Help understanding wife

[Uncertin]

HI i've been crossdress since I was around 15 and I'm 49 now.
My wife knows I crossdress and she has found my clothes many things. At first she was up set, but I 've started being more bold the past two years.
I'll wear my bra and pantyhoses around her and sometime a little lip stick.
She gets upset, but lets me wear them anyway, making fun of me the whole time.
There has been a few times when we have had to much to drink, that she will let me make love to her wear my bra and pantyhose. She touch the bra and pantyhose and I think she like it.
One thing I can't understand is, she always throws my pantyhoses away. I ask why and she says she did.
However, she always let me keep my bras.
Sometimes when she sees me wearing a bra, she will ask me to slow dance with her and she'll start pulling me close to feel my stuffed bra or run her hands over the bra strap in the back.
So, she acts like she doesn't like me crossdressing, but embraces me when I wear a bra.
I want to wear everything, what do you all think is going on?

[Mistybtm]

sounds to me like she has a thing for breast and it is a turn on for her. :2c:

[Joni Beauman]

My guess is - conflict. Conflict over acceptance vs. rejection. Trying to like it and similar to the beginning cder, purging (selectively) afterwards. I get mixed messages all the time. It can be confusing. Many couples find setting acceptable boundaries a fair approach. Joni

[MissConstrued]

I want to wear everything, what do you all think is going on?

Give me her number, I'll call and ask. :D


Or you could do it... you're right there.

[Angie G]

Anyone who says he understands woman is an idiot or is gust lying. I've been married 41 years to the same beautiful woman but to this day can't pin down where she is coming from have the time. So good luck with yours hun.:hugs:
Angie

[helenr]

I feel that people crave 'normalcy'. It is upsetting when life gets 'irregular'. Women who are not even the same species as men (in my view -I agree with the last comment) rarely can comprehend what is going on with male crossdressing/transgender behavior. Most women can't tolerate another 'squaw in the wigwam' and I wonder if crossdressing just drives them nuts? Also, not exactly the Tarzan male image that gets them going sexually-to see pantyhose, bras. God, life is so complicated when you have the transgender conflict. setting boundaries is helpful-don't push the envelope any more than needed-or you will end up divorced. Good luck.

[jillleanne]

Sounds to me like the two of you need to communicate, starting with you explaining the life of a cd to her. You may want to introduce her to the world of cd'ing by having her join a site like this. Get the lines of communication open and allow her to discover your world. The rest will fall in place.

[Dressing Jill]

Get some breast forms

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

...So, she acts like she doesn't like me crossdressing, but embraces me when I wear a bra.
I want to wear everything, what do you all think is going on?

Based on the little information provided, I'd say that she is (at least to some extent) fascinated and turned on by your crossdressing. The fact that she likes to touch your bra and plays with the strap while dancing enforces this. The fact that she enjoys making love to you after a few drinks says even more - this is the point in time when people often relax their personal restrictions in life.

Her dislike of your crossdressing (while also seeming to like it) may be because of the way society treats this subject. We've all been taught since we were children how "wrong" this is and how a "man has to be a man" and all that other garbage. This is exactly what causes so much confusion in crossdressers as we grow up. It also affects women who might otherwise enjoy a crossdressing man. They're taught it's wrong and a perversion and all those other idiotic lines of total BS just like we all are.

Perhaps your wife wants to enjoy your crossdressing. She seems to have conflict between her personal desires and what she thinks is "right" (as in what society says about crossdressing).

You need to get her talking about this subject and put this exact premise out there. Get her to open up about how she feels and how she thinks she's supposed to feel. I'm assuming she's the kind of woman who will talk openly with you. If you feel that she hides her true feelings out of embarrassment or something, you'll need to find a way to get her to open up.

For what it's worth, my wife used to encourage me to crossdress years before I ever came out to her. It tuned her on when I did so, BUT she only liked it in small doses. She seemed shy about it at times, and didn't like to talk much about it because she as embarrassed to admit she enjoyed seeing a man dressed as a woman. She's not (embarrassed) anymore, but that is how it was years ago.

Good luck. :)

[Annie D]

Have you ever done something to your wife in the hope that she will return the favor? Perhaps she is signaling that she is inviting you to caress her breasts as well. It is just a thought and you may want to pursue it. None the less, if you don't want to replace your pantyhose on a regular basis, I suggest that you start putting them away when you are finished wearing them. If she is teasing you, tease her back in an especially provocative and naughty way and perhaps things will advance in a natural manner. Subtle communication between women is commonplace and if you want to accepted as a women you need to act like one.

[TSchapes]

First of all welcome to the forum. You may want to start a thread in the new members section.

I think women become conflicted because they start to wonder if they are Lesbian or Bi-Sexual and this can be upsetting. Transgender people have a tendency to force people to question their own sexuality. This is neither bad nor good, it's just what is.

Like MissConstrued said, talk to her, ask her what she is feeling and how can you help her and re-assure her that you are still you. Communication.

Love, Tracy

[docrobbysherry]

Anyone who says he understands woman is an idiot or is just lying. I've been married 41 years to the same beautiful woman but to this day can't pin down where she is coming from half the time. So good luck with yours hun.:hugs:
Angie

This is one of the WISEST posts I've seen in my LIFE!:eek:

In my ENTIRE 60+ years, whenever I was ABSOLUTELY SURE what my GG SO would think or do, I've been INVARIABLY WRONG!:doh:

Thank u for that, hard learned, SAGE ADVICE, Angie!:hugs:

[linnea]

My guess is - conflict. Conflict over acceptance vs. rejection. Trying to like it and similar to the beginning cder, purging (selectively) afterwards. I get mixed messages all the time. It can be confusing. Many couples find setting acceptable boundaries a fair approach. Joni

I think that this may be true, but at this point I think that your best option is to ask her--just ask her.

[Uncertin]

well i tried very hard to be honest with my wife to ( I was so afraid)
But I pushed on and tried to keep thing calm.
She says she can't put up with me crossdressing but when asked if she wants me to stop, she wouldn't answer.
It as if she was afraid to answer my questions.

[Shelly Preston]

Give her sometime to think. It sounds to me that she knows its something that wont go away

It may be she does want you to stop but realises how much it would hurt to tell you that

Sometimes after a discussion it can take some time to really think things through

[Georgia Rose]

Sounds to me like the two of you need to communicate, starting with you explaining the life of a cd to her. You may want to introduce her to the world of cd'ing by having her join a site like this. Get the lines of communication open and allow her to discover your world. The rest will fall in place.

This sounds like good advice. The only route to a more peaceful and fulfilling future for both of you is to talk and to get the facts on what CDing means to you. There are plenty of resources available including this forum and if either of you value your relationship you will put the time in to find out what is happening to both of you and work it out together.

Best of luck but please talk to her.

[Ralph]

So, she acts like she doesn't like me crossdressing, but embraces me when I wear a bra.
I want to wear everything, what do you all think is going on?

Here's a crazy thought... maybe you could ask her? Tell her what's important to you, why you do what you do, and - this is the important part - find out what she is and is not OK with. If there are limits on things she can put up with, you will stay within those limits as long as you value your marriage. You won't try to sneak around the limits when you think she won't catch you; you won't try to argue her out of them or complain that it's not fair... you'll show how much you love her by not pushing her beyond what she can handle.

ralph

[sissystephanie]

Anyone who says he understands woman is an idiot or is gust lying. I've been married 41 years to the same beautiful woman but to this day can't pin down where she is coming from have the time. So good luck with yours hun.:hugs:
Angie

Angie is so right on!! My wife and I had been married almost 50 years before she passed away. She was totally supportive, but could still confuse the heck out of me at times!

My suggestion is that you have a sit down talk with your wife about your crossdressing. Find out her boundaries and explain what you would like to do. But always keep in mind that she married a man, and expects you to be one! My wife told me that as long as I did remember that I was her man underneath, she didn't care what I covered my manhood with!:heehee: Maybe that will work for you! Good Luck!!

[BLUE ORCHID]

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN ?
Not in this lifetime.
It just ain't gona happen!!!
.................................................. ..............thanks...ORCHID

[xgeminix]

HI i've been crossdress since I was around 15 and I'm 49 now.
My wife knows I crossdress and she has found my clothes many things. At first she was up set, but I 've started being more bold the past two years.
I'll wear my bra and pantyhoses around her and sometime a little lip stick.
She gets upset, but lets me wear them anyway, making fun of me the whole time.
There has been a few times when we have had to much to drink, that she will let me make love to her wear my bra and pantyhose. She touch the bra and pantyhose and I think she like it.
One thing I can't understand is, she always throws my pantyhoses away. I ask why and she says she did.
However, she always let me keep my bras.
Sometimes when she sees me wearing a bra, she will ask me to slow dance with her and she'll start pulling me close to feel my stuffed bra or run her hands over the bra strap in the back.
So, she acts like she doesn't like me crossdressing, but embraces me when I wear a bra.
I want to wear everything, what do you all think is going on?

ok well i cant be certain but I too am I woman married (well not yet but will be) to a crossdresser so maybe i can be of help

now im not sure why she does it, but I know i hate when my bf wears pantyhose. I HATE IT. i dont mind skirts or bra or nail polish or eyeliner but I WANT TO BE THE ONE AND ONLY ONE WEARING PANTYHOSE. I know im strange but to me its a territorial one, its like i dont mind if dressing makes him feel pretty and happy but pantyhose makes me feel like a women, and though he dresses he will always be my man, even if he doesnt want to be called a man when he dresses, in my eyes he will always be that, so when he wears my pantyhose, i feel like im not of importance, like i have no place, im not the woman nor the man, and i feel let down. i dont know. thats how i feel, i doubt your women feels that way but ask her, maybe theres a bigger reason.


Give her sometime to think. It sounds to me that she knows its something that wont go away

It may be she does want you to stop but realises how much it would hurt to tell you that

Sometimes after a discussion it can take some time to really think things through


ya that makes sence to, maybe she hasn't fully accepted it. There were times in my relationship where I was selfish and evil and had pretended that he wasnt what he was. I felt like he should give it up for me. And now I know thats wrong, but I just didnt know what to do. I know thats no excuse. but maybe its because she likes womens breast, or maybe because she cant accept that fact that you cross dress though she wants to. She could be skeptical about the whole thing. It could be confusing to her. I know it was to me. I didnt get it at first, and though some times because its hard to see your man in your clothes. What you can do if it helps. Is gradually dress. maybe seeing you in a bra is a stepping stone to pantyhouse. I know i had to see him gradually.

Its hard to see your man in mens clothes and one day he says "im a crossdresser" and then its like your eyes are widened. You know. You cant just shock her in full girl attire because I doubt shed know what to do or say. Take it a step at a time, and tell her u no this makes me feel pretty this makes me feel good and go slow so she digest it. Trust me, once its digests she might enjoy it.

Good luck!