Irrational Fear

[Kendra08]

So I'm out to all of my close friends accept for one. This person has been my friend for 30 years and I'm 36. We were in eachothers weddings and he let me sleep on his couch when my wife threw me out. When our kids were born we called eachother first. He is by far my best friend and I love him like a brother. We share everything but this. I just don't know why I can't tell him about Kendra. I feel really guilty because I have been blowing him off to go out dressed. All of our friends know, a few have been out with me, so I'm also forcing them to lie. I know its fear, but I don't know of what. I think it might be fear of aceptance, if that makes sense. If I tell him and he's cool with it, then what? Has anyone else had feelings or a situation like this? Sorry for the possibly nonsensical rant.
Kendra

[Joy Carter]

Let me tell you that I was outted (way to many details for here), and for all the aquaitences and the two friends who found out, only that one friend is still in my life. Your not lying to him. Take my advice and keep it to yourself. You may need a couch to sleep on in the future.

[Nicole Erin]

Yeah one of the few people I would call a friend, I was afraid to tell but finally did and nothing really changed. He thinks my CD'ing is a bit silly but we are still cool and all.

Yeah it is like this - if he really is a friend, he is not going to stop being friends just cause of CD'ing. He may not want to see it or whatever but I think you are going to be alright

[5150 Girl]

First off, I'd say what if he finds out from sombody else?
And like Nicole said,if he's that good a freind he should be cool with just about anything.
Of course you could test the waters, maybe say somthing about To Wong Foo beeing on TV the other day or somthing? Or you could dress or show pics or somting and present it as a joke, and see how it goes over as a joke before deciding

[Jessica Who]

Hi Kendra,

I have been through a very similar experience, as I decided to tell my best friend about Jessica a couple of weeks ago. I have always known him to be an open-minded person and I have shared many personal stories with him and vice versa. I wrote about how I told him in a post at my blog (http://jessicaquien.blogspot.com/2009/04/batgirl-how-i-told-my-best-friend.html), maybe you could recycle my idea for telling him. Best of luck :)

[Satrana]

I know its fear, but I don't know of what. I think it might be fear of aceptance, if that makes sense. If I tell him and he's cool with it, then what?

Makes perfect sense. It is really no different from the situation of telling your SO. Your friend means so much to you that you cannot face the prospect that he may reject you. But since you are out to others there is an obligation that you do tell him asap because for sure someone someday will tell him and he will be terribly offended that he was the last to know.

As always the best approach is to be totally honest and tell him everything. Lay it all out in the open and, unless he is a principally prejudiced person, he will most likely accept this especially if you talk about your fear and loathing and the isolation of the closet and having to keep secrets even from your best friend.

[Karren H]

That's not really an irrational fear... Those are like a fear that the moon will explode and a piece will hit and kill you while out enfemme! Lol. Your is a rational fear.. Based on facts that you may loose your best friend... A real posibility too!!

[Lorileah]

The answers to this will all be personal and dependent on YOUR life, but if this is the ONE thing that will destroy a 30 year friendship, then it is a weak friendship.

All the stories here about how they never saw so and so again makes me wonder, why were they your friend before? Money? Did you get them into Studio54? With friends like that....

I can't make the call for you but a true friend is there for you. The old adage is a friend will help you move, a true friend will help you move the body. The other collarary to that in this case is, only one person can keep a secret, if two people know that secret, it won't stay a secret. You have told others and it will come out. Best be the offense rather than defense.