Ever been told to Shelf it by you SO?

[Ruby B]

My wife who has encouraged me to express my femme side and has bought me clothes and gone out with with me told me that she wants me to "shelf it" as in indefinitely. I was wondering id anyone had a similar experience and how did you handle it. I am hurt and need some advice. I finally became comfortable with the fact that I am a cross dresser.

[Lori Robins]

Hiya Ruby, gee they can be a confusing species at times can't they. I sometimes wonder why we try so hard to be like them :devil:
My lovely wife has her swings at times. Not so much to give it away completely but just to back off for a while and be the man she feel in love with. I spose that is only fair, so I just wear pretty underwear under my drabs and try to be discrete about it for a while. Shelia had a post today about this sort of thing which was very interesting to read from a GGs perspective. Maybe help you understand how your wife is feeling, or maybe not!
Great photo by the way
Good luck

[darla_g]

Women have been know to change their minds at times. They reserve the right to do so.

[MJ]

as much as you feel it may hurt or embarrass you or your wife in any way you must talk about every aspect of your dressing and fine out what change in the eyes of your wife.

you say she was fine with you for some time but something change you need to find out what that was.

maybe you might be dressing too much and your wife needs her man but you must talk with her to find out what change.

[Sandra]

MJ's right :)

Talk to her and try to find out what has caused her to change her mind. It could be something that can be rectified and you can continue to dress.

[Christina Horton]

Tell her SHE'S the one to regulate how much you dress. But be honest and tell her that it hurt you when she told you to shelf it. And talk talk talk. Oh did I say to talk. As the shoes say (just do it) I allways do what my shoes tell me. Like buy me buy me and so on. The so pushy don't you all think so.

[Mary Morgan]

I can only tell you what I think I would do in your situation. I think I would tell her that I would make an effort to keep it away from her if that is what she needs, but I would not stop dressing. My wife asked me early on if I would stop if sdhe asked me to? I told her no, that I didn't think I could, and that I didn't want to stop. It has not come up since.

[Sallee]

After being very accepting and going out together she said I had to stop It did hurt and drove me into the closet a bit. I think I understand where she was coming from. Talking things out is the key and keeping things in perspective

[Di]

I think I would tell her that I would make an effort to keep it away from her if that is what she needs, but I would not stop dressing. My wife asked me early on if I would stop if sdhe asked me to? I told her no, that I didn't think I could, and that I didn't want to stop. It has not come up since.
As the others have said TALK and find out what happened to make her feel this way now. Something must have.
And I agree what with Mary has said EXCEPT I would not phrase it as I do not want to...BUT I CAN'T as it is a part of you
and you if she wants to have a don't want to see relationship....you can both arrange times where you you can dress. Just my :2c:

[Sarah_GG]

Joining the chorus of 'talk to her'!

Perhaps you've been pink fogging it a bit and have worried her into thinking that it's getting to be too much. Perhaps she meant you should shelve it for the evening or until she gets over whatever is currently worrying her (could be anything from ill mother to kids' exams to work issues).

Whatever it is, I think you should talk to her. If she's been accepting in the past it's unlikely that she would withdraw support unless there is a real concern. You have to find out what the concern is, reassure her that her fears are unfounded and agree a time when you two might be able to have fun together - and that's definitely not the next time you have free time together. In the meantime, can you try to woo her - cinema, supper out, flowers, take her shopping or do something that she likes to do.

Good luck :hugs:

[Sheila]

yup another for the talk to her brigade here, we can only specullate as to why? ..... it may be you have overdone the dressing & the talking, & searching for your fem side .................. or it may well be that she herself had something going on, and like I was in Fri night a little envious of your ability to slew off lifes crap when you dress ..... unfortumately we as GG's don't have "the magic place " to escape "us" from .. and I am not being facitious when I say "the magic place ", I have seen it work it's wonders in my ex and now with Debs and for once, I envied them that place :straightface:, but I would never ask them to lose it, just because I can't get there :straightface:

[LisaM]

I agree---talk to her. I stopped dressing on my own for over 10 years. My SO always asked how I was doing but I'd close up. When I finally decided to dress again she was fine (as long as neighbors/friends didn't see) and just wanted me to be open with her and tell the truth.

She wishes it would go away and I sometimes think she would like me to 'shelf' it but we both know now because of lots of talking that it doesn't go away.

[DonnaT]

Been there.

My wife seemed to enjoy it for a while, back in the 70's when we were first married.

She was then against it, so I put my things away for a while, but dressed on the sly when she wasn't home.

Anyway, in the 33 yrs she's known, there have been accepting and non-accepting times. 3 years ago she threatened to leave, and I told her I would still love her if she did, but that I wasn't quitting anymore. We're still together, and still in love, and I still dress.

Hopefully you two can work through this little hick-up.

As many times as I've stopped for her, I have a hard time remembering when and how many times I did so. In the long run, looking back, it doesn't seem to have been so bad. Or maybe I just blocked it out ;)

[KandisTX]

Something has pushed her to this point. The ONLY way you are going to find out is to talk to her. She may feel that you are giving Ruby more attention than you are her. That is never a good situation. I've had it come up in my past relationships and there is a simple fix to it. Set up a schedule for when you can dress and STICK TO IT. No sneaking around, just stick to the schedule. Most importantly though, you MUST talk to her and be honest about your feelings and above all LISTEN TO HER!!!

Kandis:love::rose2:

[cindym5_04]

For me, I put it "on the shelf" just before we got married. Yes my wife knows anything and everything about me dressing and why yadda, yadda, yadda. I didn't think about it all that much honestly as I've had far too much other life stuff that's completely occupied my time. About a month and a half ago, she brought up wanting us to start going back "out" sometimes and that she'd like me to dress.

To my knowledge, we're still on the same deal though that when we do eventually have kids (about 4 more years or so...as far as planning purposes), then I'm supposed to stop.

I'm fine with whatever. My priorities lie with what's best for my family.

[joann426]

ill go along with mj that the way i wood do

[Ruby B]

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate all of the replies. I am going to talk to her. I have not been pink fogging( I wish it was that), I have not even gotten dressed fully in months. We had a conversation last night about getting pregnant after we saw a fertility specialist. I asked her about my femme self and the future and that was her reply. But I have been "shelfing it " for a while now. I am so hurt that she was so quick with her words. I have been dying to shave my legs and get dressed for a while and now I just don't know what to do. I love her so much but I am a cross dresser.

[Ruth]

I love her so much but I am a cross dresser.
Ruby, honey, you said it. This is our situation.

[DonnaT]

We had a conversation last night about getting pregnant after we saw a fertility specialist. I asked her about my femme self and the future and that was her reply.
Yes, having kids does put a dent into some SOs acceptance. Which is understandable.

You'll probably have to explain that you can still be a proper father, and maybe even a better one.