we can listen as well as well as we hear

[Lorileah]

Funny how a lyric of a song can make you think.

I walked away from a post today. I was ready to reply and I walked away.

I am still shocked and sort of angry. My illusions are now in disarray. Yes they were illusions. Illusions that we as a group were here to help each other cope. To help where we can. To educate to inform.

But I evidently, wasn't listening.

Most of us are here because we are confused. We are told that we are wrong. We are abnormal, we don't fit. We are flawed individuals. We are here because we share a common thread. We are NOT alone. Yet, then we have someone tell us once again that we cannot be trusted. We are liars, cheats, perverts. Maybe not in those words (but often close enough). That is what I hear.

I don't know how many of us there are here on this forum. I don't really care as long as at least one can relate to who I am. I think there are many more than that one. Common stories, common life experiences. Common bonds.

I try to listen. But a drawback to this medium is that we may listen but we don't hear. All the caveats of "Nothing personal" or any other disclaimer means simply you know exact;y what you are saying.

I have been here about three months and I thought for the most part we were building self esteem, making inroads to being accepted. That is what I heard. I wasn't listening I guess.

So what's the point? I am done hearing. I still going to listen but I am done hearing. Break time. I'll play on the fluff posts. Other than that, I am done. Use whatever restroom you want. Hide from your SO or not. Pass, don't pass.

I'll be back but right now, all this just hurts

[Intertwined]

Hearing is one of the 5 sences, like Sight, Taste, Smell, Touch, its something we all do.

But Listening, that is a skill, one I have yet to master.

[Miranda09]

I hear and understand what you're saying Lorileah, but please don't go. :(

[RobertaM]

I normally dont get into the deeper discussions around here.

I for one have enjoyed your mature thougtful responses. Althought im not 100% sure where you were coming from, I look upon this social network like this.

Its a mix of the good, bad, potentially ugly. I dont try to read into the philosopy side of cding to much.

For me this site has truly opened my eyes, and made me feel not alone. Its been a fantastic complement to my life balance issues.
If a 45 year old married in the burbs guy gets value, im sure other's do as well.

This medium does not do well for deeper discussions. Its does do well for sharing. Keep Sharing.
Hugs, Roberta.

[gretchen2]

Wow that must have been one bad post. There not all bad, very few that I have read in my short time here leave a bad taste. A lot of them are a little fluffy or just fun. I must admit there are some that you have to walk away from, but that’s O.K. move on to the next one. The next one just might crack you up and turn that frown upside down.

[Sophie Lynne]

An old sales saying; 2 ears one mouth, use them in that proportion.

I'm sorry someone hurt you. I really enjoy your posts. Still, I understand being hurt. Do what you have to do. We'll all be waiting should you decide to pitch in again.

:love:

[Diane Smith]

I have been involved in computer mediated communications for over 35 years, and have operated and managed online forums of my own for over 25. If there's one thing I have learned, it is that this medium is well suited for transferring factual information, and not so successful at dealing with emotional or controversial topics. Whether it's religion, politics, guns, or gender issues, it takes a thick skin, incredible patience, and great care in your use of language to craft meaningful messages that can inform, enlighten or influence the opinions of others without offending. Sometimes it can't be done at all, and few of us are good enough communicators all the time to always stay out of trouble (unless we stick exclusively to the lighter subjects).

One tactical habit I've developed is that when a message makes me hot under the collar, I close it and don't pay it any (conscious) attention for 12 hours or so. When I look again, my emotions are more muted, the issues and answers are clearer, or in many cases, it just doesn't seem necessary or worthwhile to respond anymore.

And in the end, nothing that's posted online is really even worth raising your blood pressure about. I'm not saying these forums aren't great places to hang out and exchange views with others, but individual messages aren't going to change the world much at all, or even individual opinions very much.

Enjoy this forum (and others) for what it does successfully, and try to chill about the stuff that offends from time to time. It's mainly just a reflection of the distance we all have to go to be good communicators.

- Diane

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

...Use whatever restroom you want. Hide from your SO or not. Pass, don't pass.

Yeah - those are thread subjects I'm a bit tired of myself... at least the bathroom question. There's at least one new bathroom thread each week, it seems. They should just have a dedicated bathroom sticky and be done with it. All bathroom threads get moved there and out of our way.

I try to just ignore the constant stream of bathroom threads, as well as every other repeating theme that goes nowhere and adds little to anything.

I'm not sure I fully understood what is hurting you, but I've felt a lot of pain because of what I read here before. I just keep it in check now and try not to bother with the threads that seem like they'll go no where or that I feel like anything I say will be dropped on blind eyes. Life is too short for that. People will figure out things when they're ready to and not a moment before.

And the fluff threads can be fun at times, can't they? :)

[Deborah Jane]

There will always be antagonists or someone trying to cause disruption and unrest in every community Lorileah, i just ignore them and enjoy the rest of the forum.


I'll see ya in the fun and "fluff" posts :)

[Sheila]

There will always be antagonists or someone trying to cause disruption and unrest in every community Lorileah, I just ignore them and enjoy the rest of the forum.
:yt: ..... unfortunately I am too much a big gob to sit quiet most of the time :D


I'll see ya in the fun and "fluff" posts :)

She is good in them :heehee::heehee::devil::devil:

[battybattybats]

:hugs:

Our community is suffering under the weight of a host of interrelated issues. The few trying as you do to educate, inform, support and help are struggling against the great weight of entrenched self-hate and horisontal hostility, thats hard and exhausting work and burnout in other communities is a significant problem so give yourself some time off to recouperate.

:hugs:

[Samantha43]

We are all here for different reasons. Some are looking for support and acceptance, others are here for for fun and conversation with people with a common interest. There are those that want to share their misery and bring everyone down.

I can only speak for myself, Lorileah, but I have always enjoyed your thoughtful postings. Please don't let inconsiderate people upset you to the point of leaving here.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

...The few trying as you do to educate, inform, support and help are struggling against the great weight of entrenched self-hate and horisontal hostility, thats hard and exhausting work and burnout...

You know, my original post (before posting) was a lot longer. I went into my irritation of the recent rash of self-loathing, feeling guilty, etc. threads, but decided to remove all of that. Maybe I should have left it in. It's always the same topics, often by the same few people... except for that bathroom thing. That one seems to get started by every new member, or just bored members.

They used to get me depressed (the sad threads). Now, I generally just ignore them. If everyone ignored them, they would go away. Hard to start an argument if no one wants to argue. ;) Having said that, I still get sucked into them myself at times. :doh:

I've said it before and I'll say it again and again and again. I love my cd life! I love who I am! I come here to spend some time among people like me who get what it's like living in a world that doesn't understand us and often doesn't want us around. I'd like to think I can offer a little insight, advice, and friendship to people who are trying to work out their difficulties in life. I'm not here to coddle anyone who hates themselves or feels the need to purge. I'd much rather interact with people who respect themselves and want to be treated with respect by the rest of the world.

[Carly D.]

What is really hard is the fact that cross dressing might seem like there's nothing to it, when in reality it is very confusing.. I'm the first to admit that every time I think I have a grasp of what I'm about or who I am as a cross dresser the next day I wake up with yet another layer added.. like an onion I'm guessing.. it's hard for me to get, let alone try to understand someone else trials and everything involved with their going out/staying in (the closet), and by coming here and reading the posts and understanding that I can side with some and see what others views are.. I don't think that everyone is totally legit .. some might be pretenders and others are what they say... I myself have bounced from one extreme to the other and back again.. I dress up, try my own going out experience and then tell about it here and then the next day go to a store and while I might have been wearing just heels I wonder just who might know now..