Ever have a TG related misunderstanding?

[Krista1985]

I've felt guilty about this since the day it happened,

I might as well confess here. You have been an understanding crowd so far, so here goes nothing. My first job in undergrad was at the Credit Union on my campus, I was basically a teller but they had a different title, i digress.

All day long, I processed transactions, to make it more fun we competed to see who could process the most. We shortened our job description to, 'punching through trannies' referring to transactions, not TV's. We all knew what the term tranny meant in the mainstream lexicon, but we didn't make the connection, it was totally innocent. Honestly I didn't see the harm in it at the time, very short-sighted of us all. :o

At this point in my life I was still deeply in denial, having not acknowledged my own issues with gender. That didn't stop me from recognizing a rather convincing TS woman in my line one afternoon. She was on the tall side, but lean and passable except for a few small details I happened to notice, but to everyone else around me she passed. That detail is important.

I addressed her as Miss as we begun the transaction. Afterall, I was in-denial, not in-considerate. Enter co-worker Johnny, not his real name, at stage left. The TS woman has her back turned to my counter, no visible details regarding her original gender were evident. Without missing a beat, before I could stop him by interrupting, co-worker Johnny says, "Hey Chris, how many trannies did you punch out today?" :doh:

I could see my customer turn red,
She turned around and in a not so passable voice says, "Excuse me?" Co-worker Johnny was stunned, and began stammering out apologies. I did my best to keep calm, finished up her deposit, and said, "Have a nice day miss." as she left in a huff. She probably thought we were members in some kind of hate group, and I can't say I blame her.

I feel very much ashamed that our unintended insensitivity caused our customer such embarrassment, especially now that I know what I know about myself. Needless to say we changed our rank-and-file slang so that would never happen again. Still, I pretended to laugh with all my cis-gendered co-workers long after she'd left, once we'd locked the doors and began closing up. Even as I chuckled I knew it was wrong and inappropriate to do so.

So I am truly sorry to my customer from all those years ago, wherever she may be. Forgiveness please!

Has anyone here been on either side of a TG related misunderstanding?

[~Kelly~]

Had I been in the line, I may have reacted the same way. Regardless of how innocent it was, she was not in on the inside joke. I am not in any way placing blame......just pointing out that from her perspective it must have been traumatizing! Imagine how she felt the rest of the day. The anxiety associated with every single trip back to the bank for her periodic banking. The self consciousness she undoubtedly struggled with following this encounter. Had it been me, I would have closed my account that day and gone somewhere else.
I realize it was not meant to be cruel and in fact was not even said by you, but oftentimes, it is the unintentional things that hurt the most. I guess this is just a plea to everyone to use this as an example of how to be careful of what you say.
I hope you don't think I am trying to pick on you. Like I said, I totally realize it was an accident. And I don't want you to feel guilty because it WAS an accident. I just want others to realize that accidents CAN happen and that they CAN hurt.
Also realize that some times when you are on the receiving end of one of these, that it very well may not have been intentional or even directed at you at all.

[Christina Horton]

when I was a kid the transformers were new in the tv sat cartoons. I use to sing (transverites faggot's in disguse) I did not know what transverite ment. I just heard it and used it for my little song. Funny how close I was to what a transvetite is. As a kid I did not know better. I knew I wanted to dress like a girl but did not make the connection LOL. So I think she would forgive you. I do sister. Don't feel gultiy to much we all do dumb things all the time. I do.

[Jessica Who]

Oh my goodness, that must have been extremely awkward for you. I've never had any experience like that, what a misunderstanding !

[Krista1985]

I agree completely with what you've said Kelly.

And I'd like to thank you for pointing out that I didn't utter the offensive words, and acknowledging that my intent was not to share a joke, but rather to confess to a very serious breech of judgment on behalf of myself and co-workers. We employed a suspect term in our office vocabulary, it was unacceptable and led to disaster.

It's unacceptable to throw around terms like that. It reminds me of an example from the movie Doubt about words and their potential to do harm...

A woman gossiped about a man she didn't know well, and felt guilty so she went to confession. After telling her priest about her gossiping, he instructs her to go onto the roof of her home, and stab then gut a pillow, and return.
She does this at once, and upon returning the priest asks about the results.

"Feathers, feathers everywhere father." she says.

"Ah yes, a million little feathers, now go back and clean them up." instructed the priest.

"I cannot father." she protests, "the wind has scattered them everywhere."

"And that is gossip." the father said, recognizing the impossibility of undoing the damage caused by her words.

So just as I cannot undo the damage I caused to that poor woman and her confidence that day at the Credit Union, perhaps my mis-step can serve as a cautionary tale to others. :sad:

I feel marginally better.

[Joan Merrie]

Krista, I have to agree with Kelly on this one. Sometimes the not intentional comments hurt the worst. I know you regret what was said.
I have 2 questions. If you had it to do over, (Knowing what you do now) would you have laughed about it after hours? Or took up for the girl, and face the ridicule of your coworkers?:hugs:

[Krista1985]

That's easy for me to answer now Joan,

I wouldn't laugh, and I'd make it a point to mention how awful that must have been for our customer. I think that's all it would have taken, I was a freshman but I had the respect of my co-workers. If I would have taken a stand against laughing I am sure they would have stopped and not given me any grief. They too are reasonable people, they just see things very differently and might have benefited from the insiders explanation.

I know better now,

But back then I still had some internal struggles broiling, and when it came to things like that I usually chose the path of least resistance. As much as I am convinced they'd have listened to me, I wanted to fit in too.

I can't change the past till Sony releases Playstation 8 (its got Blue Ray capability, backward compatibility, and time travel features), then it's priority number one.

[Sarah_GG]

Well done for owning up to it! I'd say it's been playing on your mind. It wasn't your fault though and, as you say, you were completely in denial yourself.

I also cringe to think back to a time a couple of years before I met my CDing SO. I was out to lunch with my boss when a CDer and her colleagues came and sat at our adjacent table. We didn't stare or discuss her, but after she'd settled her bill and gone my boss asked the waitress "was that a man?" The waitress would not engage or dignify his question with a response, but I was left feeling embarrassed as he then proceeded to ask the waitress "Did she have big hands?".

Although these words did not come from my mouth, I've always regretted not telling my boss to "zip it".

[~Kelly~]

It's unacceptable to throw around terms like that. It reminds me of an example from the movie Doubt about words and their potential to do harm...

A woman gossiped about a man she didn't know well, and felt guilty so she went to confession. After telling her priest about her gossiping, he instructs her to go onto the roof of her home, and stab then gut a pillow, and return.
She does this at once, and upon returning the priest asks about the results.

"Feathers, feathers everywhere father." she says.

"Ah yes, a million little feathers, now go back and clean them up." instructed the priest.

"I cannot father." she protests, "the wind has scattered them everywhere."

"And that is gossip." the father said, recognizing the impossibility of undoing the damage caused by her words.

So just as I cannot undo the damage I caused to that poor woman and her confidence that day at the Credit Union, perhaps my mis-step can serve as a cautionary tale to others. :sad:

I feel marginally better.

I absolutely LOVE this analogy! And just in case it didn't come across that way earlier, I DO appreciate the fact that you are open about this now and that you are a better person as a result. :thumbup:

[Tiffany Tuesday]

She probably thought we were members in some kind of hate group, and I can't say I blame her.

I feel very much ashamed that our unintended insensitivity caused our customer such embarrassment, especially now that I know what I know about myself. Needless to say we changed our rank-and-file slang so that would never happen again. Still, I pretended to laugh with all my cis-gendered co-workers long after she'd left, once we'd locked the doors and began closing up. Even as I chuckled I knew it was wrong and inappropriate to do so.

So I am truly sorry to my customer from all those years ago, wherever she may be. Forgiveness please!

Has anyone here been on either side of a TG related misunderstanding?

Kirsta,

misunderstandings are just that and your intentions were not nasty and you and co-workers learned to be more aware in future.

That your co-workers laughed afterwards was only human. It is a shame the TS woman got an unintentional hurt but we have to accept we cannot always right wrongs or put things right. Sometimes, like trying to get a wayward wild bird out of your house we can do more harm trying to do good, than just sitting back accepting nature as it is and let life get on with it naturally.

What is as nasty as rudeness, is humourless overt political correctness which I understand was a communist invention of the late 19th Century, yet has grown like a cancer to common sense in the modern democratic western world.

As kids my mom's mantra to us was Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me, . The severest "misunderstandings" are those where i got beaten up, firstly by an ex-boyfriend a while back, then on the street last year for looking too feminine when stupidly trying to look male. So call me what you will, just so long as people stop hitting me for being me, for being different.

Ironically, the Criminal Compensation people were on the phone yesterday with a financial offer from the Govt for my injuries from that incident. They wanted to know what title to use on the cheque ( wow I may get my reconstructive dental bills back, I hope) ... Mr, Miss or Ms? They meant for my bank account. But y'know what, I realised I don't care, I am me whatever the title people use, whatever joke they make in ignorance or innocence, acceptance is good in any name!

Hugz
Tiff x

[Christina Horton]

krista think of this. She may be on this this site! So if she reads this she may laugh and forgive you. When we go out dressed we all risk getting hurt by names or rocks.It may not even bothered her much. She may have just said something to make sure you were put in your place. I very much she did not take it to heart and hurt her, but as mean as it might sound ,we all risk it ever time.We as Cders need a thick skin , but not all of us have it. So try to forgive yourself Hun. I am sure if she knew how bad you feel she would. Huggs.

[Joan Merrie]

That's easy for me to answer now Joan,

I wouldn't laugh, and I'd make it a point to mention how awful that must have been for our customer. I think that's all it would have taken, I was a freshman but I had the respect of my co-workers. If I would have taken a stand against laughing I am sure they would have stopped and not given me any grief. They too are reasonable people, they just see things very differently and might have benefited from the insiders explanation.

I know better now,

But back then I still had some internal struggles broiling, and when it came to things like that I usually chose the path of least resistance. As much as I am convinced they'd have listened to me, I wanted to fit in too.

I can't change the past till Sony releases Playstation 8 (its got Blue Ray capability, backward compatibility, and time travel features), then it's priority number one.

Krista, My post was for the folks in the position, now that you was in. I hope your honest answer, will make someone stand up for the different person, and see if they don't they will regret it, later on in life. I'm so happy you have owned up and told us this. Karma can jump up and bite you in the***, when you least expect it.
W/:love:&:hugs: Joan

[Lora Olivia]

when I told her I'd been a keen TV since I was aged six.

It was some time later that she told me that she'd found that conversation quite confusing. Apparently she'd spent the first few minutes thinking I was talking about my enthusiasm for TeleVision!

ROFL
When a girl starts thinking she is a Television, you know it has to be time to call the whitecoat men.

[Aleca]

I've not been in a situation with TG's like that before but have experienced where people have said things that got interpreted the wrong way. It just happens, something that got misinterpreted and your bank is fortunate no charges of discrimination were pressed against them. That's an interesting story/ scenario. I've not heard the term "trannie" used before for anything other than a TG person.

[DonnaT]

I've not heard the term "trannie" used before for anything other than a TG person.

Is used all the time in car repair shops, especially transmission shops.