How do I tell if a guy is a transman ?

[JenJenNumber9]

Asking for some advice from my trans brothers.

Last weekend, I met a cute guy at a lesbian bar. I say he but first let me describe him.

He was born female. He dressed in exclusively male atire. He did not have any jewelery on and his eyebrows were an unplucked ungroomed forest of hair. My intuition tells me he is a transguy. But, he has no facial hair, his voice is not low, and if he is trans I don't think he is on T. He referred to himself as Alex and when he gave me his number, it was Alex not alexis or alexandra. His hand writing was also very dude like. I could not tell if he was binding. The bar was dark and his clothes were baggy.

This next observation may seem odd but it was his reaction to what I suppose was my feminine (and probably somewhat flirty) body language that gave me the feeling that he may be trans. He leaned back, spead his legs wide, and adopted strongly masculine body language and posture. He maintained this (without apparent affection) for the rest of the time we were talking.

So, anyway, we are going to meet again and I was wondering if any of the guys around here could give me some insight into some clues or ways to probe conversationally before I have to make a choice on pronouns.

Having read on this board how much pleasure and pain some of you guys receive when someone uses the right pronouns, I want to use a pleasureable and validating pronoun; hopefully casually spoken as a given.

I think he is trans however if he is really a dyke, I guess caliing him a guy would be veiwed as offensive.

So guys, what do you think ? How can I tell ?

[Thornton]

How about simply asking Alex?

[SirTrey]

I'm with Thornton, I think you should just ask him.....You might say something like, "Do you prefer male or female pronouns?" I think that would be more sensitive than asking him directly if he is trans or a dyke (ie: What are you?)....It's not an out of line question, either, because I know several dykes who do not consider themselves to be trans, but still prefer male pronouns....And, asking that question may get him to open up as to his status, etc., and you may end up finding out what you want to know simply by asking that one question....Since he does prefer male attire, and has male mannerisms, it's not an out of line question, how he presents does suggest that he prefers to be outwardly masculine, if not male....but the fact that you met him at a lesbian bar also suggests that he may just be a very masculine-leaning dyke....So just ask him....Better that than to assume and offend him by using the wrong pronouns. Hope that helps. **Trey**

[John]

I'd say... ask them if an oppertune moment comes up, but maybe try to sus it out a little first.

Technically, yeah, if you're not sure about someone ask, and I'm sure nearly all transfolk would understand and just give you a strate answer without being insulted... but there's always the chance they're not trans, and then the chance that they might get quite upset about it, so try subtle before you try frank (but don't be affraid to try frank if subtle fails dismaly).

[Ze]

Definitely just ask him. I know some people can get offended by that, but just tell him that the reason you're asking is so you don't offend him. *shrugs* I've noticed people seem to be much more comfortable around others when things have been blatantly put on the table. And accepted, of course.

[Erica A.]

As long as I remembered "his" name was Alex, what difference would the rest make? You said he was cute didn't you? You are going to see him again, aren't you? Consider the rest "pot luck". :heehee: -Erica

[JenJenNumber9]

ya'll.

[MJ]

first you must suspect something. i worked with a trans guy for a year and never know a thing. only when i had to start my real life test did he tell me.
now days i have learned if i see a guy i treat him like a guy.

[handyman]

I agree with Thornton. Obviously you had some intimate conversation to find out he was born female. So you could ask something to the effect of "I know you were born female but you present yourself very much as male. Which do you prefer, male or female pronoun (he or she)?"
Alex isn't going to mind your asking because you are indicating an interest.