am I the only one who LOVES being a cd?

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I originally came here to meet and enjoy the company of other cd's, but when I starting reading into the forum deeper, I quickly found a lot of confused, self-loathing, purging threads. :eek: I honestly didn't expect that and there has been a rash of them lately. "Rash" really is a good term for that too, don't you think? Oddly enough, I purged the confusion from my own system before ever venturing online to chat with other cd's.

I understand that society (on the whole) has a problem with who we are. I spent most of my life hating myself for just that reason. It was in accepting who I am that I finally learned how to love myself. And I really do love who and what I am, regardless of society's BS view of us. I thank God for this gift and I celebrate it! :)

I take offense when people call this a condition, sickness, disorder, affliction, or any other derogatory term. It is none of those things, and that's not just my opinion - it is a fact supported by psychiatric professionals. I know it's not easy dealing with society's views on us (I have to deal with it too, remember), but we are perfectly normal people (at least the cd part is).

I know I'm not the only one who actually loves being a cd, but I wanted to get a feel for the numbers here.

How many of you truly love this aspect of your life? I honestly don't think I could ever be happy without being a cd. It's not just what I enjoy, it truly is WHO I am. And I need to be myself to be happy in my life. I wish I could cd a whole lot more than my busy life currently allows!

If you don't like who you are... is it JUST because of society's views on us? I think it must be, as I can't see any other reason not to like yourself (unless you go around causing harm to others). If cding were seen as normal by society as being left-handed, would you still hate yourself?

Being a cd has its complications in life (mainly because of society's dislike), and I could do without those complications, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I really do love being who I am. I wish everyone did. I hope to see that change in time, for those of you who don't.

[Fab Karen]

Self-loathing & purging is a sickness.
"I gotta be me"

[Angie G]

Gabrielle I one of the girls who loves being A CD And would not want it any other way.:hugs:
Angie

[PennyLane2]

Gabrielle,
I couldn't,t agree with you more.I am a hidden CD,er but that is my personal choice.I adore to dress and cannot see any reason why I should stop being my true self. Penny is part of me and my life and when I am eventually discovered,has I know I will,I will face the pain and turmoil knowing that I have accepted me as I am.
Love from Penny

[Carin]

Being transgendered has brought many challenges, traumas and life changing events into my life, and the lives of others around me. I don't like that legacy. But that does not change how I feel about myself. I like me, as I am, transgendered.

I won't quote your post. I'll just agree with everything in it. :)

[AliciaWeb]

The only part of being a CD that I hate is not being able to do it freely. I am who and what I am and always will be, CDing is one of that last parts of my being I would relinquish, probably only before loving my family..

[cheerleader_for_life]

I LOVE CDing:daydreaming:
i love my cheerleading outfits

[Traceyjo]

Gabrielle, I absoutely ADORE being a CD. It's something I do whenever I have the opportunity and each time the experience is an absolute delight. I consider being a CD is a magnificent bonus in my life. Everything else is great but to have found this added pleasure that so few men ever know of is something I am so grateful for. I don't see any downside for me - no hangups, no emotional traumas about my sexuality, no desire to tansition, just totally enjoyment. I guess I am one of the lucky ones

[cindybarnes]

I guess Im not happy- ha ha happy about being a CD but I am content with myself. That took quite a while to figure out and I feel for those that havnt got there yet.
When I do make time to express my other side there is nothing better !! It easily makes up for any downsides that go with being a CD
Cindy

[Beth Wilde]

I LOVE being a CD too! It is a great thing, I only wish I could do it more but my job (military) makes it awkward.

[Samantha Kelsey]

Hi Gabrielle, I love being a CD'r too and I love the person that I am. Was it Whitney Houston who sang 'Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all'
If we don't like, accept and respect ourselves then why should we expect others to?

[Leanne2]

Count me in on the plus side. I consider the fact that I am transgendered as a gift. Would I get rid of it with a magic pill? Not a chance.
I feel sorry for the high T macho guys out there that don't know what we know. I love being one of the girls. I just wish that I could be completely open about it but I have too much invested in the guy side of my life. It would hurt my family and I would never do that.
P.S. Last night my 23 year old son was telling my wife and I about his friend's "man cave." He said," Any guy would love it; well maybe not you dad." My wife and I just smiled at each other. Leanne

[Slip Affinity]

I very much love the CD part of my life and every day I look forward to spending at least a portion of the day dressed the way I would choose if it was more openly accepted.

[erickka]

When I am dressed and all prettied up that is the real me. So I guess I love it too. I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Samantha B L]

I think CD'ing is inherited and it's probably neurological and hormonal in nature and I know there are mental health professionals who think so. Since nobody seems to be able to quit CD'ing for very long anyway,I think of all the things nature could have given you,crossdressing is a blessing and a pure pleasure. I just love it and I have a horror of people trying to force me to renounce it or quit doing it. My original wardrobe got wiped out 4 years ago and I've spent the last year building up my wardrobe again. The only real problem I have is that there are some people in my life who I could never come out to because they would never accept my CD'ing. So coming out to them would just be asking for trouble. Otherwise,an awful lot of people know me as "Samantha" and I do this because it's incredible fun!


"girls just want to have fun,oh girls just want to have fun"

[SherylynJade]

:devil: :drink: I 150% love it and wouldn't want to be any other way

[Georgia Rose]

Hey, you are certainly not alone. Although I've only discovered CDing late in life I certainly like to take every occasion I can to dress. My wife accepts it so that part is good. I can't see many others in my circle of family & friends being accepting though. However that does not concern me. I'm really comfortable dressed only wish could do more.

:drink:

[Gisele]

I learned many years ago what happens when I did the purge thing. It just cost me more money to get back to where I was before the purge.

I have grown to be happy with who I am now. :) I have learned that I am just another woman that had been born with the wrong body. Although I am not changing my God given equipment I am still happy.

[Cheree]

I do have a sincere affinity for womens' clothing and am confident "they" will never invent a patch for quitting!!!!

[Miranda09]

I love this aspect of my personality. Have no desire to change or analyze it.

[Kendra08]

I used to hate the fact I was a CD. I'd have done anything to make that part of me go away. In the last couple of months, with the help of friends, I learned that this is who I am, and I love it. I sleep better and everyone tells me I seem like a different person, even my students have made comments. I really am so much happier having embraced Kendra. I LOVE being a CD and finally being ME!!!

[Di]

I AM SO HAPPY YOU WROTE THIS THREAD:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
AND glad there are others that feel the same way.:hugs:
Although I am grateful there is our home here to talk and support each other and work things out I fret over all the ladies here that analyze, worry,and are so distressed and I wish for them to find peace and love who they are.I have always believed it is a gift!
I do not think that society (on the whole) has a problem with it, I just think it is so hidden the ones that do have a problem, it is from lack of knowledge ( understanding)and they are the type usually that have a problem with anything that isn't black and white.
Thank you Gabrielle Enjoy:love:

[Jean Marie]

Personally I am very thankfull, that I have been blessed with the gift of a strong feminine side and desiring and enjoying dressiong and presenting myself as a woman is the best part of my life. I know that in many ways I am a much better abd more well rounded person for being able to have a feminine insight. My only regret is that I was born male by mistake. Jean Marie

[tonya2]

Love being CD, the fight is long over and I have come to accept me as who I am and CD'g is a huge part of that. It brings me much joy and happyness to find and explore that part of me that I fought off for most of my life. Now I just have one more battle to fight, coming out in public, but that will be another story.

Thanks for the post :)

Tonya

[TGMarla]

Although this road has been fraught with its challenges, I, too, truly love being a CD. There's nothing quite like the feeling I get when I'm 100% en femme, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Now bring on the dresses!

[Phyliss]

I never really "hated" the idea that I was a CD nor did I dislike myself for that reason. There were many other reasons for my dislike of myself. Years of searching and learning about me have been helpful.

YES!!! I do enjoy being a Crossdresser. Sometimes it is a bit difficult and many times it's really expensive, however I wouldn't change a thing.

[jasmine57]

Gabrielle-
I totally agree with you. I love being a CD and don't really care what others think. I had a hard time accepting it at first but once I didi life has only gotten better. I feel like I've finally found who and what I am and wouldn't give that up for anything. Thanks for this thread, it seems like lately the only reponses I've been making here is to defend myself for who I am. I don't mind defending my feelings but it's a lot more enjoyable just sharing them. That's the reason I originally came to this site.

[Marshchild]

I'm another one who loves being a CDer - my wardrobe would be so much duller if I wasn't! I also love not having a problem with femininity per se; life would be so much less interesting if I considered 50% of the world off-limits, so to speak.

[Patricia1]

If I could be any more in agreement with your, it would have been me who started this thread. I am in love with crossdressing because only in that way can I truly be who I am at the core of my heart.

[LOVE2]

i to love2 dress up and look good i do this before work and after every day and i love it :^5:

[tinachristina]

Hi Gabi,

You always leave a nice word or two on my posts . So here is my turn :).
It has been a long time that I have been CDing and in my opinion , life of a CD is divided in multiple stages. We all are in different stages of our life and hence are either frustrated or happy with our so called condition. I guess the initial guilt is extremely strong. Add to it the male ego we are born with and add to that the society's view .If we have a different feeling which does not concur with society , we feel guilty and troubled. I started from guilt went through acceptance to finally enjoyment. In between I had my own shares of sorrow and self hate. I was ranting always to my SO and myself of how difficult sometimes it gets to live two lives( even superheroes don't come out in open ) . Now that I am happy about it I write positive posts but it took some time and appreciation from others ( though not from relatives). The best thing is not to get frustrated with feelings expressed by other but helping them as always with your sweet suggestions. That way I see less ranting and more happy feelings . And if we feel happy who cares about society.

BTW: My wife said hello to you. I plan to bring her to forum soon :)
:hugs: Tina

[2b.Lauren]

Although, I am completely in love with being a CD, I totally hate the many frustrations that are not from my own choosing that tangle themselves into my enjoyment and frequently rob my joy and happiness. We are all on a personal, sometimes private, frequently intangled, journey of acceptance. Where we are on this path can change like the weather depending on how it interfaces with others that are a part of our life. We encounter a greater amount of indifference from the world around us and we have to share that world with those we love, and many that do not love us. This eventually can wear us down and make us feel less empowered or in love with who we are. So then those feelings that many people are expressing come out in threads here. Many are crying out because they just don't have the depth of understanding and acceptance necessary to feel empowered. Purging, self loathing, and hate are all parts of that experience, and those of us that have been at this for a long time, and have been totally honest with ourselves and our feelings have some how come out of that with a deeper understanding of self. Leading to that acceptance.

I love the thread and agree so much. I just love being a crossdresser so very much and could not invision my life not having those very soft things around me. However, I think my helping nature just seems to gravitate so much to those that are struggling and writing about these feelings and their inner struggles. Here is where I think we have such a great gift for those that are hurting, because we can share the wisdom that we have gained.

Thanks,
Lauren

[Pink_Lace]

i absolutely love being who i am, which is the reason for my occasional depression spells, i am perfectly fine being a guy and don't try to look more femme, i just prefer women's clothes (especially a cute skirt & heels) and when i can't be myself it really starts to get to me sometimes. but i wouldn't change who i am for anyone or anything.

[Raquelle C]

I figured I'd chime in here, b/c I just recently got over the 'stage' of not accepting my femme self. Being in my mid 20's now I previously have been really confused about my CDing. I remember purging as early as a young teen, I had accumulated a few articles of clothing early on and ended up purging all of it. Thankfully that was my only full out purge, per se'. I have often pushed my clothes and other thoughts aside for weeks and sometimes months at a time. Of course they only come back in due time and even stronger than ever. In my early 20's I started to accept my self and things really took a turn for the better, better understanding of my self that is, when I found this great place! Now I do truly embrace and love being a CD. Through the great people on here I have also helped my SO get a better understanding of my CDing and much more acceptance overall. Very true how most guys do not get to enjoy this great extension of one's self and character.

[Carly D.]

It's not a matter of loving or liking cross dressing but rather, for me anyway, it is just part of who I am.. I can't shake it.. I do accept it... but as far as the purging aspect goes for me I purge on occasion mostly clothes that are useless for me.. which is to say mostly anything such as pantyhose that are beyond wearable, tights the same.. and shoes (yes that's right) as well as clothing that is worn out.. shoes have never been worn out but rather just don't get worn by either they are uncomfortable (womens shoes?? never uncomfortable are they??) or just never thought of to be worn.. mostly it is comfort that rules the wearing time and therefor the reason they get tossed (purged)...

[Megan_Girl]

After many years and numerous ups and downs I can now say that I love who I am and who I am not.....

[TJ Tresa]

Yes Gabrielle, I too love crossdressing and have long before coming here to this site/forum. I have a loving wife who has helped me find the peace with it and she encourages me to be me, weither Tresa or my alter ego. I'm fine with who I am and only wish I was more passable so I could go out in puplic. Thanks for this thread, Hugs TJ.

[Holly]

Well, I love being me... and CDing is a part of me. Please keep in mind, however, this forum is full of people who are at various places in their life journey. Self-discovery is an ongoing process. This community exists to support and encourage one another no matter where along the path we find ourselves.

[2b.Lauren]

Thanks Holly I agree with you totally. I am more in envy that you said it in only 3 sentences! :)

[vivianann]

Thanks for the thread. I too love myself as I am, and I love being enfemme, and I love the freedom to be out and about enfemme. I find that society as a whole seems to be accepting, since I have been out and about in the last couple of years.
I agree with Di's post also, she is 100% right about everything she said in her post.

[Susan Watersfield]

Gabrielle

Yes, yes, yes...... I so agree with you.

I love being a CD and like you feel it is a gift to be enjoyed. My only regret is that I am still in the closet and have yet to enjoy going out. But it will come.

Thank you so much for putting into words what I feel.

Luv

Susan

[Greymancd]

I have been cd'ing for less that a year now altough I have dabbled with it at times thoughout my life. I can honestly say that I do not know where I am at, if it last now the rest of my life or if the desire fades. I do know that I am enjoying the pink fog I have read about here and I do not loathe myself for these feelings I have. I enjoy dressing immensely. I love noticing womens clothes and how pretty they are or how cute a top is and how some shoes are to die for! I love putting on makeup and a wig and looking as feminine as I can. I hold back because I am married and I am having to let my wife absorb this in slowly, she is starting to accept me and is helping me in some ways with clothing. The desire in me is for us to go out as girlfriends I think it would be fun and could be for both of us but that is down the road. I love crossdressing and eventually, being a crossdresser. I have no desire to change my sex and I do not feel I was born in the wrong body I just like dressing and feeling the feminine side that is part of who I am!

[Kelli Michelle]

I love it too!!! I would do it more, but with family obligations, it is always a balancing act. I am not ashamed about it, but I know if I make it more a part of my life, my marriage would be probably over. Still, when I AM out, I love everything about it, clothes just being a part of the equation. I like the inner peacefulness, the sharing with others, and the ability to act as feminine as I want.

I told my wife that I will NOT be quitting or purging (yeah I said that the 3rd time I did it), as I would feel like a large piece of me would go missing, and that that would affect me in many ways.

I used to think there was something wrong with me that I actually loved it, but no more.

Thanks for the thread.

[Annemarie]

No, I don't love or hate my cding, I just accept it will always be a part of me for good or ill. At the moment I am completely bored silly by it and haven't dressed in ages, going thru' one of my regular tranny blues periods, when I wonder why I bother doing it.

[LA CINDY LOVE]

I am having the time of my life, yes there are some ups and downs, but I have walk on the wild side and I love it.


LA CINDY LOVE

[GaleWarning]

I would love to "come out" to the landlord and landlady, but my SO thinks they will throw us out.
So, although I am growing increasingly comfortable with my love of CDing, I feel I ought to respect my SO and stay in the closet.
I've dealt with the guilt; I've dealt with my own fears.
Now I have to figure out how to deal with society's fear.

[Sophie A Walker]

My answer in the context of the question is basically Yes.

But as I have just posted somewhere else, I think it is in lots of ways the wrong question.

A better question for me is am I proud of CDing and increasingly in my life I find myself thinking, Yes I am proud, the journey to where I am has had t's ups and downs and even at the moment I find I get irritated at some people in my life, who are ashamed of me and expect me to change because of that.

But I am proud of who I am despite them.

[KimberlyJo]

I take offense when people call this a condition, sickness, disorder, affliction, or any other derogatory term.

I couldn't agree more! Count me into the YAY for crossdressing group :D :D :D

I wish I had time to write more, but I have to go to work...

[vikki2020]

I totally love it! Now. I also loved it when I first started dressing, and that's why I'm still here 40 years later.I will say that is a lot easier now than it was then, however.We all have to evolve at our own pace,in different environments, to get to accept our fem side. I think a lot of it has to depend on our age,because for me, if I were 19 today, with the internet opening so many doors, and attitudes in general being much more accepting of all lifestyles,things would be much different!I'm just happy that I can enjoy them today:)

[Fran Moore]

Hi Gabrielle,

I think your observations are valid. CD'ers come from all walks of life and many different settings, and we all have challenges to overcome because of who we are. I think that having an accepting spouse/SO goes a long way towards "happiness" in our lives. Also having full self acceptance of who WE are can bring much happiness and fulfillment as well.

Being transgendered completes me, and blends my male and female sides together both spiritually, as well as emotionally, and I wouldn't have it any other way. As for an explanation as to "why", I am expecting to have that answer when I pass from this world into the next, although the importance of gaining that knowledge has faded with age.

Celebrate your life, each and every day and those around you will benefit as well.


Suzanne

[Crissy Kay]

I am very happy being a part time cd. I find it more fun when I have a chance to dress. I am still happy to stay in the closet too!!!!

[Jannette H]

Hi Gabrielle, I also love being a CD. Yes I have had many ups and downs and hated myself for what I was but I won't be happy any other way

[LilSissyStevie]

It's OK, I guess.:straightface:

[crusadergirl]

I love being a cd its something i really in enjoy in my life. What others think don't bother me one bit, i'm here to enjoy life not complain about it.

[Jean Ann S]

I would like to say I am one of the fortunate ones who loves the whole CD thing ...It is not my whole life ,,,,,,lots of other interests
But it is one of the more enjoyable things in my life
all the fun I have had
new experiences
learned a lot about the "other half " and how they live
Sometimes it is a nice quiet soft friendly place to escape for a while from the problems of my "boy " life
To me it is all a very positive thing

Jean Ann :eek:

[Jessica Who]

Right on!

[JenniferR771]

Great note Gabrielle! Thank you! THANK YOU! I am not there yet--but--starting to accept myself. My wife is having a struggle--but she is OK with 6 dresses in my closet. I am aiming to increase the number, though. I talked to the manager of our local Goodwill today, and she asked a few questions. She was very nice and said she is fine with whatever people want to do. She held out her hand and introduced herself to my shy(cd) friend. Gulp.

[Rachaelb64]

Gabrielle, after years of struggle I finally happy with myself and enjoying being a CDer :)

As a fun thing I checked my pluse rate in drab approx 72bpm, when dress it went down to approx 60bpm, which means I'm happy and relax when dressed :)

[vjaducd]

The only part of being a CD that I hate is not being able to do it freely. I am who and what I am and always will be, CDing is one of that last parts of my being I would relinquish, probably only before loving my family..

I agree with this comment. I am quite happy to enjoy being c.d. but would like to be in open air so I prey to have seperate c.d.land where only c.d.s can stay & live without any hesitation ,freely move & meet each other in total fem mode. May god bless we all & gift seperate c.d.land/town/beach, c.d.city.
vjaduc,d, loves lipstick from india.:love::hugs:

[Toni_Lynn]

I totally love being a crossdresser. I consider it a gift that has brought me so much happiness and pleasure, and has resulted in my wife and I having a marriage that is more loving and deeper than I ever imagined one could be because of the love, trust, intimacy and openness we share.

I love being a crossdresser because I smile when I look down and see my smooth legs below the hem of my skirt. I love the fact that I too can treat myself to a sexy pair of panties. I love the feeling of my bra around my chest and that when I look down those are my breasts, small though they are. I love the fact that I can look sexy for my wife. I love being able to see my pink toe nails in the morning

I love the fact that it has brought me to a deep understanding about who I am -- and has allowed me get in touch with my inner feelings and self -- the girl within. Some men aren't even in touch with the man or boy within. I went looking and -- smiles -- I found a girl there. And oh how I love her. Not in vain sense, but in a well balanced way of treating myself well.

Yeah, there have been bad times -- I've suffered hurt and abuse over it -- but it is the one of the few true things that I have in my life

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[danacd96]

Being a cd is part of who I am. I'm not only extremely comfortable with that aspect of my life, but appreciate the freedom, time out from the stress, expectations, and ego, so instilled in us as part of our male gender.


I'm truly a happy camper:) dana

[suchacutie]

There is absolutely no other way that I could experience my feminine side in practice instead of in theory. Mention was often made that I got along well with women professionally because I treated them in a way that made them comfortable. Now I know that I was just learning what it took to understand the "other half" of the planet. It is frightening at times, frustrating at times, but always an incredible experience! Lastly, I have been able to talk with my wife about topics I never knew existed! I love being Tina and all that goes with her.

tina

[Jonianne]

Well, I love being me... and CDing is a part of me. Please keep in mind, however, this forum is full of people who are at various places in their life journey. Self-discovery is an ongoing process. This community exists to support and encourage one another no matter where along the path we find ourselves.

:iagree: Very well stated Holly.

[curse within]

I am sorry ,but no I really long for a normal life ..If I felt fem more often then yes I would probably like it but after 38 years of living in shame ,quilt and fear, never knowing why I dress or have such a strong urge to anyways.

I had my wife call me names of less than a man and always smeared my face in what was a bad marriage or the last 12 0f a 22 year marriage . I kept my fem side in the best I could bottled up corked and suffering to the point of developing "Acid Reflux".

I tried maybe it just wasn't meant to be, I mean I would have felt better if that was the reason for a disolved relationship. To hear "I will find me a real man " ..I can say now that I have left that surpressed envirorment and that I have had more me time this has turned or is turning into me being more balanced , that I feel makes me more complete and reflects me to others as a better person.

[Jennifer Marie P.]

I love being a crossdresser thats why I went to being a full time dresser and wouldnt want it any other way.

[AshleyCDFL]

I really enjoy crossdressing as much as any of my hobbies. If it makes me happy then why not. I'm lucky enough to have a loving and understanding wife, so I'm sure that makes it easier. Even before, I never hated myself for it though, only wished that I had the freedom to buy all the cute clothes that I saw all the girls wearing! Glad I can now, especially the skirts! I personally feel its a wonderful life....

[Jilmac]

Gabrielle, I couldn't agree with you more. I love who I am and CDing has been a part of my life almost as long as I've been on board this rotating orb we call Earth. I love doing what I do and I don't intend to quit until they shovel dirt on top of me.

[Tyler_D]

I kept my fem side in the best I could bottled up corked and suffering to the point of developing "Acid Reflux".


OMG I'm not the only one, I've been away for a couple months and couldn't CD. I started drinking and developped gastro-oesophagian reflux too. I had to see social workers to moderate my consumption. Military is more stiff with alcoolism nowadays.

Anyhow I found a way to sneak out of the base and still do it. My stress went down, stopped drinking and the reflux were gone. I can't deny that it is a part of me, it's a physiologi
cal need. I NEED to CD. I like being able to do it. I like showing ppl that beauty is genderless. I like stirring the pot too. Showing machos that all they took for granted is bull. I like it just as much as feeling feminine. I just aimed it toward a purpose.

We CDs are ambassadors. We should embrace the gift of not being "normal".

[curse within]

OMG I'm not the only one, I've been away for a couple months and couldn't CD. I started drinking and developped gastro-oesophagian reflux too. I had to see social workers to moderate my consumption. Military is more stiff with alcoolism nowadays.

Anyhow I found a way to sneak out of the base and still do it. My stress went down, stopped drinking and the reflux were gone. I can't deny that it is a part of me, it's a physiologi
cal need. I NEED to CD. I like being able to do it. I like showing ppl that beauty is genderless. I like stirring the pot too. Showing machos that all they took for granted is bull. I like it just as much as feeling feminine. I just aimed it toward a purpose.

We CDs are ambassadors. We should embrace the gift of not being "normal".

Yes we should embrass the gift , I have learned and I am now permitted to do just that.. My outlook is " I've spent the first 40 years of my life a bitter young man I will spent the rest a not so bitter old man" I have to make the best of CDing . Not that the ball was never fully in my court it was never in the game. In my marriage there was no such game..

[Debbie801]

I LOVE this part of me. The relaxation and pleasure it provides is unparalleled. I only wish I didn't have so much body hair!

debbie

[Barbara Dugan]

Yes I love it....I thinks brings balance to my life and I believe helps me keep my depression at bay:hugs:

[Jenniferpl]

I love the relaxation and peace of mind it brings me. Nothing better than lipstick and 4" heels. This a blast with a supportive spouse.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

Wow! Thank you. Thank you SO much - ALL of you! :)

Thank you for living and CELEBRATING your lives.

Thank you for being who you are - who God made you to be.

Thank you so much for sharing your stories. I read EVERY one of them.

As I read through, I responded to some directly. Most of them really need no response as you were simply sharing your love of being a cd with me, and thank you SO much for doing so! :)


Self-loathing & purging is a sickness.
"I gotta be me"

I wholeheartedly agree. Nicely said.


Was it Whitney Houston who sang 'Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all'
If we don't like, accept and respect ourselves then why should we expect others to?

Yes, but it's not just a song lyric - it's the truth. I spent more than 3 decades hating myself... and for what? Embracing who I am and accepting myself lead me to learn how to love myself. Even though I've experienced happy moments in my life before, I was never just happy until I learned how to love myself.


I just love it and I have a horror of people trying to force me to renounce it or quit doing it.

There is not a soul on this planet that I would stop being myself for. Not even my own wife (who happens to love Gabrielle). I could never be happy living as just half a man. I had to do that for too many years already. I exist on both sides of the gender spectrum, and so I shall be me, period. God made me this way and I'll never turn my back on it again.


I learned many years ago what happens when I did the purge thing. It just cost me more money to get back to where I was before the purge.

And I'm willing to be that any "resolve" you felt in doing so was soon replaced by quite an empty feeling. I'm glad you're comfortable and even happy with who you are now. God bless you!


...this is who I am, and I love it. I sleep better and everyone tells me I seem like a different person, even my students have made comments.

Since learning to accept myself, many people in my life have also commented how I seem different - happier and easier going. Maybe because I finally chose to allow myself to BE myself.


I AM SO HAPPY YOU WROTE THIS THREAD:D:D:D:D:D

Me too! I can't tell you how good it feels to see all my sisters chiming in with so much enthusiasm and celebrating who we are rahter than fighting or trying to resist it!


Thanks for this thread, it seems like lately the only reponses I've been making here is to defend myself for who I am. I don't mind defending my feelings but it's a lot more enjoyable just sharing them. That's the reason I originally came to this site.

I've had that feeling lately as well. Hence this thread. I'm so very tired of "I'm going to do the right thing and live my life as half a man to please those who love me". Thanks a lot for undermining who we ALL are as transgendered people. Nothing like renouncing who we are as cd's AND saying that the "right" thing is to not be one.


In my early 20's I started to accept my self and things really took a turn for the better, better understanding of my self that is...

Good for you! I still hated myself well through my mid 30's. Thank God I finally accepted who I am. If only I could have sooner - so many wasted years of misery. Better late than never though, right?


Well, I love being me... and CDing is a part of me. Please keep in mind, however, this forum is full of people who are at various places in their life journey. Self-discovery is an ongoing process. This community exists to support and encourage one another no matter where along the path we find ourselves.

Yes, a supporting community. I honestly expected it to be supportive of who we are and helping each other find comfort in an unaccepting society. I did NOT expect to find people trying to offer support for some "terrible condition" they suffer from. I did not expect to find our own sisters renouncing who they are and proudly "doing the right thing" by throwing it all away because being who they are hurts those they love. I don't have words to express my offense to that display of "cd = terrible condition to be overcome". It hurts that much more coming from a "former" cd - someone who should KNOW better than that. Nothing is easy in life, but turning your back on yourself AND expressing to loved ones that "cd = badness" is a big set back for us all. Some may not feel this way, but it is the truth.

In my self-loathing period, I would have NEVER spoken out about others like me and implied in any way that "cd = wrong". I sat quietly and hated myself by myself. Who am I to reinforce society's terrible view of us by renouncing it "to do what is right"?

The "right thing" is different for different people, but when one equates cding to something bad to be overcome for loved ones - I have a serious problem with that. Society already feeds me that BS every day. It hurts deeply when one of our own helps make it stick with their words and actions.

I should probably delete that whole remark. It would be wise to do so. It would also be cowardly of me. I only hope I worded it well enough to be truly understood.


I am having the time of my life, yes there are some ups and downs, but I have walk on the wild side and I love it.

Thank GOD! I remember you having some trouble with your family not long ago. It sounds like you're doing well now though. Good for you!


Celebrate your life, each and every day and those around you will benefit as well.

Well said!

Great note Gabrielle! Thank you! THANK YOU! I am not there yet--but--starting to accept myself. My wife is having a struggle...

You'll get there if you choose to. It was only after I chose to be myself, that I learned how to accept myself and even love myself. It wasn't easy, but if I made it, trust me - you can too. Be good to your wife and take it slow if she's struggling. Push things too fast, and she'll likely push back. Good luck with thing.


I am sorry ,but no I really long for a normal life ..

I'm so sorry. I've read many of your posts. I know how much you hate this part of your life... Life isn't fair. A trip through my own past paints a clear picture of that fact. So long as you have a pulse though, you can choose to make changes in your life. Fight yourself forever, or walk through that painful door that may lead to eventual happiness. I faced that door too - and here I am. I survived... and even thrived. God bless you, CW. I really hope you do find peace in whatever way makes you happy.


I LOVE this part of me. The relaxation and pleasure it provides is unparalleled. I only wish I didn't have so much body hair!

Your wish is my command!

** blinks like Genie **

Here - try this razor. :heehee:




Ok, I expect to take some flack for at least one of my responses (maybe more than just some). I thank each one of you who took the time to post about your own feelings. I am SO VERY happy to see so many of you celebrating who you are rather than expressing suffering from some "terrible condition". With all the sad threads lately, I think we ALL needed some happy thoughts.

God bless each of you. I love you all so much! And that's the truth. :)

I'll never turn my back on who I am again. If ever you know of a sister feeling pain or suffering - offer her some help. Be there for her. Let her know she is a good person and she is loved. Spread the truth and set things straight. We're not freaks. We're good people... with some awesome fashion sense! :)

[curse within]

Gabrielle,

I know you mean well , I really truley do. If I bring people down it is in no way to offend or judge how one should live their life...

You have mentioned that you have read my Threads so you should then know a little of my back ground... My purpose is soley to those who have been keeping it " corked ". I've meant what I said that Crossdressing has been a bad part of my first 40 years...

Let me correct that , it's not the crossdressing but the constant battle for normallity.. To be the average Joe to not think about dressing when that cycle comes around , to be honest enough with myself and other members that come here for support by saying these things.

We all have our own levels and we take it to our own extremes . So if you and other members here are grateful and think it's the next best thing to sliced bread I say great!! Good for you and I am happy for you all and you have my up most respect and support.

I would just like to touch on the levels again , we must not forget these or up bringing or how one has lived or dealt with supression due to not being opened about crossdressing . How although not forced and due to not understanding why we do it, some try fighting it to fit into soceity.

How we think it will just go away ( thinking this for years only to see it all being a big lie to yourself ) waiting years for it to happen . Now that I have gone through life changing events and being able to come here , I have now finnaly found some support, somewhere I can talk openly about it and gain some understanding . But most importantly find others who feel the same anti or pro.

I have gained some ground since joining here yet still fighting sanity within it's self crossdressing goes against the grain of soceity and it's just something you do not adapt to over night..

Excellent Post and again thanks for your concern:D

[Phyliss Hdson]

I aree with you. I hate pants. I love being a CD and getting out as often as live allows me to in as many places as I can. I travel for a living and for the past few years I can only think of one or two times when I was unable to take an outfit or two with me. I am working on a yacht in Florida and had two chances to get out this week and one to just hang around the boat.

[Tammy298]

Gabrielle,

I accept my desire to CD. Recently I've successfully opened a dialogue with my wife about it. She's known about my CDing before we moved in together nearly 9 years ago but only recently have I wanted to understand both my own and her level of understanding and acceptance.
She enjoys my dressing in lingerie and/or nightgown almost as much as I do, and that's even if we don't do anything at night! She told me recently that she prefers that I wear lingerie or a nightgown to bed rather than my drab PJs.
I recently started underdressing more, and likewise she enjoys stroking my leg or playing with a garter under my jeans or slacks almost as much as I enjoy the experience of wear the sexy lingerie!
When we get the chance, I'm looking forward to dressing more fully than my situation currently allows.

[Karren H]

I really hate it!!! Guess that's why I smile so much!! :D

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Gabrielle,

Excellent post and I couldn't agree with you more! I'm like you, I also love this aspect of my life and I too honestly don't think I could ever be happy without being a cder. Some of the best moments in my life so far are due to my CDing ..... but ..... it wasn't always like this.

Once I got past the guilt feelings and started thinking more about being happy for myself (providing I wasn't hurting anyone) and stopped beating myself up for not conforming to what is expected behavior for a guy, things got a whole lot better. So I like to do girly things ... so what?

I am very fortunate to have an accepting and encouraging wife and so that has been HUGE in my self acceptance and happiness, but yes, .... I'm with you, CDing is a cornerstone of my whole being and I could never stop :)

[Ralph]

Well, here's the deal. Unlike singing, which I choose to do and enjoy and can do or not do as it pleases me, I did not choose to be a crossdresser. It chose me. I dress because fighting the compulsion is more emotionally draining than just going along with it - and when I let the urge control me, I feel great.

So I can't give you a simple "yes, I love it" or "no, I hate it" answer. There are aspects that I love, and aspects that I hate.

I love the tactile sensations of the soft clothes. I love the fact that I have many "female" characteristics that make me a gentler, more compassionate person. I love admiring new clothes in the catalog or when I pass someone on the street, and imagining what they would look like on me.

I hate the social stigma. And because of that, I hate the anxiety that living in the shadows has caused me. I hate the expense of maintaining two wardrobes. I hate the discomfort it causes my children (and, to a lesser extent, my wife - she has never spoken against CDing, but neither has she said anything encouraging either). I hate the fact that it IS a compulsion beyond my control, and not just a free will choice. There are so many things I love more than dressing, and I hate whenever the dressing comes between me and something/someone I love.

In the end, I'm content, not thrilled, with what I am. In many ways my response is very similar to that of my wife: I can accept it, but I don't do anything to encourage it and I'd be just as happy if it went away. If there were a cheap, foolproof, instantaneous solution (the "magic pill" we talk about) that would rid me of the urge and make me happy wearing guy clothes all the time, I'd take it in a heartbeat.

Sorry I couldn't join in the enthusiastic support you got on this thread, Gabby, but I'm sure glad you wrote it. You gave me a lot to think about.

ralph

[Celeste]

You are not alone Gabrielle,I love it to.And to elaborate,I believe I deserve the right to enjoy my life and time the way I see fit,I've spent the first part of my life pleasing others,so now it's my turn to experience a bit of freedom and choice.

[Selene EV]

Oh baby I love being a CD. I never really hated myself but I guess like alot of the other girls I had some internal conflict going on. Now the conflict along with the mens underwear are gone. I'm lovin life. I wouldn't change a thing.
Great post.

[allisonrn06]

The only part of being a CD that I hate is not being able to do it freely. I am who and what I am and always will be, CDing is one of that last parts of my being I would relinquish, probably only before loving my family..

I agree with Alicia - I love being a CD, love talking to my wife about girly things, etc, I just wish that there were more people like my wife around me - people with whom I could be myself and not worry about becoming an outcast.

[Carly D.]

I totally love it! Now. I also loved it when I first started dressing, and that's why I'm still here 40 years later.I will say that is a lot easier now than it was then, however.We all have to evolve at our own pace,in different environments, to get to accept our fem side. I think a lot of it has to depend on our age,because for me, if I were 19 today, with the internet opening so many doors, and attitudes in general being much more accepting of all lifestyles,things would be much different!I'm just happy that I can enjoy them today:)

Yea I hate that the internet came along so late in my cross dressing life.. I don't know where I would have been if I would have been on a site like this twenty years ago, or as you say forty years ago.. because I think I might have been able to pass or be passable when I was early twenties maybe even late teens.. oh well....

[Brooke Smith]

Thanks,great post. Sure I enjoy Cding a lot. For me it is a vehicle for fluid gender expression. I enjoy being a man but could be just as happy being a woman. Cding lets me dress the way I feel and my only regret is the rest of the world isn't quite as enlightened.

[Vieja]

I don't know how you managed to conclude that most of us are unhappy about our being CD. Most of the posts I read seem to indicate that we are a pretty happy bunch about who and what we are. Some of us may agonize about the need to be in the closet but most of us seem to cope.

Vieja

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

I love being a CDer. Since I finally embraced my female side a year and a half ago, I've come a long way. When I'm at home I'm always dressed femme,sleep femme and the best part is that my wife supports me. I just wish I would've embraced it alot sooner instead of finally doing it at 43.


Felicity :)

[Glennie]

you look good...you FEEL good..Whats not to love?

[Hali]

I cant say whether i love CDing or not cos at this point in my life i have never enjoyed CDing the way i wanted, had it been i have explored all the aspects of CDing and discover its potential may be i would have made up my mind, but for now i think i will do better without it.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I know a few of you are not quite so happy with where you are in your life right now, and I'm sorry. I think you'll feel better in time... when you're ready. :)

To those of you who chimed in with all those great, positive, "I love cding too" comments - THANK YOU so much! :) You made my day... my week, and my whole year! Ok, maybe not the whole year. :heehee:

I'm bookmarking this thread. The next time there's a rash of purging, self-loathing, confused threads, I'm going to revisit this one. I'm going to read every post over again and remember my sisters who celebrate who they are rather than let society's BS dominate their lives.

There is nothing wrong with being a cd. The problem lies within society's idiotic stigma attached to it. That's it. That's all. I'm a girly-man and I love it! The only purging I will ever do is that of my own negative feelings.

To all you happy sisters out there. PLEASE help make a difference. Open minds and hearts. Live your lives as positive examples of who we are. Let society know transgendered people are not freaks. There'll be a lot less purging and "going to stop because it's the right thing to do..." threads once the stigma has been eradicated.

Put an end to the pain in our confused sisters. EDUCATE SOCIETY!

Not everyone's wife will want a cd husband. BUT once the stigma is gone, there'll be no more secrets kept and so future cd's will not go through this BS again.

Thanks again, everyone. I love you so much! :love:

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

99% of the time I really love being a CD. That other 1% is when the makeup doesn't apply as well as better days lol.

Its a good time to be a CD and I plan on making the most of it every chance I get.

*hugs*

Zarabeth

[Carol123]

Why would I hate getting to be Carol
Nice to meet you Carol

[Alice Torn]

When i get all dolled up, I feel really wow, but, I am very vigilent, not to be found out, by neighbors, or people who know me, or those in the church. I can understand the long, difficult, "curse within", that Curse often addresses. I have lived an emotional, mental living hell, too, being rejected by father, 55 years of ridicule, by older brothers, bed wetting until 20, emotional incest with an insecure mom, putting on mom;s and sisters clothes, very strict religion, which condemns cd, hundreds of rejections, by single women!!! Too tall. I have been in recovery stages, since 31yrs old, but, I know I have severe emotional illness, hate myself, believe my family, and me were cursed from birth. None of us has a SO! In spite of all this overwhelming pain within, I work very hard physical labor, keep learning about everything under the sun, and beyond it, and only dress up occasionally, in order to not let it take over , and destroy me, I am an addictive, hyper sensitive, personality, who can go off the deep end, so easily. If there was a pill I could take, to remove all urge to dress, I would take it, even though, I really like getting dolled up, and taking lots of pics. It is an escape, from the living hell, hardness of this dangerous, loveless world, though, and, I feel less shame and guilt, than I once did. I always enjoy your honesty, and input, Gab. I am helped by it.

[Shannon]

I adore being a CrossDresser. Being a CrossDresser is a vital, precious and cherished part of me. I am grateful that I learned to embrace Shannon and to allow (encourage!) Shannon to express herself, not only alone but to trusted others. It is a special and unique experience. I hope that each person, in his or her own way, has something as special and unique to experience.

[Sally2005]

I must love it...why else would I keep doing it? I think it is the pressure society places on us that makes us feel bad and once you feel bad about something that is part of who you are how can you feel good about yourself? Once you learn to accept yourself life gets better.

[daviolin]

I'm with you I wouldn't have it any other way. I would truely miss Daviolin if she went away. And now that I came out to my wife I hope to enjoy her more:love:flickr.com/photos/daviolin

[DeeGirl]

When I was in the closet I had those whoah is me feelings...BUT since I found Dee and the courage to get out the door have no boundriesand socialize with other CD's I can honestly say it has been GREAT! I have come to embrace being a CD and absolutely love it. Would not trade this for anything.

Dee

[Lisa Renee]

As I have gone through the various purges along the way, feeling like it was wrong. I finally came to accept myself as who I am. Accepting both sides of myself. It takes a long time to be able to do that, and haveing accepting friends helps a lot. I like who I am now, and feel that I am more of a complete person having 2 sides and being able to express both the male and female of me. I am enjoying my life more now than ever before.

[Dressing Jill]

Hi Gabrielle

Let me tell you I am very ok with myself and have been all of my life. I have been CD forever. I am now 52. I am also a double LEO. LOL....... confidence is not lacking here. Both female and male. There is a strong balance of both.

I found this site a couple of weeks ago. I have been enjoying the company as I did not know that it excited.

I still cry when I run onto something that touches my heart. I see lots of issues that I have worked thru and new ones I never tought of. I like the site.

I hope you can find what it is you are looking for. Sounds like you are at a cross road in life.


Hugs

Jill

[Marjory]

I wouldn't trade it for anything. I feel sorry for men who don't CD.

[Carly D.]

I wouldn't trade it for anything. I feel sorry for men who don't CD.

OH YEAH BABY... SAY IT SISTER...



but seriously I don't know if I love to cross dress.. I like the hell out of it and most of the time I can't get enough.. but like most relationships for me I need my space sometimes (away from cross dressing) however it's been probably a three to four year stretch now of me wearing something kinda regular nearly every day so I guess I might have a "I love it" mentality right about shortly.. then when I admit it everything will fall apart and they'll make a movie of the weak about it...

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I wouldn't trade it for anything. I feel sorry for men who don't CD.

Nice. :heehee:

I kind of feel that way too. I mean, I don't feel sorry for them, but I imagine what a lacking existence it must be. How shallow, drab and boring.

[grace@4]

The only part of being a CD that I hate is not being able to do it freely. I am who and what I am and always will be, CDing is one of that last parts of my being I would relinquish, probably only before loving my family..

Love me for me not what you want me to be,been a CD is part of me and am loving and love it.lets go girls xxxxxxxx

[MissConstrued]

but I imagine what a lacking existence it must be. How shallow, drab and boring.


Life without heels & makeup? What? No thanks!

Suppose it's like someone who's born blind... and has no concept of what sight is.

[Claire Cook]

To all you happy sisters out there. PLEASE help make a difference. Open minds and hearts. Live your lives as positive examples of who we are. Let society know transgendered people are not freaks. There'll be a lot less purging and "going to stop because it's the right thing to do..." threads once the stigma has been eradicated.

Put an end to the pain in our confused sisters. EDUCATE SOCIETY!

:love:

Gabrielle,

You've said it all again. Let's end the guilt and begin the pride!

Claire

[renaegee]

For me, it is all too secretive. Secretive brings stress and I hate the stress. Oh well, for me, it isn't going to change and I need to deal with it.

[StaceyJane]

I really love a nice skirt and heels!

[xAnne_Mariex]

Now i've come to terms with why I do it I love everything about it. The only thing i'd change is that I don't get to do it as often as i'd like.

[Kate17]

Gabrielle

I have been a cd all of my life , in fact , since I was a baby ( I have my own personal proof one is born a cd - another story for another time) Sometime, I was active sometimes not. My only regret in life is that I did not recognize how much a part of me this is and fully explore the cd possibilities when I had the chance. Now, I can not get enough. It does not overpower me often but sometimes I feel like I just want to be all woman all the time. That may be a reaction to stress.

I love being in a dress and made up as pretty as I can. I like feeling femme and it gives me a sense of well being. :battingeyelashes: Like others, I don't understand why other males think this is strange but I will leave that for the psycho analysist ( pun intended) . They are really missing out.:sad:

I believe that if you feel that being femme and cd is quite normal for you, then you are in fact a well adjusted but complex human being.

Kate17

[KateC]

There's a few things I'm confused about on the original posting.

I thought at least most of us, or myself, we want to dress up and pass as a woman. I don't want to go out and look like a crossdresser, I want people to think I am a GG. So no, in this sense I do not love being a CD, I love being a woman at least in the view of others.

Maybe I'm just too judgmental or critical but I think I'll never be good enough to pass fully, unless I do extremes like surgery and HRT etc. There's a few on here that are naturally feminine... I won't bother to name them but, they are both Asian and young, I wish I had such a feminine face... If I go out compared to those two, I feel like I'm a joke and I hate it. I don't want to look like a CD or a man in a dress.

The other thing is... I don't understand what are you preaching about celebration and the like? What are you celebrating, why do you have to celebrate it? What do you mean by that? I enjoy this side of me to some degree but I don't understand to celebrate it? Am I suppose to party all day everyday? I don't understand the meaning. It just seems alot of your posts tend to go this route and mood, and I just don't get it.

I don't know... I don't really have an issue but it just confuses me to a certain point and I bet it does for some of the people who read it. Maybe I'm thinking feeling the fact that some stuff you say is kind of lying to yourself. Or what others write, it just bothers me. Like some wrote to me in PM, alot of people block out things that are true for many of us, like the sexual aspect which hardly anyone talks about and this other aspect of being a woman which a lot of "CD" denies.

I'm talking about those who say to themselves that they still LOVE being a male but yet they want to grow their hair long and shave and all of that. I don't believe that, if you wanted to do all of that, you want to look feminine, if you loved being a male you would do what the FTM CD do, and grow body hair and cut a shorter haircut.

Sorry for the rant but I just can't stand people lying to themselves... as for myself, I know I like being feminine more than masculine. I'm GOOD with being a guy most of the time but I prefer feminine aspects which means I don't like body hair or short hair as much as the opposite.

[Jeanne Hamilton]

What a great thread! I enjoy my cd life, and from the responses it appears that a large majority of us are also thankful for this "gift". Throughout my long cd life I have carried out many purges, not because I hated who I was, but because many of those important to me would misunderstand.

[kristinacd55]

I love being a cd and only wish I had more time to do it! :daydreaming:

[Berta82]

I too enjoy CDing. Nothing beats feeling and looking fem. But, I also enjoy being a man. So I guess its the best of both worlds and its my choice which one I choose and when I choose to do it.

[Teri Jean]

Being a CDer is something I have been dealing with before I knew what it was. In the past couple years I have really learned and accepted this part of my life with the help of so many of you. There are the serious aspects and the humorous times, thank you Karren, of CDing but the fact is this is we are normal with a love of the finer things life has to offer.

When you walk into a art gallery you do not see just one style of paintings or sculptures but a variety that we may understand or like and those we do not. If we had just one look it would be really boring and there for no need to pursue the arts and the same is of so many things we see in our desire to dress and experiance life as the opposite sex.

So having said all that.....whewwwwwwww.. have fun and don't look back but forward as the beutiful creatures we are. Huggs Keli

[clare123]

i so agree but its selfish outlook ,partners family are you sure?

[izzfan]

It's taken me a few years of confusion but yes, I am finally glad to be a crossdresser and I wouldn't have it any other way. It is an intrinsic and beautiful part of me but one which I still don't quite have the courage to show too often.

[sarah378619]

I love my self and all my feelings.I think CDs/TGs are luckly to be able to feel and express both sides of their gender.I have always felt Fem and would not give those feelings away even if there was a way. I love Sarah as a part of me.It is who I am and I love that special part of me too!
Sarah

[charlie]

Hello Gabrielle!
When I first came on the forum I thought just the opposite. I thought all the people posting here were nuts to enjoy CD! To me it was a sickness that I wish I had not caught. Over the last year and a half I have evolved. I love my CD time. I love the styles, makeup, shoes, walk and being the feminine me! I look forward to dressing and being the best girl I can be.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I'm thrilled that this thread got such a great response... and doesn't seem to stop. :) I get more smiles every time I see a new posting... well, most of the postings anyway. I understand not everyone will be so happy in their lives, but that is the same for non-cd's as well.

I've read EVERY response everyone has left. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to chime in - even if you don't feel as I do about cding. I don't want anyone to lie, just be honest. I'll respect a truthful disagreement a whole lot more than a lie about being in agreement. I respect honesty.

I can't address every post personally and many of them don't warrant it anyway, but I'm going to hit one very important issue... in another thread. It would be a bit off topic for here, I think. See this thread (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1707982).

[CLARRISA]

Its taken me a while to accept it, its been a life of envy,aquire,guilt,purge, round and round. I'd get envious of girls, aquire some clothes, feel guilty like i was some demented freakish low life no women would ever love, then thrpw it all away...Thats all stopped now, and i love it.