My wife found me out

[Roberta-Jane]

I have not posted for a while.

6 weeks ago my wife found a pair of my panties.

A fortnight of horrible times followed. But at least we talked. in fact we talked and we talked and we talked and then we talked some more. We are still together and still talking.

Despite the problems that we still have between us, we have developed a very special and close intimacy that both of us do not want to lose. We agreed to continue to be very honest about our feelings.

My wife struggles to understand cding and who can blame her as most of us do not either. She has had this thrust on her through absolutely no fault of her own. I love her for the fact that she is even trying to understand something that I still do not. I love her for staying with me. This feeling of deeply felt love is so wonderful.

I hope that all of you that hide from your wives/SO's are as lucky as I am when your partner finds out. Think carefully about telling her because she deserves that trust from all of us.

I am so glad the denial is over. But that has meant my burden of 44 years is now also my wife's. That is selfish of me but I will have to learn to live with that. I hope that I can repay the loss of trust with my devotion to this wonderful woman.

We both are beginning to believe that the future exists again for us. It will be a bumpy road but one I am already happily travelling down.

To my wife........... I love you with all my heart.

Peace


Roberta-Jane

[Val Tan]

why not invite your wife over to the forums? or i have a bunch of links here (http://sgpanties.info/forum-6.html) that you could show her...

i think it'll help ease the understanding process

[CharleneCD]

Roberta Jane, Best of luck to you and your wife working this out. The fact that you are talking and she hasnt left is a very good sign. From experience I can tell you that you two will have your ups and downs, but things should be much better overall.

[StephanieCD]

Good for you both. Sounds like there is respect in your relationship - that's good. Don't let it die.

good luck to both of you!

[Tristen Cox]

why not invite your wife over to the forums? or i have a bunch of links here (http://sgpanties.info/forum-6.html) that you could show her...

i think it'll help ease the understanding process
Her wife IS already here ;)

[Pip]

I can honestly say that the support of my wife is the only reason that I can do this. It is what makes it enjoyable and fulfilling to me. I am glad for you that it is now out in the open, though sorry that it came as it did. I hope for both of you that you can find common ground in all of this. Our relationship has flourished since the discovery of CD'ing in me. I can only hope that you also can find a way to make your relationship flourish from this gift.

Best of life wishes!

Pip

[uknowhoo]

Well, I hope you have made it through the toughest part. Best wishes to the both of you. May you come through this stronger and closer, having adjusted to your "new" reality (consciously new for her anyway).
Hopefully yours, Tammi

[Jenny Beth]

By talking you are doing what is needed most. It sounds like you have a strong relationship to begin with and as your wife tries to understand your feelings chances are she will not see your crossdressing as a threat. I wish you luck in working this out.

[Krystal Lee]

As you say your burden is now hers also. It sounds as if the love you share will help carry both of you through and into more understanding. My wife was amasing during that time and from experiance the best thing is staying in communication. She will have questions you won't have answers for to start but if she sees you as being open now it will go a long long way. Best of luck to both of you. Hugs Krystal.

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

in the first week of meeting my now wife i showed her im a crossdresser :D

the best thing any cd could do is when u first meet someone u want to have a future with is to tell them ur a cd,, that way ur not out much if she cant handle it....

[MisterMissy]

Roberta-Jane's wife will read about this here first, won't she?

[DonnaT]

Good luck to you both Roberta-Jane. Love can usually carry the day.

[Wendy me]

good luck and it sounds like your doing ok ..my wife knows but is not supportive ....working on it....

[emmicd]

Roberta Jane,

As many of the girls here have advised me when I came upon this website and confided about my cross dressing and living in secrecy, keeping it from my wife they have all been supportive and they all speak from their own experiences. Its not easy being a cross dresser and for that fact a married cross dresser with family like myself. I take one day at a time and try to dress as I can.

I wish you both well!

Emmi

[Dixie Darling]

The IMPORTANT thing, more than anything else at the moment, is that you’re communicating. Be thankful for that and understand that keeping those communication channels open and free flowing is the key to understanding for both of you. There are many of us out here in CD cyberspace who aren’t that fortunate.

You seem to realize that this is something that she has been suddenly informed about that you, as a crossdresser, have been contending with all your life. My congratulations to you on understanding that she will need time to adjust to it and (hopefully) ultimately accept it as being a part of your personality that’s actually been there all the time.

Others here have provided you with encouragement and some really informative links that can be of assistance in helping her to learn about what crossdressing is (and what it ISN’T). I would also like to invite you to have her look at the information available on my website. You don’t need to be concerned about finding anything there that would be an embarrassment to you or to your wife – just some down-to-earth information that’s “G” rated and designed for those who are looking for some serious answers to their serious questions.

Dixie Darling -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[Rachel Morley]

Lots of good advice already said. I agree with others, there is one thing you must keep doing with each other.... and that is talking and listening. Don't let anything get said without the other listening and fully understanding.

You must open up completely with each other and trust in the love that you have together. Your feelings and love for one another are still there. Good luck and be tolerant of each other's boundaries.

Best wishes

[liz lesbow]

HI , Hang in there. I told my wife two weeks ago by accident. (see liz lezbo’s member intro) My fears were large to say the least. That is how I came to join the group. Now since I told her we have been shopping three times. I asked her to go into Fredrick’s and buy me one pair of panties just to see what she would pick out. . She came out with six pair. We went shopping for a 42B bra ( my first that fits) . She paid for it. I guess the only problem with our shopping together is that she wants new dress’s as well so everything costs me double. She seems to accept me in the house but keeps saying she will not go out with me. I have been wearing lipstick and short night gowns or bra every night since. Her biggest problem is she says she is afraid that I might turn gay. The most fun part is that when we go out to dinner she wears my #8 forms and she loves them. All and all after the first two weeks we seem to accepting the new situation. Our love life has improved and we seem to talk to each other more about how much we love each other . I make sure to tell her every day how much I love and appreciated her acceptance of me. After over 30 years of marriage I whish I had told her when I married her. Just look at the fun I missed sharing with her.

So hang in there. I hope everything works out for you both. My guess is that a whole new world has opened up to you both.

[Holly]

Hi Roberta-Jane,

All I have to offer is more encouragement. I, too, am married to a wonderfully supportive and compassionate wife. I won't try and tell you that it has all been easy... we've had out moments! But surprisingly enough, very few of them have anything to do with my crossdressing. If I test the boundaries too far, she feels safe in telling me... if I need more freedom to express myself, I have no fear in telling her. We've reached this point because we trust our love enough to believe we want the best for one another.

Honey, it's worth the effort! Keep talking to her... but even more important, keep LISTENING to her.