Monica_Cobblestone
05-17-2009, 07:34 PM
Hey girls!! How are you, HOW ARE YOU!!! Its has been soooooo long since I've last visited this site and I'm really happy to say that I'm back for good :). Recently I went through some very interesting times with myself and who I am as a person in the LGBT community. I lost who I was both, as a male and as a female, in translation. Things began to gray and nothing seemed to really make sense anymore. For the longest time I wanted to write this phase of my life off and put it in my photo album for memorys, sell all my paraphernalia, and never think twice of wearing makeup again. There has never been a time when I felt so insecure and confused about who I was/am as a person then I was a few months ago. After watching Rupaul's Drag Race, I realized that Monica is an extension of my creativity. Its because of her I am able to express myself and open doors that I wouldn't otherwise be able to do as my male self, but she isn't me or who I want to be and THAT is what was forgotten somewhere down the line. ALSO I realized that I CAN be beautiful and accepted without transforming my body with surgery or hormones which I so desperately sought to make myself more confident or "passable" when their absence was never the case. It got to the point where I wasn't even having fun bringing Monica to life because it became such a chore and mental battle. And I think what really threw me off the track was when I started dating as Monica and listening to my roommate who clearly didn't understand things like I thought she would(boy did that take me for a loop). Regardless of all the confusion and depression I endured I wouldn't change the experience because I've taken away so much from it and I've learned so much about myself and met some interesting people along the way. This site and the people who make it what it is is TRULY amazing is every way, shape, and form. You all kept the lights bright so I could find my way, though I'm still trying to get there, I can at least see it :). Anyway so I'm off my soapbox and I'm back in the wonderful world of crossdressing...So ladies, glue on those wigs, start your engines, and LET THE RIDE CONTINUE!!!:D