What Would You Do If You Caught Your Son Crossdressing?

[Jenny]

Hi Everyone,

Jenny, the psychology major, here with another family question. I don't think we have talked about this before. Let me set the scene:

You come home from work an hour early one day and peek into your 12 year old son's bedroom. You see him wearing his mother's/sister's clothes and parading around the room in a happy state of excitement. He doesn't see you. What do you do:

It seems there are several possible responses:

1. You quietly back out and don't say anything to anybody. He will have to discover for himself whether dressing is a passing fancy or a lifetime obsession and how far he will take it.

2. You politely knock and when he answers you try to put him at ease and talk about crossdressing but without mentioning your own interest in the subject.

3. Same as number 2 but you do discuss your own interest in this activity.

4. Same as number 1 but you do discuss with it with his mother and come up with a plan to address the issue.

5. You don't say anything to him right then but you do make plans to discuss this with him at a later date when he is not dressed.

6. You make arrangements for him to see a qualified counselor to discuss sexual identity issues.

7. You burst into the room and attempt to make him as embarassed as you can. Your thought is that you have had difficulty over the years dealing with your own dressing and you want to save your son from this confusion if you can.

I am sure there are other responses. In my own case, my mother caught me wearing my sister's dress and panties when I was 9. She gently explained that dresses and panties were for little girls and I shouldn't do that again. Of course, I didn't listen to her and look at me now.:D

So what would you do if you caught your son crossdressing? :confused:

[Jennifer_Ph]

I'd put on my favorite outfit and join him! ;)

[Dallas]

I think I would open the door to let him know I know, and reassure him he has done nothing wrong. After that plans need to be made: Mommy and sibelings (at some point) need to be told, and counseling has to happen. I wouldn't attempt to stop it; but I wouldn't allow it in the closet either.

[kympa36]

Well Jenny, knowing my love of the finer female attire I would try very hard not make my son (I dont have any but...) feel embarrassed. I would endeavour to put him at ease and also tell him about myself, letting him know that his didnt like what I did but I still did it in private. I also explain that it was a wonderful harmless thing he was doing.
Perhaps after a while I would invite him, at a discrete opportunity, to join me in dressing as well..
Oh yes, I was discovered by my mother at about 10 wearing a very frilly nighty and panties I taken from my neighbours clothes line... she wa shocked obviously and told me I was a boy and boys didnt do that sort of thing.. and did I listen !!! well Im now in my 40's and still doing it
Love Kym

[Teddie]

I would support him in any way that he wanted. If he wanted to talk, then we would talk. If he didn't, then we wouldn't. I'm of the belief of live and let live. His life is his, as mine is mine.

[Jill]

Life as a crossdresser is not easy and believe me, if I could take that magic pill and have the desire leave forever, I wouldn't think twice. (Sorry everyone, I know this is crossdressing blasphemy.) If I caught my son, I would have a good idea of the type of life he would lead. Always darting around and terribly afraid someone would find strange items in his room. If he knew that I knew I would talk to him and let him know that I loved him no matter what. But if he didn't know, I wouldn't talk to him, I would just let him be. I know at that age, I didn't want anyone to talk to me about it, it was all very strange. I think I would want to discourage him, but yet I know it wouldn't make any difference. I would just try and offer him support anytime he needed it.

[eleventhdr]

I do not have any kids in this life time. But if and when i ever did and it were the boy who was crossdressing I do not think i would ever say what is or are you doing after all if it were the girl in boys clothing it would be quite alright as girls are now allowed to wear boy or male type clothing and it's no big deal but and why should it be any different for a boy or male to dress in what is still called girls clothing this is totally wrong why shoud it be just for one sex or the other it is just clothing sewn together diferently . So what difference can it possible make if a mlae outs on a skit or dress and wants to wear it. It is suppose to be just this way and it should be accepted by now for both sexes to wear and dress as they please I'm never going to let this be it is time ot set this differences aside and get on with far more important stuff then what and how people act and dresss. Suzy Ann

[softandsmooth]

I think #4 + #5 with a dash of #6 if warranted.

Charlotte

[chm17]

id yell, the put him in heavy duty counseling...yet im not married...

[HillaryArtemis]

My wife and I have talked about this issue with regards to our son, who is six and has been behaving oddly these days. He is going into his room and hiding under the sheets naked with a stuffed dog. We are trying to not make him feel bad, but redirect him as much as possible. This is hard. I would not want my son to go through my first twenty five years or so of dressing up - but if I could give him a pill to get him to the emotion point I am at now - I guess it would be okay to deal with in a less stressful way if I found him out.

JodiArtemis

[newfemale]

If i had a son and i saw him doing that, I'd have a conversation with him immediatly about how he should't do that when someone is home. but if he wants to do that, just tell me and I'll help him with it! :-)

[Miss Vicki]

I would first help my son to understand what he is going through. It is not a crime or (in my opinion) a desease. It is just a feeling inside that can be very beautiful and if handled, correctly, it can make a person more caring and sensitive to both sexes. I do not think that I would trade my past experiences as a crossdresser. Nor would I want him to change his lifestyle. In this new century, the world is accepting this behavior a lot more than it did in the 60's and 70's. I guess because more "girls" have come out. His choices in life are his and he definitely will need support on this decision.

[Jenny]

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful and interesting replies.

I think another way to look at this issue for those who don't have sons is to talk about how you would have wanted your parents to react when or if they discovered you dressed.

As I said my mom was very gentle when she discovered me dressed. She just talked about how dresses were for girls and not boys. It wasn't a very long conversation and she didn't make a big deal out of it. To my knowledge she never mentioned it to my father. I am not sure how my father would have reacted if he had discovered me. A lot of times he could be pretty gruff and grumpy but every now and then he could be surprisingly understanding.

I don't have any kids myself so this is all speculation for me. I think I would definitely speak to my son but probably not while he was dressed. I really don't know if I would tell him about my own dressing although I might depending on how the conversation went.

I have to admit a certain distrust of counselors. At this point in my life, I do not want a counselor to "cure" me of my dressing. I really like being Jenny sometimes for all the confusion that it causes me. So I am not sure I would take my son to a therapist unless I saw other behaviors that would cause me to have additional concerns. Just dressing alone does not seem so bad.

That's how I would answer my own question.

[Why, Jenny, this is yet another brilliant, thought-provoking thread!!!!! :D ]

[HillaryArtemis]

Being very interested about psychology and medical from an early age, I have read medical texts and journals for years. I have doctor friends and my mom is a medical adminstrator. I know a great deal about medical and the human body and brain from neuroimmunology to virology, I am well versed. My eight years and three degrees including a masters taught more a great deal about theory and practise. I findd that some of the people I have seen in the medical and psyche filed, know significantly less that I do. Actually, I desire to leave my current job in five years and return to medical school to work in the field of public health. I want to be the head public health officer in my county. After all this, I do really distrust counsellors and always suggest to others to do research and reading themselves if they have any medical of psyche question as well as visiting an establishment figure. You need to take care of yourself and your own. I would not trade Jodi for anyone. I would fight and kick to the end of my skin to lose this part of myself. I am so in love with life (both sides), my wife, my kids and myself.


JodiArtemis

[Scaredsis]

The first time I would ignore it. The second time I would talk to him alone.
I would tell him how it has been for me. Then let him make his own mind up.

[misshell]

excellent question!! no one can accurately know unless it happens to them. we are more aware of the signs, from personal experiences. i have an older son, and we talked about drugs, and sex. i was very honest about those things, but would never reveal to him my preferences. I love him and would never be able to face dissappointment in his eyes if he ever discovered my crossdressing. If i had caught him dressing, i would have offered him my support and understanding. i would also tell him that whatever path he chooses he would always have him family to razz the heck out of him, but always accept him for who he is.

[kristi cd]

Life as a crossdresser is not easy and believe me, if I could take that magic pill and have the desire leave forever, I wouldn't think twice. (Sorry everyone, I know this is crossdressing blasphemy.) If I caught my son, I would have a good idea of the type of life he would lead. Always darting around and terribly afraid someone would find strange items in his room. If he knew that I knew I would talk to him and let him know that I loved him no matter what. But if he didn't know, I wouldn't talk to him, I would just let him be. I know at that age, I didn't want anyone to talk to me about it, it was all very strange. I think I would want to discourage him, but yet I know it wouldn't make any difference. I would just try and offer him support anytime he needed it.

I totally agree with Jill on this one. I know that even now I wouldn't want to discuss it with anyone if they found out like that, I'd want them to know on my terms. :rolleyes: Oh BTW I agree about the pill thing too. :o

[Bernadina]

Oh no! Not another person in the house who borrows my clothes, makeup and jewelry.

[ChristineRenee]

Hi Everyone,

Jenny, the psychology major, here with another family question. I don't think we have talked about this before. Let me set the scene:

You come home from work an hour early one day and peek into your 12 year old son's bedroom. You see him wearing his mother's/sister's clothes and parading around the room in a happy state of excitement. He doesn't see you. What do you do:

It seems there are several possible responses:

1. You quietly back out and don't say anything to anybody. He will have to discover for himself whether dressing is a passing fancy or a lifetime obsession and how far he will take it.

2. You politely knock and when he answers you try to put him at ease and talk about crossdressing but without mentioning your own interest in the subject.

3. Same as number 2 but you do discuss your own interest in this activity.

4. Same as number 1 but you do discuss with it with his mother and come up with a plan to address the issue.

5. You don't say anything to him right then but you do make plans to discuss this with him at a later date when he is not dressed.

6. You make arrangements for him to see a qualified counselor to discuss sexual identity issues.

7. You burst into the room and attempt to make him as embarassed as you can. Your thought is that you have had difficulty over the years dealing with your own dressing and you want to save your son from this confusion if you can.

I am sure there are other responses. In my own case, my mother caught me wearing my sister's dress and panties when I was 9. She gently explained that dresses and panties were for little girls and I shouldn't do that again. Of course, I didn't listen to her and look at me now.:D

So what would you do if you caught your son crossdressing? :confused:Two options here. You catch him and he is aware of it...or you catch him and he is not aware. If he is not aware...I wouldn't bring it up as he would get very embarrassed...and defensive. If I caught him and he was aware, I would try to reassure him that he is not doing anything that maybe 80% of the males in the world have not already done and that he needs to take the time to sort through his feelings about this. The main thing here is to reassure him that he is not strange or a pervert because of this, but whether or not this was just a simple curiosity or if he has feelings, perhaps repressed, that compell him to do this. He needs to be reassured in any event that he is loved no matter what....NO MATTER WHAT!


Peace...Love...& Harmony!

Christine

[Wen4cd]

You know, if I had been caught by my dad, and he told me he was also a crossdresser, it would have really sort of ruined it for me. Nothing is as un-cool as something your parents are doing, no matter what it is. I probably would have never dressed again, just knowing he did.

('Be pretty funny though now if I find out he was a crossdresser all along!)

Wen

[Miss Sherry]

Essentially, I wouldn't do anything, unless it progressed further; then I would talk to him and see if it was a true problem of identity, in which case we would explore that together.

I do have a son (grown and married, now) and to my knowledge he never dressed (but then, I really don't know). I know that it is not always easy to sit and "have a talk" ... so I think it would be best to stand aside and let him work it out, although always available if needed.

Sherry

[Marda]

Hi Girls

To be truthful *and* respectful, I'm a teeney bit surprised noone has yet replied correctly

There's really *Only* *One* (1) *Thing) to do and it would be all over in a heartbeat !!!

I'd drop everything and find "her" the Very Best Private CD Schools and University in the *entire* World

Nothing would be too good for *My* "Daughter" ... I would shower "her" with the Most Love and the Finest that Life has to offer

Who knows ... maybe someday she would become the first CD Secretary General of the United Nations and lead our world toward Peace, Tolerance and Humanity for all (except for politicians, corporate leaders & other arch-criminals - *Strict Justice for those Bas$%^&s*)

Love / Marda

[clarissa3d]

Well I do have a 12 year old son and my situation is this; my wife and I have had some very heated arguments infront of my son and she would not talk about my crossdressing in private at all. She would bring it up infront of my childeren (son 12 and daughter 4) and with no regard to their feelings start yelling about my "crossdressing sickness". My son knows about my dressing and also my daughter but she does not understand what mama means by that.

My son does not ask me anything about my dressing habits. Currently he does not show any signs of dressing but if he does I will let him dress without bothering him and talk with him when he is ready. I have brought my son up to be open minded and consider others feelings before making judgement.
We are not here to judge others but to live life to our potinial.

Thoughts from Clarissa
Be honest with your self even if it hurts
:)

[Darby]

Before I answer your question, I need to know if his tastes were coordinated...

[pyramid scheme]

I would chat with him and ask him why. I wouldnt tell him of my dressing though.

[Kath]

Life as a crossdresser is not easy and believe me, if I could take that magic pill and have the desire leave forever, I wouldn't think twice. (Sorry everyone, I know this is crossdressing blasphemy.)

Jill if you find that pill get one for me. I love to dress and the feelings I have when I'm dressed but this is a percentage (probably larger than most think) of the population I would actually be happier to not be in.

Kath

[Marda]

Hi Kath

Could you pls elaborate on your statement for my understanding ?

Is it "having a woman in you" (my words), or the CD Community "as we find or know it" that makes you uneasy ?

Thanx / Marda

[Kath]

Marda your words are just fine. "The woman in me" is what I think I prefer to not be there. No problem with others in the CD community. In fact I are one of 'em. My post was just referring to Jill's post about taking a pill to eliminate the whole thing. While I enjoy dressing it is a facet of my life that I think I would be better off without.

Kath

[Kath]

Marda, sorry for the double posts but I can see how my first post could be read two ways. Sorry bout that.

Kath

[Marda]

Hi Kath

Thanx for klarifying that ...I wasn't sure if my ears were hearing double :-)

In a nice way, I'm koncerned for you ... I hope you don't feel "deeply" troubled because that sounds like it kould be quite unsettling over a long term

In my partikular kase, I've been wrestling with this kind of demon for a looong time ... I was quite unhappy as a "Blue" (Mardaspeak = male), and I "wasn't allowed" to be a "Red" (Mardaspeak = female) ... it's really only 3 weeks now since I "realized" I'm "Green" (Mardaspeak = Androgynous) and I feel like I'm the Happiest "Girl" on Earth

I don't wish anybody the anxiety I've had ... also in my kase, I never wanted "Marda" to go away ... I just wanted my "Mr.Spacemen" to be allowed to function in the world while "transporting" Marda on her journey :-)

I realize this may sound quite weird, but that's Marda :-) I've been marching to the beat of my own drum since I can remember ... poor Mr.Spaceman has taken many, many beatings for me, but "he" never gave up and he never objected to wearing my klothes :-)

Mr.Spaceman tried konventional marriage but that was a disaster ... almost made the same mistake twice until "I" finally pounded on "his" head hard enough to get "his" attention and explain to him "who" was in charge *here* :-)

He *acted* a bit shy the first few times I "asked" him to take *me* shopping but he's quite resilient aktually ... very durable, *and* a quick study :-)

Ho Hum ... well thanx for answering my Q. and for listening to me yammer ... I *do* hope you have *Peace* even if you don't find your *pill* :-)

Love / Marda