Misconception from SO views of CD

[KateC]

This weekend, I went on a road trip, details of the trip and where I went isn't important for the purposes of this thread.

While out with my SO, we encountered a MTF CD which was wearing some sort of like dolled up outfit with a big frilly dress, in yellow. Like something you don't wear or most of us don't wear when we go "out". So she says to me "That's going to be you in when you're 50+". Like I guess half jokingly, or maybe a joke but as they say, every joke has a truth in it.

Anyways, point of this post is that my SO, like many other people who don't understand us, think all of us CD, TG,TS, TV whatever in our spectrum just want to dress like this... ugh

I haven't fully talked to her about my CD in depth which I am preparing over past few weeks. So experiencing what she said about this person, I kind of see a glimpse of hope that she might be more accepting of my CD/TG whatever I am. Since we (well at least me) don't dress anything close to that when I did go out.

Few things to address in my post.

1. How many people you know or SO, GG whoever that do think like this.. weather jokingly, half-jokingly or for real?

2. How many DO dress like this when going out?

I don't think myself as a fashionista but I think at least I can dress casually or blend in to the occasion/time/location and tastefully. I hope if when I do talk to my SO in depth that I can show her myself and how I am, and that she wouldn't even look twice if she saw me on the street.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Kate-

While I don't dress like that, I know someone who does like to dress in lacy pinafores and what I would call little girl style dresses if the little girl is Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking it or knocking her, the girl (the t-girl) in question is smart and funny, a delight to be around and a very talented and wonderful person. It's just how she likes to dress.

As to the main part of your question, is this sort of thing what most straights think many or most of us want to appear like, that's hard to say. However since most mainstream media, movies, television, books, magazines, etc generally portray transgendered people (CD's in particular) in less than flattering terms, as objects of ridicule, humor or amused contempt, it's no wonder that so many people have all these completely off base impressions of what the majority of TG's are all about.

And yeah, my wife, who is generally accepting and even supportive, still makes snarky little comments like that every once in awhile just out of the blue for no apparent reason that I can discern. I think that no matter how hard it is for us, it's double hard for our spouses. We have had years to come to terms with ourselves and our feelings and what our place in the world is, for most of them it's a sudden shock like an earthquake that has shifted everything in the world just a little out of plumb.

All I can say is to reassure her that no, that's not how you want to appear when you're fifty (unless you do) and let her know how much you appreciate the fact that you can talk about these things with her. Having a spouse who understands or even just makes the effort is worth their weight in gold.

Hugs...Joni Marie

PS Kate I so agree with what you said that every joke has a truth in it. I had an old girlfriend who used to say, "Kidding is serious." Meaning much the same as what you said, every kidding or joking comment has some hard little nugget of truth in it.

[Kaz]

Can't really comment on the SO view, but when I am out I want to look as natural as I can, and that doesn't mean fashionista as most girls I see dress in a certain "normalised" way - that is wear I aim to be. Having said that there are plenty GGs who dress differently to get noticed and make fashion statements, and I have clocked a CD who dressed like this in York once - she looked so cool!

I have no inclination to go out dressed as a stereotype drag queen whatsoever... and those that do... is it intentional or just a faux pas?

[ReineD]

There are most certainly stereotypical views of TGs out there based on how they've been portrayed in the media. This is changing, but slowly. Still, there are many CDers who do not wish do blend in but who prefer to dress fetish (whatever their styles may be) whether in private or public.

People in the mainstream cannot change their views unless they become properly educated and this will take time. The best place for loved ones to learn is by coming here and by talking openly with their CD partners. It wouldn't take your wife very long to come to a more realistic understanding of transness if she were to join this forum.

:hugs:

[Karren H]

I admit that I over dress when I go out.. Tastefully but not over the top!! And I'm usually the only person wearing a dress or a skirt but I could care less... . And I don't do casual.. Aka fem jeans... If I can't dress up and look the way I want to look then whars the pint in crossdressing at all... I might as well stay home or go play ice hockey!!

Ohh and my wife made the comment to me once that that this lady was going to be me someday... Bright pink slacks... Bright green jacket.. Toddeling through the parking lot!! I don't friggin think so!! Hahaha.

[Ruth]

There are two different lines of thought here. One is that if we want more general acceptance of what we do, we'd better look sensible and restrained in public, not like some kind of sideshow. The other is that we are using our clothing to express what we are, so if it means frilly yellow dresses and pigtails, so be it, that's what we are.
I feel that I'm not much use in this controversy, because my preferred outfits are rather subdued anyway. If my wife were to judge all CDers by me, she'd think we're a very conventional lot.

[Nicole Erin]

1. How many people you know or SO, GG whoever that do think like this.. weather jokingly, half-jokingly or for real?

2. How many DO dress like this when going out?


My SO always seems to be looking for an opportunity to be smart ass about my dressing. On TV or real life if she spots some TG who could be called "Frilly Fiona" with a ridiculous gown or whatever, she is like "Hey that's you!" but she is probably joking cause I happen to wear what is in style, I don't wear fetish things like gowns or wedding dresses. :brolleyes: Jeans and a pretty top is my "en femme".

2) Ok already answered but when I go out, I dress like everyday GG's, I don't look like the model for Swiss Miss hot chocolate.

I would rather dress like a man then to dress in anything frilly or big like wedding or ball gowns. ugh.

[Jilmac]

I'm with you on this Kate. I always try to dress to blend it. I wouldn't want to make myself the center of attention in something outlandish, and I believe most GGs feel the same way. I think those who enjoy the outlandish styles would be the first ones to be read in a public place. :eek:

[Toni_Lynn]

SO misconceptions? Easy! While many seem to disagree with me the biggest is that we are that which is characterised by the public person of drag queens a la Rupaul, Hedda Lettuce, etc.

In reality, the vast majority of us want to dress just like any GG you'd see anywhere.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[battybattybats]

When people reject the pressure to conform they become free.

What would women wear if they didn't rate and judge each other on their clothes?

I tell you as one example I know two Goth women who dress rather like Drag Queens. I had coffee with one in my own town and she was wearing the longest purple false eyelashes I've ever seen and a pvc corset.. at lunchtime.

I have met a cis-woman who always wears at least some black leather in every outfit who was over 50.

These are exceptions, people who wear what they genuinely like not what they like so long as it is something that they wont feel judged by wearing.

I would not be surprised if, like is so amongst Goth culture, those CDs that have the courage to flout fear of societies judgments and go out dressed might be far more willing to wear what they genuinely like no matter how eccentric rather than wearing what will be acceptable to those who judge others on their clothes.

[Marcia Blue]

My wife has never seen me dressed, so she has no idea as to what I wear or the style. I do try to dress to blend in, even though I do not go out.

[Ciara]

Different outfits for different girls it's that simple! IMHO We all live in one room or another in the Big Pink House!

[featherelizabeth]

Agree with Kaz, sometimes inconspicuous is better...always aspired to be just that 'til I realised my avatar sooked...'til I changed it...

[Nicki B]

Anyways, point of this post is that my SO, like many other people who don't understand us, think all of us CD, TG,TS, TV whatever in our spectrum just want to dress like this... ugh

Perhaps the people that think that way, need to learn a little more. Difference is good - diversity is healthy? :)

There are plenty of LGs out there - perhaps the most high-profile is Claire (aka Grayson) Perry (http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/2003/nov/21/art.turnerprize2003)? She picked up her Turner Prize (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turner_Prize) dressed just like that..


It's wise not to judge books by their covers?

[TSchapes]

If Japanese girls can run around like this in public:
http://i292.photobucket.com/albums/mm4/TracySchapes/LolitaJapan.jpg

Why can't we? These are costumes for cripe's sake!

We are not kidnapping kids and taking them to Mexico. We are not killing our wives and burying them in the back yard. What the heck is wrong with this? Everyone take a deep breath and get a grip!

Sorry, I'm in a bad mood...

-Tracy

[battybattybats]

If Japanese girls can run around like this in public:
http://i292.photobucket.com/albums/mm4/TracySchapes/LolitaJapan.jpg

Why can't we? These are costumes for cripe's sake!

We are not kidnapping kids and taking them to Mexico. We are not killing our wives and burying them in the back yard. What the heck is wrong with this? Everyone take a deep breath and get a grip!

Sorry, I'm in a bad mood...

-Tracy

Your right Tracy!
And your anger is justified!

The discrimination amongst women based on their choice of fashion is an abomination of injustice and prejudice. Much of it caused by internalised sexism but much of it is plain old prejudice. Some is general sex-negative bias, some is mysogynistic views about women and sexuality that they do not apply equally to men. And of course there is prejudice against subcultures like Goth and Emo and Rockabilly and Punk etc.

We need to oppose this injustice every bit as much as any other. Rather than judge CDs for dressing weirdly more women need to look critially upon themselves and examine why they judge other women as well as CDs so much based on their self-expression. And why they express themselves the way they do.

CDs force people to face their own expression-prejudices. Thats a good thing so long as they are made self-aware of that.

We need to face such prejudices amongst our own community and absolutely not accept it within ourselves and our community.

Accepting another prejudice and discriminating against others so we become more easilly accepted within a prejudiced society is hypocritical and unethical and unacceptible.