Guilt

[Lilia_CD]

When I dress there is a certain amount of guilt and depression I feel, I assume some of this is normal(at least I hope), but I have been off and on dressing since age 12, I'm 35 now, and it never seems to go away or even diminish. Is this normal?

[JulieC]

When I dress there is a certain amount of guilt and depression I feel, I assume some of this is normal(at least I hope), but I have been off and on dressing since age 12, I'm 35 now, and it never seems to go away or even diminish. Is this normal?

The urge to crossdress doesn't go away, at least not permanently.

Guilt is a function of society's rules. It took me until my 30s to begin to accept myself, to accept that I like to wear women's clothes and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm still a work in progress.

But, do try to stop feeling guilty about something that's harming nobody. The guilt feeling causes harm, not the dressing.

[Karren H]

I have no guilt any more.. Haven't had any for a decade or more.. For me it was accepting myself for what I am and what I am driven to do and realize its not going away and there is nothing wrong with it at all.. Once you get past that and embrace your hobby.. Crossdressing becomes fun!! Guilt-less fun!! What it should be! :)

[mklinden2010]

Guilt is common, but not really necessary.

If you're feeling bad about what you're doing, maybe you're not doing it right...

If your goal is some quick relief, take it and move on.

If your activity is just masking something else you should be doing, do what you gotta do and move on...

If you don't agree with what you are doing, but like it anyway...

Well, you've got some homework to do to get your mind happily wrapped around what you do.

Guilt, worry, concern, shame... All feelings... But, more than that, a sign you need to do something about your feelings.

Good question to ask.

Happiness, joy, ecstasy - those are all feelings too, by the way.

And, as many now broke lottery winners can now tell you, not something you can rely on; they can get you into hot water too...

So, don't let the issue manage you, manage the issue.

Asking questions helps you get a handle on life.

Live, learn, and live some more.

Good luck.

[kynw08]

Don't feel guilt hun....

I'm a historian by training, and here'sa reality:

Nearly every society that left us written records, or decent archaeological records, left us evidence of two groups of sexually "deviant"(I hate that word)people: homosexuals, and crossdressers. That's reality, that thousnads of years ago, men and women where doing the same thing you are today, for the same reasons.

I used to feel guilty about my urges and wants. I come from a place and a culture that does not accept it readily. I figured something out a long time ago though: 99% of those who would ridicule you the loudest, are bigger "freaks" in there minds than you are......

[Jenniferpl]

The only guilt I seem to have is not involving my wife enough. Also the limited amount of time I can dress. As I have come to accept myself, the overal guilt has gone away. Having a supportive spouse who has encouraged me come to terms with who I am has helped. The simple fact that I longer have to hide anything and I can my bras hanging of the bathroom door, makes it a whole lot easier. This is a blast with supportive and accepting spouse. I just try to have fun.

[LisaM]

Lilia,

Like others have said I used to feel guilt until I came to accept myself. As long as it is not taking away from my other responsibilities, I no longer feel guilt or shame. As a matter of fact, it makes me feel better about myself.

[DonnaT]

I've never felt guilty for being who I am.

Can't see the point in it, since being trans is not something I chose, but is instead a part of who I am.

[Patricia1]

Guilt & depression are two emotions that accompany all actions which we undertake that are felt to be contrary to our core self-perception. How can I, a real man, want this for myself? I must be bad, depraved, perverted? Well, the fact is you're none of those for cross dressing. You cannot change this behavior no matter what you do or think. So don't torture yourself. Just remember, do no harm to others and let the guilt & depression melt away. Feel good about yourself & enjoy your gift.

[GaleWarning]

You are only 35. As you grow older, you will care less about what society thinks, as you come to realise that every one of us has a kink, some part of our character of which we are less than proud.
Celebrate your individuality.
There is no-one else quite like you.

[Lilia_CD]

I'd like to thank each and every one of you for your kind words. I hope I can grow into me.

[Elvira]

I don't feel either guilty or depressed when i become Elvira ! The problem occurs when i have to revert back to my male side! Only then do i feel guilty and/or depressed.

[Lilia_CD]

That is my issue, I don't feel guilty while dressed, it is an after the fact emotion.

[sissystephanie]

When I dress there is a certain amount of guilt and depression I feel, I assume some of this is normal(at least I hope), but I have been off and on dressing since age 12, I'm 35 now, and it never seems to go away or even diminish. Is this normal?

What are you feeling guilty about? Your crossdressing itself, or are you keeping it a secret from your wife?

There is no reason whatsoever to feel guilty about crossdressing itself. It is a perfectly normal expression of the femininiety that is buried within every male at birth. Those of us who do CD just have let it surface to be expressed. Just because society looks at us differently when we dress does not mean that we should feel guilty about it! Those who call us names, etc. are the ones who should feel guilty. Unless you are doing something totally deviant or illegal in your dressing activities you have only one real judge! And I don't think He cares what you wear!

You probably have not yet accepted the fact that you are a CD, although by this time you should have. Just know that you have a lot of friends here, and many more that you don't even know about. As one poster commented, CD'ing has been around for centuries and it isn't going to go away! So quit feeling guilty, and enjoy wearing pretty things!! I have been doing it for about 70 years now and enjoy every minute of it.

:hugs::hugs:

[shannonFL]

I just felt tired trying to be "right" all the time, thought I would try being happy.....:)

[Annie D]

Don't allow what you think is "straight" dictate that you are or have done something wrong. I think that most of us have felt some type of guilt, especially if you are closeted from your family and loved ones. Closeted means that you are hiding and if you are hiding means that you are not exactly proud of what you are doing and a normal emotion is one of guilt.

I used to feel "depressed" but I finally concluded that I was down because I didn't know when I could dress again and used to display anger to those who forced me stop something that I enjoyed so much.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

When I dress there is a certain amount of guilt and depression I feel, I assume some of this is normal(at least I hope), but I have been off and on dressing since age 12, I'm 35 now, and it never seems to go away or even diminish. Is this normal?

I've felt the same exact thing myself. That is how it was for me every time until just a couple of years ago when I started to accept myself for who I am.

There came a point in my life when I simply got tired of the guilty feelings and started questioning what it was all about. I came to the realization that there was nothing wrong with me - it was all about how society treats crossdressing and the social stigma attached to it. In other words - I didn't have a problem, society did (does).

There's absolutely nothing wrong with who I am or how I choose to present myself. Once I realized that, there was no more guilt associated with it. Instead, I began feeling very good about myself and even learned how to FINALLY love myself after a lifetime of self-hatred.

I think once you figure out how to let go of the garbage society has filled your head with, you'll start to feel more comfortable about who you are. Allow yourself to enjoy who you are instead of feeling like it's wrong or shameful. There's nothing wrong with being a crossdresser. There's only something wrong if you feel guilty about being yourself. And I believe that will go away once you learn how to accept who you are. :)

Don't worry, Lilia. If I could get over it, you can too. I was once very hopeless. I had myself convinced I was a terrible person who would never love himself or amount to anything. Now, crossdressing is the part of my life that brings me the most joy and happiness. I'm even working on educating society about people like us to dispel those ugly cliches and myths that cause the guilt and shame we all felt at some point in our lives.

Re-evaluate why you feel guilty and ask yourself if there is really anything wrong with yourself. I bet you'll find all your problems stem from how society treats the idea of crossdressing. Remove that from your head, and you'll begin to enjoy your life more just as I did - I truly believe that. :)

[TxKimberly]

Oddly enough, when I was almost exactly your age is when I decided I'd had enough of that guilt. I'm 43 now and don't feel the slightest guilt!

[sometimes_miss]

When I dress there is a certain amount of guilt and depression I feel, I assume some of this is normal(at least I hope), but I have been off and on dressing since age 12, I'm 35 now, and it never seems to go away or even diminish. Is this normal?

Something you should know, is that even if it never goes away, once you know why you're feeling that way it is easier to deal with; you can develop coping mechanisms to compensate. Question: Are you feeling guilty and depressed while you are dressed, or do you feel guilty and depressed because you want to, and do, dress up? They're two completely different things.

[Tanya C]

I went through a guilt and depression stage but mine was when I was in my late twenties In fact, I actually tried quitting for a while and then later tried to control it with underdressing and lingerie. When I was in my earily thirties I began to accept the fact that I was indeed a CDer and over time the quilt went away.
Now that I'm in my mid fifties I have come to embrace my CDing and I appreciate this remarkable gift that I've been given. Also, my lovely wife has become involved with helping me with clothes, makeup and my general deportment, and that has dramatically improved the quality of my CDing. For me CD life is about as good as it gets.

Love always,

Tanya

[Celeste]

I also had the guilt.Eventually it melted away.Mine stemmed from society's interpretation of cd's,I just had to let that go and stay focused on what made me happy.I simply cannot allow others prejudiced ideas determine what i want or how I feel.

[linnea]

Normal? I don't know what that is, but the guilt and the depression (I'm not as sure about it) seems typical.
Are you in the closet or are openly CD? There is often less guilt with greater degrees of openness. For CDs in the closet, there is often guilt about the deception.
I sometimes feel very uneasy, but the more open I have been, the more at ease I have been. I've been doing this since I was seven; I'm 63 now.

[Teresa Macaw]

I too went thru the guilt thing for many years. At 50 I finally decided to embrace the feeling that have never gone away. So I decided to be the best Tgirl I could be. I don't feel guilty anymore, but still have second thoughts as to why. I can't answer that, but enjoy so much the new freedom of going out as a woman. I can only suggest to join a local support group, I joined Tri-Ess & met many lovely girls who helped me thru confused feelings.

[docrobbysherry]

How can I, a real man, want this for myself? I must be bad, depraved, perverted?

Patricia, I've taken your quote out of context. Sorry! But, THAT one line is how my CDing makes me feel sometimes! :doh:
It's NOT the putting on the clothes that makes me feel pervy. It's that sometimes it can be SUCH A TURN ON!:o

[Veronica75]

Crossdressing is a hobby, and a part of my life, and an aspect of my character, but then again so is golfing.

I don't tell everyone I meet that I crossdress, just like I don't tell everyone I golf. As far as guilt, I might feel guilty spending money on some posh course when I should be paying bills, or playing on a sunny day when I ought to be mowing the lawn. But I don't feel guilty about the golfing, per se.

Likewise, if I spend money I shouldn't on some pumps or blow off appointments some afternoon to come home and dress, that makes me feel a little guilty. But that's all about spending money and slacking off at work, really, and not about crossdressing at all.

[Christina Horton]

I have never felt guilt in my life about CDing. Never purged. No guilt no purg. I guess I am lucky. I am a very strong willed person and very stubbern too. But I would think it's normal to feel guilty about something that you did that is not wrong. Your just fine like me and the other girls around the globe. Think about this the sound be about 10% of men around the world that cd in some way. If there all feeling guilty we would have more suidcids out there. So get over it all ready. Or I will bitch slap you. Lol.

[RobertaM]

Feel Guilty,, ya guilty as charged,
"christina is going to slap me again"

Look i have gone from closet scaredy cat to fully out in 5 months, I have put at risk my marriage, my life, to do this. Sounds worse than reality,, but, by yourself dealing with internal demons it feels like alot.

So why or why do we feel guilty,, i would aggree its societal norms challenging our baseline. We are different,, get over it. but if estimates are true than over 5% of us crossdress to some degree. ,, so whats the big deal.

I feel more guilty about stressing my wife and family,, they have enough issues and things to deal with in life without me dumping too much cding on them..
xo roberta.