Need some advice

[Kendra08]

I recently started dating a woman and so far it is going great. I'm just wondering at what point I should tell her about Kendra. I don't want to hide this part of me and don't want to lie about where I am and what I'm doing when I'm out dressed. I also don't want to scare her away by bringing this up to soon. We've only been together for a week but I really don't want toscrew this up. Any advice would be great. Thanks Kendra

[Miranda09]

Hi Kendra. I would take it slow at first. See where the relationship is going, and, if you feel confident you can trust her with this innermost secret, sit down and discuss it with her. From what I've read from others posting here, it's better to discuss it early rather than to keep it a secret and she finds out about it by herself.

[LisaM]

Kendra,

I agree with Miranda---I would wait to see where your relationship is going before letting her know. But once you think you may be getting really serious I would bring it up quickly.

I know from prior history that waiting until after getting married is just wrong.

[DonnaT]

Agreed

[alexis GG]

Hi Kendra I would say that you tell her from the beginning.... I know you have been together a week but the longer you leave it the harder it will be to tell her... Hope this helps

[kathtx]

Kendra,

Definitely talk sooner rather than later.

Kath

[Jessica Who]

I told my wife about one month into our relationship, because at that point things started getting serious and I wanted to make sure that she was cool with it.

I believe I told my previous girlfriend about 3 or 4 months into it, but in retrospect that was too late.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I recently started dating a woman and so far it is going great. I'm just wondering at what point I should tell her about Kendra. I don't want to hide this part of me and don't want to lie about where I am and what I'm doing when I'm out dressed. I also don't want to scare her away by bringing this up to soon. We've only been together for a week but I really don't want toscrew this up. Any advice would be great. Thanks Kendra

I think when you feel that there is a good chance this may get serious and become long-term. You don't want to wait too long to tell her because if she is not accepting, you'll just hurt that much more after you've grown emotionally attached to her.

Consider testing the water. Tell her about your crossdressing cousing and see how she reacts. Just make sure you've got a good story to tell before telling it - she might have questions and you'll need to make it sound good. Depending on her reaction to "your cousin", you might have a better idea of how she'd react. Just an idea. :)

[crossdrezzer1]

make up a story about a past halloween costume how you went in drag and how good it felt,,,pass it off as no big deal but do mention it felt good..

[Rita D]

I would agree with everyone who thinks it's a good idea to tell- HOWEVER, If you've only been dating a week, you still have plenty of time to get to know her.
What if you tell her today, only to find she's not as into you as you thought? She could freak, walk out, AND tell everyone she knows about you! If you live in a small town, it could be disastrous for any future prospects as well as your privacy. I WOULD tell- but I would WAIT a bit to see where this relationship is headed...

[Sarah_GG]

A week in does seem early... however, the fact that you're out and about would suggest that you're not totally in the closet but that you're just seeking acceptance from her. If that's the case - I would tell her as soon as possible.

I was totally accepting when my SO told me nine months in... we were already having a few issues because I felt that something was 'missing' from our relationship. Luckily as soon as he told me, everything fell into place and things between us were fantastic.

In the first few heady months of a relationship, both parties are keen to do anything for their lovers and (imho) could virtually accept anything (less so 10, 20 or 30 years down the line) about their new love. I often think if CDers could be straight up and matter of fact about it and say up front "I'm a crossdresser" it would sort the wheat from the chaff sooner rather than later.

In those early relationship days, GGs are very happy to do research, suddenly developing an interest in football, ice-hockey, mountaineering or... crossdressing!

[Sandra]

make up a story about a past halloween costume how you went in drag and how good it felt,,,pass it off as no big deal but do mention it felt good..

Yeah I'm sure that would go down well, when her GF finally finds out, yet another lie :Angry3:

Kendra

Please don't leave it to long and by that don't wait months, because if you do and she can't accpet then both of you are going to be hurt.

[Karren H]

I can't add much to this discussion but why not do it NOW... And get it over with.. Then no mater what happens you both can move on with your lives..

[Linda Mattson]

I told my future wife right after the first time we became intimate. I wanted to show her I was masculine and straight before I told her of my feminine side.

Just my thoughts...but clearly you must tell her if the relationship gets serious and you both know is developing into something special.

Linda

[boardpuppy]

Sarah and Karren both have valid points. How "out" are you where you live. What harm would it due if you and your GF part ways and she told the world you are a DCer. If your job is OK with it (there will always be some guff), as you are "out" to a few (some/most/all) of your friends already and do I get the impression that this could be serious, then tell her. My advise is to have a cover story ready to tell anyone who hassels you (if they mattter and don't know), if it falls apart. Having an excepting SO, with all the trimmmings is the "be all dream" of a DCer.

Hugs,
Alice

[Vieja]

When this question comes up I usually think "Well if she's OK with it that's great and if not we just go our separate ways. But if it's a secret you don't want spread around and the lady feels betrayed and vindictive it could be trouble. I realize this is no help at all but discussing the subject with her without telling of your involvement might be a good idea. If you then feel reasonably sure of her then jump in and hope for the best.

Vieja

[Kelli Michelle]

I think it's crazy to tell someone that you are just casually dating, unless you are already "out". If you don't want your secret to be common knowledge, you need to be sure that she is trustworthy. If it develops into more than casual dating, then soonest is best---she needs to know. But, alas, even that is no guarantee that your cding won't be divulged. Not only that but she may still be angry with you for not telling her immediately, or mad about the whole cding thing, thinking you wasted her time. Still, there are accepting women, and you don't want to start the serious part of your relationship, like some many of us have done, keeping a huge part of your life from her. My :2c: worth.

[JenniferInUtah]

Kendra, Its pretty simple. You just have to be straight forward and honest with her. Tell her you are not gay, Do NOT tell her while you are dressed! She will need time to process it and being dressed may overload her. Sit her down and tell her that You really like the way the relationship is headed and if it is to continue you need to know about a part of me. then tell her you enjoy dressing in womans clothes and Emphasize that you are not gay. That was a big thning with my wife. Honesty is the best policy.
Oh and by the way i earned brownie points for being honest and not hiding a vulnerable side to myself. my wife is tottally accepting.

[Kathi Lake]

Jennifer, wonderful reply!

See Kendra, it is possible to tell and not have the relationship vanish in a ball of fire. Telling earlier rather than later is really the way to go.

Kathi

[Di]

I love what Jennifer has said and want to add I would tell her when you see the relationship getting more serious. Just a gg's :2c:

[Christina Horton]

hay girl I like you am single I tell my new girl friend on or about the 3rd date. If you like her and don't want to scare her tell her you need to tell her something very near to your heart but are afraid to scare her away. Tell her it's very privite and you trust her now. That gets them all feeling like you will open your soul to her and share with her. But if she does not want a boy friend who dresses you might find a best girl friend who In time might come to fall for you anyway. So tell her NOW not later.

[Samantha Kelsey]

Hi there,
I think that any advice you receive on here is really peoples opinions. My opinion is that you're already a little late. If you tell someone at the very beginning they can make up their mind if they want to continue a relationship, if they don't then no real harm done (just another fish that got away).
The longer you leave it the more attached you both become to each other and the more difficult it becomes to tell her.
Look around this site and you'll see many people who have kept their secret for years and now dare not tell their SO for fear of hurting them greatly or feeling great shame. Please don't go there for both your sake.
You can still do it now so give both of you a break. If she doesn't like it and walks away you may feel hurt. Imagine how hurt you'll both feel if this happens when she finds out on her own in ten years time and then walks out.

[vivianann]

Whatever you do, dont make up a story (lie) about a cousin or whatever, because she will figure it out. Little lies begat bigger lies and so on. Be honest, and like some of the post's have suggested tell her something like sharing something close to your heart so she will be more understanding and knowing you are not holding any secrets and that you are trusting her with all your heart, it is not too late, if she is really showing alot of interest in you and sharing her personal secrets with you then you need to do the same.
Honesty is the best policy my fellow sister:thumbsup:
I wish you the best of luck.:hugs: Vivian

[Kendra08]

Thank you all fr your advice and I will definately be prepared for when the time comes. As for this relationship, I ended it after a conversation about my lesbian friends (was going to a bday party as Kendra with them), she didn't understand why I have these friends or want to be around those kind of people. She was pretty close minded about that and had no desire to meet them or go out with them, mind I told her that Seana was my best friend and it would be impossible to not have her as part of all of my life. So thats over and hopefully I find an accepting person some day. Until then, I'm happy being me and having great friends.:)

[Jilmac]

Kendra, I was dating my SO about three weeks when I told her about my "dark side". I was apprehensive as all heck but it was something I had to do in order to maintain an honest relationship. It turned out that she is very supportive and has even joined this forum. I'm not saying that all GGs will react the way my SO did, but I believe that in being truthful from the get go, I forged a bond of trust that is becoming stronger with time.

If you're not sure how your SO will react, take it slow, throw out a few feelers, perhaps start a conversation about transgenderism and see where that goes. You might be pleasantly surprized if she shows a positive reaction. But a little bit of warining as well, don't expect her to embrace your lifestyle, but appreciate any positive reaction she might show. :2c:

[Leslie Mary S]

I have told one girl I was dating and she oped to drop me. That is fine with me.
I am not going to change my life style and go back into the closet, I hid there for 40 years. It has only been about 2.5 years that I even set more than a toe out of the closet. Those 'toe out's were hidden as 'gag' things.
In fact it has been only a few months that I have fully gotten out of the closet (seven times now). I am going slow and enjoying every step of the way.

You have to decide when the time is right for you but tell her soon or be sorry.

[Maxi]

I use a "Slip" cover on my pillow. I find it very nice to lay my head on. When bringing home ladies, including the wife, for the first time the question is always, Who's is that. I tell them it's mine, and answer their questions. I have never been rejected yet. Just be honest with her. When you tell her you like to wear slips, she will probaby ask you to put one on, and the fun begins. It has worked 4 out of 4 times with me, when looking to meet the right person to marry. The CD thig was never an issue with any of them, Who they were, was more of an issue with me. And who I could see myself living my life with. One of the women I dated 6 years ago, I still deal with in business, She always has a smile that says she remembers, and is happy I found miss right, even though she lost out.

[Sarah_GG]

Thank you all fr your advice and I will definately be prepared for when the time comes. As for this relationship, I ended it after a conversation about my lesbian friends (was going to a bday party as Kendra with them), she didn't understand why I have these friends or want to be around those kind of people. She was pretty close minded about that and had no desire to meet them or go out with them, mind I told her that Seana was my best friend and it would be impossible to not have her as part of all of my life. So thats over and hopefully I find an accepting person some day. Until then, I'm happy being me and having great friends.:)

I think you quickly found out that you had differing views about fundamental things. Well done! Good luck, because there are plenty of accepting GGs around!
:)

[Sheila]

As soon as possible hun, the longer you leave it, the harder it will get, and you risk her feeling as if you lied long enough to let her fall totaly in love ....... you then risk both of you being hurt & I am sure you want that for neither of you .................. you could give her the address of this site and mention the GG only section, whether she is partially okay or fully okay with knowing Kendra

[CharlotteW]

Sounds like the right time to test the water, how you do it depends on your level of confidence.

If you're really confident you could leave a photo out on the coffee table, she'll ask "who's in the photo"...and you're sorted.

If you're not so confident, fake a phonecall. Once you have ended the call and she asks "who was that", you can explain it was an "old friend, a crossdresser actually, really nice guy"....wait for the reaction.

Sitting her down for a serious chat is a no-no, too stressful and hard to make light of the matter.

[DonnaT]

As for this relationship, I ended it after a conversation about my lesbian friends

Sounds like she wouldn't have been accepting anyway, Kendra.

[lorisdream]

I just went thru this very thing about 8 months ago. Now, we are getting married in 2 weeks. Yes, my fiance` knows everything about me and actively participates in our activities. Yes, it's a dream come true. I actually told her after the 2nd week of talking on the phone. She loves the "softer" side of me. We're both very happy. Good Luck.