limelight

[stephaniedoes]

good afternoon all... thought i'd throw this out because i need to vent.. last night my wife went into a very emotional place with my wanting to be femme, she told me she fell in love with a man and that shes not into girls, but the big hit was when she told me i was stealing the limelight from her, not caring about how she looks and feels when she making herself hot for a lack of better words.. that i only pay attention to myself being more femme then how she looks and feels, i sat there with my mouth open not knowing quite what to say other then thats not true, im always telling you how beautiful you look. i was in a sort of shock at her comment, thought she was being a touch selfish and that it was all about her.. i understand she probly said it without thinking first but she doesnt understand that the slightest words have great effect... yes i do put much into myself but i do not steal any light. she broke my heart, thought we were more then that. i know she married a man but i said without trying to stur any more water that they are just clothes and im still me. just because i wanna wear pretty things that are soft doesnt change who u fell in love with. she then said that im a man and that im not suppose to wear pretty, soft things and that if she wanted a woman she would have one that was real.. very hurtful words but as the night passed she settled with things and went about as nothing happened, but i know her and she didnt forget her feelings about it. what should i do? i attemted to make her avail. for this site but backed out of it at last min. thought she might get help here.. what do i do? steph...

[Rogina B]

I can relate to your post as my wife is young and beautiful.we only have a cute 7 yr old daughter ,so that makes 3 girls in the house! Pay as much attention to her as you can and encourage her as she tries to look her best.she feels that she is competing with the unknown girl..i always remind my wife how beautiful she is and how easy it is for a pretty girl to look beautiful rather than a guy doing a full transformation only to be questionable at best! Works for me..

[Karren H]

In my humble opinion, she feels her femininity is threatened by your wants and its a valid point.. My wife feels she married a man and doesn't want a girlfriend and hey... If you didn't tell her before you got marrried then she didn't sign up for that.. So I fear that if you keep pushing this on her then she will surely leave.. Slow down and let he move at her pace, not yours..

[LisaM]

Stephanie,

I understand how you feel. My spouse and I go through similar confrontations but then they subside and she is much more accepting. I agree with Rogina--keep telling her how beautiful she is, make a fuss when she makes herself up, keep telling her that you love her. She wants to be loved by the person she feels she fell in love with---over time she will hopefully learn to deal with this other side of you.

[Rachel M]

I went through a very similar situation. For many of us on here have no acceptance or dialogue with their SO on the how situation. I think your wife needed to just get that off of her chest. She honestly may have been feeling neglected and her social role to be your hot sexy mama was being infringed upon. My ex went through that because of the time, energy, and excitement dressing would do to me. She would lash out some times because she would feel i do "woman" better than she does. I would always take time to compliment her and put my needs a side to cater to hers as well. So, maybe tell her "thanks" for being real and opening the lines of communication to her feelings oppose to bottling it up.
Rachel

[Carola]

Sometimes my SO felt like she doesn't had to wear sexy things to bed because that's the space that i filled. Perhaps it's like that but i try to leave room to her in order to keep her "man". Women tend to like the masculinity in us, and if we like to be accepted, we must know when leave the women in us far from the relationship... There is a moment for everything and even though our SO could be understanding, they need a man by her side.

[Miranda09]

Hi Steph. I think the best way to understand her viewpoint is to put yourself in her shoes (figuratively). It sounds like she may be a bit scared at the changes going on since you got married. As any women would tell you, one of the perks to being in a relationship is making yourself look terrific for your man. She feels she's losing that and may now look at you as competition. I'm no psychologist but this may be an important factor. Talk to her and be the strong one. Make sure she knows how you feel about her. It may take time, but if the love is there, it'll work out. :)
:hugs:

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I've heard of this before - the wife showing signs of jealousy because her husband is able to look as good, if not better than she can. It draws attention away from her and so she begins to feel as if her man is more attracted to the woman he sees in the mirror (his femme self) than he is to her. Am I making sense? Do you feel some of this going on in your home? Think about it for a moment - try to envision why she is behaving the way she is. I think you'll understand my point.

Perhaps try to pay a little more attention to her when she does herself all up. If you feel like you're already doing so and more than enough, then ask yourself if you're giving her enough man-time. Maybe she needs more than you're giving her at the moment.

If it's not that, then consider that the two of you may not be good together. Not every woman will enjoy a crossdressing husband. It's just the way it is. Sometimes the wife wants to be the only woman in the house and only wants to see a masculine man. Not all relationships will last. This is absolutely NOT restricted to crossdressers. Marriages burn out every day. People get married, enjoy each other for a time, grow apart because of differences, and separate... or prolong the pain by trying to save a doomed marriage.

My own parents ended up getting divorced after more than 25 years together. It hurt the whole family, but in the end, they both found more compatible love interests. They're BOTH happier now with their new loves than they every were together, and I'm very happy for both of them. It had nothing to do with crossdressing, but they sure did grow apart. There is life after divorce and I can honestly say both my parents are in fact living very happy lives these days.

I'm not saying file for divorce, but I am saying to take a really good look at the both of you and evaluate your relationship - what it was/is built on, what it needs, what it is lacking, and what might make the BOTH of you happy. If you cannot give her what she truly wants/needs, and she cannot give you what you truly want/need - then you're both doing each other a disservice by staying together. You both deserve to be happy. It may not be possible to find it together.

I hope you can work out your differences though. Sometimes all you need to do is find that balance that every relationship needs in order to work. The balance is different for everyone. I strongly recommend looking for your own balance. Balance is not changing to make the other person happy, but rather agreeing upon what is acceptable and in what quantity. If you cannot come to an agreement that BOTH are happy with, then the writing is on the wall. If that be the case, try not to waste too much of your life reading it... life is too short to spend it in misery.

Good luck, Stephanie. :)

[sissystephanie]

Stephanie,

As a much older Stephanie (77) I can say that you already have received some very good advice. Especially from Rogina and Karren.

I told my late wife about my CD activites before were married, and she fully supported me for over 40 years before she passed away. One primary reason for that support was the fact that I reminded her frequently that no matter what clothing I was wearing, I was still a man under the panties, etc. And I NEVER tried to outshine her whe we went out as two girls!! She was the "Bride" and I was always the "Bridesmaid." That is the way it should be, if you truly love your spouse and want to keep her.

From what you said, it is apparent that she knows you crossdress. It is also apparent that the way you dress intimidates her! I would suggest that you tone it down, and remember that you are "her Man!" Remind her of that every chance you get. Good Luck to both of you!!

:hugs::hugs:

[RWillow]

I have followed the advice I have received here about slowing everything down, all I can say is it works. Not saying that everything in my house is perfect, there have been some rough times, but things are starting to look better.

My advice is to listen to what the grils are saying, slow down, take one thing at a time, talk it out, be very open to your wife's point of view.

Hugs,
Renyta

[shesadvl]

:battingeyelashes:

hey stephaniedoes, was going to ask what laffing :p

I know where your wife is coming from I guess a lot of the gurls n other GG's will relate when they read this...
yes Karen, Rogina & the older stephanie do give you good advice....

maybe a little info I can share and perhaps may help you in some way....

I have been in this relationship with my cding partner for just on a year, had been alone for 6 yrs....after 32 years married to a hetrosexual straight male,

I read in this forum for 4 months before I joined so I could understand my partner and where he is with his CD'ing & to understand him as well..

perhaps it may be a good thing to encourage her, or invite her to read the forum,.. with you.... to also read what us other GG's and partners of CD'ers write in here... then perhaps when shes comfortable with this..
see if she will join up,... can Join up the FAB forum, (just contact one of the forum moderators in that section.) also tell her the FAB forum is confidential for us GG's only...so if she wants to ask questions or to write how shes feeling , rant and learn, the help and support is there..... they are an awesome bunch of GG's...
This is there to help her through some of how she feels, let her know she's not alone.

In all my life and years I have never put anything about my relationships, or life with this cding partner of mine anywhere, Ok apart from the forum,... unless you have very good close friends who understand this, Just recently I put an insight to me in the GG's forum, I thought it was TMI, I'm a 59 yr old female, not used to talking bout myself or my relationships.... but here it was in print, something you wouldnt normally do, But I did it. ( perhaps that can be of some benefit for you to pass on). the Ladies in the FAB forum are great they are more versed in the CDing aspects of their relationships then I., but I found it a great thing. Im wicked n delivsh of humour n nature... see things all ways laffing... ;)

But yes take things slow communicate talk as I do with my partner, we're always talking on all levels....
with me it doesnt bother me at all that he crossdresses, he has had periods of dressing,... can go all out...
he makes me laugh though at times....dress for days then be nothing but when hes in drab he dresses underneath,.... Like wearing certain items to work....the crossdressing can be a fun thing.
Just all in how you view/deal with Crossdressing. (its dressups after all). Unless you are seeking to take this further its another matter and ball of wax....LOL

let her know that "YOU are just You" underneath all that clothing, no more no less.

I have read here on many occassions that a lot of the guyz tell their wifes or partners they are the man that they married just that they like dressing,
but love them no matter, compliment her as you do.... reassure her that there is no competition between the enfemme you and her., your not stealing her limelight as you say..... its a reassurance....

I have also read in this forum, that some when they go to bed the clothes drop on the floor.......perhaps, that when you get into bed "YOU" are still always "YOU ".. or do they drop on the floor.... laffing...:devil:

sometimes my partner may wear suspenders n stockings/bra to bed makes me laugh when do women do that unless they are in the fetish mode or bedroom playing ....:tongueout:devil: can be a fun thing like the rocky horror show franken furter ....:battingeyelashes:

Dont think shes being selfish,.... shes trying to retain the man she married perhaps she does feel threatened,.. its not a selfish act., just her sticking up for her female rights as a wife.
Cant blame her for that....

You can pm me or any of the other GG's im sure,.. like me would only be to happy to help.... or even talk to her.... I wish you well in your communications with her.:battingeyelashes:

Just a footnote we as humans can make life hard for ourselves when it doesnt have to be....:battingeyelashes:

[Jessica Who]

You need to put aside your emotions and ego when she is feeling like that, because she probably wants you to be sympathetic to her needs. Just be patient and never stop listening.

[stephaniedoes]

i want to thank you all very much, you all have givin me some exellent advise that im sure to work... thank you again... steph...

[DonnaT]

I reckon a number of us have had similar conversations, Stephanie.

When my wife gets like that, I just listen, and then tell her, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel that way."

I don't offer any excuses, or try to make her see my side. My side is already known.

She feels what she feels, and trying to prove otherwise will just invalidate her. So there's really no point to trying to make my point.

Every once in a while, some SOs just need to let off some steam. Especially if they are not 100% accepting.