If we TG's CD's could say anything [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

05-09-2009, 07:02 PM

CD/TG anonymous 2

Honey, even though you don't come to this site, if you did, I'd like to tell you first of all, that I love you. My crossdressing does not, and never has, been because of any deficiency or inadequacy in you and our relationship. This goes way back to my early adolescence, and I was only starting to even think about girls at that time. It isn't something that gets "cured" by a healthy relationship with someone. It's just something that I do, and I have a hard time explaining why I do it,even to myself.

I hurt you by keeping this from you. You were shocked and upset when you found out, and you felt confused and betrayed. But the only reason that I ever kept this from you is fear. I was afraid of losing you, and I just couldn't bear the thought of that. I did not want you to think less of me, and did not want our marriage to fail. It was fear, and fear alone. It is the only thing I've ever kept from you. You mean too much to me for there to be anything else.

I'm not going to have a sex-change, and you dont' need to worry about that. I'm not gay, and I don't dress up in order to attract men to me. I have no desire to be with men, only you. I don't want or need to dress up in front of you if you don't want me to. I don't need you to participate in this with me, and I would never impose anything like that on you. All I really want is your acceptance. All I need is for you to be all right with it, and not think less of me because I crossdress. I'd like to be able to hang my stuff in the closet without worrying that it will push you away from me. I'd like to shave my legs without you thinking I was effeminate.

Most of all, I don't want this to damage our relationship. I don't want to lose you. I love you and I want us to live the rest of our lives together with a lot of love between us. I want you to understand that this is just a part of me, and it does not pose a threat to you. I hope someday, my love, that we can come to such an understanding

05-09-2009, 07:10 PM

CD/TG anonymous 3

My promise to myself is to tell my next girl friend and not go through my cycle of denial, hiding and shame. I have been married three times and made a mess of my life and theirs with my lies. Only one found out but with the other two I strained the relationship with taking trips and excluding them from my life in order to dress.I cheated them and myself.WHO SAYS YOU CAN'T TEACH AN OLD DOG NEW TRICKS.

05-09-2009, 07:31 PM

CD/TG anonymous 4

10 reasons why I'd hesitate telling my SO about my CDing:

1. You might be worried I wanted to have sex with someone else.
2. You might be worried that I wasn't satified with sex with u.
3. You might worry I was interested in having sex with my female counterpart.
4. You might worry sex with her, was better for me, than sex with u.
5. You might worry that my CDing has NOTHING to do with sex.
6.7.8.9.10.You might be RIGHT about ANY or ALL of the above!

I don't know how many CDs will admit how related their dressing is with sex. Many with SOs many not even admit it to themselves! Being single, I live with the guilt, and excitement of sex and CDing, every day!

05-09-2009, 08:00 PM

CD/TG anonymous 5

Ever since childhood there has always been this feeling that something was DIFFERENT. It was not simple fascination with girls clothing. I just knew I was different and that I identified with being female.
Grade school and jr high total hell. Then HIGH SCHOOL
I started having to dress HAD TO. I felt alone and different covering it up being loud and the life of the party.
In my twentys a miracle happened I met someone I was not alone anymore. I shoved my dressing underground and I thought I had beat it. We married, had children and I was going to be the best dad and husband ever.
Then it happened THE NEED, THE LONGING all over again.
I hid it and YES I LIED to not only you but myself.
If you can find it in your heart to switch places for just a one minute and see the world through my eyes. My darling I know you will understand and forgive me.

Shelly Preston

05-16-2009, 04:41 AM

CD/TG anonymous 6

I think this may be the hardest thing I've ever written. I've always felt like I wanted to be a girl. A pretty girl. Yes, it's what I've always felt, but it's only because of what happened to me when I was a child. I didn't ask for this, no one would.
But of course I can never tell, it's something so very unacceptable by everyone I've ever known. It destroyed my marriage. It's destroyed my self esteem. It's destroyed any faith I ever had. I'm stuck with this feeling, something never to be, it can't be.

Put some make up on, some pretty feminine clothing, make me feel pretty, make me feel desired, make me feel loved, whether I actually am or not. Is that really so different from what all of you 'genuine' women want? Why is it such a very horrible, terrible, completely unacceptable, thing to think that I might want that too? Why does that one thing have to completely destroy any attraction you have for me?

I've never hurt anyone in my life. I've tried only to be kind, and it's bitten me in the butt at what seems ever turn. I've only loved, cared, and tried to make others happy, no matter whether they wanted me or not; and there were plenty who had no romantic interest in me at all, and I still did everything I could to be as good to them as I possibly could, even at the expense of my own feelings.

So please forgive me, for not being strong enough to overcome the desire to crossdress. I really thought I could, and never do it again. I was wrong. Forgive me. I'm truly sorry.

Charlena

05-16-2009, 08:24 AM

I have always felt like I never completly fit in with a group. Men in my 35 year construction career, although when I was young I would wear the macho mask not knowing why it felt wrong. I always liked being around women when I was little I would gravitate towards my aunts and girl cousins but always felt like i was intruding. Honey I love going shopping with you and your sister but it always makes me feel a bit melancholy. When we first dated 31 years ago I loved to buy you a new outfit every payday and yes you were so pretty in them. And yes you look lovely in the top I bought you for Mothers day, And yes I know your tastes better than I did three decades ago. I can usually tell what you like to wear instead of what I would like to wear. Laura you have taught me much about releasing the inner person that I really am. You know I have always been faithful and would find myself in a very lonely place without you. I did not tell you because I would not admit it to my self. I was raised that a man could not cry let alone be girly or have feminine attributes. But you have told me that I am a wonderful caring compassionate person, sometimes to a fault in that I do not leave time for myself. You have told me I am pretty when I dress, makeup, helping me with my hair, you have helped me around each turn in the road as I have helped you in this long hard wonderful life. I cannot imagine life without you Thank you for being my wife, best friend, lover and somebody to come home too. I love you!

05-16-2009, 08:33 AM

CD/TG anonymous 7

My love for you is because of the person you are and the family we are when we are together.
I still love it when I am the man for you.
The other day you are so sick and you hug me for support, I felt loved too, because i am still your man.
I thank you for not asking me why i am who i am, because I do not know why too.
Sure, even if I analyse myself and even if i finally understand the real reason why i started to dress, the reason to continue dressing may and most likely change over time.
I am so relieved that you do not pursue the following question "why do you wear your sister's clothes when you are young?"... knowing how much you hate my sister.

I thank you for not wondering how can this man like sports so much and yet like to dress?
I suspect the reason that I started to dress is because i like women so much, but too shy and able to go around and be with different women on bed all the time.

I thank you for accepting me when you found out that I am a CD accidentally.
It was an extremely stressful time for me as well but I am glad that 7 years ago, I told the truth when discovered.
Seriously, as per today, the most stressful period I ever experienced in our relationship after that moment?... is when you accused me of liking another girl or that girl likes me.
I love you for still being jealous, but i dun like it a bit.

I am very comforted that when you do not want me dressed, you let me know. because despite dressing, I am still a guy who cannot read a girl's intention well.
I dun like it when you twist my nipples to tell me you dun want me to be dressed.
I dun like it when you poke my chest.

I cannot help shifting goal posts. I am shocked by myself.
You wonder "How can i feel the need to dress, use my brains to plot and plan my dressing time, and yet not use my brains to stop myself from dressing?"
The answer is really, "I dun know".

I thank you for not telling my family about it or even threatening to tell my family about it.
Thanks for believing that I can be trusted with kids, because CDing is Worlds apart from abusing kids.

Thanks for being my true best friend.
Thanks for making me feel that it is still great to be a man... so that i will not crave to dress all the time.
The best thing to do to bring me back to senses is not to scream at me and purge my stuff. Its to highlight to me the moments I love being a man.

Truly, I still love hugging you...dressed or not dressed.

Sheila

05-16-2009, 12:51 PM

to all of you for giving us GG's insight into how you feel about us, and your dressing, it has been an informative and interesting read so far.
:)

CD/TG anonymous 1 ..:hugs: Ihope that soon you lose your fear hun and can relax and be you :hugs:

CD/TG anonymous 2 ... what a beautiful post, your love for your partner and her feelings shines through . I cried reading your post :hugs:

CD/TG anonymous 3 ... WHO SAYS YOU CAN'T TEACH AN OLD DOG NEW TRICKS........ not me hun .. this old biatch is learning new tricks all the time

CD/TG anonymous 4 .... you may be worrying over nothing hun .......... it may be way more exciting having an active partner in your dressing ;)

Charlena 5 ..... sending you wishes hun, that you can forgive yourself .... you have nothing to feel guilty about & I am sure you made good on your promise to be the best husband and father you could be :hugs:

CD/TG anonymous 6 .... :hugs: such anguish in you post hun, somewhere out there there is somebody for you ............ I kissed a hellava lot of toads in my 50 years before I met my Prince/ess charming .......... was he/she worth the pain and waiting .. yeah ... perhaps without going through the rough, we (some of us) cannot truely appreciate when we find our gold at the end of the rainbow :hugs:

CDCharlena ...... :hugs: to both you and & Laura for appreciating each other and the strength you have together

CD/TG anonymous 7 .. I feel great love & the abilty to communicate between you two & an appreciation of what you have ......... and the honesty you share :hugs:

To all of you once again my thanks ............. your posts have helped ime n so many ways, some of them I can put my finger on, others are there teasingly just out of reach, but they will surface

Sheila

mklinden2010

05-16-2009, 01:53 PM

It takes a while to realize that you do lots of things as you go about your life, and some of those things you wind up choosing again and again. Those things that you repeat, are who you really are. And, if you don't do what you want to do, to be who you know you are, you wind up being very unhappy.

I've learned to pay attention to myself, who I am, and how I feel. I've learned to cater to my needs and moods, as time and opportunity allow. I've learned to pay less and less attention to what, "they," want and more and more attention to what I want.

Among those things that I want in my life is you. If you feel the same way, knowing me as you do and as I tell you and show you about myself, then great. Life will go on. If we split up, it's because at least one of us needed to go another way. That's great too: loving is loving the best for everyone - including me, you, and them.

05-16-2009, 06:18 PM

CD/TG anonymous 8

Babe, I love you and your acceptance has meant everything to me. It has opened things up for me and made it easier to be myself completely.

You have come up with some boundaries for me and I accept these completely. Given all that you are comfortable with me doing, I feel I can give you the courtesy of some boundaries that keep you that comfortable.

But I do ask for one thing in this and that is consistency. If you tell me something is okay and then the next time I do it I get a "Tsk" and a sigh, then it sends mixed messages. And it isn't just the words but the body language contributes to the inconsistencies. So if something is going to bother you, then be upfront about it. I am trying hard to be upfront with everything going on inside of me and I need that from you also.

Thank you for going down this road with me. I do love you deeply, so I want you to be happy.

Presh GG

05-16-2009, 10:49 PM

To anonymous #2

You area Kind , careing Partner. I hope writeing this will be you giant leap to understanding.

To anonymous #3

Our imagineation can be so much worse than the truth. To be excluded from our loved ones life is the worse thing in the world. We can only assume there is someone else. What a relief it is only cd ing.

To anonomous # 5

I think we all wish we could trade places for that one magic moment to understand each other . IS'NT THAT WHAT THIS THREAD IS FOR ?
You don't need to be forgiven for being you.

To anonmous # 6

You are no differant from anyone else . We all want to be pretty in someones eyes, to be cherished and special.
Keep looking , Don't give up , Maybe geographicly you are to far from friendly people. Some parts of the world are just closed to change. Stay you and above all , SMILE, you will attract the right kind of friends. Blessings ..S

Charlena , All the best to you and Laura. You have built a wonderful life together.

To anomous # 7

Jelousy can be a compliment. She loves you !

To anomous # 8

Life is NOT black and white, There are so many shades of grey. Are YOU ok with everything All of the time ???

Thank you all for your insight. We are all here to learn.

Springtime gg

05-17-2009, 09:10 AM

CD/TG anonymous 9
I could say anything from a CD

Thank you for:

After 4 weeks of dating and you found out you still wanted to be with me.

Accepting my hand in marriage

Willing to work on our relationship on all levels

After 19 years of being together you saw all the pain I was in and made the effort to be tolerant

The nice things you have bought me.

Going to the store to help me buy makeup in the beginning and giving me comfort when I was so nervous

Accepting a whole new lifestyle for me and accepting my new friends

For all the years we have spent in therapy to set boundaries & expectations

For accepting me as me and telling me that is was ok.

Trusting me & giving me a chance to work things out on my own and at my own pace

Being just you and believing in me

I love you sweetie

05-17-2009, 09:13 AM

CD/TG anonymous 10

To my ex:

I am so sorry we were not able to work things out. It breaks my heart knowing that my cd'ing played a major role in our separation and divorce. I know you will never read this, but I want to say my love for you was never an issue. I always remained faithful and will always be thankful that you are the mother of our children. Thank you for the peaceful way you handled our divorce. I know both of our hearts were broken, but it never became ugly. That I am so thankful for and I know our children are too.

It was not fair to you, to expect you to accept this side of me, I just wished we could have found some way possible to have worked something out with this and our other primary issue. I hope that as our children grow and have children of their own, that we can work together as grandparents and give them the love they need.

Ladies, if you have a good man that has a feminine side, please try to find some way in your heart to be "OK" with him. You don't have to accept the cd'ing per-se, just be OK knowing that he has this feminine side. A good man will go to the upteenth degree to work it out with you. If he isn't willing, or is unable, he may have issues far deeper and the relationship may not work out anyway.

I know it's not fair to you and you didn't sign up for this, but people grow and change in time and sometimes what has been supressed for so long eventually makes it's way to the surface. You ladies are so blessed to be so in touch with your feminine side. We guys have had such a struggle in life to just know it's OK to show emotions, to admit we like some feminine things. You can't imagine the enormous pressure on us to always be "manly". Please be paitent with us and, yes, sometimes we go into a deep pink fog when we finally find some acceptance of our femme side by someone we love, but you can bring us back to earth by saying, yes, you accept us as we are, but you want us to abide by whatever agreements we have worked out. In time, we certainly want to experience more, but we also want to have you go with us at your pace as well. Your love and acceptance means the world to us.

I know I don't speak for all cd'ers, every situation is different, but I believe there are a lot of good mates for you, even if they like to wear some of the same type cloths you wear.

Thank you ladies for sharing your feelings in your thread. That is what we need to hear.
__________________

Shelly Preston

05-17-2009, 03:49 PM

CD/TG anonymous 11

So much to say -- not enough time and words.

I have to address 2 people, my mother and my wife, for they represent two opposite poles of acceptance. I do so in hoping that some other mother that is having trouble accepting her son's crossdressing may find some insight. And as far my words to my wife, I offer them as a testament to love, love that I wish for all crossdressers.

To my mum:

A mother is supposed to be love. But you abused me. You hurt me. You took away my innocence. All because you were unwilling to understand my crossdressing. Did you ever once think to ask my why I was crossdressing. I was just a kid. I knew nothing about sex. I was just dressing up in girls clothes. Yet you accused me of every manner of sexual perversion. You accused me of things that are disgusting. I tried to fight you. I stayed true to myself, even though the abuse eventually lead to failing grades in school, dropping out of college and alcoholism.You caused all this because you refused to accept that I liked to dress in girls clothes. You were too worried about what would happen if someone found out. Why? Oh, I know why -- because you were more concerned about your social standing than defending your own kid. Big friggin' deal.

Yet I ask you -- compare me with my peers. You still have a son who is religious. You have a son who is a devoted husband and family man. You have a son who works for one of the largest companies in the USA. And you know what --- I did this all on my own -- because you could not kill the girl within. Yet even today, you find ways to hurt me with words like 'Just think where you'd be if you cut that hair'.

Thank God I have another woman in my life -- my wife -- who loves all of me.

---------------

To wife:

My sweet love ... I thank you for understanding and accepting me from the moment I told you about my crossdressing. I love you so much that I want to give all of myself to you, and so I had to tell you.

I am sorry that when we made love the first time I was so scared, that I couldn't. Old hurts got in the way. I guess I couldn't believe that I was with someone who totally accepted me. I was so afraid that I would do something that would suddenly cause you not to accept me. But, you gently guided me and held me and comforted me.

I am thankful to you for realising that being a CDer is both a non-sexual thing as well as a sexual one.

On teh non-sexual angle -- I love the way we can talk about clothes and makeup together. I love those cold winter nights when we snuggle in or nighties an do each others toenails. I love the way we spend Super Bowl night watching a chick-flick together.

Sexually - I promised you that it would be fun, and from the sweet look on your face in the afterglow, I can tell that it is. May we never lose that playful fun or those fantasies.

And to that end, I thank you for indulging me by playing along. You are the even better than girl in my stories -- those fictional fantasies that wrote as I cast my dreams to the heavens. The fact that you are willing to wear guys undies for me when I'm wearing panties in our most sensuous moments is more than I could have ever asked for. May it never get dull or repetitive.

Most important on top of that is that I know that you realise and recognise that our fun and fantasies do not mean that I am gay or like guys. I am yours in every way. This special part of me is reserved for you and you alone.

As I promised I would never embarrass you with my crossdressing or cause you shame or humiliation. I will never ask you to do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable.

I thank you for joining in the pink fog, but for having the clarity to see that it not envelope me. You guide me and reel me in if I get to far gone. I rely on your better and clearer judgment.

I will always be your man -- and your girl.I will always be your husband - ready to defend you -- ready to stand by your side.

az_azeel

05-17-2009, 05:38 PM

Recieved this in a PM from Sheila name given with permission

my thanks to all who have posted, such words of Love, pain, heartbreak and great joy.

each and every post has touched me deeply, some on several levels. From each post I have learned a little more

Bridged

05-18-2009, 09:27 AM

Thank you all so much for sharing your stories and feelings. I appreciate how difficult it can be to talk about these things...but we are learning more everyday thanks to threads like this one. Thanks and :hugs:

Bridged

ReineD

05-19-2009, 12:58 AM

Thank you all for sharing what is in your hearts. You are remarkable! So loving, so compassionate, and all you ask is to be accepted for who you are.

You have a lot of courage for giving yourselves permission to express your feminity. I can't wait for the rest of the world to catch up and appreciate you as much as I do.
:love:

05-23-2009, 03:09 PM

CD/TG anonymous 12

"To you, whom I have been dating only a short while. You have done so much for me, made me feel like a beautiful woman, comforted me when I've had nervous breakdowns in the middle of the night, you have accepted every part of who I am.

One part that scares me. I know you are sexually attracted to women, and the fact that you are so accepting and push for me to be out of the closet makes me worried that you don't love the man in me. I know you prefer women, but I am a man as much as I am a woman. When I grow a beard, it is there to give myself a break from the female self that I am.

I love that you accept me for who and what I am, and I couldn't ask for a better partner than you. Thank you, I love you."

Sandra

05-23-2009, 03:12 PM

Some really heartfelt posts here, thankyou all for posting :hugs:

05-26-2009, 08:14 AM

CD/TG anonymous 13

To my wife,

I love you so much honey! Your heart and our connection made it so easy to share with you the fact that I am a crossdresser, while we were dating and even though it did scare you at first, you were willing to accept me, work on boundries and even go to Tri-ess meetings with me. You gave me my first wig, took my first picture, took me out on my first outing, planned time for other dressed outings and were just OK with me just as I am. I could not ask for anything more. You have given me far more than I could ever have asked.

I so hope you feel the love I have for you, just for being you. You shared some very personal things with me, as well and I am so thankful for your trust in me. As in our marriage vow, I said I would support you in your dreams and aspirations as you do mine and that I will help you raise your children as you help me raise mine. Together we have come a long way and with God's help we will finish raising the children and it will be our time, just you and me.

Thank you so much Honey. I LOVE YOU with all my heart!!!

Diane_2902

06-14-2009, 03:14 PM

my wife sed some times i cen be more of a gg then her

Mya Summers

07-21-2009, 11:36 PM

msjen007

07-24-2009, 03:45 PM

As a GG having a hard time with understanding the reasons and other stuff behind Cd-ing reading this has really helped me. I am so very lucky to have the husband that I do and I am trying my best to understand. Anonymous #2 actually sounds a lot like something he would write, wonder if he did???? Thanks for sharing.

Sarah_GG

07-29-2009, 04:43 AM

I can't believe I missed this thread.

Thank you all for posting such heartfelt and moving words.

I consider it a true privilege to have a partner who is a crossdresser and to be involved with the CDing community. I have met some wonderful people, many of them only virtually, and I've had a lot of fun along the way.

Thank you. Thank you. :love:

Tamera

08-08-2009, 06:56 PM

Honey,
I know you feel betrayed. But I did not know what was going on inside of me to tell you and the fear of what you may say or think was also a conflict to tell you.
I needed to realize what was going on. There was no one to talk to, no one to seek support. I felt like I was the only one in this world. Then with the help of some friends I was able to seek support and ask questions.
My journey has been long and finding out about myself and who I am has been a constant challenge.

My male side loves you and seeks that male to female relationship.

My female side loves to be held and caressed and loves to feel wanted by society and men.

If I was 16 again I would change my 2 genders into one female gender. But I will live my life as it is.

As for us, I can be many things to you. I can be your husband, your best friend, and your sister, just to name a few. I can help you with female things such as make up, clothing etc., just as you can help me. I am unique in who I am to where I can be many things to you that a so-called regular man can never be.

I have been accepted in society to where I have been out shopping, to the zoo, to the park and even got a girl job at Big Boy Restaurant and KMart. These have been struggles for my "girl" side that have been accomplishments of what I can do when put my mind to it.

The Transgender world takes many avenues as I have talked to them. All the way from simple Crossdressing to SRS. And one can never judge one TG thinking that thats the way it is for we are all different with different ideas. Each giving their own identity to their female self.

If I was to clasify myself to fit into society's way of thinking I guess you could say I am double-gendered and possibly post-SRS. Though I have no intention of Hormones or SRS if we were not together I know there is a possibilty I would get a Breast Augmentation, and live more female than male. But I have started this life with you and have no intention of being the girl full time, but yet I would like you to know and try to understand that my girl-side needs to come out and vent. I have tried to suppress her and have thrown things away just to end up buying them again later. She is very much a part of me.

Where did she come from? I understand that she was born as I was being made in the womb. Though she did not make herself known till later in life she was always "Jabbing" me in side, making me aware of her presence. I did not understand then, who she was. But now that I have been in support groups, I found out who she is, what she is, and where she came from.

Its a constant struggle living 2 genders. Each seeking acceptability in their own way.

Though what I have said is short it took me 50+ years to see what I see now. My girl side has not had much of a chance to live. She has missed her childhood years, her teen years, and her years to be young. She tries to make up for lost time by being who she can be for the short time that she has. Maybe thats dressing more often, or dressing younger than she is for instance. Or maybe just hangin out with other TG's.

Being TG also takes a toll on family life. With parents and children.

I wish people(including family), would investigate what a TG is before they judge who we are.

We are starting to get recognized in the work place and society, that was never heard of before. I follow Human Rights Campaigns, and keep an eye on any legislator being inacted into laws both locally and nationally.

Why did God give me 2 genders I will never know. I just hope he makes it more simple and gives me just "one" next time.
Hugs to all and much luck in your journey.
Tamera

sherri52

08-20-2009, 08:33 PM

Di hi: I've been there twice and twice divorced. My first wife found out later but my second knew up front. Both marriages ended due to my dressing. This doesn't need to be annonimus I can take anything someone dishes out to me. I'm too old to let the little things bother me

Cindy09

08-25-2009, 12:04 AM

When I told you that night that I was a Cross Dresser, it was partly because I could not endure 36 more years of being in the closet, but mostly that I had to challenge the feelings I had for you.

You did not bat an eyelash.

Now we are almost a year together, and 10 months with Cindy, I can say for certain that you are my Besheret, and we were meant to be.

Thanks for all of your understanding, for your makeup tips, for trying clothes on for me...

For all of your support now that we are coming out to friends and family, you should know that you are an amazing person that models compassion and true love.

I love you dearly, and hope that this never ends!

I love you, my dear, dear girl! We both do...

Michelle_cd65

08-26-2009, 10:18 PM

All I want and need is an accepting gg thats wants someone like me in there life and not say awsome at first then later despise me for who I am. I'm just me and don't try to flaunt it and I am a conservative crossdresser that wears what the everyday gg in my age group "44 yrs old" wears. I get soo lonely because of constant rejection.
CD/TG anonymous thread

After the GG thread was such a hit I thought maybe our tg/cd ladies would like to have an anonymous thread as well so we can talk and understand each other. The FEW that contributed thank you.
I must say I was disappointed not many cared to join in as we were hoping you all could poor out your hearts and feelings like the ladies did
so the partners can see things from your eyes as well.
If anyone still wants to contribute pm Shelly Preston az_azeel Di

Aurora Rosas

08-29-2009, 08:33 AM

Dear very significant others:

For so many years I felt I was a very strange person, someone with secrets and wrong behavior, in spite of also recognizing my capacity of giving.

Now I know that my best atributes as a person probably come from my inner feminity being. I do know that my explorations as Aurora make me more understanding about others: my couple, as a parent, with my sisters, my mother who is not with us any longer.

Now I know the harm I made to myself when ever I denied the existance of Aurora, as I punished her for long periods of time.

Now I know that even though I was born with a male sex, my gender is of a woman.

During the last 4 years I have come to realize that most tg girls I have come accross are bright, sensible and intelligent beings with lots of respect for other human beings, for life.

I thank life for what I am, and hope to meet others like me or GG who can share knowledge and friendship.

Aurora

Dear Tamera: You put the words in such a clear way I identify a lot with your feelings. Its a content that helps me in my communication with my significant other.

Thank you and wish you the best of life.

Aurora

Honey,
I know you feel betrayed. But I did not know what was going on inside of me to tell you and the fear of what you may say or think was also a conflict to tell you.
I needed to realize what was going on. There was no one to talk to, no one to seek support. I felt like I was the only one in this world. Then with the help of some friends I was able to seek support and ask questions.
My journey has been long and finding out about myself and who I am has been a constant challenge.

My male side loves you and seeks that male to female relationship.

My female side loves to be held and caressed and loves to feel wanted by society and men.

If I was 16 again I would change my 2 genders into one female gender. But I will live my life as it is.

As for us, I can be many things to you. I can be your husband, your best friend, and your sister, just to name a few. I can help you with female things such as make up, clothing etc., just as you can help me. I am unique in who I am to where I can be many things to you that a so-called regular man can never be.

I have been accepted in society to where I have been out shopping, to the zoo, to the park and even got a girl job at Big Boy Restaurant and KMart. These have been struggles for my "girl" side that have been accomplishments of what I can do when put my mind to it.

The Transgender world takes many avenues as I have talked to them. All the way from simple Crossdressing to SRS. And one can never judge one TG thinking that thats the way it is for we are all different with different ideas. Each giving their own identity to their female self.

If I was to clasify myself to fit into society's way of thinking I guess you could say I am double-gendered and possibly post-SRS. Though I have no intention of Hormones or SRS if we were not together I know there is a possibilty I would get a Breast Augmentation, and live more female than male. But I have started this life with you and have no intention of being the girl full time, but yet I would like you to know and try to understand that my girl-side needs to come out and vent. I have tried to suppress her and have thrown things away just to end up buying them again later. She is very much a part of me.

Where did she come from? I understand that she was born as I was being made in the womb. Though she did not make herself known till later in life she was always "Jabbing" me in side, making me aware of her presence. I did not understand then, who she was. But now that I have been in support groups, I found out who she is, what she is, and where she came from.

Its a constant struggle living 2 genders. Each seeking acceptability in their own way.

Though what I have said is short it took me 50+ years to see what I see now. My girl side has not had much of a chance to live. She has missed her childhood years, her teen years, and her years to be young. She tries to make up for lost time by being who she can be for the short time that she has. Maybe thats dressing more often, or dressing younger than she is for instance. Or maybe just hangin out with other TG's.

Being TG also takes a toll on family life. With parents and children.

I wish people(including family), would investigate what a TG is before they judge who we are.

We are starting to get recognized in the work place and society, that was never heard of before. I follow Human Rights Campaigns, and keep an eye on any legislator being inacted into laws both locally and nationally.

Why did God give me 2 genders I will never know. I just hope he makes it more simple and gives me just "one" next time.
Hugs to all and much luck in your journey.
Tamera

tawneyfox

09-03-2009, 03:56 AM

anonymous 7:
I shed many tears. You said it all.
I have two sides. One is "me" and one is "part of me".
To my SO, I love you and I love that you "get" me. (love seems too weak a word, perhaps adore X1000)
Kiss kiss.

KayC

09-03-2009, 07:00 PM

Thank you for this, it kind of helps, but it also scares me. I don't want my BF to want anyone but me, I'm kind of scared what if he wants to dress and be wanted by some man? He says not, but I don't think he's comfortable telling me all his feelings either. It would be really hard to be TG and not feel like you could talk to anyone about it. I'm kind of wondering, is there a normal life "after"? I have a feeling this is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with.

Honey,
I know you feel betrayed. But I did not know what was going on inside of me to tell you and the fear of what you may say or think was also a conflict to tell you.
I needed to realize what was going on. There was no one to talk to, no one to seek support. I felt like I was the only one in this world. Then with the help of some friends I was able to seek support and ask questions.
My journey has been long and finding out about myself and who I am has been a constant challenge.

My male side loves you and seeks that male to female relationship.

My female side loves to be held and caressed and loves to feel wanted by society and men.

If I was 16 again I would change my 2 genders into one female gender. But I will live my life as it is.

As for us, I can be many things to you. I can be your husband, your best friend, and your sister, just to name a few. I can help you with female things such as make up, clothing etc., just as you can help me. I am unique in who I am to where I can be many things to you that a so-called regular man can never be.

I have been accepted in society to where I have been out shopping, to the zoo, to the park and even got a girl job at Big Boy Restaurant and KMart. These have been struggles for my "girl" side that have been accomplishments of what I can do when put my mind to it.

The Transgender world takes many avenues as I have talked to them. All the way from simple Crossdressing to SRS. And one can never judge one TG thinking that thats the way it is for we are all different with different ideas. Each giving their own identity to their female self.

If I was to clasify myself to fit into society's way of thinking I guess you could say I am double-gendered and possibly post-SRS. Though I have no intention of Hormones or SRS if we were not together I know there is a possibilty I would get a Breast Augmentation, and live more female than male. But I have started this life with you and have no intention of being the girl full time, but yet I would like you to know and try to understand that my girl-side needs to come out and vent. I have tried to suppress her and have thrown things away just to end up buying them again later. She is very much a part of me.

Where did she come from? I understand that she was born as I was being made in the womb. Though she did not make herself known till later in life she was always "Jabbing" me in side, making me aware of her presence. I did not understand then, who she was. But now that I have been in support groups, I found out who she is, what she is, and where she came from.

Its a constant struggle living 2 genders. Each seeking acceptability in their own way.

Though what I have said is short it took me 50+ years to see what I see now. My girl side has not had much of a chance to live. She has missed her childhood years, her teen years, and her years to be young. She tries to make up for lost time by being who she can be for the short time that she has. Maybe thats dressing more often, or dressing younger than she is for instance. Or maybe just hangin out with other TG's.

Being TG also takes a toll on family life. With parents and children.

I wish people(including family), would investigate what a TG is before they judge who we are.

We are starting to get recognized in the work place and society, that was never heard of before. I follow Human Rights Campaigns, and keep an eye on any legislator being inacted into laws both locally and nationally.

Why did God give me 2 genders I will never know. I just hope he makes it more simple and gives me just "one" next time.
Hugs to all and much luck in your journey.
Tamera

KimMcNelis

09-05-2009, 01:40 PM

Rebecca Jayne

09-09-2009, 04:40 PM

There are 2 songs that are dear to my heart that I sing to my wife every now and then, and when I'm alone to myself. They always raise my self esteem.

"Only you" (and You alone) by the Platters (1)

"All of Me" by Billie Holiday from "Lady Sings the Blues" (2)

(1) From "Only You"

Only you can make this world seem right
Only you can make the darkness bright
Only you and you alone can thrill me like you do
and fill my heart with love for only you

Only you can make a change in me
For its true, you are my destiny
When you hold my hand I understand the magic that you do
Your my dreams come true
My one and only You.

(2) from "All of Me"

All of me, why not take all of me
Can't you see I'm no good without you
Take my lips I want to lose them
Take my arms I'll never use them

Your goodbyes left me with eyes that cried
How can I go on without you
You took a part that once was my heart
So why not take all of me
Yeah take all of me.

This is how I feel about my wife, my very SO. I just wish she would understand but, oh well.

Tamera

09-30-2009, 09:50 AM

Hi KayC,
noone can answer whether or not she will want to be with a man or not other than her.
just remember we are all different. each looking for their own acceptability.

what one tg is looking for may not be the same as another.

you need to ask her that question. and if its hard for her to talk about it suggest she puts her feelings in a letter like we have done.
feel free to ask questions.
hugs,
Tamera

KayC

10-01-2009, 12:28 PM

I did and she doesn't.

Laura17

10-07-2009, 12:22 PM

Tamera,
Your put into words what I have felt for so many years.....Thank you...

Honey,
I know you feel betrayed. But I did not know what was going on inside of me to tell you and the fear of what you may say or think was also a conflict to tell you.
I needed to realize what was going on. There was no one to talk to, no one to seek support. I felt like I was the only one in this world. Then with the help of some friends I was able to seek support and ask questions.
My journey has been long and finding out about myself and who I am has been a constant challenge.

My male side loves you and seeks that male to female relationship.

My female side loves to be held and caressed and loves to feel wanted by society and men.

If I was 16 again I would change my 2 genders into one female gender. But I will live my life as it is.

As for us, I can be many things to you. I can be your husband, your best friend, and your sister, just to name a few. I can help you with female things such as make up, clothing etc., just as you can help me. I am unique in who I am to where I can be many things to you that a so-called regular man can never be.

I have been accepted in society to where I have been out shopping, to the zoo, to the park and even got a girl job at Big Boy Restaurant and KMart. These have been struggles for my "girl" side that have been accomplishments of what I can do when put my mind to it.

The Transgender world takes many avenues as I have talked to them. All the way from simple Crossdressing to SRS. And one can never judge one TG thinking that thats the way it is for we are all different with different ideas. Each giving their own identity to their female self.

If I was to clasify myself to fit into society's way of thinking I guess you could say I am double-gendered and possibly post-SRS. Though I have no intention of Hormones or SRS if we were not together I know there is a possibilty I would get a Breast Augmentation, and live more female than male. But I have started this life with you and have no intention of being the girl full time, but yet I would like you to know and try to understand that my girl-side needs to come out and vent. I have tried to suppress her and have thrown things away just to end up buying them again later. She is very much a part of me.

Where did she come from? I understand that she was born as I was being made in the womb. Though she did not make herself known till later in life she was always "Jabbing" me in side, making me aware of her presence. I did not understand then, who she was. But now that I have been in support groups, I found out who she is, what she is, and where she came from.

Its a constant struggle living 2 genders. Each seeking acceptability in their own way.

Though what I have said is short it took me 50+ years to see what I see now. My girl side has not had much of a chance to live. She has missed her childhood years, her teen years, and her years to be young. She tries to make up for lost time by being who she can be for the short time that she has. Maybe thats dressing more often, or dressing younger than she is for instance. Or maybe just hangin out with other TG's.

Being TG also takes a toll on family life. With parents and children.

I wish people(including family), would investigate what a TG is before they judge who we are.

We are starting to get recognized in the work place and society, that was never heard of before. I follow Human Rights Campaigns, and keep an eye on any legislator being inacted into laws both locally and nationally.

Why did God give me 2 genders I will never know. I just hope he makes it more simple and gives me just "one" next time.
Hugs to all and much luck in your journey.
Tamera

ReineD

10-07-2009, 02:07 PM

My female side loves to be held and caressed and loves to feel wanted by society and men.

Tamera you expressed yourself beautifully and I appreciate all you've gone through. It is difficult to deal with a gendered duality for both the TG and SO.

But I wanted to give you a head's up on how your wife might take this statement. If she does support you and if she holds and caresses you as Tamera, then reading this might make her feel she is not enough for you no matter what she does. This would make me feel very, very sad.

If you've recently told her about being TG and she doesn't yet support you intimately as you feel you need, although very honest, your statement might make her wish to reconsider being in a relationship with you. I would not want to be with someone who wanted to be with others, whether my partner was TG or not. If you take the gender out of it for a moment and consider that a wife for example might be bi. She is in a committed relationship with her husband, but after some years she tells he husband that she aches to be held and cherished by another woman. If I were the husband I would ask myself how committed my wife was to our relationship, especially if this was a topic that had came up repeatedly in the last few years. I would would again feel extremely sad.

Maybe it is time to examine closely what you really want, then come to terms with it and be honest with your wife? She deserves the honesty.

Sorry to the OP if this is taking it off topic, but I noticed many people commenting on Tamera's post and I felt compelled to add my :2c:

Leigh58

10-18-2009, 03:10 PM

I so appreciate hearing the CDs side of things. Some of your posts made me cry with the honesty you have shared; and perhaps especially, the love you have for your SOs. Some of the posts sounded like my husband could have written them... maybe he did.
Anyway, Thank you! We're all on a journey, and no one ever said life was going to be simple!:)

11-22-2009, 03:53 PM

TG CD anonymous14
I can certainly appreciate the surprise, distress, anger and bewilderment that my ex felt when after being together for 15 years she found out that I am a cross dresser. I can

understand the need that anyone would have to ease their way into the revelation, let the concept setin and take time to work through the feelings of hurt and betrayal. What I

canot understand is how someone who professed to love you so much could reject you so completely after learning this about you. What I cannot understand is why someone who

expressed such strong overtures of love throughout the relationship could so completely distance themsleves from you, not even try.

My ex spent the last 10 years of our relationship rejecting that part of me, not trying to understand, not trying to learn, not willing to allow me to just be me. Up to the end

she professed that she loved me but did not want a man who was less than a man in her life. I do understand her hurt, but she never understood mine. I loved her, I adored her, I

would have done anything for her, I wanted to be with her forever and she so totally destroyed me through the last 10 years of our 25 years together. She did not hit me or yell

at me or do anything so overt rather she distanced herself, she rejected me, she closed herself down to open and honest dialog, she made it inevitable that the relationship would

erode so completely that it could, would not survive and through the whole process continually made me feel that I was to blame for all of it.

Now I do accept my blame in what happened and I was no angel, however, I tried to find ways to make it work for 10 years, 10 painful years. Eventually I realized that the only

way that I could ever make her happy was to give up being me completely and instead become whatever facade that she wanted me to be. In the end I realized that the price was way

too high and that I could not believe that a person really authentically loved me if they could not try and understand all of who I was. I did not become a different person, I

just became a more authentic person. Sadly in spite of her pleas of love, she did not really love me at all, she loved who she thought I was, not who I actually was.

I accept the responsibility for the part that I played in this long drawn out and sad tragedy that should have ended long before it did. It was a wake up call to me about the

value of being totally authentic and not allowing anyone else to tell you to be otherwise. It has toughened me up so that I now insist that I must be me and that if I am asked to

change, as my current girlfriend clearly knows, as much as I love her I will walk away from the relationship at the drop of a hat if ever she treid to tell me who I should be,

how I should behave, how I should dress or express myself or who I should associate with. I will never again give anyone that power, I willnever compromise away my self or my

soul. No one should ever be expected to do that.

It always raises alarm bells in me when I see posts where the suggestion is to compromise on your wants and needs. I feel that that is bad advice. I think that you must be honest

about who you are and what it takes to make you happy in life, You should hear the other person out and decide if what they ask of you is acceptable to you in a way that allows

you to be happy and still in the relationship, but you should never concede anything that in the pit of your soul just feels wrong, no love is worth that. If they cannot love you

for exactly who you are then they do not truly love you. Period, end of story, full stop.

It takes lots of courage to take this kind of a stand in your life. You have to be prepared to take all of the consequences of such a decision, but that is just what you have to

do to be true to who you are and that is what each and every one of us must be.

noeleena

11-23-2009, 08:32 AM

Hi..
This is to Jos . from the noel ... who you married .
Then to noeleena...
.
This for me is not about dressing & even being a transsexual . this is about being a androgynuous person . one who is wired both male & female . & from birth . at 10 i knew that being different was not some thing you told others . so you live with your thoughts & mouth shut .
at 62 . i am able to live with my self as a woman . after being a so called male .

The school . work .. married . chlldren . 3 of. & grand kids 7 of.with one on the way . so i did get one thing riight . was able to give Jos what i thought she needed yet never quite getting it right . trying to be a male because that s how we were brought up . yet was that really me .... no .... i was a women with out the full package some . just not all . at 50 i told you that i was / am a woman . not totally yet still a woman .
we told our kids & over the last 11 years after going through hell . & just getting out the other side in tack we are still to geather only as two woman .. not married . that was annuld allmost 3 years coming up . we live together . as friends .in our own home ,. yet really two women may be in some ways better now yet haveing been to gether for allmost 37 years all up .
The loss for me is . not knowing if you ll go & in many ways i dont blame you as you need a real man ./ male husband. lover & all those things i could not. be . or really give to you . as i was never really any of those. i tryed . yet i failed . im a woman . & you know . you do not undersand . how can you . you tryed to . & i could not show you in the way that you could see . what makes me tick .
Its not that i m a woman that hurts its . in your eyes changed from what you saw in me a male . yet ...........not a part of our vows on that day . 37 years ago .
We had our up s & downs . & very close to seperating many time s yet allways staying with in each others hand hold . why . i have no idear yet we are still with each other . different . yes .
so i changed how you thought of your self . you fell . & i gave you my hand , yet i could not hold you or even help you . because i had lost my strength . so failed you . i wonted to hold you . & tell you it will be all right . i saw your pain . your angish. & how you suffered . yet i was not there for you . i was so close yet far away .
I knew you would be hurt . just not as much as i thought . this was just so much more & bigger than we should have had to go through .
Yet we did . oh yes there are still things there that hurt . well we have had 8 years of that hell . & over the last 3 you have backed me up . & we go out we have friends . who have remained friends . i never asked for this . or wonted to go through this let alone you . or our childern .
My love for you remains the same if not then its stronger because you had the guts to stay with me . this was not about me or should it be this & what has happened & will happen is about you & me .
This is about you .....JOS.....some one who is very special . some one who cares . & accepted my changes . a very hard ask yet you have done that .

this is one neat woman ....... FOR.......JOS......
-----------------------------------------------------------

On a lighter note . & we have to .
I told Jos this .
Okay ..... If you find a real man . not like me .
He has to be rich ......very .....
he needs to own a very large house
& have a ocean going ship .
because i am coming as the. maid ...............

As it stands , because Jos has some on going issues psychical & mental i will look after Jos as a care giver . that. is my commitment to her .

...noeleena...

ReineD

11-25-2009, 04:10 PM

To TG Annonymous #41. I cannot respond to you privately so I am doing it here.

First I am so sorry your ex could not come to terms with the CDing and I applaud your (mutual?) decision to end the marriage. I understand your unwillingness to refuse to compromise who you fundamentally are. But I am concerned that in new relationships, your views now will become just as one-sided and as uncompromising as your wife's were, changing the black for the white so to speak, with a lack of understanding or fluidity for the gray areas in between. Of course if you are TS then my observations are moot.

We can PM about this if you wish, if not, this is OK too. :hugs:

Cheryl T

11-26-2009, 09:29 AM

Before we met I was engaged to someone else. We were so close I thought I could tell her anything and so one day I confessed my feminine feelings. I told her how I felt when I dressed in these clothes and that I had been doing it forever, long before we met. I cried and cried and exposed myself like never before believing we had something so special it could weather any storm.
My reward for my openness and honesty was the return of my ring and the verbal slap, "I want a MAN, not some Thing that wears my clothes".

When we became close and then engaged I wanted so much to tell you. I just could not risk losing you because of this. I could not risk destroying the life we have made because of this. Therefore I put my need on the back burner and remained in the closet hoping I could manage my secret and balance it with our life.
As you know, I couldn't do that. You eventually uncovered my secret. After that I vowed to change, but that is not possible. Years later it became too much and we again were confronted with this. Happily the outcome was different this time. You were able to allow me to show you this part of me and were willing to explore it with me.
Now we are not only best friends, lovers and life partners, but best girl friends as well. I never thought it could be this way and I love you all the more because of your love for me.

Please understand my reluctance years ago to tell you. It was not for lack of trust. It was not to keep some greater secret or shut you out. It was for self-protection and for being unable to let go of you...I hope you now feel it was worth it. I love you so!

12-07-2009, 06:01 PM

CD/TG anonymous thread 15

My mom said that she always wanted girls, but got 2 boys instead. During my teen years when I admitted to her my crossdressing, she said that I must be gay or should get a sex change operation, etc.

A couple of years later I dated a woman who used to go to a crossdressing bar, fair enough, but she couldn't get passed the fact that I liked to Crossdress. I had no clothes of my own, so I would wear hers. One thing that I have found is women really do not like this at all.

In the 90's started delving into buying pantyhose, but only to throw them away. I admitted my secret to a few women who were generally supportive.

In the 2000's, things took a switch and I started buying stuff on Ebay. In the past few years I have egged women on in different forums just to see what they would do.

Bottom line, I would like to share this with a woman, but most women just find it unmanly and do not want to date someone with this issue at all.

AlisonSometimes

12-28-2009, 08:11 AM

Hi to all

I'm new to this site but not new to getting dressed up.

I think the best thing is to be honist at the start. I told my girlfriend before we were an item, that was 12 years ago and we are still together. I suppose I am lucky in that she accepts me for who and what I am.

I have been through the 'purging' cycle, all that happens is that I get misserable and stop caring about myself.

I've tried to turn these feelings off but I can't. You can run but you can't hide from your emotions. If you are starting a relationship be honist from the start. One issues wives / girlfriends have is that they see this as you deceiving them if you hide it for a long time which is often worse for them than you dressing.

Desiree8

12-30-2009, 09:17 PM

Although I dress, and I love to wear makeup at home (still not enough cajones for out of the house), and I underdress everyday; I am STILL A MAN with MALE NEEDS. I am not gay, I am not interested in other women; I only crave, yearn, lust for you, even after 37 years together. I LOVE the way the panties, stockings, and satin nighties feel; not from always an erotic sensation (although that does happen), but primarily from the wonderful way I feel within. I feel complete, whole, secure, and very self confident. Thank you soo much for understanding, and accepting. Also, the fact you gave me nighties, jammies, and make-up says it all

Dana

12-31-2009, 04:11 AM

I would have gladly died for you! Laid down my life for you~ so sorry I let you down!.

Rosaliy Lynne

01-07-2010, 03:50 PM

There is really nothing to forgive.
We are who we are. We become what we must.
Like us or not we are here to stay.

Yay!!

Michelle_cd65

01-08-2010, 11:46 PM

Babe I wish you could be more understanding of the reason why I CD.
If you were more understanding I would feel more comfortable dressing in front of you, and not feel guilty about doing it. I love you and would Love it if you loved all of me even my girly side.
Just because I CD does not mean that I want to be w/a man or some one else. I want you and you only. But untill you become more understanding and acceptable w/what i do I will respect you and your wishes and not push you to the point of never wanting to understand. When you become more understanding we will have so much fun going shopping w/each other since we both love clothes. Love your Hubby

I try to understand where you are coming from about only letting me dress twice a week. You can do whatever you want, whenever you and, and how you want, but when it comes to my dressing shouldn't I be allowed to do the same as you. I know that your home all day and only see me at night after I get home from work. Since I let you shouldn't you let me? Under the womens clothes I am still a man. I have to live my life too.

tricia_uktv

01-09-2010, 08:05 AM

It will never go away. The harder you try to put it in the box the greater the intensity it springs back out. The box is of course Pandora's box and always remember that once it is opened ..............

01-09-2010, 09:23 AM

CD/TG anonymous 16
I know our love is strong, and I know you try to be supportive and accepting, but I know it pains you to think that one day the man you fell in love with will not physically be a man anymore.
After I came to terms with myself, I thought about leaving you for a few hours, but I knew I couldn't do that. I couldn't just up and leave because of the pain it would have caused both of us, but I was more concerned with the heartbreak it would have caused you. I knew then that I had no choice but to come out to you. I was hoping you would stay in my life, and I really don't know if I could have left you anyways to be me. But I am eternally grateful you did stay with me.
I wish I could tell you my last secret, that I have been bi-curious, but since I have started to see myself as a woman, I realize that I am more attracted to men, and less to women. But don't worry, I am so in love with you that even if I loose all sexual and relationship interest in women, I simply can't bear the thought of being with anyone else. But I know I have put enough of a burden on you, and have dropped a major emotional bomb shell, so I will probably just keep that to myself. You are so precious and I don't want to put you through more than what I already will.
It guilts me knowing that you have a dream of having a husband, kids, and a normal life. I can't give you this, and if there ever was a way that I could live as a man, for you, I would.

nikkijo

02-09-2010, 09:06 PM

i just want to be myself... and accepted for it... not that you need to be all accepting of everything i do.. just dont judge me because i am not exactially what you think you wanted in life... i have feelings too... and they are far stronger than you ever know... while your life isnt easy... neither is mine... i ballance what i need with what everyone else wants and and i have to supress what i really need untill i cant stand it anymore....

some day maybe you can be nice and let me be myself in front of you... and you will find that nikki isnt the end of the world...

Schatten Lupus

02-10-2010, 03:13 AM

That Pandora's box analogy and Nikki's post of being yourself for some reason made it sink in. I am about to come out to my family. My sister over a few bowls of pot, just because well, my siblings and I tend to smoke alot when we discuss anything. And my mom over a game of Dr. Robotnicks Mean Bean Machine. That way I'll have her full attention after a few rounds, which will probably inaverdently turn into a few hours worth of rounds.

Spinne0013

02-25-2010, 04:46 PM

In my high schools years, I was the hit of the crowd, shining the brightest and making everyone laugh. Yet at the same time hating that I was, hating the fact I was wearing tight boy shorts and stalkings under my doc martins tucked in combat fatigues and tight tshirt. I hate that I I was so violent that I just fight for the sake of a emotional release. Some of the things I did I really wish I could go back and prevent. Their the darkest days of my life. I was depressed had no real wish to live and was truely just a hallow shell with the mask of a vacant smile. I was a total player and I know I shreaded the hearts of many girls. I tried to end life once, couldn't go through it because of fear, found faith in nordic paganism and turned my life around. Finding faith also helped me accept my "dark secret" of crossing, in the eddas (basicly our bible) thor himself crossdressed to get back his famous hammer. So I thought if the gods could they could accept man kind for crossdressing and even changing sex, several gods had including loki and odin. I've relized there is nothing wrong with us and even if were "counter culture" so bloody what, if others know oh well, if people recognise you when your out en femme so what if they can't accept it and look past it to who you are do they really need to be in your life?

Sorry for being so negative in that post it just seemed right to come out. Please forgive me if any of that said offends any member of the family. Since those days I've become a much more caring person and far more emotionally connceted to everything in my life. Its said that pride will be the death of man kind, yet I see it as ignorance will be the death of man kind. Having pride in something, not shame, will lead to acceptance. Sure the bigots and the ignorant may not agree with it or accept it but that's part of what a human is, we each have our own opinion and view. For some things this causes conflict others causes those to come together, like out family here. Have love in your heart and pride in your spine, fly your colors high, let them shine, if someone doesn't agree and isn't violent in their disagreement the what's it really matter?

dana digs sweaters

03-02-2010, 02:52 PM

Sorry sweets, but when meeting a new woman, she is obviously paying attention to a man she is attracted to. Not the female image we create in the mirror. Depending on the environment of your conversation, how could you hide this (cding) from her. Afterall, if you are hiding this from her, than what is she hiding from you. Honesty upfront is only going to show her what type of man she is going to deal with, in whatever level of companionship the two of you decide upon. We all can't be lucky in first time eyecontact while dolled up. It is absolutely amazing to compliment a woman on her clothes,hair,makeup,etc., when she tells you that she is pleasently surprised that you would notice such a thing. That is then a great icebreaker to clue her in on mutually shared enjoyments. (or disappointments like a run in your hose) Cheers, Dana.

RichardCD

03-10-2010, 10:52 PM

I hope I can one day actually say this to my beloved. She knows I like to cross dress but has issues and most of them are my fault. But here is a part of what I would like for her to know:

K******
You are the love of my life. You showed me what true love is, You showed me I can trust people, You have been understanding with almost every aspect of our lives. You are the ONLY one who knows about my CDing. I pushed it and for that I am more sorry then you will ever know. I acted like a starving man who was suddenly sitting at a feast fit for a king. But then I took advantage of your understanding. I really did not give you time to take it all in and how far my dressing really went and what I truly like. You set up a boundary at first and I just bulldozed that across that line. I am very sorry for this. Living with this "secret" my whole life and never being able to share this with anyone and having to hide in the fear of persecution. Trying so hard to suppress the feelings and at times succeeding for a year at a time they always come back. I understand that you tried to keep an open mind about this and limited me to certain almost unisex items you would not mind me wearing. You don't want to hear or see the maids outfits, bras, stocking garters or even heels I like own or want to wear. I can understand were you are coming from. If I don't understand fully why I want to dress in womans clothing. But what I do know is it makes me feel a certain way, a comfortable, kinda soft person. I am still the man you fell in love with. I will always be. You say you love that I am a very masculine man. Well I still am! But I also have a soft side. I can and am both masculine and soft. You are a extremely feminine woman yet you can be a bit masculine at times too. You already know I have not want to be with men or get any type of sex change. You also know I ONLY want you and do not want to try and find a woman who will blindly accept my want or need to dress up. I want to have a long long life with you. I want to be able to dress as would like when the mood strikes. I understand that you don't want to make love while I am dress either. As you have said you want to make love to me as a man. But clothes should not define the person. No matter what I am wearing I am still a man, even with false breast. When I told you that there is a possibility I may lose my leg, you said that you would still find me sexy. You would not look at me any different then you do now. Losing a leg is permanent, dressing is temporary time. This is confusing for me. I just want to share my softer side with you from time to time. I will just suppress the feelings as I have been and wait for you. I love you that much. I just hope that one day you come to fully accept who I am. I know you may not fully understand it, I am just hoping that you fully accept it and let me be both sides of me.

05-30-2010, 05:19 PM

CD/TG anonymous 17

Where to start...

Literally, ever since birth, my life has been hard. I've nothing but obstacles, roadblocks, and barriers in front of me every day. I have not complained. I refuse to whine. I have used my full strength to break through the obstacles, unearthed the roadblocks, and ran over the barriers. I'm stronger than any one I've met. I have been hearing impaired my whole life. I have damaged lungs, a hole in my heart, an enlarged aorta, crappy blood flow, a bacterial abscess in my brain, and the medical problems will never end. I've been made fun of by every one and any one. I have had very little friends, no relationship with any one. I have had a gun pointed in my face, almost been raped; I have been beaten and broken. But I am still here.

You only just now realized it, but I've been here right by you your whole life. I first appeared 16 years ago. We both know you didn't know it for years after, but I've surfaced every once in a while. When you needed some one to talk to, I was always listening. When you needed some one lean on, I was always there. When I needed protection, you were always there. When I was hurt, you pulled me back up, dusted me off, and said “Let's go.”

Do you remember seven years ago? You were so happy that you got home from school before every one else, and you had the whole house to yourself. That was the first time you went into your sister's room and looked around. You told yourself it was to find your music cd's. But even though you got your cd back, you kept finding yourself in her room. Eventually you got the courage to try on some of her clothes. I remember how excited you were. You danced around for ten whole minutes. We were having so much fun.

Four years ago, you finally met me, and at first, you shoved me off to the side. I was a separate person to you. It made me a little sad, but I stayed there, just in case. Slowly, you let me creep up on you again, and started being nice to me, even giving me a name. Ever since then, it's been a wild adventure. We've met some great people who like both of us, and people who have helped us get to know each other better. We've bought several outfits now and we see each other so very often. It makes me glad.

Just remember, we can always get through anything together. We are never alone now. Any time something bad happens, you can just look at me, and I'll give you a perfect smile, whether you want to see it just now or not. I'll always be listening and talking to you, just like you always protect me and fight for me.

From you, to you.

Dana

05-31-2010, 05:02 AM

I would not wish this (being a cross dresser) up on my worst enemy! Not even the guy that stole my wife away from me.

I wished to Almighty God that I wasn't one?

But I know that it would only be matter of time before I was in her lingerie, makeup, and jewelry.

The Hell of itr is that women, gays, bisexuals don't like it! So if your TG?

Your pretty much screwed!

Trouble is?

I'm not into guys~ although I am very much into femnity and being feminine!

I'm up to guys in making me feeling feminine? Buts thats it! I don't want to have sex with them ~ I'm alll about flirtring and being girly ~ but that's it!

Bascially I should have been born a lip stick lesbian!

But I was born a male instead!

It will never go away. The harder you try to put it in the box the greater the intensity it springs back out. The box is of course Pandora's box and always remember that once it is opened ..............

At 52? I'm learing this! At 53 I'm learing this!

fluffy

07-28-2010, 06:14 AM

Darling, I promise to never entirely give up crossdressing. I know how much you love it when I wear frilly petticoats and suspenders and I want you to know that I love it just as much as you do. Even if I sometimes say no and you have to force me, that is just because I'm playing hard to dress up.

I know your fear is that I will drop you for another man but I think you realize by now that I have no homosexual tendencies at all and that you're safe from that happening ever.

As you know, everyday life requires me to have some manly characteristics but they are only learned and put on for the purpose of getting by in society. Underneath it I will always remain the delicate, feminine creature that you fell in love with.
Thank you for existing.

Audio

08-08-2010, 10:03 PM

Honey, I am so happy that you accept my cross-dressing. It shows me that our love is so amazing. I love you. I love you. I love you!

Sparkles

09-08-2010, 10:45 PM

First of all you are special. You are not a freak. God made you the way you are, you are not a mistake. Focus on loving yourself. You don't need to apologize to anyone for being who you are. Be upfront and honest soon after the first date, don't carry on the relationship without sharing. It's better to know up front how the other person feels that to try to be someone you know you cannot be. Love Yourself

Ali McKenzie

09-23-2010, 05:09 AM

When I was in my late teens my father caught me dressed up, I just couldn't talk to him about it and made some feeble excuse. He was of a different gebneration and just wouldn't have understood. He died a few months after and it eats away at me wondering if I contributed to his early death. I wish I could have talked to him and it makes me sad still.
I did tell my wife after we were married a few years and at first it was great, she was helping me shopping for new clothes, shoes and make up. She would join in but then turned her nose up at my activities. If faced with the same choice now I think I would stay in the closet and take my chances at being found out.
I would like to say to her though that I still love you after all these years and my dressing up has no reflection on you as a woman.

Ashliegh

11-23-2010, 09:56 PM

I can post this and show my name, no one knows it but my girlfriend and she is extremely supportive of me. I have a story to tell, and although she knows most of it, I have never put it all down like this before.
When I was about 12 years old I discovered the joys of playing with the little guy that hangs between my legs. Not long after that I discovered I like to try on my mother’s pantyhose and sometimes lingerie while I played with him. I was "caught" a couple times but never actually caught in the act so to speak, and no comments were ever made. I kept this hidden for years. Then one day around the time I was 18 I met a girl, an amazing and accepting girl. After some months together out of the blue one day she looked at me with this kind of grin on her face and said "I wonder what my panties would look like on you...?" So I jumped at the chance and said "let’s find out!" Over the following months we explored this and it became fun to go shopping together for clothes. Unfortunately it wasn't to be. Whether we were too young to cope with our feelings for each other, too immature, or simply too much in love, we split up very badly and didn't speak for 13 years.
A few months later I met the woman I would marry. After a few months I came forward with my desire to wear woman's lingerie once in a while during sex. She told me it was "fine" and although it didn't turn her on she didn't mind it. Over the years I tried to keep it to a bare minimum, only once in a while, not push it too much and hid it as much as I could without lying about it. Finally one night as we sat in my parent's hot tub, (after a good amount of alcohol) I confessed to her how much I really enjoyed and wanted to go farther into wearing woman's clothes. Again she said she was "OK" with it, it didn't "bother" her. So over the next few years I gradually tried to explore this part of my life. Things went OK for a while but eventually started to fall apart. She became less and less physical with me, distanced herself from me, and ended up having an affair(s?) and finally leaving me. (We have 2 young children, and are now in a bitter fight for access to the kids) As part of her statement to the court she brought out my "unusual fetish" how I hid it "under lock and key" for years. Along with other such statements to try to publicly humiliate me. After years of saying it was OK, it was fine, it didn't bother her, it now became the focal point in her reason to leave me. Well to her now I say GOOD RIDDANCE. My only regret is that there is so much fighting over the kids. I am so much happier now.
Which brings me to the present; about a year after my wife left and after a VERY bad rebound relationship, I met my girlfriend from the beginning of the story. We started talking, a lot. Curiosity kept building. She was in a divorce same as I was. I remember one night she asked me "so are you still into "that"?" She was always very accepting of this so I said yes I am. Well over the next few weeks we kept talking more and more until we finally got together one night, and the rest they say, is history. She is very supportive of me, in every way, in both my fight for my kids and my crossdressing. In fact last night she did my makeup for me, something I have never done before, and was helping me to pick out a wig, another first.
I have come a long way since I started, and I think I still have further to go, but I know with her by my side the journey will be an enjoyable one!

Karinsamatha

01-18-2011, 11:40 PM

I would like to say that I have been on a journey of self discovery. I started with a bra and has continued to the point that I feel that the male persona is now when I am cross dressing, not when I am Karin. I am still learning about the butterfly that I am becoming. This is not anyones fault it is the way I have been "wired". To be able to accept me as I have accepted my self is what I ask.
If you think it is hard for you to accept me, just imagine how it was for me the person going through the confusion, anxiety , trama.

awesum1

01-26-2011, 07:03 PM

I Just want to say that I have never in my entire life read such BEAUTIFUL words from women/men to each other. The first time i read the threads, the words...I cried and cried! So wonderfully expressed...the happy and the sad. Thank you all...you have helped me to see that love does come in many different ways, shapes, colors and forms!! I wish you all the best in your relationships and in everything that you do. You deserve it!

Danielle-GG

02-06-2011, 05:30 AM

So much pain in these posts. I find myself crying, wishing I could put my arms around you all and hug away the loneliness.

Thankyou for sharing your stories, for offering insight to those of us who are here to understand.

I don't see you as "less of a man" at all, quite the opposite. And you're all very very brave!

*big hugs*

Dani

Karenxd_melb

04-25-2011, 11:11 PM

I know the definition of a truism – I have lived it. I am female. This is not about a male with a psychological issue it is about a female with a physical issue. There is food for thought. There is an old expression that sums it up best, ‘walk a mile in my shoes before you judge me’.
I have come to the conclusion late in life that I have to either embrace this part of me or go insane.

Nighthowler

05-12-2011, 02:17 AM

Wow very interesting posts i must say way to much to read though! at oncee sorry i just don't like to read to much! But wow i always thought there was something deeply wrong with me when i used to crossdress. Heh hell i think i'll try go back to doing in once in awhile hell i might even try it in public sometime just to freak someone out if nothing else! But i do think it's quite interesting the only people that typically compliment a girl on her way of dressing like 90% of the time are your typical oldschool type gay males crossdressers or not. The rest are just trying to hit on women, but werid one time i decided not to compliment a 30's year old black woman on her nails because i thought someone she would instantly know i wanted to wear the same color hahah XD. I still want to wear that color/pattern even though i cant even remeber what it was. YOU ALL ARE ****ING AWESOME! even if people may not find you attractive or whatever.... YOU HAVE TO BE WHO U WANT TO BE! PERIOD! The only shame is in being A ASSHOLE!

prettytoes

05-18-2011, 03:50 PM

To my one true love:
You are and always will be the love of my life. I can't tell you enough how sorry I am that I kept this secret from you for all these years. I only hope and pray that you can understand and find it in your heart to forgive me for that. I want you to understand that under the pretty clothes, nail polish, mini skirts, sundresses, panties, bras, etc., I am and always will be your MAN. Dressing makes me feel complete. I have tried to stop, and it has only left me unhappy and depressed. While wearing satin panties, a soft nighty, or silk camisole; I feel totally at ease and relaxed like all the tension and stress life has to offer simply drifts away on a satin cloud. I have no interest in being with a man, or any other woman. I have no desire to alter my body to become less of a man. You are the one for me...now more than ever. These past few weeks I feel like I have been "re-born". Your understanding means everything to me. Being able to share my feminine side with you has opened my heart to you like never before. I want you, need you, and desire you more than I ever have. I know it is sometimes difficult for you, but you are trying to understand and that's what counts. I could not have asked for a better wife! You are my whole world and I love you more than you can imagine. Thank you so much for allowing me to be myself, and for helping me to find my "butterflies"!

Billie Jean

05-18-2011, 10:04 PM

I actually started to dress fully when I was around thirteen. I would put on my sister's clothes when she stayed over at her friend's house. That was quite often so I was dressed alot as my dad went to bed around 9pm and my mom had left. She had a shoulder length fall and our hair is the same color. With my bangs I looked like her somewhat and I started to put on her makeup. I had a slender body with legs and feet like a girl. When she would catch me she told me I was a queer and that her panties and hose were her private under things.
When I was around 18 I would go to the place at the county building and pick out clothes that were there for people who wanted them. I had to start buying my panties but I sometimes found a bra and pantyhose. I tried several times to quit and would do so for a few months and usually threw out my clothes.
When I got married it was only about 3 weeks before I told my wife I like to role play and be the girl. She dressed me to the nines and did my makeup and hair (which was shoulder length). She liked it and a few weeks later I confessed I CD'd. She was ok with it but never helped to fix up again. When we had children she said I wasn't to do it in front of them.
Now that we are divorced and the kids are grown, I dress alot more. I even dressed for a funtion a work once as a gag but they wanted us to wear something nice and not be clownish. My daughters were still in high school and they helped me pick out my clothes and acessories. They took a picture of me and the other guy who did it too. My ex wife still has a copy.
Just recently I started to go out dressed and I love it. I know its a part of me and I like doing it. I hope to get out with some of the girls in my area and have a girls night out where we can discuss it and trade tips.
Billie Jean

Katie_in_AK

05-29-2011, 01:29 AM

I would say: "Society, please just let me be me. Don't laugh, don't stare, don't hate me. Please, just leave me alone."

Iskandra

06-02-2011, 07:14 AM

Isn't it ironic, that women can wear whatever they please no stigma, no guilt, they walk into a shop and buy mens clothes no questions asked..

Isn't it ironic, that if all clothing were unisex, the 'labels' and a lot of guilt would cease to be..

Isn't it ironic, that most women I talk to think the world would have less wars, be a better place if women were in charge, yet dislike men showing a feminine side..

Isn't it ironic, that at conception we all start as female..

Isn't it ironic, that I 'tollerate' you love for chickflicks, yet always cry more than you while watching..

Isn't it ironic, that you are bi, that you love my tender (fem) side, yet I fear you will hate my outward expression of it..

Isn't it ironic, that I love you to bits, accept you for who you are and accept your need to be with another woman should it happen, I know it does not diminish your love for me... Can you say the same babe? Can you let me 'be with' the other woman in our lives?! (me)

Isn't it ironic, that it's not about being female, no sex change planned, no lust for men, simply it balances my yin/yang.. the more my yin can blossom, the less my yang resorts to negative macho habits and I can be a true man!

Isn't it ironic, that yin (female) referes to the shady side of a mountain.. (always knew GG's were hiding something from us) :heehee:

Isn't it ironic, that I will tell you soon, and after all the shite we have recently gone through(and survived) something so innocent and minor will probably undo us..

I..

Shalinkasunrise

06-18-2011, 06:04 AM

DebbieL

07-08-2011, 01:43 AM

CD/TG anonymous 1

I did not tell you in the beginning because it went away for a while when we met. When it came back I was afraid I would lose you.Years and kids happened and I was afraid of losing everything I ever loved.I still am afraid.
[end quote]

If I had known at 10, or 12, or 15, or even 20 what I know at 55, I would have demanded a sex change then. I stayed in the closet (actually between the mattresses) even though my parents found out that I was TG when I was 5. I wanted to be a girl so bad. I didn't have testacles, so I already had a head start. I didn't even know that girls had different "equipment" until I was 5 1/2 years old and my mom was changing my baby sister's diapers.

I so loved playing Barbie dolls with the girls next store and across the street. It was only natural that after trading barbie clothes for several months, that trading real clothes with each other might be fun. I loved it. But when her mom caught me in her daughter's dress, and told me to get back into my clothes, go home, and never come back, and told all the other girls not to ever play with me again, I was so lonely.

Had I known that I would be a virgin from the waist down until I was 21, that I would be too short to satisfy a woman with "that", that I would spend 9 years in a platonic marriage, that my wife would have an affair, leave me to marry her lover, and insist that I pay extra child support and day-care to supplement his disability and her worker's comp, while they got 6 college degrees between them, and still ended up working for minimum wage jobs, and that I would be refused visitation, would have to move 2,000 miles away to be able to afford the child support, live in rented rooms for 10 years, while the wife and kids lived in their 5 bedroom house, that I would spend thousands of dollars on air-fare and hotels to see the kids, only to find out that my former wife and her husband have made other plans for the kids for the entire week, but they could fit me in for a 2 hour supervised visit. That I wouldn't stop paying support until AFTER my daughter was married (to a soldier boy), that I'd have a stroke, and that I would miss my son's wedding, my mother's death, and my grandson's birth.

Yes, if I could send a message back to my 10, 15, or 20 year old self - I would tell myself that come hell or high water, I should do whatever it takes to get that change.

Oh yes, and that Leadership program that insisted that I burn all of Debbie's wardrobe - don't even put it in storage.

And that 15 year long long-distance relationship with the girl who "accepted" my dressing, but couldn't accept that I wanted to live where there would be others like me and support groups and support systems - get out quick.

When my father was dying, and knew he was dying - about 2 months ago, his one wish for me was "If I gave you nothing else, I gave you the ability to be yourself". Yet he was the parent who could not accept Debbie.

Today, I'm out to live life as fully as I can with whatever time I have left.

tiffanythecd2001

07-21-2011, 09:16 AM

im still learning all this transgender stuff

terrianncd

07-27-2011, 03:15 PM

Wow DebbieL

What a powerful story!!! I wish you well and happiness now and forever.

DebbieL

08-08-2011, 10:03 PM

For the TG, telling a spouse you love, you cherish, that you can't imagine living without, about your dressing is a conundrum - a puzzle which can't be solved. The fear is that if we tell you about our true feelings, you would no longer love us, and so we would rather let you have the illusion of normal. We didn't really choose to be who we are, and many of us suffered over years, even decades. A girl who wants to dress and act like a boy is called a tom-boy and for the most part, is accepted. A boy who wants to dress and act like a girl is called a sissy in grade school, a fairy in middle school, and often assumed to be gay in high school. The names often make one a target for violence. When they called me a sissy, it usually meant I was going to be beaten, I had three vertebrae disks compressed, I was dragged across the pavement without a shirt, and worse.

For the TG, there is a very real fear.

Even when I told my wife - before we were married, weeks after we'd moved into an apartment together, she told me she was OK with it, and I didn't find out until 12 years later, after a divorce, being denied visitation, and just about to move across country - that she never accepted it, but didn't want to lose me because she loved me so much at the time.

My heart went out to my ex-wife. It must have been so hard for her too. She loved me and knew I loved her, but she was afraid of losing me, her husband, the father of her children, her provider, her best friend. It was only after she started having an affair that she realized that she could let go of me. She married her lover, and they have been married ever since.

Stacey Rae

08-15-2011, 12:52 PM

As I have said before, my wife knows about me being a CDer. She helped me make that transition. Still after 15 years I'm afraid that she really doesn't like the fact that I feel more me this way than the other. So last night I talked to her about it. I asked her "How does this make you feel, personally?" She said that she really finds me more attractive this way because I present myself to her in more affectionate and understanding way. I'm so lost as to what she ment by that comment. She assures me that we are stronger now in our marriage than ever before, that me dressing the way I feel most comfortable is fine with her. Still in the back of my mind I can't stop wondering if this is tearing her up inside and she is just sparing my feelings, while hiding hers. Then Iwonder if it's me that has the problem with it and that may be why I question this part of my life and marriage.

So Lost in my Feelings right now......

~Stacey