Thought on concept of gender and TS/CD, also info for GG, S/O

[KateC]

I've been thinking a lot lately about gender and what it represents. I'm also hoping in my post I will be able to give some S/O's that are GG some information that will hopefully help them understand a certain type of CD.

First, let me start out by talking about gender. So we are traditionally female or male. This is what most people would assume in society. There are some who are in between, androgynous would be it I guess. But for this post, I'll stick to the classical female and male genders.

I think what my S/O or a lot of difficult to accept S/O GG's have problem with wrapping the concept around is: They don't understand the how we perceive gender. Or at least the way I feel and interpert it for my purposes. I think at least a bulk of CDing feel the way I do, I will explain next.

I think of myself as bi-gendered. Just as people recognize that there can be bi-sexual individuals, I believe and feel myself bi-gendered. I know it's sometimes hard to grasp this concept but when I am becoming my female persona, doesn't mean I want my male self to dissipate. I want both, at different times and situations.

*sidebar*
Ugh, this is why I usually got B's or C's on my paper back in school and how I got a C- on English 10 years ago in high school. I have trouble organizing my thoughts into particular categories and paragraphs.
*end sidebar*

-Some SO/GG may question their CD partner or won't accept why they have to "go the full way" like makeup wigs and everything. Why can't you just wear women's clothing?

I'll try to answer that for myself... Basically it's again relating to gender, I want to be woman, yeah it is MORE than just the literal definition of crossdressing if that's what you are wondering. But it is mutually exclusive to the fact of being male. One does not imply causality of the other, meaning just because i want to present myself as a "woman" and not "man in a dress" does not mean I don't want to present myself as a "man" at other times.

-Another piece of info: Despite this duality, bi-gender, or whatever you want to label it, because I want to present myself as a defined *male* or *female* (as a guy, I would wear guy only things, as a girl wig, makeup, skirts). I, as a CD, still follow the stereotypical norms of society which conform to what people accept as a male or female.

So for myself at least, I don't present myself as some half-gendered person, like a "man in a dress" or if you will "a woman in a suit". The second reference doesn't really provoke any gender issues though, but that wasn't the point. This is my view and feeling on CDing.

-Info on transsexualism which poses a question to everyone. So again, the "classical and typical" TS or people who define this definition would say, a person is TS if they dislike their male self (or female) and want to become the opposite gender, so a female (or male).

Again, my take on this, is that it is very traditional with what society perceives gender because it's only allowing one or the other. Now I'm trying to tie all my points up in a summary, let me try.

So most people define CD: just wearing clothes of opposite sex. SO/GG/some people question why we "CD" like to go all out to become female, and it's closer to the defintion of a TS than CD. But then they are conflicted because a TS dislikes their birth gender, so they want to become the other gender. So aside from using "labels", then what am I? What are people like me? Does it matter? Does it make SO/GG feel better if we fit in some category?

Why can't I call myself a TS? I still for the most part present myself as a woman, no less than a TS right? I don't make myself look like a "man in a dress" or want to be called a CD/TS/TV, I want to be a woman. So why does the removal of the birth gender have to be part of TS? Labels again. I'm a TS who wants to still be a male, so that's a CDTS? TSCD?

I rather just say that I'm bi-gendered. Just like bi-sexually people, they aren't homosexual or heterosexual exclusively, but both. What's so hard to understand about that?

If you want to use the traditional labels, I guess I can be called either a crossdresser MTF with TS tendancies that do not want to transition and remove the male self, or I can be called a transsexual who doesn't want to transition but crossdress as MTF at certain times. To me it doesn't matter. I'm bi-gendered.

**One more topic note**

-A lot of SO/GG ask, "why do you want to be a woman" in the context of either dressing up or going out or if the person wants to be fulltime femme.

Well I can throw the perspective of saying: Was I ever asked if I wanted to be a male? Did anyone give me a choice? Just because I was born like this, it means this is my only choice? You see, why do a lot of GG that wear like trousers or male clothing don't want to become or present themselves as a male? Because they didn't want to become male. It's the same for us, except we were born male but we sometimes or all the time don't want to be male, so we wear/makeup/whatever to become woman.

I suck at writing so if it's confusing maybe someone can help sum it up better.

[Carin]

Well said kate.

I also straddle both sides of the gender fence - maybe even parked right on the fence. Hmmm! sounds uncomfortable I know. While the duality seems to be pretty common amongst members here, it is definitely not an understood concept in general. I applaud your statement as info for GG, SO.

While your reference to bi-gendered as distinctly mutually exclusive states, my identity seems to be a more integrated unified state. Maybe it is just semantics. I don't aspire to be a woman. I like being a feminine me in whatever way I can express that. I don't try to maintain a dual existence. My baseline leans a bit more on the feminine side of the fence, with deviations in either direction as required. Maybe that is because I have already had all the masculine expression that I need in the past 50 years. Unless I go heavy with the visual cues, my male energy comes through my feminine expression. That is fine with me. It is very rare for me to be taken as woman. When I am addressed in the feminine, it is out of politeness and respect for my gender presentation.

I have no desire to have my reproductive organs turned inside out to match a particular gender Identity. If I could wave a magic wand I would prefer the lower half male and the upper half female. That would fit my sense of gender identity perfectly.

[KateC]

Magic wand, how I longed for something like that.

If I had one, I would want to wave it and become female entirely but with an option to change back to male. I guess for certain occasions.

Sometimes though, I think maybe I don't know the true story on how or what it means to be a woman. Even the short times that I have been out, getting dressed, buying woman things, it's already so much harder and time consuming than being a man. If I were to dress up for a week or two constantly, like no reverting back to male, go out everyday doing regular things as a woman. I might tire from it. Not to mention if I were to experience menstrual cycles and all the other issues relating to women being discriminated, relationship problems as a woman, etc.

It's not a walk in the park, and maybe that's why I enjoy just the way I do things and not really needing to "go full time". Maybe I have TS tendencies like people who need transition but for me I don't need to go there. Is it cheating just picking what I like from womanhood and doing those only?

[Byanca]

So for myself at least, I don't present myself as some half-gendered person, like a "man in a dress" or if you will "a woman in a suit".
I don't either. Although people might think...boy in girly clothes...I present as me, neither woman or man. I've seen people are different regarding this. Some put on a role, others dont. If people chose to threat me after stereotypes, despite the girly clothes...well, that tells me a lot more about them then my appearance tell them about me.

What is stupid about stereotyping is that the concept is made for efficiency. And quality of interactions will suffer. Most people don't actually think. They are more like animals, going by what have been thought. That is why when they meet something outside the learned pattern they will react with fear.It is not a natural instinct to embrace the unknown and explore. That is more like a gift that only a few posses.

I think a simple explanation one can use to tell other people is that normally you have a female, half a human, or a male, the other half. Or a transgendered, a complete human.

ps; just an alternative idea :)

[~Kelly~]

-Info on transsexualism which poses a question to everyone. So again, the "classical and typical" TS or people who define this definition would say, a person is TS if they dislike their male self (or female) and want to become the opposite gender, so a female (or male).
........
Again, my take on this, is that it is very traditional with what society perceives gender because it's only allowing one or the other. Now I'm trying to tie all my points up in a summary, let me try.
........
Why can't I call myself a TS? I still for the most part present myself as a woman, no less than a TS right? I don't make myself look like a "man in a dress" or want to be called a CD/TS/TV, I want to be a woman. So why does the removal of the birth gender have to be part of TS? Labels again. I'm a TS who wants to still be a male, so that's a CDTS? TSCD?


Please don't take this as an attempt to be confrontational. I really am not. But I believe your definitions may be faulty in regards to TS women. A TS woman does not "dislike" her male portion and want to "become" a female. She has always had a female identity yet over the years has either struggled with understanding what it was or attempted to live in denial of that fact. This may be just an issue of semantics so I am not really placing any fault on this part.

However, as to the definition of a transsexual, a transition and singularity of body and mind is an eventual requirement. I know it has been endlessly debated on the forums what the differences of "labels" are and I also know there is no general consensus as to what means what. When it comes to TS individuals, both men and women, I believe the overwhelming majority would agree that a large part of the definition is a willingness and desire to change the body to match the brain. This does not include a part time fantasy in which you could switch back and forth at will or even where you can pick and choose which parts to gain and which parts to keep. There are many reasons why a TS individual would not go all the way through with surgeries or hormones, but the ability to keep a hold on their birth gender is NOT one of them. Otherwise they would be no longer TS by definition.

Again, I am not looking to be confrontational on this. I just want you to realize that everyone is not the same. One is not better than the other, just different. To be honest, I truly do wish I could have been a CD rather than a TS. To have the ability to have my brain and my body match as long as I had time to indulge my feminine side periodically. I am NOT that person though. And just because I wish I was doesn't make it so. I wish everyday, I had just been born with the correct (female) body but that doesn't make it so. But please don't feel that I am trying to start anything by saying this.

Kelly