Do you enjoy the dichotomy?

[Kate Simmons]

I've noticed that for a lot folks there seems to be a clear demarcation between their "guy" and "girl" feelings. Experiencing one set of feelings en homme and an entirely different set en femme. As if these feelings cannot exist side by side in the same person or at least the same presentation or be faced with the possibility of a diminished capacity perception by others. I understand this because this is how it used to be for myself.

That was until I realized it's okay to be myself and express any way I please regardless of presentation mode. So what if I like feminine stuff in guy mode or guy stuff in feminine mode? The point is if we don't make the effort to change the "status quo" in our own lives no one else will do it for us. The way I see it the point is to enjoy life and enjoy being who we are regardless of what "society" dictates. It has to start somewhere, no?

So my question is: Do you purvey the dichotomy out of perceived necessity or simply because we like to do it and enjoy being two "different" people?

[Christina Horton]

I have the same feelings in drab and en-fem. I just can expresses my fem side better while en-fem.

[Karren H]

I thought a dichotomy was an operation!!

[Juliet Simone]

That was a great post, the question is certainly a valid and pertinent one.
For me the dichotomy has existed largely out of necessity, I've compartmentalized my life so well that the dichotomy is drawn with clear boundaries. Since I am closeted, this distinction is very clear to me. I'm only girly when the opportunity presents itself, and with no others to share with, I don't sweat it. naturally this arrangement has led to the girly/manly split that has defined my life as a crossdresser. Not a lot of mixing, and never the 'twain shall meet!

Now, its been two weeks since I've been on this forum, and joining was driven by my first time in public as Juliet (I came here to get more info on passing). Since then I have come to terms with my crossdressing (I've accepted that I am OK, not messed up, and that I actually like being Juliet, and that it brings a dimension to my life that I find enriching).

So, naturally I have began to express my thoughts and feelings as more feminine while in my manly form (most of my time is spent in the context of being a man). This has come as a surprise to me, something I didn't expect. I thought that as Juliet became a more refined woman, the man part would just stay the same. But NOOOOO.

What does this mean? I hope it means that I am integrating my feminine attributes with my positive manly attributes, so that my time as a man can also include femininity (in actions, behaviors and thoughts). This means to me, that I can practice my feminine characteristics while a man (I practice walking as a woman while dressed as a man), express feminine thoughts while dressed as a man, and change my speech patterns and vocabulary while dressed as a man.

I'm hoping to improve myself through my expression of Juliet, and bringing some of that (nurturing, sweet and feminine) into my manly world will be a good thing. It would be a shame for my best attributes to be present only when I'm wearing a dress.

Ta Ta
Juliet

[joann426]

thats really funny karren:devil:

[Ellen James]

For me it seemed that the dressing came first - and when I started asking myself why I was doing this I realized that part of the reason was that it appeared to bring out into the open a part of me that wasn't being heard or expressed enough. Then I realized that the dressing was helping to open up that side of me more and helped me to hear it more clearly. Now I'm finding that this more feminine side is being expressed more even when I'm in drab or male mode, as if it was being more fully and openly integrated - though I also wonder if isn't just that I'm now more sensitive to those aspects that are generally labeled feminine. As I said when I first joined the forum, these are among the questions I am now trying to answer.

[Ruth]

Well I wouldn't claim to be totally integrated but I am for sure not two different people.
I think what happens is we censor certain parts of our personality in situations where it is required. At family functions I have to be the father and husband. I am known as a man in my job so I present as male and act as "male enough to pass". At my leisure I can allow most or all of my feminine nature to come out, and of course I dress the part.
I daresay a lot of people are doing something of the kind but not necessarily differentiating along the lines of gender.

[deja true]

I thought a dichotomy was an operation!!

I use the dichotomy to look up words I don't know...

But I only have to read it once, 'cos me and what's-his-name are generally on the same page.

;)

[Nicki B]

I thought a dichotomy was an operation!!

Which bit did you think was going to be chopped off? :hiding:


Personally, I'm just the one person, with two faces - other people treat me differently, based on what they think they see..

But, occasionally f**king with their heads can be fun? :devil:

[Kate Simmons]

I thought a dichotomy was an operation!!Yeah, so did I when I first heard the word at a Renaissance meeting years ago :heehee:.BTW what I meant by being two people was from the secret identity aspect. I know that used to excite me. These days, however, I enjoy being either, both or neither with equal aplomb.:)

[spretzatura]

There are certain feelings that I do not have access to if I am not dressed, and other feelings that I can access more easily when I'm dressed.

I think there is a dichotomy, and that by getting dressed or by getting "un"dressed I move into separate realms.

It also seems that it would be better to be completely integrated, but doubt that I ever will be, and don't have a lot of energy in trying to get there.

[Carly D.]

I think I try to be me, whichever clothing I am wearing.. when I get pissed off and I'm wearing my Carly garb, I tend to use the same colorful language I always do.. I really don't have female feelings while dressed, mostly because I wouldn't know how a woman feels.. a couple years ago I got a tiller and had to assemble it.. I got dressed up in my Carly best and went about putting this thing together, no problem except I was being more careful not to snag my pantyhose, other than that everything went like normal...

[gennee]

I am a cross dresser and trans gender who has androgyne qualities and a queer bent. Guess you can say I'm a mixed bag. :D


Gennee

[Kate17]

My wife just told me that I have always been a"little light in the slippers". Her mother even noticed it. All this time I thought I was mr. macho in my male state. Apparently, I have been fooling myself. I like being a guy and doing guy things so yes I like the different states of mind but you can't hide from your real self as I just found out.

[MissConstrued]

Personally, I'm just the one person, with two faces - other people treat me differently, based on what they think they see..

But, occasionally f**king with their heads can be fun? :devil:


My thoughts exactly! There's only enough room in my head for one personality... and the voices... :D

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

It's a necessity for me. There would be no dichotomy without society constantly forcing me to man-up over the years.

I can't say I enjoy the dichotomy, but it is an interesting way to exist. I don't necessarily dislike it. It doesn't feel like two people living in me or anything - it's all me, I just allow different emotions, attitudes, mannerisms, and behaviors to come out depending on which mode I'm in.

It is not likely that I'll ever incorporate "both sides" into a single personality that is displayed regardless of personal presentation. I guess it's kind of like professional mode and personal mode. One often acts differently in a professional environment while at work, than one might act when around just friends, family or by oneself. That is how it will probably be in my life for the foreseeable future. Doesn't bother me much. It's just life as I know it (to almost quote Spok).

[CharleneT]

I struggle against there being a dichotomy, unfortunately there is one still there. I am the same person in either mode, but I do emphasize one or the other as needed. I'd be much happier if it were all one person - all the time - however that might look.

[Ellen James]

My thoughts exactly! There's only enough room in my head for one personality... and the voices... :D

And those would be the voices telling you to save France?:)

Ah, yes, Joan of Arc - one of the earliest recorded cross-dressers.:daydreaming:

[Joanne f]

I have never quite understood this guy versus girl feelings thing as my feelings towards things hardly change whether i have a skirt or trousers on the same as so called doing guy or girl things .
I see that the only difference may be in mood, but then your are going to be in a different mood relaxing in a dress as to doing manual labour in trousers.
And if i did labouring in a dress i would be so worried about spoiling it i would be in a tense mood.
( oh and i thought that word you are on about came after" strapa"):)

[2b.Lauren]

For myself I don't see much of a dichotomy since I don't often look at myself or my dressing or even my inner thoughts as mutually exclusive or contradictory. I am no more or less different when in either mode. I seem to describe the act of dressing more so a complimentary. Meaning that for me the act of dressing fully en-femme allows that female persona inside of me to be joined with the exterior. I have had feelings in the past that have resembled this, but I also feel I have come along way over years in resolving a lot of the conflict between male and female inside of me. I think my growth and acceptance has really helped to extinguish many of those descriptions.

[Alice Torn]

Our minds are infinitely complex mysteries, wrapped in an enigma, like outer space, only inner space.

[Miranda09]

I LOVE this dichotomy. Just proves how complex the human mind is and human sexuality. It's wonderful. :)

[Fab Karen]

Originally Posted by Nicki B View Post
Personally, I'm just the one person, with two faces - other people treat me differently, based on what they think they see..

But, occasionally f**king with their heads can be fun?
YEP. :)

My thoughts exactly! There's only enough room in my head for one personality... and the voices...
MissCon: If you take off the headphones, the voices go away :)

[Dressing Jill]

Hi Arianna

I have no idea what dichotomy is but in a minute I will look it up.

However I am both male and female. I do not dress up in female in public. It is the public that is harsh and cruel. Some day maybe we can dress how we want and be accepted as the unique people that we are. I am not the one to change humanity. There is just to dam many of them and they will get very violent when necessary.

I do not separate my emotions from male and female as I am one or balanced. that does not mean that I don't get emotional or hold back. Life has taught me to be who I am.

People tell me I am unique. And I guess I am and I really try hard to be as outgoing with my personality as I can. If you listen it may take you some time to get rid of me.,LOL....

They tell me I am an artist. But I am just who I am. and will say whatever I can. I am also very strong so men don't challenge me at all. LOL..... Bunch of Pu...........LOL...

Anyways women just love to go shopping with me or out to eat or just spend time together. They also love my salon nails as they most generally don't have as nice of hands as I do.LOL......

So be yourself but be smart about the dress as the public is not always nice about it. If you want to challenge them go for it but be ready to defend yourself also. The cloths don't make the person. It is all in the heart.

good Luck

Hugs :hugs:

Jill




PS: I looked it up on the INTERNET. My opinion as that is just what it is. Is that means a split personality. Good luck with that one. My ex was a certified MPD with 7 distinct personalities. Found out after we got married. She would lose time and not remember things. Is this happening to you???
Good luck

[Nicki B]

My thoughts exactly! There's only enough room in my head for one personality... and the voices... :D

You mean - you hear them too? :silly:


If you take off the headphones, the voices go away :)

Headphones? What headphones..

[marla01]

I love the dichotomy, but it is not a dichotomy of emotions. It is a dichotomy of social expressions and social interactions. It brings me a complete human and social experience that is not possible by solely assuming a single gender role.

Viva la dichotomy.

Marla