How do you Validate yourself as a CD/TS

[battybattybats]

Inspired by something mentioned on the view about a recent book for women and an article I read on it. (discussion on that directly in the media section http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1721244#post1721244 ) I thought CD/TS Validation in general would be an excellent thing to discuss here.

I suspect part of the Pink Fog is a desperate attempt to validate ourselves as CD/TS etc or validate our feminine side caused by prolonged periods of or degrees of repression. The longer we go without dressing or with minimal dressing the greater the growing unconcious need to validate this part of ourselves which if left too long becomes such an influence on our decission making that we go overboard and act irrationally and excessively. That often shopping for feminine items even if we never end up wearing them all for example is an act to validate ourselves as they symbolise this part of ourselves.

And for those risking the pink fog for example this idea could be very valuable as finding other ways that validate this may save some budgets and perhaps help some relationships?

So the question is, what do you do to provide yourself a sense of validation as a CD/TS etc or to validate your femininity? What helps you feel good about being a CD/TS?

[GaleWarning]

It took me many years, some experimentation and much reading on the internet to come to the realisation that I am a heterosexual male who merely loves wearing hosiery and high heels in particular. I can and do wear panties and pantyhose or hold-ups on a daily basis.

The heels are a different problem. Not many people would be accepting of my wearing them, and they are so obvious.

I have come to the conclusion that, as long as what we CDers do does not offend or cause distress to others, we can do pretty much as we please.

I have extreme problems, for istance, with a CDer who once informed all on a certain CD website that he deliberately dressed up and exposed himself to a pizza delivery man. This did not further our cause!

I also think that CDers ought to take cognisance of their spouse's level of comfort, when deciding how far to push the boundaries. Some become selfish, and I have been guilty of this, too.

[gwen cd]

CD For sure.

[Sarah...]

So the question is, what do you do to provide yourself a sense of validation as a CD/TS etc or to validate your femininity? What helps you feel good about being a CD/TS?

For me it's just a sense of knowing who I am. As a woman I know who I am, where I fit in my family, where I fit in my society and I function well and contribute so much more as me. That's my validation.

Throughout my years of pretending to be a man I failed to contribute to my full potential and always felt like the proverbial square peg in a round hole.

So my validation is knowing what feels right. The absolute most important thing for avoiding the "pink fog" as you describe it is being able to overlay rationality onto the core person that you are. And that rationality comes from accepting who you are.

Sarah

[angelis13]

I don't need anything to help me feel good about being a cd, i rejoice in the simple fact that i am,and what validates my femininity is the feeling of peace and harmony that comes over me when i'm dressed and living as a woman.

[Carly D.]

"What helps you feel good about being a CD/TS?"


Well for me it is just the mindset of knowing that even if I can't fully dress that maybe I can wear a little and be still ok.. still be somewhat Carly.. also knowing that I am still in the closet, that with bravery towards telling someone hasn't hit me hard enough to do this yet.. I think that no matter how I feel I can come here and read someone else's outing and feel good for them and confident in either trying to go out or glad I didn't try that...
__________________

[Joni Marie Cruz]

I wake up every morning and I'm still the same person that went to bed the night before.

Hugs...Joni Marie

[Rachaelb64]

I have learned to accept myself :)

[The Gas Man Cometh]

With my father, I went on a small shopping spree for male clothes. Got a vest, bow tie and two long ties, while searching for a button up shirt. I'm not too sure about validating my male side, but I guess my work helps with that the most. I feel masculine at work but I still feel like a GG, mainly considering every one of my workmates [roughly 30 people] is a GM.

I would suppose my baby self is a lot more closely related to your topic, and I would say that I've gone on shopping sprees for baby items and just binged on buying heaps of stuff. Stuff which I've not used all of yet, but plan to. If I go for too long without regressing then I start wearing diapers to work... >_>
<_<

EDIT: However, something curious I have just realised, some days I feel the overwhelming need to "Be a baby!" And then after a while [a whole day for example] I feel the overwhelming urge to shed my baby 'skin,' like a cocoon and then spread my wings and be grown up again.



I have come to the conclusion that, as long as what we CDers do does not offend or cause distress to others, we can do pretty much as we please.

I have extreme problems, for istance, with a CDer who once informed all on a certain CD website that he deliberately dressed up and exposed himself to a pizza delivery man. This did not further our cause!


Taking danger and harm to the self into consideration, and being wary, people are already entitled to dress however they want anywhere. [Cept maybe the full monty but y'know]

As for dressing for the pizza guy, so what? Your house, your rules. They're doing their job, and they have an obligation to maintain a professional air, no matter how their customer is dressed, [cept the full monty as legality is the issue there] and if they whine about your CDing in front of them you can complain to the pizza company!

Honestly, I get tired of hearing people not wanting to "offend" others by CDing. Then again, I am a rebel at heart and when it comes to wearing what I want and buying the clothes I want, to hell with the rest of the world in my eyes.

[erica12b]

im still trying to find that part, of myself, i have come to know my fem self better but i cant dress every day, and when i can sometimes i dont, im trying to find the balance and friends that will know and except me however i dress, i have found that i feel good when a gg is ok with me dressing. im having mixed feelings about having her bf know and meeting them for group events ,

still looking for it,

to date i can find not one thing about cding that has helped me in my every day life, except i feel good doing it at times
at other times i still get the guilts:eek:

[battybattybats]

I should answer my own question.

For me I am not able to fully dress as often as I'd like, mostly because body-hair removal is too exhausting to do daily with my CFS. So to keep Pink Fog at bay I find small ways to remind myself of CDing and it's goodness as well as expressing a lot of femininity in my general expression.

Whenever I shop i try to get at least one feminine thing, usually something small and cheap because of my budget. If I catch myself feelling awkward or embarassed or procrastinating or making excuses when shopping and intending to look t or looking at at womens things which is a lot more rare these days but still happens I go directly against the feelling and force myself to face it down. (I've ended up buying some nice boots on substantial special this way).

If I'm feelling down about being transgendered I go online and look for positive TG stories, art, music and the like to challenge the negative thoughts. Or if I run into an injustice I allow myself to get angry about it and I do something about it even if small, like leaving a pro-TG comment anonymously on the comments section of a news article. By such actions I feel much better.

And sometimes It's just about putting on some particularly nice lipstick, as for me it strongly symbolises femininity and despite wearing it most days anyway the act of utting it on or touching it up just cheers me up.

Getting compliments on my eyeliner, lipstick and look helps of course, whether fully femme or not the positive feedback is a big validation for me. As are supportive comments from non-TG friends. But these are not self-validation. Though I think many of us TG and non TG do our best to try and elicit these responses from others. Certainly when I pisted pics a lot, and often when I show others my pics I'm hoping for some compliment and validation whether consciously or unconsciously.