The topic comes up...

[susan2010]

Assuming you are in the closet, like me, if the topic of crossdressing or transexuality comes up, do you dare to comment?
If someone makes a nasty comment, do you rebut them?
I generally do make a general argument for tolerance and acceptance, but I can do that because I have a reputation as a political liberal anyway.
How to you react around family, friends, or co-workers?

[Lora Olivia]

More and more all the time. I think we have to try to fight the small battles. If I can change 1 person at a time and then they convert one more the pyramid will get built so to speak.

[Mary Morgan]

Mom taught me that unless I had something nice to say, I should keep my mouth shut. On the other hand, I am not beyond suggesting the same to people who may simply be demonstrating their ignorance.

[Lorileah]

I am not beyond suggesting the same to people who may simply be demonstrating their ignorance.



You don't have to demonstrate ignorance, it comes with a self-explanatory manual :)

Not in the closet so I do tell people what they don't want to hear :)

[cindym5_04]

I do comment when the topic comes up, because obviously I don't have a problem with transexuality. Shocking, I know- being on the forum and all! :eek:

Anyway, I'll sometimes add in (depending on the convo/topic) that I know and have know several people who crossdress and I've not had any issue with them that I wouldn't have had with anyone else- the fact is, we're all people and we all have our "things", so I don't see an issue.

[Lissa Stevens]

As time goes by I am more willing to stand up and tell people that CDs and TGs are just people too. My wife has made numerous comments, that are not flattering, about us. When she has I have almost lost it and told her the truth. I don't think that it would be productive to tell her that way so I keep my cool.

[Karren H]

Not really.. Mainly because it rarely comes up.. I'm sure if somone wanted to debate the issue I'd jump in with my large oral orifice and probably out myself...

[Miranda09]

If you have an opinion about something, speak your mind. I do. :)

[mklinden2010]

It's as easy as saying, "Live and let live."

Like most the other replies, I speak up when it makes sense to take the time, otherwise I just make a mental note about the person and sometimes revisit the issue.

There's just so much going on in the world concerning sex and gender. Seems like some comment is often coming up. But, you have to make allowances for people's pet opinions, just as you do when they talk about their sport and/or teams.

Yep... Live and let live.

[Sarah Doepner]

Yep. And it's much easier now than it used to be. I guess this is another impact on my life by this forum.

[kynw08]

I'm in a very precarious position socially, but I'm obnoxious about not attacking people.

I spread that umbrella wide to. I don't put up with assaults on GLBT period, though I'm straight. I've probably done more to mellow my friends out to it than any other thing in there lives at this point though. I just can'tstand by and watch it happen...

[DonnaT]

I've never been around anyone making bad remarks about CDs or TSs, but I would speak up if I were.

I speak up when it's about homosexuality, so why not about being trans.

We had some new neighbors move in last year, and we became friends with them pretty easily.

At some point they wanted to created a discussion "group", and I predicted and told my wife that it would turn into discussion about the bible. And I didn't want to join their group, but if she wanted to go that was up to her.

Well, they invited a few other couple to join, and these were folks they knew from their church. They got together initially just getting to know each other, and discuss what "group" was all about. Had little pamphlets, etc. and decided to talk about a book on the gospel and its author.

My wife finally managed to guilt me into attending, since she was the only one there whose husband didn't join.

Over the past few months we'd get together and talk about the book, critique it, and discuss how it related to the gospel. I was, and still am, very critical of the author, and let it be known. My wife wasn't too happy about the waves, but the others really appreciated my input and it made them think.

Long story shortened some:

Last meeting, after discussing one chapter, somehow the subject got around to homosexuals just as we were preparing to break up for the evening. I had a feeling the subject would come up at some point.

Anyway, some of the homophobic comments just reached a point that I couldn't keep quiet. I was doing so, because I knew my wife was very uncomfortable about the subject. She's uncomfortable because she still equates being trans to being gay. But when it got around to bringing up sin, etc. I had to speak up.

I doubt I changed many minds, but did give them food for thought. One even agreed with one of my comments, noting that we don't persecute those who commit many of the sins mentioned in the bible, as much as the gay community is persecuted.

My wife got mad at me for not keeping quiet.

[TSchapes]

I would stand up for the transgender community. You don't have to be one to supportive. I'm not gay, but I will defend my son who is. I'm not black, but I will stand up for those that are...

-Tracy

[linnea]

I don't have a problem speaking up in defense of or with explanations of CD, transexual, or other similar behavior. I don't let people with whom I associate make judgmental or derogatory remarks about sexual orientation, gender bending, race, ethnicity, age, disability, or other such conditions.

[battybattybats]

In my teens despite being what I thought at the time was quite accepting of others regarding homosexuality and TG is still laughed at plenty of phobic jokes, same with racism and sexism.

I thought I had no bias of my own but when doing some sociology subjects after highschool in preperation for university I discovered how wrong I was, that just not being overtly biased doesn't mean you don't have a host of subtle biases.

So as I've since been becoming more and more aware I've been standing up more and more for a lot of different folks even long before i started to move out of denial of my own TGness.

I'm still not out to everyone, but out or not I stand up for everyone who gets a raw go and have done for years now as much as possible.

[Veronica75]

I run with a pretty liberal crowd, and find it interesting that more of them than you'd think are very cool about, say, homosexuality, but are not in favor of crossdressing, and somewhat outspokenly.

When it comes up (rarely), I preach acceptance and tolerance. Once years ago when I encountered such a person (after I'd had a few) I was saying that there are CDs all over, and unless they're dressed you couldn't tell who was or wasn't and it's wrong to judge. I said something like "How do you know I'm not a crossdresser?" No answer, an awkward chuckle from her, then a hasty change of subject. I could tell from her change in demeanor that she simply could not imagine the guy in front of her crossdressed, and felt like I'd just cornered her as some sort of bigot which, in a very real sense, she was.

[docrobbysherry]

Among my family and friends, the subject has NEVER come up!:eek:

Gay this, gay that, OH YEAH! But, CD/TS/TG? Not ever!:brolleyes:

[Lisa Golightly]

I used to go very, very quiet... Now I'm an open TS I just get arsey.

[Hope]

I find that the best way to defuse a situation where some one is making a joke at another person's expense is to play dumb. Nothing sucks the joy out of a joke faster than someone who doesn't think it is funny - and an easy way to make something not funny (without being a prig) is to not get the joke.

"Q: Why are aspirin white? A: Because they work."

"What? I don't get it?"

What is even better is that then the $3 ass-hat who told the joke has to explain it to you, and in the process explain to you in excruciating detail what a racist SOB he is. It also allows you to point out what a crummy crummy joke it is. $3 ass-hat: "Well, you see, them Mexicano's jus' don' like to put in a whole days work, you see?" Me: "Hrm - all the beaners I know are really hard working... they work a lot harder than I do... maybe those aspirin should be brown? They are probably made in Mexico any way..."

It's the same if it is a black joke, a Irish joke, a blonde joke, a dumb white guy joke, or a faggy tranny joke. If you don't laugh - the joke isn't funny, and if the joke isn't funny, telling it isn't any fun. "I'm dyeing up here!"

In the cases where the $3 ass-hat is being more of a jerk and just spouting off "Well that just isn't right ... they shouldn't let them faggots out in public with the good god fearing folk... blah blah blah" you have other options. The easiest one is the usual "What the hell is it to you?" Or "Who is she hurting?" or "I thought this was a free country Jed... isn't that what you and your buddies fought for in 'Nam?"

Of course if you want to just drop the smack-down something along the lines of "I think her dress / shoes / handbag are very nice and I don't want to hear another word about it." is also completely appropriate, and perhaps most effective.

Of course - some of that requires manning up... and who the hell wants to do that?

[trannie T]

If we remain silent while others make uninformed or bigoted comments about us we are giving them our tacit approval. If you speak up you are not outing yourself,you are merely expressing an opinion.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

Assuming you are in the closet, like me, if the topic of crossdressing or transexuality comes up, do you dare to comment?
If someone makes a nasty comment, do you rebut them?
I generally do make a general argument for tolerance and acceptance, but I can do that because I have a reputation as a political liberal anyway.
How to you react around family, friends, or co-workers?

When I was much younger (and dumber), I used to pick on and make fun of all the things that everyone else picked on and made fun of. It was that, or chance being picked on and being made fun of myself.

Into my 20's, I started meeting people of all walks (although not any cd's) and my tolerance for people making fun of other groups of people really diminished. I would speak out against people making fun of gays and pointed out that some of the coolest people I ever met were gay. I didn't care if they looked at me funny at this point because I knew I was right - it's not cool to pick on people's differences.

The topic of crossdressing rarely came up in my life, but I think if it had, I would have stood up for them. Not just because I am one (even though deep in self-denial about it until a couple years ago), but because I really do have little tolerance for people picking on the differences of others.

I think you can stick up for crossdressers effectively in a heated debate without outing yourself. If anyone points to you and says "What - you a crossdresser or something?" it is only a way to shame you into letting them win the argument. It's a cheap tactic and does not mean they really think of you as such, but rather they're betting you don't dare continue once that's put out there.

If you're really too fearful of being outed, maybe best to avoid the subject if it comes up. On a personal note, I do wish you could stick up for all of us though. Show people that it is ok to be a crossdresser (even if only in argument) and help put to rest the notion that it's acceptable to pick on us and make fun of us. If you stick up for us in an argument, it is likely people will not poke fun of it or talk badly about it in your presence again. It may even plant a seed in their head about whether or not there really is anything wrong with it to begin with.

If the topic came up with me today (I'm still semi-closeted), I would hold my ground not caring what people thought of me. There is nothing wrong with being a crossdresser and I'll let people know that. I'd probably even tell them I've made cd friends on the internet and they're very cool people. I'd also shut them up pretty quickly if they started to look at me in a poor light. I'm not the kind of person who takes kindly to cheap tactics in arguments. I also don't give a crap what people think of me because of my personal views. I don't care and they know it. I will make it known not to talk poorly about groups of people within an earshot of me though.

[Hope]

If we remain silent while others make uninformed or bigoted comments about us we are giving them our tacit approval. If you speak up you are not outing yourself,you are merely expressing an opinion.

Thats the stuff.

Especially the bit about granting our tacit approval. I might go so far as to suggest that if we allow the crap to continue, we become complicit in it.

[RachelDenise]

When in that situation, I don't stand on the soap box, but I do speak for tolerance. I'm famous for the saying "Whatever consenting adults do in private is their own business. Why should you care?" A general statement, and it promotes tolerance for any number of issues.

[Angie G]

I would defend there right to do what they like if it of no harm to others.:hugs:
Angie

[GaleWarning]

Perhaps I move in a very different circle, but I seldom, if ever, come across negative comments about homosexuality or gay people. A far greater issue, about which I am totally passionate, is racism.

I was born into a racist society. At post-graduate level I was forced to face up to my own inherent racist attitudes. I became, first, a non-racist and then, as I realised the need to actively oppose racism, an ardent anti-racist.

I will ALWAYS speak out against racism. I believe that, if someone did openly come out with a homophobic comment, I would speak out. As a Christian, my view is that it is not up to us to judge anyone; rather, it is to love and nurture one another as God loves and nurtures us.

[sometimes_miss]

I come across the problem at work occasionally; and while I'm not willing to out myself, I do make it clear that the CD/TG/TS client deserves the same respect that everyone else does, and that usually shuts them up, even if it doesn't change their mind. I think a lot of it comes from homophobia, and that can be difficult to address because it takes a lot of self acceptance and understanding to overcome, and not all people are willing to go to that much trouble when it comes to worrying about other people's feelings. But they can learn to respect the rights of others, and keep their mouths shut if, as above, they can't say something nice (just like momma said).

[TGMarla]

I generally try to make some kind of positive statement. I really feel that transexuals are the way they are because they have no choice in the matter. After all, the usual reality for trans persons is a life filled with prejudice, revulsion from other people, off-hand comments muttered under the breath to others when they thing the person in question is not able to hear, hate, ignorance, and the like. Why on Earth would anyone opt for such treatment if they did not absolutely have to? It seems obvious to me that they are transexual because they have to be. I think that for the most part, this is true for all transgendered people. Why would someone choose this, with all the wonderful ramifications that come along with it?

[allisonrn06]

Don't have the topic come up very often, especially a serious mention of it. More often, someone at work will make a joke about me dressing as a girl - just the other day someone made a comment that I should start wearing nail polish. I usually just play along with it. If a serious discussion of the topic comes up, I try to gently suport cd'ing so as not to out myself.

[CharlotteW]

Around family, thankfully I'm not the least perfect member of our family, mine or my wifes side, so if they dare to be so opinionated on these matters I'll destroy their arguments in a trice.

All my friends know I get up to some naughty:heehee: tricks so they're careful enough to keep their mouths shut. Actually I sense an air of jealousy from some of them.

Around work colleagues I just say something like "hey I know plenty of people in the GLBT community and they're really nice people, in fact you probably know someone who is 'in the closet' so be careful not to offend them when you speak out".

There's always..."let he without sin cast the first stone"..."people who live in glass houses, shouldn't throw stones"..." etc etc

[suchacutie]

I have been in an administrative position in the past, and that always requires "training" on the handling of sensitive subjects and any manner of harassment. I'm sure many of you have had to have similar training, or would be in a position to have to have learned about the material in those training sessions.

As a result, I have no fear of correcting misinterpretations. For example, I was once in a conversation where a male said to me that all crossdressers were gay. I explained to him that was not the case, and that he might want to learn a bit more to have correct information before others thought he was less than "informed".

So, use what is in your past, if anyone asks, to explain why you should know all that you know. :)

At the very least, you can tell them that not everyone on the planet is generally uninformed about the world around us!

tina

[Janet Bern]

When folks bring up cding, I generally pass a comment like "hey dont knock it, I look pretty good in a dress" Then laugh a bit
keep em guessiing
Janet

[shannonFL]

I just choose not to argue with fools....do so at your own risk.....can't challenge everything boorish people say...too exhausting.....sometimes I can sit back and be proud of what I DO NOT have in common with others:battingeyelashes:

[PretzelGirl]

I just choose not to argue with fools....do so at your own risk.....can't challenge everything boorish people say...too exhausting.....sometimes I can sit back and be proud of what I DO NOT have in common with others:battingeyelashes:

This reminds me of an old saying. "Don't argue with fools. They will take you down to their level and beat you up with experience."

There are a number of GLBT people where I work. So in general, the only discussions are those that explore how tough it was for them or what the work environment was like for everyone during transitions, etc. There are a couple of morons. I choose to stick with trying to stay with the facts in a discussion and not get emotional. This helps keep me from going over the top and falling into the "protest too much" category. But it does allow me to make a stand and leave no doubts with anyone on how I feel.

Family is another thing. My blood side is mostly great, so any discussions have us in agreement and are short. The non-blood side, well that is another thing. Here I don't tend to hold back as much although it is kept in the ridicule are instead of anger. Most of the discussions end up with them looking at me puzzled as if to say "why are you giving me a hard time?".

[Carly D.]

I'm not sure my family knows or not (about my cross dressing) and the rare conversation about this type of thing always seems to get changed before it "leaves the ground" and builds any momentum.. I think that might be the sign that they might know or they just don't want to talk about something like that.. I guess that could lead me down the path to telling them that I cross dress, but I don't look like someone who does..and there are a good number of guys on this site that have shown their before and after picture in that part of the picture postings that are right there in the same boat as me.. but as far as conversations turning that direction, one New Years eve we were playing a game of DVD clue and my character was Miss Scarlet and my brother made the comment "I always knew you cross dressed" did you!! I missed that one.. actually I did say something to the effect that yeah I do.. wish that stuck but.. anyway I don't think that even if they were to tell me they know because someone saw me dressed up I don't think I would dress any differently..

[Carly D.]

I generally try to make some kind of positive statement. I really feel that transexuals are the way they are because they have no choice in the matter. After all, the usual reality for trans persons is a life filled with prejudice, revulsion from other people, off-hand comments muttered under the breath to others when they thing the person in question is not able to hear, hate, ignorance, and the like. Why on Earth would anyone opt for such treatment if they did not absolutely have to? It seems obvious to me that they are transexual because they have to be. I think that for the most part, this is true for all transgendered people. Why would someone choose this, with all the wonderful ramifications that come along with it?


My feelings exactly.. I think of telling someone and having them say "well can't you just quit this behavior??" geez it's not like I haven't tried.. I mean don't cha think I might have tried to quit like maybe a hundred times already?? no joking, a hundred times.. minus about ninety but it's the effort that counts here.. I purged while in high school (twice) then a few times during my twenties.. probably a few when I was in my thirties but now I know it's just gonna keep coming back, why deny it??..

For people making the transition I can't imagine the anguish they are going through.. feeling like you are a woman stuck in a males body must just be torture and trying to have people understand what you are going through, how you feel.. I've felt this maybe when I was in my early twenties, felt like maybe I was a woman trapped in a mans body.. but this feeling subsided and I am quite comfortable being a man dressing in female clothing..

[Veronica75]

There are a lot of deeply bigoted people in this world, in this country, and many of them are simply hopeless in their ignorance and not worth trying to change.

What bothers me more, in some ways, are the "liberal" "openminded" types who will wear their lack of racism or homophobia like a badge, but suddenly get indignant about crossdressers. Dismissing these people as "idiots" and "fools" is both wrong: most of them are intelligent enough but need to overcome their prejudices-- and also prejudicial itself: being dismissive and reducing people to demeaning labels is exactly what they're doing.

These are the people who really DO need to be talked to, and shown an example of real tolerance of transgendered people, and I think they can change their attitudes, I really do.

Earlier this year I was talking to a couple guys much younger than myself and TG issues came up. One of them said, "I understand gay people, but I really don't get this transgender thing." Not in a mean or disapproving way, just a lack of understanding. I basically went off on how it is, in some ways, like homosexuality: Most people don't understand it, and it's not a choice anyone makes, especially not with the disapproval they get from all corners. I said something about the hard road these people need to face and what a big difference a little compassion can make, and how they're just trying to get along, just like everyone else. Then a change of subject.

It was no grand speech, just low key, offhand comments, but I felt like that young man was at some sort of crossroad, and I hope I nudged him, at least a little, toward the right fork.

[Dana Lane]

If people don't speak up then people remain comfortable in their own skin. If at every turn they find out that someone speaks out against them when they are either racist, anti-gay, anti-transgender, etc, they won't be so quick to speak out with politically incorrect crap. The less people that speak out this kind of crap the more accepting in general the public will be.

This reminds me of Miss California and her political correctness snafu. She damaged a lot of people that day. Just my thoughts.