Living alone, but little privacy(Nice/ Nosy Neighbors)

[Cary]

I know there are bigger things in the world to fuss about, but I'm just mad. I'm the youngest tenet(35) in a small apartment building(4 units). I've lived there for 6yrs. now. Some days it's good and some days it's not so good. As a closet CDer, my privacy is important to me. My problem is nosy neighbors. Yesterday I was going to the laundrymat and one of my neighbors grabbed my bag to help without being asked. As they did this, my femm clothes come tummbling out. Nothing was said as I quickly stuff them back in, but this was the straw. They alway watching my comings and goings. I'm the only one in the building who works. The one and only time I was out en femm, I had to dress in my car after I left. They are always checking on me by nocking on my door at the wrong time(me fully dressed en femm). They insist on helping me with my bags, etc...I think they are secretly checking to see what I'm buying. I have to be carefull about how and what I throw away, because they have gone in the garbage. I don't want to move into another apartment to face the same problems with new people and can't affort a house rightnow. Any suggestions on how to deal with these people?

[lisalove]

I know how you feel. I'm in the same situation. I used to own my own my house and 22 acres, but with the economy the way it is, I ended up getting oreclosed on. So now I live in an apartment, with neighbors. God I never had to deal with neighbors before. I could go out dressed, work out in the yard in a bikini, play my music as loud as I wanted to and basically do whatever I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it.
Now I have to stay quiet, take my make up and my more feminine clothes with me when I go out. The neighbors or my land lady comes by without calling first. The neighbors sit out on the steps when it's warm out, I can't even sun bath out on my deck, in case the neighbors decide to look up and see me.
Anyways I feel your pain, I don't know what to tell you, as I can't even help myself in these matters.

[DonnaT]

Cary (I can only be me), just be yourself.

Is it just the women of the complex that are trying be 'helpful/nosy'?

How friendly is everyone?

What do you think would happen if they all knew you dressed?

Otherwise, just don't answer the door when enfemme, don't let them pawn your laundry, drop a rag soaked with ammonia into your garbage when tossing it out.

[paulaN]

You have to get the I don't care attitude. When you get that it won't matter what they think. If they find out and won't talk to you well that might be even better. You may want to check on laws pertaining to your rights as a tenant in your state. Encase a tenant is so upset with a cd in the building they try to get you evicted. But for the most part I would think it could be a win win for you. Just think you would be able to come and go as you please and dressed as you please.
I am kinda in the same situation with the people next door to me. I like them but I need to be me. And I don't care any more what people think. I know he has seen a chick leaving my apt. the other month. I hope he thought she was hot. LOL.

[gretchen2]

Put a do not disturb sighn on the front door.

[spiroxlii]

Being overly helpful and nosy with your groceries and laundry is one thing. Picking through your garbage is another thing entirely. Your neighbors have crossed the line from nosy to creepy. You say you're the youngest tenant in your community at 35 and that you're the only one who works. Where do you live? A retirement home?

[Cary]

Being overly helpful and nosy with your groceries and laundry is one thing. Picking through your garbage is another thing entirely. Your neighbors have crossed the line from nosy to creepy. You say you're the youngest tenant in your community at 35 and that you're the only one who works. Where do you live? A retirement home?

I don't live in a retirement home. All my neighbors are in programs that pays their rent. they also get government checks.


Put a do not disturb sighn on the front door.

Good ideal! I'll try that!

[kellycan27]

move

[StevieTV]

Here is what I suggest:
1. Be brief and polite as possible with them.
2. Buy a paper shredder and shred receipts, mail, etc.
3. If you're en femme when they come knocking open the door and ask them what they want. They appear very nosey so this will certainly curb that. Once they can't gossip about you their fun is over.
4. Move if you don't want to be found out.

[Miranda09]

move

I agree. Find a better place. That's too much aggravation to deal with. :straightface:

[Stargirl]

Old rubberneckers ! Some with petty little lives. That type reminds me of chickens in a henhouse. If they were going through my garbage, I think it would be great to set them up. Dead rats/snakes in plastic bags that have been out in the sun for a few days with a tag on them reading "filthy depraved sex goddess gets her just rewards". I wonder how many Gomers/Gomerettes would sneak out at 2 am to spirit the bag into his/her house ? What fun it would be to hear the old snoops cussing and retching . Call me heartless.

[Phyliss]

Stargirl, you're a person after my own heart. "Set 'em up" nice idea. How about some of those cans of exploding snakes you get get in a "Joke / magic shop"
"Sneak" out to the rubbish can acting like you don't want to be seen, and put a box in the can. Should some "old biddy" have a heart attack, then it's just one less bothersome person to contend with.

[Nicole Erin]

Any suggestions on how to deal with these people?

Oh the simplicity of it...
Become friends with them somewhat, and THEN start asking for favors, make a habit of it.
Money, food, cigarettes, whatever.

It should get to the point that as soon as you see the nosy ones, you ask them for something.

You really need to make friends with them and then start sponging.

I can guarantee that after a time, they will leave you alone and will avoid you. And then you can reunite with your true friend, Mr Privacy.

NO body likes a sponge.

[Rachel B]

I lived in a third story flat (apartment building) a long time ago and had a real problem with one of the neighbours. I ended up having to move as it was just not worth losing my sanity over something which, looking back, was so trivial. I could have fought it out, but I am truly glad I moved.

Can I ask you a question though......Why are you allowing them to invade your privacy? I'm guessing from what you've written they are not friends/family!? So what gives? It sounds like you are allowing them to walk all over you!

[Stargirl]

Stargirl, you're a person after my own heart. "Set 'em up" nice idea. How about some of those cans of exploding snakes you get get in a "Joke / magic shop"
"Sneak" out to the rubbish can acting like you don't want to be seen, and put a box in the can. Should some "old biddy" have a heart attack, then it's just one less bothersome person to contend with.

I am so happy to meet you ! A sense of humor is a treasure. I have a morbid sense of humor sometimes. Harold and Maude would know how to deal with snoops.

[LilSissyStevie]

rottweiler:devil:

[spiroxlii]

Mutter to yourself constantly, and when you catch them looking at you, go completely silent and stare back.

[PrettyFlowingGown]

I have no problem with my neighbours, and I'm in a 5 unit building. I know them all and we all get on well. But I am in private. I draw my black curtains as soon as I'm home from work, and I get into my dresses, etc. I've never gone out the door dressed though, and never will. I have no reason too, so they'll never know about me.

[LindaC]

My landlords, and friends for 15 years, live up stairs from me; so I knowhow you feel.

Luckly for me, they respect my privacy, and I respect theirs. Also they have a second home they spend most weekends at.

In your case, I'd Move.
BTW, don't say you can't afford to buy before you check out this site:

www.govsales.gov

[JulieK1980]

So true, I lived in apartments like that for about 10 years. It was the driving factor for me to save every penny so I could buy the house I live in now. CDing and apartments don't mix well.

[Alice B]

I would suggest you simply be yourself and out yourself to them. They will either accept Cary or leave you alone. Your life is your's. Not theirs.

[Cary]

I lived in a third story flat (apartment building) a long time ago and had a real problem with one of the neighbours. I ended up having to move as it was just not worth losing my sanity over something which, looking back, was so trivial. I could have fought it out, but I am truly glad I moved.

Can I ask you a question though......Why are you allowing them to invade your privacy? I'm guessing from what you've written they are not friends/family!? So what gives? It sounds like you are allowing them to walk all over you!

I'm a very nice and friendly person. Somtimes this is all people need.


Oh the simplicity of it...
Become friends with them somewhat, and THEN start asking for favors, make a habit of it.
Money, food, cigarettes, whatever.

It should get to the point that as soon as you see the nosy ones, you ask them for something.

You really need to make friends with them and then start sponging.

I can guarantee that after a time, they will leave you alone and will avoid you. And then you can reunite with your true friend, Mr Privacy.

NO body likes a sponge.

I like this ideal !

Thank you all for all the good suggestions. I think for now I'm going to keep to myself except to say hello and such. I pay my rent, so I will do as I please. I don't want to be outed, but if I am, I'll just deal with it. I will be working hard to get a house or condo in a year or two. I always believe good things come in time.:)

[ptp009]

I think just being yourself dressing part way occationally coming out to them as a male but fem and they will eventully ask so tell them bet they are just interseted.

[Briana Blonde]

I can relate. Super is below me so sometimes he can hear the heels and both he and the neighbors can smell the nail polish.

They must have really boring lives because these are the nosiest people on earth.

[serina lopez]

sounds like you need to move or u will be miserable

[Audrey34]

I understand how you feel, Cary. I've been living in my current building for 13 years. It's a 6 unit building that was built in the early 1920's. The floors are creaky and the walls are kinda thin so you can hear conversations of people standing in the hallways. So that kind of makes me self-conscious about dressing up sometimes. And worse I live on the 3rd floor and I have to make sure I'm walking very quietly, especially in the evenings. And I make sure the entire floor is carpeted. I even put a temporary strip of carpet in the kitchen so I can walk in heels without disturbing anyone. Just hang in there and try to insulate yourself against the outside world (neighbors) as much as you can. And if someone knocks, I just call out: I'm not decent! Can you come back later? It actually works!
-Audrey

[Aleca]

I completely understand how you feel and what you are going through. I think an apartment complex would be the toughest place for a closeted CD, like you and me. You are going to constantly worry about interruptions, who will knock on your door, etc....
Wherever there are people (and that is just about everywhere) there is going to be a fear. Who you are surrounded by does matter though. What type of crowd of people are at your apartment complex?

It's true what I read on this thread that you (well me too) have to develop a "I don't care" attitude, that of course will not happen after you read this, happen overnight, or even by next weekend and once you feel that way you have to work at maintaining it. I've developed that attitude after working at it a little while and that actually got me outside walking around the block past several people (I was jogging so no time to pay attention) but then quickly retreated inside for a couple days and asked myself what the heck did I just do this for?!

[Tyler_D]

The more you do it, the less you care about those details, it becomes like a 2nd nature.

I'm in the military, and all the neigborhood is military. My car could be easily spot etc. A guy I spent 6 months in deployment with lives underneath me and I never got caught. You gotta develop some "ninja" skill XD

In the winter, it gets dark pretty early when I live so I normally sneak through the back entrance. Which makes me a night CDers. Wait for the bat signal, and jump off your balcony lmao

[lingerieLiz]

Live your life as you would like to. Be friendly and most people will be friends. Loosen up! I've lived in several areas of the country in and out of the military. While in the military, 60s, I lived off post. I didn't know how well one could see trough sheer curtains. One day the neighbor mentioned that they saw a lot of interesting things at my trailer. Her husband was a career soldier and could have reported it, but I had always been friendly and helped them any time they asked. I'm sure they were not the only one that knew. I left the service when my enlistment was up.

Over the years, I've been discovered, outed, or whatever. I haven't lost any friends because of it that I know of. Very few embarrassing moments and some very interesting conversations.

[Cary]

The more you do it, the less you care about those details, it becomes like a 2nd nature.

I'm in the military, and all the neigborhood is military. My car could be easily spot etc. A guy I spent 6 months in deployment with lives underneath me and I never got caught. You gotta develop some "ninja" skill XD

In the winter, it gets dark pretty early when I live so I normally sneak through the back entrance. Which makes me a night CDers. Wait for the bat signal, and jump off your balcony lmao

:lol2:

[Melinda G]

Now is a great time to buy a house. Make sure to get one where you can get out the front or back door without being seen. :D

[Cary]

Now is a great time to buy a house. Make sure to get one where you can get out the front or back door without being seen. :D

I can't afford to buy a house at this time and I just resigned my lease a few months ago, so I'm here untill next year.

[haley28_cd]

The more you do it, the less you care about those details, it becomes like a 2nd nature.

I'm in the military, and all the neigborhood is military. My car could be easily spot etc. A guy I spent 6 months in deployment with lives underneath me and I never got caught. You gotta develop some "ninja" skill XD

In the winter, it gets dark pretty early when I live so I normally sneak through the back entrance. Which makes me a night CDers. Wait for the bat signal, and jump off your balcony lmao


Hi Tyler, i am also from Halifax and in the Military my email address is
haley28_cd@yahoo.ca
send me an email if you would like to chat

[denise413]

Moving is often easier said than done but it is an option. It is a hassle to have to move everything and look for a new place. You often spend money in the process. I also believe that you have the right to your privacy and to do what you want in your dwelling and you should not have to leave just because some other people don't like you. My advice is to be very assertive with your neighbors and the landlord. You have the right to be left alone. Your laundry is a personal thing. Nobody has the right to touch it. Same with the garbage you throw out. Messing with other people's stuff is against the law in most states. A landlord entering someone's apartment without prior notice and for good reason is also illegal in many states as well. You may wish to put a "do not disturb" sign on your door. You may also want to tell your neighbors in a polite way that you appreciate their help but you prefer that they not help you with your laundry/mail/groceries. If they get worse you have the right to get demanding and order them to leave your stuff alone and threaten to take legal action if it continues. Sorry about your troubles and I wish you good luck.

[Cary]

I made a few do not disturb signs, that I put on my door and in my front window when I want to be left alone. I also had a talk with them and for now they have gotton the message. The knocking has stopped. They have my phone number and wil only call for emergencies. My garbage is untouched. I still shred most things for extra measure. I go to the laundrymat in the wee hours of the morning and I dress in femme almost every day. Life is good!:) Now if I had more closet space!:o

[Fab Karen]

Just walk out fully dressed. As others are saying, either they'll accept you for being you, or they'll whip out a crucifix at you, and hang garlic around their doors.:)

[Angie G]

Would it be the end of the world if thay know you dress It would make you life easyer. And maybe more interesting.:hugs:
Angie

[Cary]

Would it be the end of the world if thay know you dress It would make you life easyer. And maybe more interesting.:hugs:
Angie

These people's mouths are like trying to hold back the tide with a sceen door. Everthing leaks through. I don't care what they think, but it would get back to my family. I don't need that kind of hell at this time.

[carolinebrookes]

If things go on as they were, simply start fake sneezing when you seem them coming and mutter so that they can hear "I can't stop sneezing since my little trip to Mexico!" They'll soon have the fear and won't come near you! :D