There's always a risk when we go out....

[Sherry-Stephanie]

I've read a few threads this morning about risk and danger in various topics here....going out to eat using female bathrooms etc....

Well that's true that being a CD/TG and using a women's bathroom can be problematic for any of us....but that's not the core issue here...

We read many other threads and topics about how others here have gone out either for the first time or quite frequently w/o any problems or issues developing....and that's great....BUT it takes only one time for things to go bad...very bad. It can happen when you decide to stop on the way out to a club to meet some GF or other friends who know your a CD/TG to get some cigarettes....and there's a car full of teenagers who have the disposition to prey up freaks or weirdo's and you just fit their "weirdo profile" and then they are on you in a heartbeat to beat the bejessups out of you ....

You don't even have to be a CD/TG for this to happen....you just have to be in the wrong place at the right time....you can be black in a white place or white in a black place....you might be metrosexual and find yourself walking into a biker's bar...it could be any place any time and it can all go bad real quicker...quicker than you can respond to in some cases...we jsut tend to be a higher risk group than others...

So what can you do???? You need to be aware of your surroundings and be aware of what you are and who you are....in other words do put yourself into a situation where you can go from a "comfort zone" to allowing yourself to become a "victim" real quick...

If your going out in the day time go out to places that your going to fit a whole lot better than other places that become more chancey...a woman's shoe store is a better choice than a male dominated event....if your going to go to a NASCAR event chances are you'll be around a lot more over terrosterone males than you will be at Payless shoes....but don't feel so comfortable at Payless that you totally drop your guard....

What if you pass really really well...a couple of guys might be driving by and see you and think your super hot chick and decide hey let's try and hit on her when she comes out...so they wait a few and then you come out and they pull up on you and say something like "hey Hon, how are you doing"?....at this point your screwed....ignore them you're probably going to PO them off as being stuck up...talk to them and you jsut outed yourself to them as being a guy dressed up as a girl...again you just PO'd them off...either way your now on an edge of a situation that might go bad real quick....

I jsut want to make the point to all of the girls here that we regardless should never get to comfortable out there on how well we pass or can blend in...some times we could be 110% passable and still things can go bad real quick just be cause we are who we are....

Just stay vigilant and aware of your surroundings...and reduce the chances that something bad might happen....

later

Steph...

[vivianann]

I agree we need to be aware of our surroundings, I preach that to everyone, when I was asked to give a speech about going out in public to a tg group, I stressed the be aware of your surroundings to everybody, I told them to avoid certain places, avoid bars and clubs, to me they are dangerous places to be, I know alot of you do frequent those places, but I say stay away from potential trouble if you can, now if you are with a large group of tg's then your numbers make the situation safer.
If I see the potential for trouble where ever I am, I will leave before anything gets started, because I do not want to fight anybody, and will avoid trouble before it starts, with that said, I have been in a couple of situations where trouble sprang up fast before I could get away, I had no choice but to defend myself while enfemme, (no time to call 911) I was not hurt, I was able to stop the aggressor in his tracks, yes the law did arrive and arrested the aggressor, and my witnesses backed me up, and I was never in trouble with the law, that is why self defense is very important, because you never know what might happen. That is why being aware is extremely important, so you can avoid trouble before it starts.
If I drive up to a store and a car load of rough necks drive up too, I just drive away, because I do not want any hassles. When I drive up to anywhere I sit in my car and visually check my surroundings to make sure I am not in a dangerous situation, if it looks unsafe leave. If I think someone is following me I drive to the nearest police station, works everytime I tried it. and most of all avoid dark and lonely area's, and hope you have a powerful car, I do.
Now as Gina Lance says "get out, be safe, and have fun".

[Teri Jean]

Steph you are so right with this thread. Be careful out there because there is no martyrs in crossdressing. If you become the point of a news report, assulted, you will be cast as the one at fault because you are not dressed as what the general public is comfortable with. Be Careful.

Keli

[charlie]

Excellent post Steph! As I get comfortable going out I know I take seemingly more chances then I did before.

[Deedee Dupree]

Good thread Stephanie... I agree... I am responsible to myself for assessing the risks I expose myself to. dd

[curse within]

excellent thread and very true, you never know even in drab .

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Unfortunately I have way to much experience in this area...so I preach not from theory but from simple been there and done that and got the t-shirt....

[ReineD]

Steph, have you seen this post, "Tips For Your Safety (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=86109)"? It is at the top of this section as a sticky and it covers lots of scenarios. You and the other posters might want to read it if you haven't already. :)

[Fab Karen]

Some generally worthwhile advice ( though mostly covered in the sticky as mentioned ). As an analogy, if guys pull up to a GG somewhere, she is NOT obligated to talk to them. Not doing so does not necessarily mean she'll be in danger ( if they said something like "hey baby..." most women wouldn't respond ).
Any of us CD or not could get hit by a car crossing the street, get struck by lightning, etc., yet we don't stop going out & living our lives out of fear.

[MissConstrued]

As an analogy, if guys pull up to a GG somewhere, she is NOT obligated to talk to them.


Funny thing happened to me a few weeks ago -- I was standing out front of the bar, wearing heels that make me about 6'5" or so. This five-foot-nothin' little Hispanic gangster wanna-be came by, hands on crotch, and said, "Hey, baby, whassup?"

I didn't say a word, but I must've given the twerp one hell of a mean look, 'cause he hightailed it like his ass was on fire.

That "look" may be a worthwhile thing to practice!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Going railfanning and crossdresing I'd say is not a good mix!!!!
.................................................. ..........thanks .....ORCHID

[Alice Torn]

Great thread Sherry! We live in increasingly lawless, violent times, with more and more gangs, and lack of respect for life, and boundries.

[joann426]

the best thing is to meet a friend instead of going out alone

[sissystephanie]

the best thing is to meet a friend instead of going out alone

This whole thread has some excellent advice, but the above by Joann is probably the best! My only problem is that I don't have any friends (CD's) to go out with. So I just go by my self, in my femme/drab way. Dressed like a female, but looking like a guy! No wig and no makeup.

I don't go looking for trouble, but I won't give anything up with out a fight. Well, except my money! Anything else, they will have to kill me to get! And since my wife died, I really don't care! I may be old, but I haven't forgotten all my training and I am in pretty good shape for my age. Bring it on!!

[Nicki B]

Surely there is risk in life, however you are dressed? :idontknow:

[battybattybats]

Again we need to consider the big picture.

If we stay home we will not get the freedom to go out.
If we only go out to extra-safe areas wel will not educate or acclimatise people to TG acceptance in those areas.

If we ignore the dangers we could become another name on the TDOR.

So we need to keep out mediate safety in mnd, but also take steps to increase our community safety.

For that we need to be sure that the police treat us equally. That we have proper protection under the law. That the society gains more acceptance of from exposure to our community.

How?
TG community liason officers and TG police training and TG police officers will help fix police discrimination so we need to work towards those goals.

Extending Hate-Crime Laws that protect Religion to also protect us will help so we need to work for those (and opponents of such legislation should never oppose our inclusion but instead lobby for the removal of religion from them so that our community does not suffer the disparity of objecting to our inclusion while the other remains).

Ensuring Anti-Discrimination legislation and policies covers our whole community is another important step. Gender Identity and Expression are usually the vital keywords.

As for the last, those who can go out help in their localities but thats only good if their localities are already largely safe to begin with. We need media representation too, so trying to help the success of TG musicians, movies, tv programs and TG themed advertising means we should try and spend some of our cash on TG media, especially in the braoder media. Donating books to public libraries, supporting TG education in schools, PSA's all help.

Opposing Transphobia helps too which even the closeted can do. Disagreeing with anti-Trans comments amongst friends and work colleagues is one way, even if its jovially done like mocking someone for 'protesting too much' or 'whats your trouble with it, trying to hide something are we?'. Also importantly as much communication is online by adding pro-TG comments to TG news items where usually very nasty transphobia reigns is really useful and important for educating haters and ensuring they realise they cannot be spiteful unoppossed. And as this can be done anonymously its another way anyone here can contribute no matter how closeted.

These steps will help the whole crossdressing community become safer.

And befriending locals is important. Even a closeted person can befriend and support and help local out folk in just the way we'd want cis-folk to befriend us. That way those who are out can be safer, building a safer communtiy with mutual support.

[Magickman]

Blue Orchid advised that railfanning and crossdressing are not a good mix.

I guess I am guilty of this.

My question: What is the reason it is not a good mix?

[Nicki B]

Going railfanning

Do you mean what we call trainspotting in the UK? :strugglin


Can't see that as a high-risk environment? There are a LOT of trans rail enthusiasts out there - visits to preservation societies seem to be a very common thing, I've never heard of anyone having problems??? :idontknow:

[IMJenn]

One advantage I have over some, not just CDs but a lot of people, is that I am a 3rd degree black belt. Now, this doesn't ensure that I will win the fight, however, it does give me a something. Most people who stop to "beat the freak" will not expect me to be able to fight back. Surprise is a good thing.

I always have urged everyone I know to at least take a couple self defense classes. You don't have to spend years earning the black belt and other things to know that when it comes to life and death, that a simple pen can save your life.

[Nicki B]

One advantage I have over some, not just CDs but a lot of people, is that I am a 3rd degree black belt. Now, this doesn't ensure that I will win the fight, however, it does give me a something.

Just be wary it doesn't give you the over confidence that puts yourself in riskier situations in the first place?

[Carly D.]

It's why the two or three times I have gone out I "scout" the situation out.. it might seem over protective but like you say it only has to happen once to make me never want to do it anymore.. and the thought of something going bad enough to make me come home and through everything out... I can't imagine that but it could happen..

[LynnInDenver]

Much of the issue is why I always try to avoid going alone to places I'm not 100% familiar and comfortable with. One of the local LGBT nightclubs is one of the few places I'll step into by myself at night.

Of course, I've got a bunch of friends 'clued in' to my status outside of my Tri-Ess sorority, so I have a few more options for outings with company. :battingeyelashes:

[IMJenn]

Just be wary it doesn't give you the over confidence that puts yourself in riskier situations in the first place?

Of course.


Now, this doesn't ensure that I will win the fight, however, it does give me a something. Most people who stop to "beat the freak" will not expect me to be able to fight back. Surprise is a good thing.

I am not foolish enough to think that I could defeat a biker gang by myself, but thank you for the concern.

[Rachel Morley]

There is a risk in all things that we do, and of course going out in public dressed is "upping the ante" a little bit. However, I totally agree with you. If we think about what we're doing and where we're going and if we always try to play safe, we should be ok.

Take me for example, say I'm in the mall or wherever, and I have a choice of a unisex or disabled bathroom instead of the womens one. If I am on my own I will always go for the unisex one over the womens one. I have nothing to prove and I'm not trying to make a point. I just want to be safer.

[serinalynn]

Great thread starter steph, Being happily Married, I don't go out at night dressed and I don't go night clubing either. My going out dressed is usually limited to weekends and then to one or two shopping malls right when the stores first open, cause it usually will take 2-3 hours before the mall starts to really fill up with people. Usually by 1pm I'm out of the mall and on my way to a friendly restaurant for an early afternoon lunch and then home to relax for the day.

On a recient trip to Los Vegas I was out dressed quite a bit of the time my wife and I were there. I went to the Glamour Botique, and the Boulevard Mall.
while at the Boulevard Mall, I was at a Torrid Store www.torrid.com and I was talking to one of the sales girls who was asking about the clothes I had on. I explained every thing I had on, she smiled politely and said "Great Job dressing today". I bought two stretch cami's while there and tried both on in the store before buying. :thumbsup: