Confused, Bewildered, Hurt,Angry, Sad,& Envious !!!!!!

[Sheila]

after two days from hell here at home, which had me an emotional wreck, deeply hurt and at my lowest Ebb for a long long time, I actually felt all of the above emotions on Fri night as I watched D*****, tranform into Debs, ...... and left me confused, never in the 3 years I have been part of the community have I come anywhere near the above emotions or resentful in any way.

As he (and many of you say) that you dress to relieve stress, what I would not have given for the magic in the bits of cloth to do their stuff for me on Fri night ............. I did try :sad:, I put on the sexy matching underwear that arrived throught the post/mail Fri morning, looked, and instead of seeing that sexy lady, I saw the fat old frump, with lumps bumps and grey hair that looked as old as she is:sad: (normaly I don't see her in the mirror so that made it worse:sad:)..... let me add here he did ask me if it would be okay to do Debs Fri night ( he had had a stressful week at work and had been unable to dress Wed night because of family commitments and Thursday night we did something we had planned to do since he was up here last, and had not got round to doing so he decided to do that Thurs night ..... now he knows that he does not need to ask my permission to do Debs at anytime but instead chose to ask anyway out of concern & love for how I was feeling :):o:)................. my take on this is that Debs is a part of the guy I love, so she needs no permission from me to appear)

Bewildered ... that I was feeling as I did, after all Debs is a part of him and I adore her to bits

Hurt, becuase of the mixed emotions that i had never felt before

Angry, that I was feeling the way I was

Sad, that I couldn't feel the way about the magic of the clothes that many of you do:doh:

& Envious owww soooooooo envious that when you have had those days/weeks, however long, that you can go de-male (outwardly) and do the transformation that allows you to escape from the crap that is daily life, (let alone the Hell I had been through for two days) and feel and look good I would love to have the ability to someone else. "I would love not to be 'me' for periods"

I do know that things are slowly going to turn round in my life but I hated the way I felt Fri night ....... please I am not looking for sympathy here, just trying to explain why I felt as I did, and maybe let some of you understand why sometimes the feelings of your SO is not from your ability to look better than her, but that the clothes that we wear are just that, clothes, they don't have the same magic ability to us .......... sure dressing to go on a special night that has been planned, a party , a dinner date with you, or whatever, we can and generally do enjoy dressing up for those, but at the same tiime when life is going to hell in a handbasket those same clothes do not do the same job ...... make any sense ? ... I know at the end of the day we are all just us ................ but those clothes can work some magic that we have not ability to understand, so yes for the first time Friday I felt envious of that abilty to change and escape :sad:

[AmberDay]

sometimes the feelings of your SO is not from your ability to look better than her, but that the clothes that we wear are just that, clothes, they don't have the same magic ability to us .......... sure dressing to go on a special night that has been planned, a party , a dinner date with you, or whatever, we can and generally do enjoy dressing up for those, but at the same tiime when life is going to hell in a handbasket those same clothes do not do the same job ...... make any sense ? ... I know at the end of the day we are all just us ................ but those clothes can work some magic that we have not ability to understand, so yes for the first time Friday I felt envious of that abilty to change and escape :sad:


Wow, I never thought of it like that. Thanks for sharing. I'll ask my wife how she thinks about that. Maybe if I give her an escape, maybe she'll let me have mine


Amber (Jason)

[Lisa Golightly]

looked, and instead of seeing that sexy lady, I saw the fat old frump, with lumps bumps and grey hair that looked as old as she is:sad:

Ooooooo that's so me in the mirror... *hug*

[GypsyKaren]

and instead of seeing that sexy lady, I saw the fat old frump, with lumps bumps and grey hair that looked as old as she is

Sheila, I look in the mirror sometimes and see Mr. Ed, but then I give a smile because I'm happy and that makes me feel pretty. Don't be so hard on yourself and give yourself a smile instead, you deserve it...and I only see beauty when I look at you. :hugs:

Karen :g4:

[LisaMichaels]

It's more feeling pretty for me. I look at pics of the pretty girls on here and I am so jealous of their looks. I'm not happy with my girl look yet. I want so bad to be passable outside, but I'm not. I can pass as a crossdresser, but that's not what we want sometimes. I would rather be a manly crossdresser with never a chance to pass in public as a GG than to never want to crossdress again. I love it so much and it's a part of me that makes me who I am. My motto....Say Yes To The Dress. and flip off the mirror.

[Jonianne]

Sheila, I think you are one of the most beautiful ladies here. Debs is so lucky! Forget the mirror, it doesn't even begin to tell the story of who you really are.

Cd'ing is not the only thing that has some magic for me when I am down. I love working on and building vintage radios from scratch. I can get lost planning, scrounging for parts, soldering and wiring and finally getting it working. I'm a ham radio operator and love using these old radios to make contacts all over the world.

What things do you enjoy that have the majic for you? You sure deserve to have your own escape. I hope you find something that really works.

Hugs,

Joni

[Kate Simmons]

As CDers we know either consciously or unconsciously that mindset is everything. We know what we really are underneath all of the "stuff" but if successful, that doesn't bother us and it's certainly not automatic Sheila. Besides "sexiness" is 95% mental and 5% physical to begin with. Not to mention that we love you for who you are Hon (and so does Debs).:hugs:

[Joanne f]

I once had a brief encounter with a Cherokee (called herself a shaman) spent all of her time helping others and left no time for herself, so i asked her "who heals the healer when they need it " and i see a lot of her in you spending all your time helping others and you have lost track of how lovely you are, not just in looks but also with what you have inside of you .
Yes we can spend so much time and effort on what we want to do and make it look like we are enjoying it but deep down in side we know you have it all already.
You have that magic and Debs knows that as we all do but in a different way ( don`t want Debs kicking my ass) so let some around you help you for a change and spend some time on seeing how lovely you really are .

[MJ]

Originally Posted by Sheila
looked, and instead of seeing that sexy lady, I saw the fat old frump, with lumps bumps and Grey hair that looked as old as she is

welcome to my everyday life :sad:

what you need is a spa day get pampered you deserve it :love:

[Miranda09]

Sheila, we all are our own worst critic. What does your SO see when he see's you? Chin up sweety.

[Charleen]

I guess I'm different then most as that when I get down, I revert to male mode.
When I look in the mirror, I see who I am. Someone that's 58 years old and has been ridden hard in life. No illusions there. Gray hair that thankfully is all mine, awattle that would make a turkey jealous, not to mention my body shape so I won't!
That's me and the reality. Putting on a little makeup does make me feel better about my looks, but isn't that the point of makeup anyway no matter who you are?
Yeah, I used to be fairly good looking, so I've been told, but the truth is those days are long gone. Frump? yeah I guess so, but that just means I have to accept me for who I am today, lumps, wrinkles, sags, etal.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Find something else to get you out of the dumps. I do. Also remember that this to shall pass.Sometimes like a kidney stone, but it will pass and you'll feel better.
Love and XXXX, Lily

[Alana65]

Sheila,

All I can say is..........you ARE a beautiful woman. You're being self-deprecating just like the rest of us (CDers, et al) do about ourselves when we look in the mirror.
For me, all I see is a "guy in a dress" when I look in the mirror.....while (a few) others see me as pretty & feminine.
I'm sure that Debs must love the "entire you", otherwise she/he wouldn't be marrying you.
Did you talk to Debs how you feel/felt ? We always say, communication is key, hun. :hugs:

[Sarah...]

That's an interesting view, Sheila. You certainly seem to have been through the mill. I know you said you weren't looking for sympathy but how about a dose of empathy and a good hug :hugs: ? Are we all so very different though? When we take a good, hard, honest look at ourselves I mean. The clothes definitely don't always have that same magic ability that you describe. Quite often my clothes are just my clothes - particularly around my family who know and accept me. But because I have something of a maleness about my look ( :sad: ) if I want to be perceived as a woman I have to put on clothes and makeup that set that expectation in others. That's just how it seems to be. And sometimes that's a pain in the backside cos I'm not interested in a nice dress - I'd rather sloppy jeans and a T shirt and no slap. But then there's not enough of a marker, as yet, for people to perceive me as a woman. And then I get right hacked off with the clothes I have to wear just to get people to see me.



As many of you say you dress to relieve stress,

I understand what you're saying - I wonder if I have a different point of view. Presenting as my preferred gender does indeed remove the distress from me. However it's the distress of looking like a man, being an un-willing man, that I shrug off. The day to day stresses of personal and business life are there whatever I'm wearing. At least when I'm presenting as me I don't have to battle with that - instead I can get on with dealing with the day to day stuff effectively. So I spend about half my time as me now, the other half I still have to pretend to be "him".


what I would not have given for the magic in the bits of cloth to do their stuff for me on Fri night ............. I did try :sad:, I put on the sexy matching underwear

Me too, Sheila. There are times when the sexy underwear just doesn't cut it. Those might be the times when Becky is feeling the opposite way but all I want is my cosy, cotton PJs, a pair of slippers and some crappy television. If my head is not in that space it's not in that space. It doesn't make me any less a woman. In other words, I suspect what you describe is as common here in this little community as elsewhere. Of course there are the other times when those bits of cloth really can do their stuff - for all of us.



So envious that when you have had those days/weeks, however long, that you can go de-male (outwardly) and do the transformation that allows you to escape from the crap that is daily life, and feel and look good I would love to have the ability to someone else. "I would love not to be 'me' for periods"

I'd also love not to be me sometimes - I mean I'm always Sarah - except sometimes I look like a man. But sometimes I'd rather not be Sarah. I'd rather be someone who doesn't have to consider causing herself and her family loads of pain just to put nature's little joke right again :doh: I don't know - maybe it's not a case of being someone else but a case of finding an as yet undiscovered part of you that you can explore?


but that the clothes that we wear are just that, clothes, they don't have the same magic ability to us .......... but at the same tiime when life is going to hell in a handbasket those same clothes do not do the same job ...... make any sense ? ... I know at the end of the day we are all just us ................

Yep - makes sense to me. I hope the coming weeks and months are much better for you :) 'twas another thought provoking thread - thanks :)

Sarah xxx

[Sam-antha]

There are times, and sometimes there are many such times. One feels awful and in the mirror, one looks worse. That may be nothing to do with what one feels like in the mirror of the mind.
But mirrors - mind or glass ones - do distort as well as telling stories.
The trouble that you are suffering affects us all. Material things that can be so change making do not always work by themselves. Mindset helps.
There are many times lately when I see me in the mirror and I see a face that has decided to take note of time's passing and there is a shock of white hair all round it. Then I can feel real bad and sad, really sad.
If I am feeling brave, why then I get on with the transform and get out somewhere and go live the dream that I believed me to be.
If I am not feeling good then I just get out as the original me and believe in the orginal me.
Do you know that in both moods, it feels better out ? Do not let too much time go ticking past. Get out and forget the bits you do not want to know about, life is about living in the now, not in the past of the trouble and themirror or whatever..:love::love::love: and a good:hugs: or two :hugs: for good measure
~Samm

[Sara Jessica]

Wow Sheila, what a thoughtful, honest and heartfelt post. You have said something that I have never heard conveyed before..."but those clothes can work some magic that we have no ability to understand". This is so similar to trying to explain to someone that 99.x% of the public out there wakes up every day comfortable in their gender. Just as this is something I often express when trying to convey how being tg feels, I think you have tapped into a means of expression for the CD'ers among us, something which should also be kept in mind as a source of empathy, that it would be unfair to expect our SO's to derive the same emotions out of dressing just as it'd be most difficult for them to walk a mile in the lead boots that can be a part of the tg existence.

Your honesty and empathy adds to your natural beauty as a woman. Beauty often radiates from within, something that a few of us around here should take to heart.

[Sarah_GG]

Excellent point Sheila. I enjoy dressing-up with my SO. It can be great fun and creating another look and taking 500 photos can be exciting... but - for me - not for several hours, several days of the week.

Dressing provides an adrenalin rush for my SO - a high, a complete escape and a destress (as Sheila points out). For me there's no escapism involved - it's just dressing-up and putting on make-up (yawn) which I do every day.

Another thing I've noticed is that when a dressing session comes to an end, SO removes all traces of his feminine self and is back to his hunky male self - a complete transformation. When I remove all my dressing up stuff, I'm still a woman, just a dowdy, drab and dull one!

:)

[DonnaT]

Hmmm, maybe you didn't go far enough in your transformation Sheila.

Next time, and hopefully there won't be a next time, tell Debs how you are feeling, if she can't detect it on her own, and ask her for a little pampering.

Brushing your hair, painting your nails, applying your makeup, a massage, etc.

Couldn't hurt to try that to see if you get to feeling better, IMHO. :hugs:

[trisha59]

I have been doing this for a long time and I have never considered this viewpoint. It made me realize probably for the first time what all those selfishness posts were talking about. Its rare when someone can write something and in a few simple sentences make the reader look at something completely different. Thank you Sheila I am truly humbled by this post.
FYI In the course of my work I have broken quite a few mirrors and that 7 year bad luck thing is a myth.:heehee:

[sandra-leigh]

I once had a brief encounter with a Cherokee (called herself a shaman) spent all of her time helping others and left no time for herself, so i asked her "who heals the healer when they need it "

I'm gradually working through this issue in therapy: I gave and gave and gave until my body broke (actual illness has definite genetic links, but I am the one who pushed my body past the routine self-repair point.) I was getting not much back in return for my giving... and the serious illness was my wake-up call that I can't keep living my life that way, "burning the candle at both ends" (and in the middle too!)

I didn't become (or didn't realize) I was a cross-dresser until about 20 months after my crisis... and CD'ing has really helped a lot. I go out Dressed or even obviously gender-bending, or obviously shopping for myself in drab, and people actually talk to me and remember me and are concerned about me and think I'm interesting (and I get to talk to them too!)... whereas all those decades in pure drab, to nearly everyone, I was mostly a faceless drone, taken note of (if at all) because I happen to be occupying the space they want to walk through (or sit down on, etc.) So in therapy I will be working on "how much of that notice and acceptance can I incorporate into my daily life?" ... e.g., do I need to cross-dress to get recognized as a person rather than an obstacle?

Cross-dressing... yes, it is sometimes a form of physical transformation for me (especially if I put on a dress and wig and shoes), but I really don't put much effort at all into "becoming a woman": no femme voice training, no movement studying, rarely practice or experiment with my makeup, Vogue still bores me to tears. And I get not only "read" but recognized (as my drab persona) a lot, even when I had myself believing I look completely different. And those people that recognize me... they mostly came over and smile and tell me I'm looking good.

So... I'm drawing tentative conclusions that it isn't the physical transformation "into a woman" that is what is really making the difference in my life... perhaps it is that I smile so much more now, or take visible pride in being me... or maybe it has something to do with my having given Tess permission to break the rule instilled into me in childhood that "You don't ask people personal questions unless they've clearly opened a space for questions to be asked!")

Yes, perhaps I am "escaping", but I think for me it is more of an escape from one way of living (a loner who gives a lot to the community but goes unnoticed by that community) into a different way of living (that is, through cross-dressing I have become more of a part of the community at large -- and I don't mean just to the cross-dressing community.)


Thus, I might find through therapy, that I "need" cross-dressing less, that I can generally be happy even when I'm not cross-dressed.


{But somehow I don't think I'll be giving it up... I like wearing dresses and skirts, I feel comfortable and natural wearing them (no, not "excited".) And somehow I don't think therapy to become more happy in general life is going to "solve" the issue that wearing somewhere around a DD form or sightly larger "feels right" to me, feels as if I should have breasts and they are "missing".}



Escaping... my wife could really use some "escaping" these days! She has so many family-related responsibilities and related stress; I help what I can, but some days she is so very overwhelmed :sad:

[Joanne f]

I think that you can get that escapism from many things we just happen to do it with clothes to an extent that it is hard for most GGs to understand the transformation that we go through when doing it .

[Starling]

Sheila, you're a dear, dear lady, and I send you all the love I feel for my own sweetheart...plus a little extra to cover the hop over the North Pole.

:kiss: Lallie

[Rachel B]

This response is for the GG's who wish to dress to gain a release or de-stress.....

I think the only way you could achieve a similar outcome is if you had a particular deliction to something, i.e. an inner desire to dress as something far removed from your every day life. So for example, if you had a fetish for something like leather or rubber, but never have the opportunity to explore it, you might find that would give a similar release.

It may be clothing, it may be a setting, it may be role play. The point being, it is escapism.

I have had many a conversation along these lines with my SO. She cannot understand the attraction of wearing clothes, make-up etc. I guess to many GG's it is a chore, part of the norm. Most GG's I know dress because they have to. It is a part of the expectation of being a woman. So there is very little enjoyment to be had from dressing.

In my experience 99% of the time you only enjoy something if you are into it. The other 1% is when things just happen and you never expected to enjoy it!

Just my observations........

[Deedee Dupree]

Hi Sheila,

Just a friendly observation & stating the obvious, it appears that your reaction was an example of, "high impact in close contact".

IOW, your close involvement in so many heavy threads lately, the couple of terrible days plus the very important event with Debs, altogether produced a very strong reaction. Not entirely surprising to me observing from my perch out here in the bleachers.

I'm guessing that if recent circumstances leading up to your time with debs were different, your reaction would be more in line with what you were expecting.

My life has been so full of surprises, I have often been amazed by my reactions to what life has put on my plate.

Perhaps taking a breather, taking care of number one and number two for a time would allow remembering those things about yourself that ARE equivalent pressure relief valves and forms of "escapism" that are most enjoyable for you. (Who am I to talk...i'm currently involved with "helping" someone and I need more coffee than usual)

Anyway, I send you both a "pink margarita over pomegranate ice, a little salt air, and a cool breeze on the side.
Best, dd

[Nicki B]

Sheila,

You're not the only one, honest - the whole world feels the same as we get older, surely? :strugglin

Just remember - real beauty comes from inside. But I know, that's no consolation.. :sad:


IME the only way to relieve the symptoms is to go and spend money.. :devil:

[TGMarla]

Hi Sheila. I hope that sometime pretty soon, the blues decides to leave you alone for a while. I think you're beautiful, and especially so for loving our dear Debs (le blonde extrordinaire!) like you do. Hang on in there, and remember that we're all here when you want to come in and yak a while.

[msginaadoll]

I think one of the most brilliant movies of all time is Happy Gilmore. It because Adam Sandler is such a great thespian, but also..... As Chubs said, It going to your happy place. What is it that you do or go or be when u feel peaceful and right. I say to my patients alot, what are you passionate about- and try to focus on something that doesnt depend on other people. I get into the happy zone by dressing but I also love to play the guitar. Just plucking a few strings or playing some chords almost always brings me to a place of peace, or at least not despair.

[ReineD]

but that the clothes that we wear are just that, clothes, they don't have the same magic ability to us ..........

Thanks for posting this, Sheila!

Last Saturday night my SO & I went to a GLBT event attended mostly by the under 30's crowd (more like under 25). The theme was rock 'n roll and I so looked forward to getting all dressed up, which I did (with a short form fitting dress, fishnet stockings, wide black belt & boots). Who knows ... maybe I was competing with the 25 yr old GG hotties who go there regularly. But once I got there I felt ridiculous. I wanted badly to feel young and sexy again but the clothes just didn't do it for me ... they couldn't make me feel any other than who I am, especially in a room where most everyone is young enough to be my daughter. So I decided not to dress up anymore and instead just be me. :sad:

Like you, I wish I could transform myself and believe it sometimes.

[Miranda09]

Excellent point Sheila. I enjoy dressing-up with my SO. It can be great fun and creating another look and taking 500 photos can be exciting... but - for me - not for several hours, several days of the week.

Dressing provides an adrenalin rush for my SO - a high, a complete escape and a destress (as Sheila points out). For me there's no escapism involved - it's just dressing-up and putting on make-up (yawn) which I do every day.

Another thing I've noticed is that when a dressing session comes to an end, SO removes all traces of his feminine self and is back to his hunky male self - a complete transformation. When I remove all my dressing up stuff, I'm still a woman, just a dowdy, drab and dull one!


:)

From I see in your avatar Sarah, you're NOT dowdy, you're NOT drab, and from what I saw of your SO and the fun you two must have your definitely NOT dull.....and I'm sure he feels the same. Look at it this way. Even tho we can transform ourselves into something we clearly are not, and then go back to our original selves, there are aspects of being a GG that we can never duplicate. I hope I'm not being to indelicate here when I say that sexually, women can experience things that we can only dream about! ;)


Thanks for posting this, Sheila!

Last Saturday night my SO & I went to a GLBT event attended mostly by the under 30's crowd (more like under 25). The theme was rock 'n roll and I so looked forward to getting all dressed up, which I did (with a short form fitting dress, fishnet stockings, wide black belt & boots). Who knows ... maybe I was competing with the 25 yr old GG hotties who go there regularly. But once I got there I felt ridiculous. I wanted badly to feel young and sexy again but the clothes just didn't do it for me ... they couldn't make me feel any other than who I am, especially in a room where most everyone is young enough to be my daughter. So I decided not to dress up anymore and instead just be me. :sad:

Like you, I wish I could transform myself and believe it sometimes.


Reine, you dont need to compete with the younger crowd. The older a woman gets, the sexier she becomes, and you carry it off better than anyone under 25!! So, dont be sad!! :)

[Sarah_GG]

From I see in your avatar Sarah, you're NOT dowdy, you're NOT drab, and from what I saw of your SO and the fun you two must have your definitely NOT dull.....and I'm sure he feels the same. Look at it this way. Even tho we can transform ourselves into something we clearly are not, and then go back to our original selves, there are aspects of being a GG that we can never duplicate. I hope I'm not being to indelicate here when I say that sexually, women can experience things that we can only dream about! ;)

:devil: The avatar is me 'dressed-up'... you should've seen me two hours later! But, thank you for the compliment. We do have fun. But, as Sheila was saying, it's not the complete escapist experience that our SOs get - and that's what we sometimes envy.

:)

[Joanne f]

:devil: - and that's what we sometimes envy.

:)
But you have it all the time and that is what we ALWAYS envy, then add on top of that the compulsion that we feel , know wonder some of us are a bit mad :GD::lol2::Pullhair:

[docrobbysherry]

Sheila, because of your post, maybe u and others can better appreciate WHY I dress!

For me, CDing is PRIMARILY about my looks!:o
NOT, to be myself, but to appear to be an ATTRACTIVE YOUNGER WOMAN!:D
That I'm able to accomplish that to some degree, is a GREAT SOURCE of satisfaction and an emotional rush for me!:heehee:
Never mind that it's ALL JUST A FANTASY in my mirror!:eek:

On the other hand, at the end of the day, I'm STILL a fickle, self centered, shallow, skinny old man!:sad:

As a man, I DON'T get to experience your feminine EMOTIONALITY. Neither your UPS,:thumbsup: OR your DOWNS! :thumbsdn:(Which u seem to be suffering thru now).

Knowing u from your posts, u will soon be returning to your more positive, happy self soon!:)

When u reach that "happy" place, I suggest u and Debs re-visit your "looks" issues! There is ALWAYS something women can do to change/improve their look. REALLY!:daydreaming:

[SouthernBelle.GG]

So I decided not to dress up anymore and instead just be me. :sad:

I haven't come to the same conclusion just yet(about not dressing up), but am getting closer. Just in the last few weeks, I've started really noticing things that bug me more and more. I'm a fairly attractive 43 year old woman. Why is it that I can walk into a room looking great, but the GGs who seem to get the attention/looks are the 20 somethings and younger wearing holey jeans and ill fitting tshirts(not that there's anything wrong with wearing that)?

No, I don't doll up to get attention. It makes me feel good to look good. But when nobody else seems to appreciate it, I start feeling like what's the use. If that makes any sense.


Like you, I wish I could transform myself and believe it sometimes.

And that's where I'm at right now. Am I fooling myself when I look in the mirror and think, 'damn girl...looking good'. Or should I just go buy some sweats and hoodies?

Thanks Sheila, for your post. I 'get' it. :hugs:

[docrobbysherry]

I haven't come to the same conclusion just yet(about not dressing up), but am getting closer. Just in the last few weeks, I've started really noticing things that bug me more and more. I'm a fairly attractive 43 year old woman. Why is it that I can walk into a room looking great, but the GGs who seem to get the attention/looks are the 20 somethings and younger wearing holey jeans and ill fitting tshirts(not that there's anything wrong with wearing that)?

No, I don't doll up to get attention. It makes me feel good to look good. But when nobody else seems to appreciate it, I start feeling like what's the use. If that makes any sense.



And that's where I'm at right now. Am I fooling myself when I look in the mirror and think, 'damn girl...looking good'. Or should I just go buy some sweats and hoodies?

Thanks Sheila, for your post. I 'get' it. :hugs:

Men r almost ALL visually oriented! We ALL may stare at the young "eye candy" hotties! But, your efforts WON'T go unnoticed! If your ATTITUDE matches your LOOKS, you'll be approached by the available guys, in the LONG RUN! :D
And 43 is the new 27, here in SoCal, anyway!:daydreaming:

[stephaniedoes]

i think what you need is some time to reflect, i do believe we all do this to find the inner beauty of ourselves knowing that if can please our SO other is it a verypositive reasurance that we are we are and that no matter how things go we are all beautiful down under.. i say look at yourself and enjoy yourself while you can.. after all we are our own # ones..

[TxKimberly]

welcome to my everyday life :sad:

what you need is a spa day get pampered you deserve it :love:

You know, I'm gonna have to agree with MJ on this one. You just described the feelings I often get about myself, and that is pretty much the same thing I see looking back from my mirror at me.

I can't think of a thing to say that would help except that you should know your not alone and that we'd all give you a big hug if could! :) :hugs:

[ReineD]

And 43 is the new 27, here in SoCal, anyway!:daydreaming:

LOL. What about 53? I could live with being 37 again!


Edited to add:



And that's where I'm at right now. Am I fooling myself when I look in the mirror and think, 'damn girl...looking good'. Or should I just go buy some sweats and hoodies?

No ... you can continue to look good. I meant I wasn't going to try to compete with the 'look' of a 25 yr old hottie anymore, even if this is what makes my SO turn her head. Instead I'll do my best to look like a confident 53 yr old and hold my head up high. :)

[Sheila]

Thanks to you all for the love and support shown :hugs:, ...... to those who PM'd me another thanks

Debs and I talk all the time about everything :), she held my hand, wiped my tears and hugged me throughout those dreadful days into the run up to how I was feeling Fri night then held and hugged me more. I love you babes and thanks :hugs:

I am pleased to see that some good may have come out of my situation in that some may look at how we envy, not in a jealous way over you looking better than us, but at the ability to escape the day to day crap when you dress, which was what this thread was all about:)

Thanks again one and all

Sheila

[docrobbysherry]

Sounds like the storm has passed! With the help of the all-knowing, many talented Debs!:)


LOL. What about 53? I could live with being 37 again!


Funny u should mention that, Reine! I KNOW u have an SO. However, if u DIDN'T, and u lived in SoCal, u MITE be considered a 37 y/o!

I'm doing, ( or, TRYING to do), on line dating here. And the fairly attractive 53 y/o GGs want guys who r "50, or younger"! Since the 53 y/o guys here prefer to date 37 y/o GGs, I guess that'd be u!:D

[AmberDay]

Sheila asked for me to post this out of an email we shared: (copy and pasted)




Originally Posted by CDinDayton
you are welcome. Thank you for another insight on how another woman thinks. I asked my wife what type of an escape she would like and she would like a day home alone without me or the kids(we have 4), so she can just relax and not have to deal with anybody, lol.(her first choice was Panama City Beach, Florida, but we are going there anyway next month). She hasn't been 'herself' in a long time and is in a lot of stress with home and her job(her boss gave somebody off the street with no experience the job she has been trying to get promoted into for over two years) It is daunting for me, to try and plan an all day trip with a 7 year old and three 4 year olds, but if she can get her day; her escape, than maybe I can get a day all to myself. Give and take.

it was nice to meet you,
Amber ~~ Jason

[Toni_Lynn]

Bewildered ... that I was feeling as I did, after all Debs is a part of him and I adore her to bits

Hurt, becuase of the mixed emotions that i had never felt before

Angry, that I was feeling the way I was

Sad, that I couldn't feel the way about the magic of the clothes that many of you do:doh:

& Envious owww soooooooo envious that when you have had those days/weeks, however long, that you can go de-male (outwardly) and do the transformation that allows you to escape from the crap that is daily life, (let alone the Hell I had been through for two days) and feel and look good I would love to have the ability to someone else. "I would love not to be 'me' for periods"

Sheila -- I can tell you that what you felt is something that my wife and i have talked about and in fact something that I as a crossdresser feel guilty about. SO - it is okay the feel bewildered and hurt by what you felt inside. In a sense, it is a bit like what we a CDers feel when a look doesn't quite work out or when we feel rejected by someone we love. As to the anger -- again -- reasonable for the same reasons.

As to the sad and envious bit -- might I recommend getting some clothes that are totally special, totally sexy, and outside of normal day to day wear. Treat yourself -- with a good femme-y bubble bath soak. And -- here's a goodie -- ask Debs to dress you. Yep -- be Debs' personal Barbie doll. Let Debs pamper you. Maybe some of the magic that she feels can flow through her to you. In a sense, become a crossdresser yourself! No, I'm saying dress as a a guy - -although that would be one way to 'not be you', but maybe reframe it in your mind -- as a crossdressing from the uniform of day to day life to stuff of fantasy.

Debs is a lucky girl. May you and her find all teh love and warmth in your marriage as my my, Debbie and I do -- especially via crossdressing.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn