I call it chickening out...

[Carly D.]

I thought it would be easy.. I honestly thought tonight would be THE night.. I dressed up and went out.. went to a rest area close by (what is it with me and rest areas??) I got out of the car and walked towards the building and was looking around the building and saw the maintenance guy in there.. I turned and just walked around a little.. went and sat down at a table and crossed my legs.. I wore my dress (the only one I own) and tights and the heels I wore Monday night.. it was still light and all I could think was just stay calm.. shortly after that I went to the car and left..

went to the on ramp and went to another town with a rest area off the road there, went by and was all set to pull in when I saw it.. a lady getting out of her car with a little girl.. kriptonite to me.. I left the area.. went to the local walmart.. chickened out of there too.. went by the local dollar store type places, they were closed.. went by Walgreens, looked like they were about to close.. went back out to the rest area.. there was a car there.. drove a little then came back, no one there.. time to get out and go in there..

I parked the car close to the entry way there to the building.. not the best of choices, we'll find out why shortly.. I got out of the car and didn't get my handbag (don't know why) have the keys in my hand, turned and hit the lock button.. walked towards the building.. Monday I wore my bootie heels in here so I knew where the ladies room was.. I walked outside to the opposite end of the building and went in.. I walk in my heels with an attitude and once in the building the clopping sound was AWESOME!! went into the ladies room without hesitation, basically just spent about as long as a hic-up in there and then walked out.. I went back outside the same way I entered the building.. and then.

Well here's where the idea to park further away might be a better idea.. an SUV pulled in next to me and the family from hell got out of the car.. not that they were bad but suddenly I could see myself waiting for them to either go in the building or vacate the local area by a safe distance (for me to still pass, 100 yards) but the couple looked like they were going for a walk, which they did right around the sign that was there.. they saw me no doubt, what could I do?? my voice would be a males voice if they wanted to chat.. I was waiting, I sat down on the seating area and crossed my legs, I kept thinking what to do when I decided to just leave.. I walked by them looking sort of away and got to the car and drove away, figuring they were talking about the cross dresser they just saw..

I went home.. or was going to go home when I decided to put gas in the car at the home base town.. again I was going to go to the station I got gas at Monday but was looking at another station when I chickened out and went to the station I did Monday.. I had a second pair of shoes that I put on for this event and got the gas there.. left and on my way home I got out of the car for what I can only call the lamest victory walk (for the lack of a better term) and got back in and drove home feeling victorious(?)... no.. I wanted to have Walmart as my trophy.. chickened out.. chickened out.. CHICKENED OUT!!


Sorry this was so long.. might be my last thread start.. I am so.. what can I call myself?? I know there will be those that say why did you chicken out or why do I think it wasn't a successful outing.. it was successful but it wasn't all that I wanted.. I didn't get Walmart.. I wanted Walmart.. it was there and I just... hmmm..... oh well next boss...

[Greymancd]

Oh Carly you did something I would probably do if I was even near as brave as you are! Don't beat yourself up over this it will all come in time. I used to be like that when I wanted to buy Playboy I soon got over that. You will get better the more you try, you can count on it

[Michelia]

If you only knew the times I have chickened out on things. I am a little like you. When I am dressed I feel I have to get all I can in. But I have found out it works in little increments for me. I am always doing things I never thought I would ever do just weeks before.

Too bad you do not live close by and we could go to Wal Mart together! I still have not made it in there either! But I will! And so will you!

[Persephone]

Please try not to be so hard on yourself Carly. I can understand that right now you feel like you didn't accomplish your goal, but, really, it's O.K.

Right now I'm sitting here trying to stay on my diet and my hand (still attached to my body) has dragged me to the refrigerator for some of the forbidden chocolate chips.

Life is like that. Hank Aaron hit 755 home runs, the record for 33 years. His batting average was .305. Know what that means? It means he made a hit less than one third of the times he was at bat -- more than two out of every three times he didn't make a hit. And he's one of the very best.

You'll make it girl, maybe the next time at bat.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Satrana]

It is always frightening at first so no need to beat yourself up, we have all had the same experiences. I would say that it is much easier to do it either with someone else - another CD or an accepting GG, or alternatively if you want to do it alone then go to an accepting place like a gay club where you know you will not be judged on your passing ability. Indeed a gay club is the best place because it will force you to interact with people in close quarters. Once you get over your fear of people recognizing you as a CD then going out in public will be a piece of cake.

[DonnaT]

Many of us have been there Carly.

Now, if you want the t-shirt that goes with it, you'll have to go into Walmart for it ;)

[Karren H]

Not chickening out.. But part of the process.. Pre-adventure... I did the same thing.. Quite a few times then one time I just sucked it up and walked into the mall.. And nothing happened soooo.. You'll get there!!

[Sally2005]

Hey, you didn't do everything you wanted to, but you did get out of the car and walk around so that gains you some experience. Once you gain some more confidence you'll have no problem.

[jenna_woods]

You did good, we all go through this. At frist I only went out late at night, but now enjoy going out in day time, wall mart is a easy place to go around here, never had a problem there, i go to restrants and eat a lot what fun it is, it will come to you also, keep trying

[TxKimberly]

Carly,

I used to do the same thing! I remember parking at Walmart and sitting in the car with heart pounding trying to get up the nerve to go in. I chickened out.
I remember going to the movie theater, just SURE I had the guts to go in. Instead I sat in the parking lot and chickened out.
This is normal - a part of the process for those with the desire to get out. These days, 4 years later, I go pretty much anywhere I want and do pretty much anything I want to do. If you want it, you will get there too.

[Sam-antha]

That was being rather braver than you would have been if there had been no "chickening". You went back and did it again, same night too.
Attagirl
~Samm

[twozillion]

I do that just going to buy clothes :) just getting serious but same thing, head out to the store full of steam, get there walk in and...dang, fizzle, lol

It is truely a function of where your head is at and your acceptance of yourself (i.e. absense of worrying what others think). The times I move foward are the times accept who I am the most. Well that and I just want a fricken pair of SHOES!!!! I'm actually going out dress for the first time tonight, its surreal, lol


G

[Sarah_new]

It's a step by step process and you are quite a few steps ahead of me. Keep going though as will I.

[pamela_a]

Carly, you accomplished a lot more than you are giving yourself credit for. You got dressed, you got into your car, you stopped several times and walked around in public. You did great girl.

Like most of the other girls here, I remember my first attempts at going out and they were just as nerve wracking as what you experienced. But I quickly found out that confidence trumps nearly everything when going out is concerned.

Be proud of your accomplishments. Hold your head up and get back out there girl. I know you can do it.

Hugs.

-Paula-

[FluffyPersian]

went to the on ramp and went to another town with a rest area off the road there, went by and was all set to pull in when I saw it.. a lady getting out of her car with a little girl.. kriptonite to me..

Why is this Kryptonite to you, Carly?

[Nicki B]

It's not chickening out - it's practice?

It's not them you have to get trained - it's you. And you can only do it a step at a time and with loads of practice.

Taking too big a step means you have a fall and set yourself further back? So don't be hard on yourself - just go and do it again.. ;)

[boardpuppy]

Hi Carly,
My list is different than yours. I have been to Macy's, Dress Barn (drab/fem to try on and buy cloth) and a grocey store (only one, but several times). The thing is I couldn't do Wal Mart or a rest area, I have no idea why, but I did try, I didn't even get into the parking lot. The fact you got farther than I did is outstanding. You successed in getting into the lot which is fabulous in itself and took great courage. I just skipped them and when to another item on my list. Maybe someday I'll get the courage to accomplish what you have done.

Hugs,
Alice

[gillian1968]

Hi Carly,

You are way to hard on yourself as the other girls have mentioned. I chicken out so often it's crazy - everyone goes at their own pace. The important thing is when you've got past this stage you'll be more relaxed around others (I think) because of it, and this will help you "pass" better (passing is, in my opinion, more in your own attitude than whether you're read as a CDer).

All in good time, hon!

-Gillian

[Carly D.]

Why is this Kryptonite to you, Carly?

I have an unfounded fear of kids.. I can't say why.. I love my nieces and nephew but strange kids are a wild card type of thing for me.. a fear they can see right through the disguise and aren't afraid to voice their opinion such as "hey mommy, that guy is wearing the same shoes you are" or something along those lines..


on a different subject I have a question for anyone who wants to respond.. this night, or rather the late afternoon was upper eighties when I got dressed and I wore tights because I like the way tights look on me.. my question is when are tights it?? when are tights worn?? I think I have seen women wear them just about any time but I can see wearing them in the winter more than summer because they can more often be heavier than pantyhose.. I love pantyhose but tights seem to be more forgiving of my legs.. any ideas??

[Karen564]

Yeah, So what's up with all the rest areas?,,,

Aren't you aware that those are where all the gay men hang out??

Sorry, I got that line from a movie..Something About Mary....:D

[FluffyPersian]

Carly, dark sheer pantyhose can be forgiving and are more appropriate for the summer.

[Carly D.]

Yeah, So what's up with all the rest areas?,,,

Aren't you aware that those are where all the gay men hang out??

Sorry, I got that line from a movie..Something About Mary....:D

I think my attraction to rest areas is that the likelihood that I would run into someone I know is very slim.. and that the people who might be there are on their way somewhere and are thinking of the destination.. they might see me and get a kick out of it.. also rest areas have walk ways to walk on.. mostly it is a place to practice walking in my shoes.. where going to the ladies room isn't the main objective, but rather just being able to wear and be seen.. think of driving by a rest area, I rarely look over there and if I do I am going too fast to notice or care what is going on there.. I have walked on a path that was next to a busy roadway and part of the experience let's me get control of my fears.. who's seeing me?? who cares, just walk this way... controlled excitement, try not to walk too fast, try to walk like a lady. try not to fall and embarrass myself...

[Jonelle]

Terrific story! I think all us girls can relate to getting up the nerve to do something and then "chickening" out at the last second.. The way i look at it, is you are one step closer to doing it. Walmart is a very public place.. As a matter of fact I don't see it being that far off of comfortably living 24 hours as a woman. If you can do walmart, then what else is there to accomplish.. church? family/high school reunion? Keep up the good work!! I think you are on the verge of walking freely amongst us as the woman that you can be!!

[CLARRISA]

One small step at a time will build up your confidence, each time you feel you've chickened and beat yourself up over it you'l become stronger, eventualy you'l be beating yourself for a different reason, like me, why didn't i do this years ago?, all that time i wasted in the closet, protecting my self image, this fascade that i'm just an ordinary guy, I am an ordinary guy but i'm this as well,...So 2 fingers to the world, its not against the law, not harming anyone. Go and Get that feeling you crave, that blissfull feeling of being like an ordinary women going about her business. Try to blend in tho with what most women are wearing, i'm lucky as plenty walk past my window every day so i get a good idea, if i see 10 walk past wearing jeans, then I'll be wearing jeans. Best of luck...

[ptp009]

Hey Hon,


Stay out of the rest areas, not being judgemental but there are a lot of sicko's there and a girl should be going out to clubs and wherever she wants to. The rest Areas are for people who only want sex and are usually well patrolled by Police. You deserve better, don't be afraid find a support group near you and thats where you start. Tell me where you live and I'll help you look for a safe place.

[Deedee Dupree]

It's not a failure Carly, you didn't quit right away and made many attempts. That's a partial success!

I chickened out many times (in similar circumstances to what you have described) and I'm not including the frequent clandestine midnight walks I went on when I was a teenager... jumping behind hedges, ducking behind trees & the sides of houses when I spied headlights or an occasional dog walker heading my way.

Much later when I couldn't stand being in the closet another second, I forced myself out of the house to attend a meeting. They nearly had to drag me in the door and it still took me a while to get comfortable around my peers. Eventually interaction with various groups and the help of a big sister paved the way forward.

As suggested by Satrana, if you just can't do it solo it would be worth the effort to find another CD who will take you under her wing. Or visit with a group, even if the nearest one is out of town, say a mini vacation over a weekend to break the ice. Safer too.

Kryptonite? Nobody wants to hear, "Mommy, why is that man wearing a dress?" Thing is, if the parent is tolerant and accepting you might be surprised by the answer, and the way the child accepts the answer. Could make your day.

"We are the victims of our deepest fears"...Deedee Dupree

[Tasha McIntyre]

Chickened out Carly? I think not :)

If you really do wanted to get out there after getting all done up and ended up just staring at the front door .... well, that could be argued as chickening out....I've been there a few times :doh:.

You went way beyond that, you went out. Well done :daydreaming:

Tash :)

[KimberlyJo]

Yeah, So what's up with all the rest areas?,,,

Aren't you aware that those are where all the gay men hang out??

Sorry, I got that line from a movie..Something About Mary....:D

:rofl: I was thinking the same thing, lol.

No but seriously Carly, don't beat yourself up about it. I have a tendency to be too hard on myself most of the time (not just with CDing but with everything). This is supposed to be something that makes us feel good. You should feel good about what you're doing, you're getting yourself out of the house and out and about. That's something that a lot of us can only dream about right now.

Focus on that awesome clopping noise your heels made in the rest area building!!

[Carly D.]

Thanks for all the replies... to make things just a little worse, I went out last night to wear heels (only, no dressing up) and went to the first place I wore these shoes to back in Feb. or Jan. or whenever it was.. anyway I went to get some fuel, and needed a few other things inside.. I drove by three times (the magic number before going in or not) and on the third pass, you guessed it.. I CHICKENED OUT AGAIN!! an epidemic is emerging here.. I went away and changed my shoes to my regular male shoes (I take them with me just in case a breakdown, walking in high heels for a long distance at night can be tiring).. I want to see what spooked me out of this, so I go through with getting gas and everything else (wearing my male shoes) and all the time I'm cussing at myself, calling myself chicken (sure I was, just chicken no other harsh words) and I get done with the pumping of the gas and I walk towards the door and just inside was the cleaning crew.. they had sprayed this solvent all over the floor without marking where it was sprayed and I walked through it more then likely.. ok suddenly I'm feeling better about things.. I got what I was after and saw a guy getting an order straitened out and that took five minutes with me standing there in back thinking I avoided slipping in that solvent and being there in line (a two person line at that).. maybe I'm not cut out for any of this..

[Joy Carter]

Carly you need to be safe in your going out, your as vulnerable as any female. Find a buddy to go with you.

[joann426]

i remembered when i was dressed and went to a club in cleveland but i didnt chicken out i am daring girl when i go out if i go and i get there there is no way i am chicken out i will not waste the time to chicken out i got to the club and i said to my self (here i go and just got out of my truck and walk in the club every body there was relaxing and all the butter flies were gone every body there made me feel good and i had a good time :love:

[trannie T]

You got dressed.
You got out of the house.
You got out of the car.

The longest step is that first one out of the closet. You are really doing well, look at all the girls here who have never made that first step, and all the guests on this site who are still deep in the closet.

[Karen564]

:rofl: I was thinking the same thing, lol.



Thanks..:)

At least someone here gets my sense of humor..:battingeyelashes:




And I didn't do it to be mean, I just wanted to get a smile out of her..

[Carly D.]

Carly you need to be safe in your going out, your as vulnerable as any female. Find a buddy to go with you.

I scout the places I go.. the rest areas I won't even get out of the car if there's another car on the lot (that's how desolate it can be out here, most of the time the rest areas are empty).. and it was still light out that night at the first two rest areas.. the third it was dark and I looked very carefully when approaching.. that's why it took at least five tries at the last one.. and no I won't be going back to any of them.. at least not at night.. as far as a buddy, that might take some doing since although I'm sure I'm not the only cross dresser in the area (I was contacted a few years ago by someone who said they were from somewhere nearby, whatever nearby means) I don't have a clue how to try to get contact with another.. put an add in the paper "if you're a cross dresser contact me at *** *** ****" (all stars that must be an odd place).. I really don't know how to find guys like me.. and before someone says go to a gay bar I think that would be tough to find in the wilds of rural western Ne... it would take a monumental effort the likes of which I don't think I need to bother with, for something that is fast losing favor (going out dressed up).. the closet is safe.. the closet isn't (as) scary as the outside world is..

[Joy Carter]

I scout the places I go.. the rest areas I won't even get out of the car if there's another car on the lot (that's how desolate it can be out here, most of the time the rest areas are empty).. and it was still light out that night at the first two rest areas.. the third it was dark and I looked very carefully when approaching.. that's why it took at least five tries at the last one.. and no I won't be going back to any of them.. at least not at night.. as far as a buddy, that might take some doing since although I'm sure I'm not the only cross dresser in the area (I was contacted a few years ago by someone who said they were from somewhere nearby, whatever nearby means) I don't have a clue how to try to get contact with another.. put an add in the paper "if you're a cross dresser contact me at *** *** ****" (all stars that must be an odd place).. I really don't know how to find guys like me.. and before someone says go to a gay bar I think that would be tough to find in the wilds of rural western Ne... it would take a monumental effort the likes of which I don't think I need to bother with, for something that is fast losing favor (going out dressed up).. the closet is safe.. the closet isn't (as) scary as the outside world is..

Start by befriending others here. It would help if you post the general area you live, next to your avatar.

[Angie G]

It will come Carly it will come.:hugs:
Angie

[wendy360]

I just went out dressed for the first time last week and that was at 10 at night for a walk around the block. What I have been doing for awhile is I bought low rise girl jeans and I go out dresed in my jeans and a t shirt to the store just to get comfortable with what I was wearing. Then I added a top that could be a guys top unless you look close. I have noticed that people relly don't look that close. But the more you get comfortable going out partially dressed the easier it maybe to eventually going out. If you check the stores right now they stock capri cargo pants that look a lot like the guy ones but have a tighter fit. I bought a couple pair and go shopping in those.
And I agree with the other posts, stay out of the rest areas at night.
Good luck

[PretzelGirl]

You can always post in the Meeting Place forum on this board and see if anyone is from your area and willing to meet up.

[Carly D.]

You can always post in the Meeting Place forum on this board and see if anyone is from your area and willing to meet up.

Thanks I will...

[Nicole Erin]

Heh, dont feel bad about not going into walmart, that store is, well, there is a reason they call it Trailer*trash*mart.
Walmart is a nerve-racking place no matter how you are dressed.
Our biggest enemy, true riff-raff, likes to shop there

Confidence can take some time and practice to build. Just don't use bad places to build it.

[Melinda G]

Never forget Murphys Law. It happens every time.
Last Halloween, I parked in a strip mall just after the stores had closed. I got out and walked down the sidewalk in front of the closed stores, admiring myself, in the store windows. I get back to my car, and just then two women come out of the closed store, right in front of me. I wanted to change my shoes in the car, and put on some nice ankle straps and walk some more. But the lady from the store, sits in her car watching me for a while, then gets out and goes back in the store, giving me a hard look as she walks by the drivers side window. She probably thought I was going to break into her store. So I got out of there.

Another time I was walking through a neighborhood at night, in heels and a short dress, with a light coat on. I was passable. Anyway here comes a car down the street, and turns into the driveway right in front of me, and stops short of the sidewalk for me, so I had to walk right in front of the headlights, barely two feet away. And I'm thinking, "What are the odds of this happening"?

Another time, I parked in a small strip mall, and went for a walk around the surrounding neighborhood. I love to just walk at night, feeling the breeze up under my dress, and hearing my heels on the sidewalk. Any way, I get almost back to the car, and I see two cop cars parked directly behind my car blocking it in, just sitting there with their windows rolled down, holding a conversation. And again, I'm thinking, "What are the odds of this happening". I did a quick about face, before they saw me and walked back the way I came for a while till they left.

But I swear, every time I go out, Murphy is lurking right there close by.

[Carly D.]

Never forget Murphys Law. It happens every time.
Last Halloween, I parked in a strip mall just after the stores had closed. I got out and walked down the sidewalk in front of the closed stores, admiring myself, in the store windows. I get back to my car, and just then two women come out of the closed store, right in front of me. I wanted to change my shoes in the car, and put on some nice ankle straps and walk some more. But the lady from the store, sits in her car watching me for a while, then gets out and goes back in the store, giving me a hard look as she walks by the drivers side window. She probably thought I was going to break into her store. So I got out of there.

Another time I was walking through a neighborhood at night, in heels and a short dress, with a light coat on. I was passable. Anyway here comes a car down the street, and turns into the driveway right in front of me, and stops short of the sidewalk for me, so I had to walk right in front of the headlights, barely two feet away. And I'm thinking, "What are the odds of this happening"?

Another time, I parked in a small strip mall, and went for a walk around the surrounding neighborhood. I love to just walk at night, feeling the breeze up under my dress, and hearing my heels on the sidewalk. Any way, I get almost back to the car, and I see two cop cars parked directly behind my car blocking it in, just sitting there with their windows rolled down, holding a conversation. And again, I'm thinking, "What are the odds of this happening". I did a quick about face, before they saw me and walked back the way I came for a while till they left.

But I swear, every time I go out, Murphy is lurking right there close by.


That's why I have a backup plan with the regular shoes.. even a flat tire would be tough to work on while wearing heels, let alone full cross dress mode.. I carry a little bag of a change to male clothing every time (the two times) I go out.. last night I went "heeling" and everything went fine.. I read posts from here as well as went through some myspace sites and a few of them basically said they have developed an attitude of "yeah, I'm wearing womens shoes, so what?" and that was the attitude I kinda started with a few months ago but it faded into a feeling of embarrassment for the lack of a better word to describe my true feelings.. I went by some stores that were closed seemingly early even though it was Sunday night.. I walked into a dollar store and just had to but something.. went to checkout and the lady was having trouble finding the bar code and I tapped my heel (I guess I do that anyway in male mode true) this night I was wearing the booties and they made screaching sound.. initially I was surprised by the sound but then did it a couple more times just because.. this store was the third stop and there would be three more and at each I would buy something just to make that contact while wearing heels.. I wanted to see the clerks reaction, if any, to a guy wearing heels..

by the end of the night I was convinced that nobody could hear my shoes.. or nobody cared... I went to Walmart.. the mecca.. still didn't go in.. it was ten last night.. just about did go in, but still thinking that is the ultimate prize.. the super bowl.. Stanley cup.. whatever your sport is, this is the IT prize at the bottom of the cereal box... once that is gotten I'm thinking there may be nothing left, so I'm gonna make it best.. what a load.. it is just another conquest and I'm sure there will be more after this..

[KateC]

I don't think you have to worry about Wal-mart.. I think worrysome places may be like places you have to interact more with people... I can't think of a place but maybe like restaurant and stuff like that.

The time I went out to a group here in my town, I went to the heart of the city, downtown busy area and a pub. Granted it was a community for LGBT but still, I'm sure there's regular's around and most aren't the "T" so it's usually L and G and some B who are looking regular.

Anyhow, I didn't get much of a look as usual at the bar, passing lots of people. Not much different than if I was in guy mode. Now this is in enclosed place with lots of people, and at the table I sat no one really looked at me at least, and not much at our table. So if that's fine, you should be ok at Wal-mart.

Just don't do stuff that makes you look suspicious and weird like don't go running to the lingerie section and staying there for like 2 hours and gathering 5000 bras and lacy thongs and wanting to try them on... you should be fine.

I tend to not even go near the lingerie section just in case i get read and they think I'm some perv, I can shop @ the lingerie section in guy mode more freely anyways, I always do now if I need anything, no one even gives a look in a guy mode it's funny.


That's why I have a backup plan with the regular shoes.. even a flat tire would be tough to work on while wearing heels, let alone full cross dress mode.. I carry a little bag of a change to male clothing every time (the two times) I go out.. last night I went "heeling" and everything went fine.. I read posts from here as well as went through some myspace sites and a few of them basically said they have developed an attitude of "yeah, I'm wearing womens shoes, so what?" and that was the attitude I kinda started with a few months ago but it faded into a feeling of embarrassment for the lack of a better word to describe my true feelings.. I went by some stores that were closed seemingly early even though it was Sunday night.. I walked into a dollar store and just had to but something.. went to checkout and the lady was having trouble finding the bar code and I tapped my heel (I guess I do that anyway in male mode true) this night I was wearing the booties and they made screaching sound.. initially I was surprised by the sound but then did it a couple more times just because.. this store was the third stop and there would be three more and at each I would buy something just to make that contact while wearing heels.. I wanted to see the clerks reaction, if any, to a guy wearing heels..

by the end of the night I was convinced that nobody could hear my shoes.. or nobody cared... I went to Walmart.. the mecca.. still didn't go in.. it was ten last night.. just about did go in, but still thinking that is the ultimate prize.. the super bowl.. Stanley cup.. whatever your sport is, this is the IT prize at the bottom of the cereal box... once that is gotten I'm thinking there may be nothing left, so I'm gonna make it best.. what a load.. it is just another conquest and I'm sure there will be more after this..

[Christina Horton]

I allmost chickened out but it was much more involved then yours. I won't rewrite it but you can read my thread "my first time out yaaaaaa" . For my first time it was 0 to 10,000 miles per hour in 5 seconds. I did so much in the mall that two days that some girls thought I was full of sh%#t. Read mine and you might find it easier to go out. So if your the girl whom hits the breaks then I'm the girl with a lead foot. I am glad your geting out of the house ,but who cares if they know your a cd or not . I don't pass and I could care less if people don't like it. I have thought about it and I think if more girls like me who don't pass 100% are makeing the world see us as ok. If we all passed no one would know we are out there. So don't be hard on yourself. I guess most girls go through what your going through. But next time go to a mall where you can get a makeover and bring you girly stuff in a bag and when she is done(oh make sure they have privite rooms for the makeover) then get dressed and go shopping. Or run to your car eather way your out there. Have fun and let the world see :::::::::::::The wonderfull world of cding.:::::::::::::

[Carly D.]

I tend to not even go near the lingerie section just in case i get read and they think I'm some perv, I can shop @ the lingerie section in guy mode more freely anyways, I always do now if I need anything, no one even gives a look in a guy mode it's funny.[/QUOTE]


That I have found to be true there for me.. I go to J.C. Penny's and like I said "paw" through just about everything in the fem attire in male mode and I feel fine..

I was at the station today where I got gas while dressed up last week and I was (in male mode) in an island closer to the front door and thinking I could have possibly maybe tried this island.. I couldn't see the pay desk from there.. then this older lady pulls up on the opposite side and gets out and says high.. I say high back and at that very moment I wished I was dressed up.. I think this lady would have been cool with me as a cross dresser.. she was maybe slightly older than my mom (I think mom would be cool with a cross dresser, just not sure she would think I was the one she would be cool with) anyway the lady then asks about getting gas and I tell her to prepay and she leaves and I get that shutter type feeling that I wonder what she would have said if she asked me the same question and this male voice comes back at her from a person wearing female clothes... like I said I don't have a female voice apart from a fake falsetto (Monty Python) type of thing.. and haven't tried my luck with that in years..

[Rachel B]

It is amazing how much our body language gives away. If you are uncomfortable you will be giving off signals.

You need to learn to be confident in who you are and then in what you are. If you dont you will always feel this kind of pressure.

Dont feel like you NEED to do this (like it is some right of passage), you dont! You should only do what you want to do. If you want to go out, no matter where, just do it! If not then dont, the stress can be just too much.

To all who really want to do something and keep "chickening out" think of it this way. Do you really want to live a life full of regrets? By choosing to "chicken out" in whatever it is you want to do in life the only person missing out is you!

[Veronica_Jean]

I have an unfounded fear of kids.. I can't say why.. I love my nieces and nephew but strange kids are a wild card type of thing for me.. a fear they can see right through the disguise and aren't afraid to voice their opinion such as "hey mommy, that guy is wearing the same shoes you are" or something along those lines..




Sweetie, I know exactly how you feel.

Years ago I used to travel a lot and would try and dress while I was on the road. One time I spent the night getting all pretty (well as best I can) glued on fake nails, and just enjoyed being a girl in my room. the next morning I woke as sick as I have ever been. I went back to sleep and woke about 4 pm and HAD to get some medicine.

I was too ill to change and so I had little choice but the get my wig on, try to look presentable and go to the store. I went to a local pharmacy store and of course there were young teens, mothers with young children all going into the store. I had little choice because I was really ill and simply forced my self to go in. As I went through the store I just *knew* everyone was staring and that any moment the kids would come running up saying "mommy why is that man wearing a dress?". But as I continued through the store nothing happened. There was a long line at the checkout and still nothing happened. the checkout girl smiled at me and found a couple of coupons that I had missed and simply offered ,"Here hon, let me get that for you".

Sorry for the long post. The lesson I learned was that if you are less nervous and simply allow the woman inside you to show through, even if you are read, you will be treated like a woman.

Yes, I too have been sitting at rest areas in the past. My best was after I got the courage to go relieve myself, I was sitting in the stall when a woman Highway Patrol Officer used the one next to me. I was scared to death, and waited until she left. After that I went outside and she was just looking over the rst area and did not even seem to notice me.

[Carly D.]

Sweetie, I know exactly how you feel.

Years ago I used to travel a lot and would try and dress while I was on the road. One time I spent the night getting all pretty (well as best I can) glued on fake nails, and just enjoyed being a girl in my room. the next morning I woke as sick as I have ever been. I went back to sleep and woke about 4 pm and HAD to get some medicine.

I was too ill to change and so I had little choice but the get my wig on, try to look presentable and go to the store. I went to a local pharmacy store and of course there were young teens, mothers with young children all going into the store. I had little choice because I was really ill and simply forced my self to go in. As I went through the store I just *knew* everyone was staring and that any moment the kids would come running up saying "mommy why is that man wearing a dress?". But as I continued through the store nothing happened. There was a long line at the checkout and still nothing happened. the checkout girl smiled at me and found a couple of coupons that I had missed and simply offered ,"Here hon, let me get that for you".

Sorry for the long post. The lesson I learned was that if you are less nervous and simply allow the woman inside you to show through, even if you are read, you will be treated like a woman.

Yes, I too have been sitting at rest areas in the past. My best was after I got the courage to go relieve myself, I was sitting in the stall when a woman Highway Patrol Officer used the one next to me. I was scared to death, and waited until she left. After that I went outside and she was just looking over the rst area and did not even seem to notice me.

Thanks for this.. I think that helps me out.. I don't know how much I look or even want to look like a woman but I've said in other posts that it seems like that is the only way to be.. either try very hard to pass or don't bother..

I was at the rest area last week and I got that nervous "what might they be thinking" thought going through my head and then when I got tired of waiting for them to get far enough away from the car I just figured heck with it (in another way of saying it, but you know what I mean) and just went to the car.. I know a rest area is the last place a woman or in this case a fake woman should be at night... I would not have known what to do if some trucker came up and asked me any question (you know what I'm saying here??) and I turn and answer in my male voice.. could be trouble.. time to split... so I just walked right past them hoping that it was dark enough that I looked just a little fem.. I know I don't walk fem enough, mostly because up until a few weeks ago I couldn't see me going out like this.. and like everyone says once you do it the dam breaks open and you want to do it more..

[linnea]

You can call it chickening out or you can call it baby-steps. By either phrase it was your latest adventure.
I used to frequent rest stops. I'd be dressed and stop at every one along the highway: two hundred fifty miles, six or seven rest stops. In a way, it was practice though I often chickened out.
I say, don't worry about it. If you want to go out, just keep trying but take little steps at every turn.

[Carly D.]

And then I wore heels today at walmart.. and someone says that walmart isn't that big of a deal and now I feel somewhat of a let down.. it was rather warm again and for whatever the reason I have trouble walking in heels when my feet sweat excessively.. today was such an occasion and even though I can tack walmart on to the victory stand I feel like it came at a price.. and that price is that it should have happened sooner because it just didn't feel right.. I went to a Walgreens afterwards and that felt like a victory... I just thought why not and went in.. I got a snack picked out..was going to pay for it when I went by the tights section... they had some Lleggs tights in my size and color and so I picked some up.. when I came into the store I thought there was a fairly big gal manning the cash register.. when I made my way to the checkout I found the checkout girl was in fact a girl, maybe highschool aged.. I have a niece about that age (she graduates in a couple of weeks) so I'm thinking "oh crap".. I know someone is gonna say "don't you like any aged kids?".. I like family and all... anyway I could kinda tell she thought I was a weirdo because I was buying tights and I was wearing my booties heels and I was clopping them pretty good (can't be helped) and there's a guy picking up some medicine for his "swine flu" (a twelver of beer) and after I get to the car and start moving he comes out and looks right at me as I am driving away.. what she told him hu??? anyway a fairly successful day of heeling.. I am feeling better about that at Walgreens all the time.. I have developed an attitude about my heeling and it takes a while to kick in (here after the fact).. but it was fun and so what.. I ain't hurting no one.. wonder if I will ever feel that way about dressing up full... will I ever try it while the sun is shining...

[Alice Torn]

Thanks for sharing your adventur! Sounds like my first few times out. The first night, went to three gas stationd, for gas, stopped at Grocery store-chickened out. The next night, walked around a town late, got in my car, cop stopped me!

[RobertaM]

omg , ive been there and done that, if one get medals for being poultry like,
i would have the victoria cross by now.
I have ran in and out my car for many times as can count. the lighting didnt feel right? the store was too full, the blah yaadadada.

You are not along , been totally there.. luv and hugs roberta.

[Carly D.]

omg , ive been there and done that, if one get medals for being poultry like,
i would have the victoria cross by now.
I have ran in and out my car for many times as can count. the lighting didnt feel right? the store was too full, the blah yaadadada.

You are not along , been totally there.. luv and hugs roberta.

Glad I'm not alone in cluckville.... that's exactly right.. is the weather ok?? is it too light? too many people?? thought I saw someone who looks like?? I wish I didn't have to worry about this.. I am after all a nobody... why should I care?? it's my older brother who is a somebody, but not in public office.. he's just higher up in his job.. actually as high as he can get without moving to the regional directors position.. his wife is a big wig at a fairly big company as well.. but me, I'm a nobody.. low on the totem pole, with my pantyhose and skirts and stuff...

[Carly D.]

After a few days of soul searching... ok not quite that deep.. I wasn't sure I would go out dressed ever again by the way I felt.. you know when you are around family and they are talking vague talk about things..I was talking to my mom about my brothers daughter and she's about to graduate and she is this and she is that and she is going with a guy and they both share the same brain cell (not whole brain, but rather a single cell) and how she wants to get married on my dads birthday and all.. I said I would hope she would rethink that idea if it were with this guy.. and if she got pregnant I would tell her that getting married on my dads birthday is right out because of that and dad was a teacher and he would have not like that, and mom agreed.. but I was thinking and while dad would not like that I wondered how he might feel about my cross dressing... I think he would be ok with it as long as I didn't effect anyone around me.. one of the reasons I don't like to be around little kids is because I don't want to influence them while dressed, to make them think "I wonder what mommy's clothes would feel like to wear"...

On to last night; so after thinking it through over the past week, I was gonna go into the store after getting gas, I was just sure of it.. the only problem is, I was looking at some of the pictures I took recently and was thinking no way do I pass up close.. if everyone stays at least twenty feet away and it is not very well lit I would be ok.. I went to get gas last night at a different station and checked to see if it was clear to get the gas.. long story short I have this criteria and if it isn't perfect I won't get gas.. it was perfect three times, or should I say it was almost perfect three times.. close doesn't cut it for me.. like I have said it will take only one bad experience to shut me down permanantlly...that is why I will take an hour to get gas when in male mode I wouldn't have thought twice to just pull in and gas up.. anyway by the time everything was perfect I pulled into a gas isle as the lights went out.. it past midnight and they shut her down.. had to go to the station I have used twice before while dressed up.. everything went fine there.. the attraction of the station I wanted was there are only two islands and both are close to the building there at a fairly busy (during the day) intersection.. oh well maybe next week...I wore the new outfit, but as I have said I really don't think I would pass on close inspection.. and Walmart is out of the question of going into..

[Michelia]

Thanks for this.. I think that helps me out.. I don't know how much I look or even want to look like a woman but I've said in other posts that it seems like that is the only way to be.. either try very hard to pass or don't bother..



Carly,

I have been enjoying your thread because it reminds me so much of me. I spent years in the closet after going out and seeing my terrible pictures. I was waiting till I passed. One day, I had enough of seeing my clothes age in the closet. I had no time for make up so I started going out in mixed mode. I got a lot of looks but no real bad problems. I stayed out of the type of places you are talking about. Now I have the time to go out fully enfemme and it is actually so much easier than being a guy in a dress!

You need confidence. This will come if you stick with it. I used to read Karren's advice about confidence and I would think to myself, "Yeah, right, when you are so beautiful you can afford to be confident!" But she is totally right. Just go in like you belong.

I can't tell you how many hours I spent parked in lots trying to make sure no guys were in a store before I went in! I would scope places out first. Now I just ad lib. It is great fun!

[Carly D.]

Carly,

I have been enjoying your thread because it reminds me so much of me. I spent years in the closet after going out and seeing my terrible pictures. I was waiting till I passed. One day, I had enough of seeing my clothes age in the closet. I had no time for make up so I started going out in mixed mode. I got a lot of looks but no real bad problems. I stayed out of the type of places you are talking about. Now I have the time to go out fully enfemme and it is actually so much easier than being a guy in a dress!

You need confidence. This will come if you stick with it. I used to read Karren's advice about confidence and I would think to myself, "Yeah, right, when you are so beautiful you can afford to be confident!" But she is totally right. Just go in like you belong.

I can't tell you how many hours I spent parked in lots trying to make sure no guys were in a store before I went in! I would scope places out first. Now I just ad lib. It is great fun!

I read your entries and all I can think is wow, if I am where you were then holly cow... anyway, I've been looking at my pictures and (by the way why so many pictures, I can't control myself I guess) I don't think I can pass and with makeup I think I would still see my male self looking back at me.. can anyone say they are comfortable with the way they look?? ever?? I don't know if I could..