Coming out to friends and family

[Louistoalana]

Hey everyone,

Over the last couple of months I have been coming to terms with the fact that I want to change gender. I haven't taken any steps apart from calling a few help lines to discuss my issues. Anyway I have come to the decision that I want to become a woman, however I feel I should see a psychotherapist before coming out to my parents and friends.

I am just wondering what everyone's thoughts are on this, I will be very grateful for all your advice

[Lisa Golightly]

Well they all knew I was CD long before I admitted I was TS so I had a pretty tight network of friends though I have had quite a few issues with my best friend but we're back together now :) Family is a bit divided *cough* about it all...

Your way sounds good as you'll have explored the thing before you try and stumble through an explanation to your parents... but I think you kind of need some friend or friends you can talk to now... The need to talk will become quite overwhelming at times.

Best of luck

Lisa x

[Erica A.]

Hi alana, I think therapy is a great step while you process your options. Have you ever crossdressed in the past? Perhaps Louis should spend some time in alana's heel's for a while to see how they feel. Best of luck in whatever you decide and welcome to the forum. I'm sure you'll find lot's of helpful information here. -Erica

[Louistoalana]

Thanks for your advice :). I often spend time dressed as Alana in private but Louis is the only person the outside world knows and I have lived life pretty much as a typical boy up until now. I'm finding it particularly difficult because of that but I know I have supressed it for so long by acting in certain masculine ways but not feeling right about myself and identity for pretty much all my life and now I guess I'm suffering from the 'I thought it wouldn't happen to me' mentality but it's a good thing if not a tad scary.

I will tell friends eventually but this forum is fantastic for expressing my views and feelings.

[deja true]

Talk to us as much as you want, Louis. Ask questions, read everything you think applies to you. We all share a lot of traits, but we're all also very different from each other.

Somewhere in this great diverse crowd you'll find some you can relate to, some you'll want to talk to more... And through them you'll prolly get a better idea of how to handle coming ut to friends and family...

Good luck Louis/Alana... you sound very sure of yourself and very committed. Good for you!

:)

[melissaK]

The "I thought it wouldn't happen to me" line cracked me up. I hadn't heard it put that way before. That deep inner voice in me always knew, though I told others lines like "no, I'm just a crossdresser" a few more times than I should have, and perhaps wanting what I said to be true. Too slow to accept myself.

As for your idea to get professional guidance, you'll attract few who disagree on this forum. It can be a rocky road and if you have the financial means for a guide it's probably money well spent.

And if you are an information junkie who likes to read up on things even when you are paying for professional guidance, I 'think' in the CDer sticky notes there are posts on telling significant others and family. A lot of tg sites have advice. For example I was on Anne Vitale's site and saw she had a link to another writers advice. While much is directed at disclosing crossdressing, the task of telling about TS status has many similarities.

Hugs'
'lissa

[Louistoalana]

The "I thought it wouldn't happen to me" line cracked me up. I hadn't heard it put that way before. That deep inner voice in me always knew, though I told others lines like "no, I'm just a crossdresser" a few more times than I should have, and perhaps wanting what I said to be true. Too slow to accept myself.

As for your idea to get professional guidance, you'll attract few who disagree on this forum. It can be a rocky road and if you have the financial means for a guide it's probably money well spent.

And if you are an information junkie who likes to read up on things even when you are paying for professional guidance, I 'think' in the CDer sticky notes there are posts on telling significant others and family. A lot of tg sites have advice. For example I was on Anne Vitale's site and saw she had a link to another writers advice.

Hug'
'lissa

Thanks for the advice, fortunately in the UK we have the NHS (National Health Service) and so I think I don't need to pay I just need a recommendation from a Doctor.

[Louistoalana]

Talk to us as much as you want, Louis. Ask questions, read everything you think applies to you. We all share a lot of traits, but we're all also very different from each other.

Somewhere in this great diverse crowd you'll find some you can relate to, some you'll want to talk to more... And through them you'll prolly get a better idea of how to handle coming ut to friends and family...

Good luck Louis/Alana... you sound very sure of yourself and very committed. Good for you!




Thanks for your support deja true, and believing I'm committed. It's such a blow when people just don't believe you.

[Veronica_Jean]

Thanks for your support deja true, and believing I'm committed. It's such a blow when people just don't believe you.

Hi Alana,

You will find that those that have transitioned will certainly believe you but also caution you that transition can be a hard road and not a trip to be entered into lightly.

Welcome and enjoy all there is to share and experience here.

Veronica

[GypsyKaren]

I think what you have planned sounds good and it sounds like you're comfortable it, so I say go for it.

Karen :g1:

[Carole Cross]

Alana your situation sounds very similar to mine. I had only dressed at home in private until New Years Eve last year. I have known since the age of 12 that I wanted to transitionand have only recently started.
I first spoke to my GP, who referred me to a counsellor and after a few sessions I got a referral from my GP to see a phsychiatrist as the next step in my transition. I am currently still waiting for confirmation of my appointment. The initial process is slow but if you have not had much experience going out then this gives you plenty of opportunity. I found a local TG group and started going to their regular meetings.

I came out to my family just after my last counselling session. I think the best course of action is to come out to them as soon as possible if you decide that transitionis the right course for you to take.
Good luck, it is a big step to come out and I was lucky to get their full support. :hugs:

[Louistoalana]

I'm glad to hear that you're family are behind you on your transition Carole.

I just had a scary moment, I was on this site just looking around and my mum came in. I tried to close the window but it wouldn't disappear, she had a bit of a look at the screen, but I don't think she saw anything as it did disappear eventually. Bit worried now there will be a 'chat' at dinner tonight.