why does everyone seem to make this assumption

[chrissy_crossdresser]

ok so i was on my myspace and i always get these messages from guys who automatically assume i am gay because i dress like a woman. and its not just them. other crossdressers i have met with have given me weird looks because im not attracted to men at all. i mean since when does being a crossdresser automatically make you a sissy who does anything to please a man?

[lisalove]

I don't know if it has anything to do with it or not. But we are part of the GLBT community. And if you were to visit any gay site or gay club, you will see CDs in them.
I'm not interested in men either. But I am interested in other CDs. I even had to put a stern warning on my 360, that I wasn't interested in admirers and to not even bother wasting my time. But some still think that doesn't mean them.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

why does everyone seem to make this assumption

Because there is little to nothing taught about transgendered people in school.

People have nothing to draw upon and so default to a man who wants to be girly as being a man who wants to be a girl, as in he must like men to want to be a girl.

Society needs to be educated... children need to be educated. Everyone needs to grow up learning the truth instead of being "protected" from it. When that happens, these stupid cliches and myths will fade away.

Until that time... everyone who knows nothing about what it is to be a cd will assume that we're all a bunch of gays trying to fool other guys into being our boyfriends. Wonderful logic, don't you think? I sure hope my sarcasm came across crystal clear in my last sentence. I'm tired of the damn cliches as well.

[Miranda09]

I'd have to agree with everyone here. It happens to me as well, even after telling them I dont swing that way. I don't find it frustrating as much as amusing. :)

[Karren H]

Well for years I automaically assumed I must be gay since I love to dress like a woman... and I was wrong.... So I can understan Joe Q Public thinking the same thing sine they don't know any better.....

[marla01]

I'm confused here. 90-95% of women prefer men, so why should you be surprised to find that as a woman, people don't make that presumption? It may not be true but statistically it's a good bet.

Now if you expect people to somehow prejudge you differently than other women because you are CD, I think that you asking for too fine of a discrimination, especially since most m2f T's want to be treated as normal women.

Actually, I would find it insulting if they presumed my preference was women (even though that is my preference).

Marla

[Tora]

Could you be giving some of the guys too much credit. Some people are only thinking of themselves and how special they are. If you are as cute as many of our group are, YOU must be the answer to their desire. Oh my god Chrissy, be careful, you are sooooo
young. Lucky you.

[TSchapes]

I've been to a number of gay bars and some of the CD's are into other CD's but not gays. Other CD's are into gays. I've had gays, CDs and trany chasers come on to me and they are only trying to find out what I'm all about.

You have to admit, if we kept to a strict man always dresses as man, woman always dresses as woman, man only loves women, women only love men. Those would be the rules and the assumptions, and everyone would know who to "hit on". Case Close.

The fact is, is that we all are bending the rules, both in our gender identities and our sexual orientations. And on top of that, we can mix and match the two, it makes "the chase" all that more difficult.

In other words, they may not be assuming anything, but just trying to find out quickly if you are interested or not! It may not be the best way, but heck, we certainly haven't made it easy for anyone either!

So my recommendation has always been to say (if you are like me a straight monogamous CD) thanks, but no thanks. And just be nice about it.

Love as always, Tracy :love:

[Samantha B L]

for years I assumed in my mind's eye I was gay because of my fascination with female costumery,clothes,hairstyles,you name it. I mean when I was 8 years old there was nothing I wanted worse than a trip to the beauty parlor. but there's one slight problem. I'm NOT sexually attracted to men. I've been with guys a few times to see if I liked it and it was about as much fun as digging a septic tank or wrestling an alligator! I do think it is getting to be more and more common knowledge that most crossdressers aren't gay. Granted,sometimes they are. I knew a very interesting gay crossdresser almost 30 years ago in the town where I was living. I wasn't aware of the concept of the "crossdresser" until about 1979 when I read this book about "transvestic fetishism" and related stuff like the earliest transexual surgery. Otherwise,as far as I knew up until that time if you dressed you were "homosexual" or "Transexual".

[Dressing Jill]

Hi Chrissy

It doesn't. It is the really sicko's that try to make it so. They assume they know everything.

Jill

[DianneRoberts]

Everybody's normal until you get to know them. - Tracy Schapes

How about " Normal is only a setting on the dryer "

And an assumption is made on the title of this thread

"Why does EVERYONE seem to make this assumption"

Words like EVERYONE, ALWAYS, & NEVER should be taken out of the dictionary.

Just because some or too many people do something doesn't mean EVERYONE does.

The first CD that I ever met ( aside from myself ) I knew wasn't gay.
I knew his girlfriend.

Phew, I feel better, didn't mean to be bitchy, just kind of moody today,

:hugs:
Dianne

[Jessica Who]

Well for years I automaically assumed I must be gay since I love to dress like a woman... and I was wrong.... So I can understan Joe Q Public thinking the same thing sine they don't know any better.....

Yea Karren I went through the same thing in fact I was just talking to my wife about this today.

Also, Gabrielle's right we have to dispel the myths and stereotypes by educating others.

I do have to add, however, that when I told my mom about me being a crossdresser she did not ask whether I was gay or not. I guess it helped that I was engaged to be married but still people might assume that.

[EnglishRose]

When I was explaining to my mother why she found a couple of satin slips in my cupboard, several years back, I prefaced it with "I'm not gay, but...". We know most of us are not gay, but that isn't the same for the population in general.

[DianneRoberts]

My best friend until about 4th grade ( puberty ? ) was not so much fun to hang around thereafter. I couldn't figure out why until much later in life.
He was gay, I wasn't and he wanted more from me than I could give.
God rest his soul ( an early victum of AIDS ).

So I guess though CDing in the closet, I wsan't gay.

I bet the same % of CD are gay as is the general public.

Maybe ALL men want to CD, we girls just have the guts to not be afraid of our feminine self. I cannot wait for the day when it will be just as acceptable for a man to wear a dress as it is for women to wear pants !

:hugs:
Dianne ( in rare form tonight, sorry I'm also in physical pain - unrelated to CD ) Love you all :)

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Well, just to toss in my coupla cents worth, I have to say I think Tracy summed it up pretty well. As tgirls we send out what you might call mixed sexual signals, no wonder it confuses a lot of guys. I've been hit on a few times as my girlself by both guys and gals and even once by a couple, which was very tempting. My orientation is bi, but being very happily married (my wife assures me of this and who am I to argue?) I am not in play, so to speak, so I just politely let them know it and that's that. I don't see it as something to get exercised about, it's a compliment in a way.

Hugs...Joni Marie

[battybattybats]

Because there is little to nothing taught about transgendered people in school.

People have nothing to draw upon and so default to a man who wants to be girly as being a man who wants to be a girl, as in he must like men to want to be a girl.

Society needs to be educated... children need to be educated. Everyone needs to grow up learning the truth instead of being "protected" from it. When that happens, these stupid cliches and myths will fade away.

Until that time... everyone who knows nothing about what it is to be a cd will assume that we're all a bunch of gays trying to fool other guys into being our boyfriends. Wonderful logic, don't you think? I sure hope my sarcasm came across crystal clear in my last sentence. I'm tired of the damn cliches as well.

That is utterly correct and very important!

And as the media is a big part of peoples education the fact we are rarely represented in the media is another part. And then add to that that those most often likely to be out publicly are Gay Crossdressers (now usually called Drag Queens which was a term that once applied to all of us). And as the Gay CDs are braver than the more numerous Straight CDs when people see and meet Out CDs they are more often Gay CDs. The dissproportion of those brave enough to be out results in the dissproportion of peoples perception of our community.

And all too often results in missplaced hostility towards Gay CDs because of this (horizontal Hostility, a consequence of Internalised Trans/Homo-phobia).

So till there is accurate education in schools, better media representation and Straight CDs get as brave as Gay ones this will continue. And untill we get actively involved in getting that education and that media representation then we have no valid reason to whine about the problem still existing.

[Mitzi]

People tend to assume effeminate men are gay. When we dress and go out, we try to be effeminate, regardless of our sexual identity. We try not to embarrass ourselves by strutting around like a macho football player in a dress. So that's the image people have of crossdressers, effeminate men, ergo, gay.

They don't see the flip side of us, the ordinary male in every day settings. So, when we reveal our secret (en drab) to an unsuspecting person, the reaction tends to be "You don't look the type". They expect all crossdressers to be effeminate even in drab.

Mitzi

[Lisa LIckorice]

I've loved some of the responses from you girls! It is amazing because once a guy is even a little in touch with his feelings he is gay! It's a societal nor that sucks! I love being a woman, but I also love woman!

[battybattybats]

People tend to assume effeminate men are gay. When we dress and go out, we try to be effeminate, regardless of our sexual identity. We try not to embarrass ourselves by strutting around like a macho football player in a dress. So that's the image people have of crossdressers, effeminate men, ergo, gay.

They don't see the flip side of us, the ordinary male in every day settings. So, when we reveal our secret (en drab) to an unsuspecting person, the reaction tends to be "You don't look the type". They expect all crossdressers to be effeminate even in drab.

Mitzi

Good point. This comes from hetero-sexism. The notion that Gays have to be effeminate in order to be able to have sex with men. It's nonsense of course as there are plenty of 'butch' gay men.

But the bias of society has resulted in another example of Horizontal Hostility.. the Straight-Acting Gays as they call themselves who reject much of historical Gay culture and are quite hostile towards effeminate forms of homosexuality. There is also often more Transphobia amongst the straight-acting gay movement than amongst camp and queer gay culture.

Thats internalised Homophobia at work, and as our society and culture mixes sex and gender together because of it's heteronormative and heterosexist assumptions there are large areas where homophobia and transphobia combine, and many such as Julia Serano suggest that Homophobia is actually originating in and a form of Transphobia.

[docrobbysherry]

If people think I'm gay, or bi. I'm so used to getting hit on by guys at other sites, THAT doesn't bother me anymore!:brolleyes:

But, SO MANY PEOPLE THINK WE'RE ALL PERVERTS! THAT, bothers me!:Angry3:

And that same, stupid perception has been drummed into my head since I was a child. So much so, that I'M STILL dealing with that issue within myself!:eek:

[Lisa Golightly]

i mean since when does being a crossdresser automatically make you a sissy who does anything to please a man?

Have to admit I always attracted far more female admirers than male admirers which at the time was very nice... The nice thing about an admirer is that they get what you do and admire you for it... Makes everything so simple. :) I had some male admirers too both genetic men and a couple of Trans-guy's who were/are very very lovely :) Always been perfect gentlemen in how they spoke to me... but then they took the time to know me...

Pre-hormones I was always polite to the boys and more sexual with the girls, but since hormones my interests have switched and I find that all right and proper... It is interesting that I find my new role far more natural and satisfying... I never realised how stressful playing the male role was... Glad to be a girl now :)

As for your dilemma... Well you're just picking up predatory traffic and that just goes with displaying photos of yourself really... I had a right stalker recently that I found rather frightening... After showing no interest they became abusive of me and basically attacked both myself and Phil... Made me rather sad. :(

But there are boys that are turned on by crossdressers and transsexuals who aren't really bothered you're a person with feelings who really isn't interested in long boring decriptions of how they want to take you... :rolleyes:

But I think every girl gets that...

Oh, and loving a boy doesn't make you a sissy.

Lisa x

[Intertwined]

As most of you know, I over complicate EVERYTHING...! Here I go again.

Biologically, we are one sex, and when crossdressed, we are assuming the identity of the opposite sex. NOW ? take the male crossdresser attracted to a female, Biologically this person is Hetrosexual, but, for this same persons Gender Identity, wouldnt they be Homosexual?

[Lisa Golightly]

As most of you know, I over complicate EVERYTHING...! Here I go again.

Biologically, we are one sex, and when crossdressed, we are assuming the identity of the opposite sex. NOW ? take the male crossdresser attracted to a female, Biologically this person is Hetrosexual, but, for this same persons Gender Identity, wouldnt they be Homosexual?

The Transguys I've known viewed me as female... So they viewed themselves as straight. If I presented as male then they wouldn't be interested in me but the Transguys into boys would (hypothetically speaking because I never really did the boy thing). So in social terms they identify as gay/queer... Least all the ones I've known have... Always a blasted nuisance when you find out they're not into girls *sigh* ;

The boys always seem to have a far more developed sense of gender identity... They're boys.

[amyj]

I get them, too. God, I get them. It's plain as dayin my bio that I'm straight and dudes don't stand a snowball's chance in hell, but I get them. I just be polite and let them down easy. Just take it as a compliment.

[Hope]

Drag queens are much more flamboyant and known to the public than strait cross dressers are. Besides, a guy who wears a dress? Must be gay.

[GaleWarning]

For me, the issue is not about sexuality. It is about the freedom to wear whatever item of clothing I feel like wearing.
Women have this freedom to a greater extent than men do, at the moment.
Hopefully, in the not-too-distant future, we shall share their freedom of choice.

The statisitics clearly show that the overwhelming majority of CDers are heterosexual, and I do believe that younger persons are increasingly learning this truth.

Like docrobbysherry, my greatest concern is the fact that CDers tend to be labelled as perverts. In reality, the exact opposite is true, certainly in my case, and I think, in many others as well. I am a teacher and would never harm any of my students, male or female. Indeed, I have stood up for every one of them who has been subjected to ridicule or abuse, because I am so in touch with the subtleties and nuances of the barbed comment and the meaningful look, as well as the more tactile forms of abuse.

In short, people are people. Each one of us is unique and worthy of respect.

[allisonrn06]

While I agree with Gabrielle, that eduacation would help, I dont' think this would entirely fix the problem. It seems like no matter how clear I make it that I'm married and not interested in guys or other cd's, whenever I'm in a chatroom, there's always someone who thinks that I'm there to get hit on or to talk dirty. :2c:

[Fab Karen]

[QUOTE=battybattybats;1721170]

But the bias of society has resulted in another example of Horizontal Hostility.. the Straight-Acting Gays as they call themselves who reject much of historical Gay culture and are quite hostile towards effeminate forms of homosexuality.
There is also often more Transphobia amongst the straight-acting gay movement than amongst camp and queer gay culture.
Yes, they have taken their internalized homophobia & turned it into misogyny, going to extremes to try to prove how macho( "normal" ) they are. So whether it's females, effeminate males, or T-girls, they put it down because it's "not macho" & therefore less-than in their eyes ( similar to chauvinistic hetero men ). This mentality may become more the minority as younger people grow up with more diversity & greater societal freedoms.

Those complaining that no matter what they say about having no interest in men still getting hit on, this happens to lesbian women also- thinking from their groin, such guys ignore all information & fatuously hit on all they run across.

[Vicky_Scot]

Society did not know where to put us so they tagged us onto the end of the gay community. This may be a major reason that those uneducated souls assume we are gay.

What gets me is that if they assume we are gay when in female personna then we would be lesbians no?

Xx Vicky xX

[battybattybats]

Most men who assume we're gay are interested in the practical sense that they want to have it off with us. So the question isn't why do they think we're gay, its why are they attracted to us?

Because many men and women find transgender expression attractive.


So here's a few possible answers:
[LIST]
Most of us wear skirts and dresses - far sexier than sweatshirts and tracksuit bottoms

True but it's hardly going to be the main factor. I know several GGs who find CDs extremely attractive too, and some are Goth, and few male or female in the Goth community go out in sweatdhirts and tracksuit bottoms. That we wear clothing that is considered sexy will be part of it... but men and women wearing cross-sexed clothing seems to eb a distinct part of it.


These men know all about male sexuality (i.e. think about sex every ten minutes) and assume that we feel the same way

Studies show more and more that self-reported sexual things are exaggerated by men and reduced by women in roughly equal proportions. Mens sex-drive is exaggerated and womens understated. As women overcome sexist attitudes towards womens sexuality it is changing. Just decades ago it was claimed women were not aroused at all by visual stimuli.. something studies have shown is not the case though in many women they are unaware their bodies become aroused because they have repressed this reaction. However with 1/3rd of viewers of pornography women and growing switly we know that womens sexual appetite is far more like mens than has been previously admitted.

Of course these men may not know that.


They don't want a commitment and they assume we don't either

Many younger women don't either. This may be a factor but I doubt it is a major one.


They don't want to have to cope with women's emotions or liberation politics

There are always prostitutes for that too. Yet openly TG prostitutes also get plenty of male clients. That suggests the TGness is specifically desired.


They don't care whether we're gay or not, its the red lips and big hair that overwhelms their critical faculties

See above. Also many 'straight' men are MSM's or Men who have Sex with Men. They don't consider themslves Gay or Bi but they are one of the main groups who still pipulate the 'beats'. Fact is far more men and women are Bi to some extent than will often readily admit it.


They assume that people who play around with gender will have imaginative sex.

I wonder if that is correct? It could be a factor.. many have speculated for years that people like TGs as a way of enjoying same-sex relationships as if they were conventional and saying that TGs are TG because they are afraid to be Gay or Lesbian. Well we know the latter isn't true and the idea that TG are a soft way of experimenting with gay or lesbian sex should be less common as GLB gets more accepted (and heaps of folk already go straight to the same-sex experimentation anyway)

From Boy George to Jeffree Star http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeffree_Star the latter I know several GGs who are very attracted to, women as well as men have found transgender-expression attractive. From David Bowie through to the lead singer of The Human League in its early days to Marilyn Manson gender non-conforming guys posters have been on the walls of millions of young women.

And of course Butch has been a major attraction for many (but definately not all) Lesbians.

I think whats happening is that more TG-attracted guys are willing to try for the experience than TG attracted women, partly because women are less likely to try for any short-term only relationship but that is changing. And both are perhaps equally less likely to have a long-term relationship with a TG person because of social pressures and fear of judgement. So it only seems like more guys like us because of the intersection of sexism and transphobia.

I think we are chased because lots of people find TG sexy. And when more women are courageous enough to admit that publicly there will be more women chasing us.

[Patricia Jane]

Why not take it as a compliment. Apparently you must "Pass". Just say Thank You for making my day!!

[gender_blender]

I get that quite a bit as well. Some of it is a result of people who cannot seperate gender with sexual orientation in their minds, which is a product of lack of exposure and education, and individuals who are gynandromorphophiles. This mentality is specifically why I make a point to date alot of bi girls, wear alot of lesbian attire, and speak candidly of my sexual conquests.

[angelis13]

I'm basically bi, but i'm attracted to people for who they are not what they are.I used to share an apartment with my best friend Suzy she was a cd to, everybody assumed we were gay, though we loved each other deeply there was never any sexual attraction.

[Sarah...]

I end up finding this whole subject nonsensical. To cut to the chase, people seem to say that a person who presents as a woman and fancies men is gay. Whereas a person who presents as a woman and fancies women is straight. That seems absurd, don't you think?

It's always an illogical argument. There is no end. Hence we're discussing it again!

I'm bisexual and I suppose that colours my view somewhat but let's suppose I were only physically and emotionally attracted to men. At which point would I stop being "gay" for example? What if I were a non-op trans woman with a GRC that has given me a birth certificate with a big capital "F" on it? Would I still be gay then? If not, then we are only gay by virtue of our original documentation. But if yes then we are only gay by virtue of the type of anatomy we have. And if it's the latter we could all have relationships with whomsoever we want and as long as we opted not to use whatever anatomy we had, we would never be gay. Which means it's entirely possible for a man to have a very deep relationship with a man and not be gay.

What it then boils down to, getting back to the original post, is that people makes assumptions of other people's preferences based on their own predjudices. So, agreeing with several other posts here - education is needed.

Sarah...

[deja true]

Since the OP was concerned with getting hit on through her MySpace page, it also helps to keep in mind that MySpace and a few social sites like it have huge populations ...and are in general a "meat market". The only reason to put a page up there (if you're not just trying to get publicity for your amateur garage band) is to advertise yourself to the millions on MySpace... to say "Here I am! Ain't I cute?"

Of course you're gonna get hit on! If ya just wanted to talk about trans issues or gay issues, you'd find a trans or gay site to post to, not MySpace, a reflection of all that's wrong with internet culture.

Never posted there, never will. We generally don't like the way the vast majority of people relate to us, so why open yourself up to big slice of the unaccepting, predatory, ignorant population that frequents places like that?

[battybattybats]

I end up finding this whole subject nonsensical. To cut to the chase, people seem to say that a person who presents as a woman and fancies men is gay. Whereas a person who presents as a woman and fancies women is straight. That seems absurd, don't you think?

It's always an illogical argument. There is no end. Hence we're discussing it again!


It actually gets far worse. The people in charge of the diagnostic definition of Transsexual in the APA's new edition of the DSM will push a theory they support into officialdom classing all MtF TSs as either:

* Homosexual Transsexual (wants to be a woman in order to be with guys sexually)

* Autogynephilic Transsexual (wants to be a woman to get off sexually looking at herself being a woman)

TG kids (and maybe adults too) will be given 'ex-gay' style 'reparative' therapy even though it does harm and helps no-one.

All CDs will be classed as Transvestic Fetishists in the same class as Pedophiles Bestialists and Necrophiliacs! (oh and Cds will likely get 'reparative' therapy too)

And apparently as their theories can't handle FtM's at all they will be ignored as if they never existed.

Seriously!

[TerriTrans]

ok so i was on my myspace and i always get these messages from guys who automatically assume i am gay because i dress like a woman. and its not just them. other crossdressers i have met with have given me weird looks because im not attracted to men at all. i mean since when does being a crossdresser automatically make you a sissy who does anything to please a man?
Until I realized some years ago who I was I also made the automatic assumption that if a guy dressed as a girl he was homosexual. Also was a reason I was very afraid of getting caught being dressed. I'ved worked my whole life in the construction trade and served 30+ years in the miitary.Not bragging just background. Upon a lot of studying and analyzing my own desires I realize that I am more attracted to cd's.....guess you would call me a Transbian. I don't want to dress all the time but when I am dressed my sexual preferences are another cd.

[mklinden2010]

>>>ok so i was on my myspace and i always get these messages from guys who automatically assume i am gay because i dress like a woman. and its not just them. other crossdressers i have met with have given me weird looks because im not attracted to men at all. i mean since when does being a crossdresser automatically make you a sissy who does anything to please a man?

Slow down.

Getting messages from guys is not all guys. Nor can you correctly assume that every guy presenting as a guy is a guy.

Further, you can't know what they assume, nor can your trust their probably "knee jerk" courting efforts. Odds are good a lot of those people are unsure what they are doing - they're just acting without a lot of thinking. Next time, if you want to skirmish, say, "Not even close. Does this work with anybody? Just seems rude to me. Good luck in the future. I hope your lines and luck improve."

And, the fact is that some Crossdressers ARE into men, gay sex, etc. If you're out very much at all, you'll be polled to see which group or sub-group you might fall into. And, speaking of assumptions, it's not uncommon for it to take the "newbies" a while to figure out why they keep coming back to the same club... "Call me when you're ready" is heard often enough early on. For a reason.

Last, "sissy"? What's that all about? Is there something so wrong with being weaker, needier, less sure of yourself that on top of your current problems someone has to add, "And, you're a sissy too!"

One of my biggest objections to gay stereotypes is that "gay" people seem to sometimes (often?) wind up being forced into some ridiculous roll playing to get what they want. If you appear weaker, dumber, inexperienced... It just might cause someone to think, "Hey, that might be alright for an off night."

It's similar, by the way, to GGs having to play dumb to get the guys to talk to them. "I have a degree in astrophysics but I have the hardest time parking on the street, opening jars, and, reaching things on the top shelf."

(Really? A degree in astrophysics? Uh-huh. You can park a car on the moon... You know about opening cans - with particle beams... And, you're smart enough not to put things on the top shelf...)

Either way, the method is to appear harmless so that people will not see the other person as a threat, or, as harmful. GGs get the guys to talk to them, and gays appear harmless and don't have so many people thinking, "We need to do something about them before they outnumber us."

We all hate lying, which is what most of this technically is, but don't assume a method is the person, or, that having to use certain tactics to move things along in life is necessarily evil.

Be kind. And, be kind without impeaching someone else. If you're out in public, or, on the web, you'll get hit on - it's normal, if not always welcome. For your own sanity and peace of mind, just respond with your own tactic:

"No thanks. Really, very kind of you. But, no thanks. Say, how about those Marines in Iraq helping build schools on Sundays?"

[Carly D.]

As most of you know, I over complicate EVERYTHING...! Here I go again.

Biologically, we are one sex, and when crossdressed, we are assuming the identity of the opposite sex. NOW ? take the male crossdresser attracted to a female, Biologically this person is Hetrosexual, but, for this same persons Gender Identity, wouldnt they be Homosexual?

Makes sense to me... I'm gay when dressed up but gay as in I want to be with women.. I see how that works.. I'm not gay when I'm male (love females) and gay when dressed as a female (love women).. it's a one way street.. anyway I don't get that "are you gay?" thing from anyone on my myspace page mostly because I think my site was closed to the general public so long.. also I have in my stats place that I am male rather than female.. a lot of cross dressers on myspace tend to put that they are female when in fact the opposite is true.. not that this would change someones mind about weather you are gay or not.. most people automatically assume that if you cross dress that you are gay or at least hinky.. most people just don't get it.. I talked to a girl a few years ago that asked me that same question when I told her I cross dress.. she went to chat sites and asked those who said they cross dressed if they were gay and they said yes that most cross dressers are gay, and I've heard the exact opposite.. that most cross dressers are heterosexual..

[Jenny Brown]

Never posted there, never will. We generally don't like the way the vast majority of people relate to us, so why open yourself up to big slice of the unaccepting, predatory, ignorant population that frequents places like that?
Why open yourself up to that? Same reason as a lot of people on this forum post stuff on "Hot or Not". Many cd's love attention, whether it's negative or positive. Why else would there be so many pix posted on this forum?:heehee:

[Ralph]

It is the really sicko's that try to make it so.
That's very interesting considering that many people - as stated right here in this thread - believed they were gay themselves when they first discovered their own crossdressing nature.

Does that mean any of us who thought we were gay because we didn't understand our own crossdressing were "sickos"? No... it means we, just like the non-CD public, were uneducated. I can hardly blame Joe Sixpack for making the same assumptions I did about myself.

ralph

[kellycan27]

I'm confused here. 90-95% of women prefer men, so why should you be surprised to find that as a woman, people don't make that presumption? It may not be true but statistically it's a good bet.

Now if you expect people to somehow prejudge you differently than other women because you are CD, I think that you asking for too fine of a discrimination, especially since most m2f T's want to be treated as normal women.

Actually, I would find it insulting if they presumed my preference was women (even though that is my preference).

Marla

Great answer... I like that.

[Jenny26]

i feel your pain .... i stopped adding friends on myspace for just that reason...

[Jilmac]

I have been straight all my life, never had any desire to be with a man,but still have been asked by curoius people if I'm gay. I simply tell them no, that I'm very much attracted to women but I love to dress in their clothes. It seems to me that when people learn that another person is a crossdresser, they automatically assume he is gay. I think education is key to acceptance if people are willing to listen with an open mind.:2c:

[patricia 402]

i love this two of the three people i have come out to said the same thing not in a judgemental way but a serious question so your gay? then i had to explain no im totaly hetrosexual i just happen to like wearing womens clothing iv been this way since i was about seven i am who i am im not sure they still understand but they ecept me for who i am and thats the most important thing they are true freinds:)

[kellycan27]

These affirmation threads always make me giggle........:heehee:
people running like from a label,like it's plague. Me gay?, Oh no not me! No way Jose! 100% manly man ..in my dress.
Then turn around and wonder why people don't accept their "crossdressing"
Maybe next time some of you are putting on your make up you should take a good look in the mirror and ask yourselves.... If your attitudes and prejudices all that much different than those around you. Just an observation, No need to waste your time replying..Elvis .. has left the building.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I already chimed in with a short take on this, post #3, page 1.

This thread has inspired me to take a much deeper look into what I stated briefly in my original post here.

I wrote about it here (http://www.mycdlife.com/2009/05/crossdressing-myth-1-crossdressers-are-gay), if you're interested. I think you'll agree with what I had to say on the topic. It's kind of a long read, but honestly doesn't even begin to cover all the issues with this particular topic. I'm sure I could write an entire book on this... I'm sure many of us could.

There are so many myths about crossdressing. It's really time people started getting educated about this from the start, rather than just pretend it doesn't exist.

[Alice Torn]

I know lots of people, who , if they hear of Cding, almost puke, and say, "perverts", sad to say. I quit My Space a year ago. Too many men thought I was a GG, wanted romance and relationship, marriage!

[dennisGTS]

Why? I think it's just straight up ignorance. Most people just don't know any better and make assumptions from what little they know about crossdressers.

I'm definitely not gay. I may check out a hot girl and imagine myself in the same sexy outfit but that doesn't make me gay...maybe a little weird?

[sometimes_miss]

This is pretty simple, really. I think it's because most people try to appear attractive to those we are romantically or sexually interested in. So, when you dress up trying to appear as an attractive woman, it's assumed by, oh, about 99% of the population (unless you have a sign on you stating otherwise) that you are trying to attract men. Because at this point in time, there is no standard way for a man to dress up in female clothing to attract the few women who are interested in us, while at the same time signaling men that we aren't interested in them. There is no 'Vogue' for heterosexual crossdressers, no Cosmo articles for the tricks to get her attention while avoiding his.

[kellycan27]

This is pretty simple, really. I think it's because most people try to appear attractive to those we are romantically or sexually interested in. So, when you dress up trying to appear as an attractive woman, it's assumed by, oh, about 99% of the population (unless you have a sign on you stating otherwise) that you are trying to attract men. Because at this point in time, there is no standard way for a man to dress up in female clothing to attract the few women who are interested in us, while at the same time signaling men that we aren't interested in them. There is no 'Vogue' for heterosexual crossdressers, no Cosmo articles for the tricks to get her attention while avoiding his.

Very good sometimes_miss. I lke your answer .

[Sarah...]

This is pretty simple, really. I think it's because most people try to appear attractive to those we are romantically or sexually interested in. So, when you dress up trying to appear as an attractive woman, it's assumed by, oh, about 99% of the population (unless you have a sign on you stating otherwise) that you are trying to attract men. Because at this point in time, there is no standard way for a man to dress up in female clothing to attract the few women who are interested in us, while at the same time signaling men that we aren't interested in them. There is no 'Vogue' for heterosexual crossdressers, no Cosmo articles for the tricks to get her attention while avoiding his.

Cool :) Thanks.

[TSchapes]

These affirmation threads always make me giggle........:heehee:
people running like from a label,like it's plague. Me gay?, Oh no not me! No way Jose! 100% manly man ..in my dress.
Then turn around and wonder why people don't accept their "crossdressing"
Maybe next time some of you are putting on your make up you should take a good look in the mirror and ask yourselves.... If your attitudes and prejudices all that much different than those around you. Just an observation, No need to waste your time replying..Elvis .. has left the building.

"What, me gay?, how could you assume that! ...Honey, are my seams straight? Did I put my boobs on right? Kisses and Hugs!"

:bonk: :lol: :gn:

-Tracy

[msginaadoll]

Im not sure why people assume things. Course with your use of sissy in a deragatory manner I could assume things too. Just because a guy likes other guys even when he is dressed doesnt make him a sissy. Just because you dress doesnt mean you like men, or women or Liza Minelli records. Assumptions can be a powerful thing.

[Sophie A Walker]

I am fascinated by this kind of thread.

Everyone carries assumptions and expectations with them, usually these reflect the individuals wants, needs and anxieties. I think it is a mistake to attempt to pin them down, and attempt to generalise, that all are driven by similar things.

For myself I have had more relationships with men than with women, but my most stable relationships have allways been with women. The men in my life have not so much treated me badly, as suffered from short attention spans, I wanted deep and meaningful they wanted superficial and straightforward. I dont know if this is true of all men, just those who hit on CD/TS, or just those that hit on me.

Everything said on this thread so far, is to some extent true, for some people in some situations. The hard thing is that whilst I hope I make fewer assumptions about other people than most people, inevitably I do, but it irritates me when others make assumptions about me.

These days if a guy does hit on me, (Gay straight or Gynoandrophile {what a wonderful new word to find, Zucker Blanchard ect will have that in DSM V in no time}) I take the compliment, explain my marital status and move on, some can be persistant, others just look for a different conquest, others are still interested in me but accept my boundary.

The really interesting thing is that GGs hit on me even more than they used to, prehaps I am safe to 'experiement' with now I am more Motherly/fatherly and they believe I won't take advantage.

I think that for both genders I am a curiosity, that doesn't quite fit their assumptions/expectations and that is interesting and somewhat attractive in itself. I have been asked recently if I was gay, but I dont think the questioner was assuming i was, rather trying to understand who I was and which social 'box' he should put me in. I think he concluded that I didn't fit in any box and quite frankly that made me feel quite good.

[patricia 402]

i guess i should say this. im a totaly hetro cd i love women and thats that but to be honest some of you are just beautiful and turn me on (ok so i admitted it whatever) get over it im not the only one:battingeyelashes:

[Kieron Andrew]

The Transguys I've known viewed me as female... So they viewed themselves as straight. If I presented as male then they wouldn't be interested in me *waves* transguy here who sees Lisa as female and im a straight male :D

[Lisa Golightly]

*waves* transguy here who sees Lisa as female and im a straight male :D

Awwwwwwwwwww... So huggable :) x

[Kieron Andrew]

Awwwwwwwwwww... So huggable :) x

:bs: :daydreaming::love: