to ever see me dressed as Christa (not unlike many straight men who CD experience with their wives).

Ultimately, this conversation isn't about "who has it tougher: gay men who CD, or straight men who CD?". It's about understanding that we girls are all in this together. The support I've received from all of you (gay and straight) has been valuable. I hope we can continue to learn from and support one another.

XOXO

Christa

[Lorileah]

Gee, wonder where anyone would get that idea! Those "dating men" threads that pop up every month aren't doing much to dispel that notion. Sometimes I begin to feel a little lonely out here in Heteroville.

gee and I don't even get the double your advantage that bi's get dressed :)