Outting

[battybattybats]

It's a serious concern for us.

People have had ex-partners out them after relationships break down.

The amount of danger we see in being outted and the difficulty in gauging when to trust is one of many reasons why we often don't come out on the first date and then have trouble deciding when if at all is a good time to tell resulting in many staying closetted to wives who otherwise might not be.

People have been fired from their jobs for CDing in their own time after being recognised by co-workers etc.

At the moment theres a documentary on the subject of outting of Gays called Outrage (discussion for it is already in the media section) and about the argument from some in the Gay community that it is ok and even good to out those who are publicly anti-gay or who vote against Gay rights.

So it's worth us considering not just at what point it may be ok to out a CD if at all but also what we can do about being outted?

And if we stay closeted waiting till we have some employment protection or society becomes more accepting so we wont lose friends and family by being out... will that ever happen?

Do we need to be out to be safe from being outted?

[Nicole Erin]

Do we need to be out to be safe from being outted?
Yes.
One person tells a secret, or whatever. And people are just nosy.
Therefore, I don't go to any real length to hide my CD'ing.

[Persephone]

Do we need to be out to be safe from being outted?

Being out is most likely to be the best possibility, but control of that decidedly rests with the individual.

No amount of moral equivalence or anything else can legitimately justify any alternative.

Outing is a form of victimization. It is predatory bullying of GLBTs by GLBTs or anyone else who decides to "out" someone.

Suicide can, and does, result from involuntary outing.

[Intertwined]

Do we need to be out to be safe from being outted?

I am another one that agrees with this statement, My wife and daughter know, my employer knows, I think most of my co-workers know, so there is nothing to be outed about.

Keep in mind, even if your employer has a non-discrimination policy like mine that includes " Actual or Percieved Gender ". If an employer wants to fire you, they can always find a reason if they look hard enough.

[GaleWarning]

I am told that my ex outted me at work when I left her.
Can't say I noticed, though. No-one said anthing.
Perhaps it was because my immediate superiour is a lesbian?
:D

[The Gas Man Cometh]

I once told Rin I would out her. She angered because she was so concerned with passing and going stealth that she in turn abandoned me, saying I was an embarrassment to her in the street, that she would rather fit in with her flock of sheep than stand by my side.

So I asked her, "If a person asked if you were TS, would you tell them yes?"

She said, "No I would tell them 'I'm not trans." I told her that was lying and a betrayal to herself as she would also be erasing her real past and creating a false one, then I told her I would butt in and answer their question for them with the truth!

I now understand how hurtful outing someone like that can be, and I've not done it before. But I soon retracted my threat, leaving her the knowledge of how it's betrayal and self destructive, self deceit rather than a simple lie.


Do we need to be out to be safe from being outted?

I think yes. If every CDer in the world was out, what's left by ways of "CROSSDRESSING SCANDAL! THE SHOCKING TRUTH?"

No one I know can tell another I'm a CDer without the receiver of the 'gossip' replying, "Yeah, I know."

Honestly, life is so easy for me to skip around in a field of daises with a giant, red & beating heart sewn to my sleeve! (Diapers, bowtie and all!! xD <3 )

[shesadvl]

I am told that my ex outted me at work when I left her.
Can't say I noticed, though. No-one said anthing.
Perhaps it was because my immediate superiour is a lesbian?
:D

ex as in ex wife or ex girlfriend???

But dont all of you that CD wish you could be out? but push that line and barrier/boundery, some of you fear to cross....??? no matter the ramifications., to say as I have seen in here yaaaaaaaaaay I did it.,... its like an excitement or dare, to yourself.
:battingeyelashes:

Question I wonder how many of you that CD unwittingly outted yourselves???? :battingeyelashes:

If an ex partner outs you, is this because of something you may have or may not have done???

curious but not bi curious:devil:

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

Do we need to be out to be safe from being outted?

Honestly, that is the only way to be safe from being outed. One cannot out someone who's already out.

Being "safe" is another issue all together for me though.

I'd love to be out, fully, but it could put me in serious danger where I live. What to do? Change locations? I've been thinking about that for some time. Or fight to open minds in my current location? Perhaps a little of both - move, AND open minds from a safer distance.

It is time to change the rules... not that it's news to anyone, but that is what must be done. Being outed should not be of any threat to any of us. It should never put our employment at risk or our lives. Yeah - preaching to the choir, I know. :)

[Kelly Greene]

We are all at risk of being outed all the time and to quote an old but true phrase the best defense is a good offense.
I think that it is best to prep air your self for the fact before hand and if possible choose when and how you will be outed ( on your own terms )

I will be walking the track at Mishawaka High School in Mishawaka Indiana on May 16 in a skirt, heels and blouse to collect money for relay for life- this is how I plan to out myself.
I have given this a lot of thought and talked it over with my wife and we agree that if I am going to keep exploring this side of myself I should take away the ability of some joker to hurt me by outing me for the laugh factor.

I am not doing this lightly I have been thinking this through for a year now and I know I will be made fun of and I know I will be asked a lot of questions. but at least I will have some control over how it goes down instead of being blindsided.

[AllieSF]

I agree that the best way is to take a proactive positition and come out yourself on your own timing and terms. However, that does not always work for everyone, when taking in their own personal situation into consideration. Only that specific individual can make that decision of if, when and how. I am strongly against those that use peer pressure and other means to get someone to do something that they are not ready to do. Therefore, the forced outing of someone for whatever reason is totally wrong, unless that person is clearly doing something illegal or seriously harmful to others. Even so, it may be better in those specific situations to let the proper authorities handle it. What may seem bad for one person (us the third party observer), may not be that bad for a trained pfroffesional.

[Alice Green]

I’m not out to anyone that I know for fear of the ridicule I would suffer, manly because I had a hard childhood and endured lots of teasing, so for now I just fly under the radar. And the job I work everyone is just close-minded so I defiantly wouldn’t want them to know.

[Christina Horton]

Do we need to be out to be safe from being outted?

I am out with everyone at work to. I agree with being out would be the safest way to go. So if you can safely do it I say go for it. If not just hope no one outs you , but you need to think that everybody you tell could out you so be carfull out (punn) there.

[Presh GG]

There isn't anyone, anywhere ,ever that doesn't have a secret. So as mean as this sounds , I must say let the outters beware.
When telling , they too can be outted for some past deed.
I suggest they be kindly be reminded of this.

springtime

[Teri Jean]

Batty,
You are so right, when one knows there is so much fear that they may tell others. But if you canget past the fear and realize you are not in the wrong here you can move forward. Maybe I'm a little fatalistic but if they (the people around you) cannot understand or accept it is their problem not yours. Have fun and be yourself. I wish I could hold hands with all of you because we all have strengths and unfortunatly weaknesses but together we are stronger than the individual.
Sorry for the ranting but have a great day. Huggs

Keli

[Carly D.]

I think of someone might know about some part of my wearing (like when I wore my shoes out to various stores and such) and then telling someone.. I think the reaction would be of disbelief because I don't look or act like someone who would cross dress in the least.. but after being on this site and looking at the before and after pictures I have to say that there are a lot of guys who don't look like they could cross dress and yet they do and they look fantastic doing it.. a lot of guys who look so manly, so.. how can I put it?? well you know?? they look like there's just no way they could transform into anything as nice as they do.. (pretty and cute are descriptives I would use).. but for me and my meager attempts to look fem, being outed just seems so much like if someone was trying to out me they would be trying for attention in some way.. they might succeed in outing me to other people but try to out me to family and either they will get blown off or made a joke of.. like I said I think my older brother knows and my little brother has caught my pantyhose hiding place once or twice.. and I know my little brother found pantyhose at least once for sure (same little brother, just remembered this).. I forgot about this one.. my little brother was getting the electric footfall set out from under my bed and there were some pantyhose on it from the opposite side, when I tossed them down there not thinking they would get caught on the goal posts.. hmmm forgot all about that one till now...

[Intertwined]

I’m not out to anyone that I know for fear of the ridicule I would suffer, manly because I had a hard childhood and endured lots of teasing, so for now I just fly under the radar. And the job I work everyone is just close-minded so I defiantly wouldn’t want them to know.

Sounds like you and I had a similar childhood, I was a loner that didn't fit, teased all the time, but, it was that teasing that has giving me the strength to do what I do now.

[flatlander_48]

At the moment theres a documentary on the subject of outting of Gays called Outrage (discussion for it is already in the media section) and about the argument from some in the Gay community that it is ok and even good to out those who are publicly anti-gay or who vote against Gay rights.

I would go for that. In regards to your other thread, this would be the height of internalized homo/transphobia. The mind is an interesting device relating to how we can compartmentalize things. It's possible for people to separate who they really are from their actions. Wierd, but possible.

I don't think we need to be out to be safe from being outted. It just takes the mindset that you really don't invest any energy in whether or not people know about you. The problem is, however, that it may not make much difference to you but it's a bit different when families, employers, etc. are involved...