Spotted a Sister

[O2B Barbara]

I was out for lunch with my wife and a very special neighbor, pretty much of a second Mom to both of us, and I noticed a woman sitting somewhat across from us in the restaurant with pretty white/blond hair. The more I looked I also noticed that the style was more from the sixties, it was very nice looking just seemed a bit dated with the color and style. I watched her as I could and I also noticed that the way she pushed back her hair was not a natural movemet but rather stiff. I mentioned this to my neighbor and since she also had a clear view, she immediatley said that it was a wig. She is a retired beautician who owned her own shop so she is quick to pick up things like that. As I looked more I saw that this was indeed a fellow crossdresser. Very passable, had it not been for the hair color and style I never would have paid any attention. According to our neighbor, when she went to the "hair shows" there where many crossdressers and she seemed like it was not a big deal. Maybe time to out myself to her?

Anyway, my observation that I would like to share is that: 1. Buy a wig that not only looks good but is in style for your age. 2. The makeup on this person was too perfect. Also made me take a second look. Otherwise I would never have given a second thought other than she was a very attractive woman that cares about how she looks.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

You should have greeted our fellow sister. You probably could have done so with or without outing yourself.

I always ask myself if I'd go out of my way to say hi to a cd if I came across one by chance. If I could do so without being too awkward about it, I probably would. If I was alone or with my wife, I might even tell her it's good to meet another sister. :)

[msginaadoll]

Is it possible it was a woman in a wig? Or maybe a female with a bad haircut and dye job. Ever since I have been out and about i have seen what I have thought could be other CDs. Im not sure if I am getting too overly critical or noticing makeup, movements, etc. more. Just a thought!

[Patricia1]

Remember that old jingle about "only your hairdresser would know" or something like that. Give it a go.

[Christina Horton]

What wood be the right thing go say to a fellow sister. I have heard many girls here say you should never try to (out ) another sister. You might scare her off. Well I feel that we should. But that's just me. I would love for a sister to come over to me and say hi. You see I don't care that people read me ,it's no big deal to (ME). I just wish there was a way we could let each other know wear sisters. But alas no! But for me if you girls see me dressed or in drab come ip and let's talk. In drab I am the one with the long painted nails and long danglly ear rings driving a white freightliner pulling t 48 foot flat bed trailer. If you live in the Us or Canada you might off. Huggs.

[Juliet Simone]

I'm wondering if there is a sign or signal that has the international meaning "hey sister, I'm a crossdresser too" or "crossdressers unite". There has to be, if not there should be.

It would need to be different from a secret handshake or those cryptic hand signals gang members use. How about something like...whipping out a compact, gazing lovingly into the mirror (for just a moment), then SMACK, a big kiss to yourself. Or how about a really quick brisk shimmy? We need a sign!
Any ideas girls?

Ta Ta
Juliet

[Jenny Brown]

You should have greeted our fellow sister.
The # 1 "NOT to do" thing in the cd handbook.
I forgot what page it's on. :doh:
But I've always heard never to acknowledge another cd you don't know in public.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

The # 1 "NOT to do" thing in the cd handbook.
I forgot what page it's on. :doh:
But I've always heard never to acknowledge another cd you don't know in public.

Crap! I knew I was missing something.

They never handed me my official cd handbook! :doh:

I guess that explains why I've never heard that before. I'm curious though - if there is reference to this point somewhere, please point me to it. The last thing I'd ever want to do is make someone uncomfortable, but I'm not sure greeting a stranger with genuine a smile and show of support/acceptance would do such a thing (unless they have a fear of strangers). The only thing I can see it doing is possibly busting someone's passing-bubble.

My mind is already churning all the possibilities for good and bad that could come of such a move. Again, please point me to where this is documented/recommended so that I can better understand the psychology of it. It might be useful information for us all - to know why we should not greet each other in public if not already introduced. Is it just a cd thing, or more cemented in the fact that most people today simply don't introduce themselves to strangers anymore because of the general distrust of strangers present in today's society? I can understand the latter.

[Carin]

The # 1 "NOT to do" thing in the cd handbook.
I forgot what page it's on. :doh:
But I've always heard never to acknowledge another cd you don't know in public.

I'm not so sure about that any more. I think that a TG who is out and about today has developed a self confidence in her self that is not constructed around being invisible. While it would not be polite to make a big deal of it, it is perfectly reasonable to have a conversation or pass a compliment.

Yesterday, waiting for a late arrival at San Francisco airport, I was outside smoking a cigarette. This cute young lady approached from 30 feet away and asked me for a cigarette. She sat down and we chatted. Yes, she was also transgendered and didn't wait too long to state so. I am an obvious transgender, and she obviously picked that up from a distance. So we connected at that level for 10 minutes and then went on our way.

Is it not time to stop pretending like we don't exist, but instead to acknowledge our own existence in the normal course of events.

[NewDresser]

I have never been out while dressed but I would think that if you acknowledge a sister it could have negative confidence consequences. If I thought I did pass and was out in public and someone came up to me and hinted that they knew I might be a little embarrassed and upset that I don't pass as well as I thought I might. But that may just be me, I tend to be a little overly sensitive with self esteem issues.

[Persephone]

Mensa members used to identify each other by wearing a small, colored map tack (http://www.omnimap.com/cgi/graphic.pl?images/access/head-size.jpg) (I probably shouldn't reveal the specific color). It's a tiny symbol, not very noticable by outsiders.

Perhaps we could adopt something similar, say in a pale blue or some other pastel.

I've always felt that it wasn't necessarily appropriate to greet a "sister." Mostly because it does scream "Hey! You are not passing."

I always thought it would bother me, but the one time another crossdresser approached me, it was really a pleasant experience.

I was in a mall in the early morning before the stores were open, exercise walking with a GG friend. We were chatting about crossdressing and passed someone dressed mostly as a male.

Later, I made another lap alone and he approached me. He said, "Hi! I think we have something in common."

After we started to talk a bit he said, "I never would have realized except that I heard your voice and a bit of your conversation."

We sat and had some coffee and chatted. It was fun.

[MissConstrued]

I've always felt that it wasn't necessarily appropriate to greet a "sister." Mostly because it does scream "Hey! You are not passing."



And all the townsfolk "oohed" and "aahed" and admired the Emperor's new clothes... such magnificent fabrics! Such wonderful cuts! Such amazing tailoring!

Except for one thoughtless little boy.

I say, if you can't handle the occasional conversation with a stranger, stay home in your closet. I think anyone who dresses up and goes public has a brass pair to begin with. A meet'n'chat should pose no threat.

Don't smile and say "hello" to someone who likely has more life experiences in common with you than your own siblings? What a stupid feckin' idea!

[O2B Barbara]

Is it possible it was a woman in a wig? Or maybe a female with a bad haircut and dye job. Ever since I have been out and about i have seen what I have thought could be other CDs. Im not sure if I am getting too overly critical or noticing makeup, movements, etc. more. Just a thought!

One thing I look for is the Adams Apple. Not that there aren't GG's with a small Adams Apple, but it is fairly uncommon.

As for being overly critical, I don't think many of us are in that vein of thought. I think it is more like buying a new car and then noticing how many are on the road. For me it is more of a quest for support. Seeing a fellow CD out and about just lends support and acceptance to what I do and gives me courage to continue.

Along other replies, I would be happy to have someone come up and discretely say Hi Sister.

[Jonianne]

One thing I look for is the Adams Apple. Not that there aren't GG's with a small Adams Apple, but it is fairly uncommon......

Don't count on an adam's apple too much, I knew a very thin young lady in my church years ago (she became pregnate twice and gave birth!) who had as much an adam's apple as any thin male.

[noeleena]

Hi...you are right it would be nice to meet an other trans girl yet i wont because i am out all the time . where we are i would be the only one thats known by most of the people in the shops plus others who see me most weeks the thing is . how you go about meeting people . do you talk to strangers .. or just buisness people .
Doing camara work allows me to meet many people . groups i attend & being known i treat every one the same .. in my approch. wether male . female or kids . deajarn our grand kid is with me a lot so the parks are neat . dejarn goes & plays with the other kids & i talk to the mums & dads ....if a trans girl is there ill just see her as any other woman if she wants to talk & say hi .. i wont be asking if shes trans ..... even if i really wont to . give her the option. . because she may not have that self confidence that you have ... some times we need to think .. she may not really be happy being put on the spot ...
...noeleena...

[Sarah_GG]

I watched her as I could and I also noticed that the way she pushed back her hair was not a natural movemet but rather stiff. I mentioned this to my neighbor and since she also had a clear view, she immediatley said that it was a wig. She is a retired beautician who owned her own shop so she is quick to pick up things like that. As I looked more I saw that this was indeed a fellow crossdresser.

Having noticed that she was transgendered, perhaps it would've been better if you'd not watched her or discussed her with your neighbour at all? If you're not out and about 'dressed' then it's a little unfair to approach anyone with a knowing wink, unless you're prepared to introduce yourself as a fellow (no pun intended) CDer.

How might you feel if you did have the courage to venture out and two people across the room seemed to be having a whispered conversation about your presentation?

:)

[Di]

How might you feel if you did have the courage to venture out and two people across the room seemed to be having a whispered conversation about your presentation?
:)
I totally agree with Sarah...if she noticed it prob gutted her/ made her nervous then maybe thats why she pushed back her hair in a not so a natural movement.Kudos for her for going out!
Thumbs down for you all for the way you responded to her.

[Deborah Jane]

Many here are talking about say "Hi" to a sister

Can any of us be 100% convinced that we are actually noticing a sister?

What would happen if you went over and said "Hi" and she turned out to be a GG?

Just a thought!!

[gender_blender]

The # 1 "NOT to do" thing in the cd handbook.
I forgot what page it's on. :doh:
But I've always heard never to acknowledge another cd you don't know in public.

Not all CDs/TVs/TGs are as closeted as others. Don't assume they are, especially if they're confident enough to be in public. Personally, any opportunity I get to increase general awareness of transgender issues, I take. I openly enjoy confusing people with my natural feminine beauty and my transgender pride, appreciating complements on my long acrylic nails, long beautiful hair or professionally maintained eyebrows.

Charlie

[linnea]

Having noticed that she was transgendered, perhaps it would've been better if you'd not watched her or discussed her with your neighbour at all? If you're not out and about 'dressed' then it's a little unfair to approach anyone with a knowing wink, unless you're prepared to introduce yourself as a fellow (no pun intended) CDer.

How might you feel if you did have the courage to venture out and two people across the room seemed to be having a whispered conversation about your presentation?

:)

I think this too.

[Rita B]

I think all of us are on the lookout for "sisters" when we are in public whether dressed up n or in drab. It's only natural. Unfortunately, because of our beards and our skins we often have to use heavier makeup than the average woman does, unless we are lucky enough to have had laser surgery. I do agree about the hair style though. The length of your hair is also something that people pick up on, especially if you are over 50. Now if the sister you saw had been shopping at Nordstrom or Sak's she probably would have blended in better. It's good to want to look nice but we have to be conscious of our surroundings

[Sarah...]

Having noticed that she was transgendered, perhaps it would've been better if you'd not watched her or discussed her with your neighbour at all? If you're not out and about 'dressed' then it's a little unfair to approach anyone with a knowing wink, unless you're prepared to introduce yourself as a fellow (no pun intended) CDer.

How might you feel if you did have the courage to venture out and two people across the room seemed to be having a whispered conversation about your presentation?

:)

My view entirely.

Sarah...

[MAJESTYK]

I am divide I suppose on the issue. On one hand , it would be nice to see someone out and about and I have many times, but I think it should be under the right attitude. Tact is most definitely called for in any situation. If someone happens to see me out and about however, please feel free to say something as long as it's not yelled across the produce section at Wally-world and as long as it's something nice.:D..... by the way, dont look for an adam's apple, I dont have one!

[Persephone]

I say, if you can't handle the occasional conversation with a stranger, stay home in your closet. I think anyone who dresses up and goes public has a brass pair to begin with. A meet'n'chat should pose no threat.

Don't smile and say "hello" to someone who likely has more life experiences in common with you than your own siblings? What a stupid feckin' idea!

Ah, Construed, you have such a delicate feminine way of saying things, it's what I so like about you.

I do agree that anyone who "dresses up and goes public" had better be able to be comfortable having conversations with strangers. Talking to one another is a female fact of life.

You'll be shopping, stop to look at a blouse, and the woman next to you will say, "Oh! That's really cute!"

You have to respond.

You'll be washing your hands in the Ladies' Room and a woman will say, "What a beautiful ring!"

You have to respond.

You may even be comfortable enough to initiate such conversations.

But that doesn't mean that you necessarily want to make a crossdressing sister uncomfortable.

Nor do I want to feel I've been "read" as a crossdresser unless it is pretty apparent that the other person is definitely a "sister" as well.

[Jenny Brown]

I openly enjoy confusing people with my natural feminine beauty and my transgender pride, appreciating complements on my long acrylic nails, long beautiful hair or professionally maintained eyebrows.
ok...I think this should have gone in a thread about modesty somewhere...:heehee:

[O2B Barbara]

Having noticed that she was transgendered, perhaps it would've been better if you'd not watched her or discussed her with your neighbour at all?
:)

I agree with you here that staring and having wispered conversations in such a manner as to be noticed by the other person is totally rude, and crude to say the least. We were several tables away and since the restaurant was quite crowded most people had to lean in to talk without shouting. I am sure that there was no staring or gestures that would appear to raise any concerns for our sister. As for discussing with the neighbor, she is actually the one that made the initial comment. Most discussion came after we had left the restaurant and that was minimal. She is very open and accepting, and while I have not offically outed myself to her, my wife and I are both quite sure she knows and accepts.

[BillieJoe]

Within the last 18 months I've spotted three sisters out and about. The first was a young CDer who looked absolutely terrified about being out in public. She really didn't present well. (This was in a large shopping mall)
The second was in our local grocery store. I could tell right away by the way she was dressed and her mannerisms. The dead give away was when she carried on a short conversation with the checkout lady. Also her size was sort of a giveaway.
Thirdly, just a few short weeks ago I saw another woman in line at the same store. Very feminine voice. She presented well(better than the other two) but then I noticed her shaved hands. Very huge and very masculine looking despite the nail polish and finger tips. Thats when I started picking up on other things that gave her away. When it was my time to checkout the saleslady kind of rolled her eyes at me as if to say, "Did you see THAT"? The checkout lady in case number two above treated the lady in front of her very decently and when it was my time to check out she didn't make any comments or references to the CDer whatsoever.
I didn't approach any of these ladies although I kicked myself later for not doing so.
Also for the last four or five years there has been a guy walking around or city wearing women's clothes. He always wears a beard and of course is a dead give away. Hes also very scary and I don't think I would ever approach him. Theres something about him that just doesn't say 'sister'.

[gender_blender]

ok...I think this should have gone in a thread about modesty somewhere...:heehee:

Most threads here are about modesty... or generic entertaining survey.
Welcome to the CD forums!

[DianneRoberts]

" Also her size was sort of a giveaway. "
" hands. Very huge and very masculine looking despite the nail polish and finger tips."

So I'm sentenced to the closet or only allowed minimum exposure ( at night in the shadows ) to the rest of the world for being big. It's just not fair.

Like the elephant man

I guess that mkes up for the guys in High School that were 5' nothing that were picked on. I wish I was 5' nothing.

I'd be "spotted" for certain even with a full professional make-over.

Maybe I should give up.
I'm so upset right now,

big freak, Dianne

[Persephone]

Maybe I should give up.
I'm so upset right now, big freak, Dianne

Screw what everyone else thinks, Dianne.

We all have assets and liabilities, just as GG's do. They live with, and obsess about, theirs, just as we live with and obsess about ours.

Do what you can, live well, love yourself and enjoy!

[Diane Smith]

Maybe I should give up.
I'm so upset right now,

big freak, Dianne

Dianne, remember that we, in a way, are "professionals" at spotting other transgendered people -- we know well what are the weak points in our presentation, and go out of our way to check out others we see to learn from how they handle their own. It is far more likely that you might be read by another CDer than by the general public in casual contact.

Even if you don't "pass" completely (and that's a word I pretty much don't use anyway), if you present yourself well you can go a long way to overcome the "freak" image.

Don't let it get you down. The rewards of being out and about in the community far outweigh the distress caused by the disapproval of a few.

- Diane