You knew what they were like, you told them, how did it turn out?

[PretzelGirl]

I am not looking for this to be the standard "I have told 3 family members and two friends" thread. I am hoping this can be a thread with some insight.

Think of it this way. You know a family member or friend and came up with an opinion of how you thought they would react and you went ahead and told them. Then you got the real reaction from them. Was it in line with what you thought?

I think this can help those of us who haven't told anyone get through our thought process. If you elicited a firm reaction or anything in the middle, it might tell the rest of us something.

A few starter examples of my own, but I haven't told anyone yet, so I am missing the final piece.

A family member who is somewhat racist and formulates strong opinions of others. Rushes to judgement on others and sticks to that opinion in opposition to other facts. We get along great. Prediction - Would still talk to me but the relationship would be severely damaged.

A child who is in the upper teens. Very carefree and accepting. Into the retro peace, love, etc of the 70's. Prediction - Would accept and possibly participate.

A child in the 20's who is hyper-emotional (is that a word?). Everything is an emotional event. A very loving child and we get along great. Prediction - This would be an emotional problem and the words from this child would be along the line of "I am having trouble dealing with this" and would come with many tears.

A long time friend who is a distance from me. We were always close is he is very accepting of everyone differences. Prediction - First I was thinking slam dunk, but the distance can make it a quick change to no more communication.

So who has some examples that come full circle with results that fall in line with the prediction or oppose it?

[kellycan27]

Truth be known.... it's a crap shoot. i don't think you can predict how someone will react to this thing. If you want to come out all you can pretty much do is roll the dice and hope they don't come up...snake eyes.
The odds might be more in your favor knowing how some people view the world, but..ya never know.

[linnea]

I'm interested in this question because I'm planning to tell my daughter when I see her in late June/early July (no specific date yet). I think that she'll begin with "What! You're kidding!" Then she'll ask me some verification questions like "What? You're kidding?" Then she'll say, "How long have you been doing this?" and "Does anyone else know?" Then she'll say, "Are you sure?" After that I think that we'll get to questions about how often, where, what is it that I like about it, when did I start, etc.
Eventually, I think that she'll be accepting and even encouraging. She will likely say that she wants to see me dressed. I also think that she'll urge me to tell others, but she'll understand why I haven't done so before.
After I tell her, I'll report what actually happens.
Of course, I hope that I'm not too far off. If I am, I may extra helpful from my friends here.

[Sarah...]

I've had no negative responses so far, in telling family and friends. Did I predict that? No. I didn't predict anything, as it happens. What I did do was tell people in the way that fitted with their preferred mode of communication, their method of understanding new things and their need to talk or otherwise. Which means managing groups of people at the same time can be difficult.

So, I have used in person, telephone, text, pictures and examples for the way I told people and scientific, emotional and relational discussions for the how.

Sarah...

[Carly D.]

I hope this thread gets a lot of responses both good and bad to let people get an idea what might happen if you tell some one...

[Carole Cross]

I was certain my father was going to react badly before I came out to him, it's probably the main reason why I didn't come out before. The reaction I got was acceptance, although he doesen't fully understand why I am transitioning. The best thing is that we are still talking and eventually he will at least get some understanding.
I was also suprised at the reaction of other family members, there have been no negative reactions so far. I have yet to come out to any friends or coworkers but I hope to change my job soon, so I think it best that I do not tell them unless I have to.

[Super Amanda]

Like Sarah, I used many methods to tell people, email, text.

I did however, make predictions

My older brother, mid 30's three kids and a wife.
Very homophobic, and opinionated. My prediction for him was that he would accept it, but never want to see me like that. The reality was that he is a great support, wants me to do what I have to do to be happy, and is actually very open and accepting of his new "sister"!

My Dad...mid 60's born in West Virginia. My prediction was that he would be confused, big time, and not supportive. When he found out he told me that "You can only be you, and that's all you can be, and whats on the outside don't mean a thing" Wow, I always knew he was wise...

My list goes on and on. I expected the worst, and have been getting the best, so I say you never really know how someone will react, but if they love you, they will try to understand, and true love is unconditional.

I hope this was a help!

[TSchapes]

I told my parents a long time ago, and it was different back then. It was rough and they said I was still their son no matter what. They never disowned me and actually were very proud of me. They have since passed on. I still remember my dad thinking it was all his fault.

I too have told numerous people with the expectation that they would be negative, yet I haven't gotten anything like that. So, bottom line, you just can't tell.

I told one gal at work that had participated in the companies Halloween costume contest as Fred Astaire and another guy was Ginger. She didn't take the news as well as a good friend of mine that's very conservative. So, go figure. Not that she wouldn't talk to me or nothing, but I could tell for some odd reason she was uncomfortable, so I didn't push it.

I think your gut feelings will tell you how it might go, don't analyze it to death.

-Tracy

[Nicole Erin]

Telling people I know close to me that I am TG has not really effected my relationships. Not for better or worse.
Well basically, here is my rundown

Mom - never figured she would have a problem with me doing this, and she didn't. She does my hair.

Dad - Went better than I though. If he had his druthers... but overall went ok. "I don't know why you would want to do this, you are a good looking man".

Wife - Didn't know what to expect, but at first she was cool, then at times she acted like a bitch about it, typically being rude and insulting in front of -

Son - He loves being a smart ass about it. As expected.

Big brother - We just do not talk about it. We don't talk much anyways, just never been super close. I think his response when him and big sis talked about it was - "Thing is if he wants to get a job, he is not going to be able to do that".

Little sis - Hard to say, never been close. few months ago she asked about it, and seemed really cool, but I don't think she cares enough about what I do to have any opinion of it.

Big sis - No change, but now we sometimes go shopping, and we talk about a lot of woman stuff. I would have to say things got a bit better.

Best friend - Can't say much has changed, his response was "why didn't you tell me sooner, were you really worried I would quit being your friend?"

Other acquaintances are either not close one way or another, or they are also TG, in which case, a different set of rules applies cause they are not going to judge a TG for that.

ADDED - Most of the time if people liked or disliked you before, that is not going to change cause of who you are. If you are generally a happy easy to get along with person, people are not going to shun you over being TG.
ON the other hand - if you are a hard to get along with person who has a chip on her shoulder like I do, then it will be just one more reason for them NOT to like you. Being TG doesn't change any of that.

[Rachel Morley]

I've had good and not so good. The first time I ever told a living sole was a GG best friend of mine about 15 years ago. This is when I was single and living on my own. We were on vacation together, just the two of us as platonic friends, and I was sure she would be ok with it. Boy, was I wrong! She seemed rather nonchalant and relaxed about it when I told her but I should have guessed that she wasn't as cool about as she seemed as she didn't ask or want to know about any of the details. The following day she told me that I should go and find a good councilor as I obviously needed professional help! :sad:

The good thing was my wife's son. I thought he wouldn't accept me and it would change our relationship. I got that wrong too. His Mom and I are very active in the local TG community and it's pretty obvious (now that' she's told him) that his Mom likes it, and wants it in her life, and in fact that's what drew her to me as a partner (we met on a CD message board). I guess he kinda had to be more accepting and cool about it or risk alienating his mother. His reaction was "whatever makes you happy .... it's your life".

[Sammy777]

A bit of background to clear things up a bit before I start.

I joined here in Oct-08 and referred to myself as a CrossDresser.
In March/April-09 is when I finally accepted the fact I am a Transsexual.

This is important because I had/have to actually come out to some people twice now. :doh:

I now have 3 types of people in my life right now:
1) The ones that know me as a TS now.
2) The ones that know me as a CD'er but not a TS yet.
3) The ones that know none of this yet.

I feel this happening this way is a mixed blessing.
The people that I haven't told yet won't have to hear details that could possibly even further confuse them.

Most people that know me as a CD'er are more open and can easier adjust.

Here are some of the people that know about me right now.

My Younger 1/2 Sister: Is very open and familiar with the LGBT community.
I felt she would be the easiest to tell and would be the most accepting.
I told her over the phone and she was obviously very accepting of it.
When I later told her about being TS she was still very accepting and told me she would back and support me with whatever decision I made.

My sister's Mom: After telling my sis I went to see her for a coming out and that is when I told her Mom face to face: again a very open and accepting person. I was told by my sis that she wouldn't care. And she didn't. Her words to me were "well good for you" and "if it makes you happy" lol

While I haven't talked to her about being TS I'm sure it will not matter.

My sister invited a few of her friends over for my first coming out.
Again all of them being in or familiar with the community were accepting.
And I'm sure once they know I'm a TS and not a CD'er nothing will change.

Here is an interesting one:
A friend of my sister's I had gotten to know and we become friends largely because we had similar personalities, well similar enough, lol.
He didn't know about Samantha and was unexpectedly introduced to her.
He needed a ride to his car and got one from Samantha, lol.
I was a bit worried about this one, I knew he would not act adversely to me but I also knew it was going to be one hell of a shock to him.

When he saw Samantha dressed for a night out he didn't say much, in fact he didn't say anything, except to thank me and my sis for the ride.
It wasn't till the next day he told my sis that while he didn't quite understand it, he was accepting of it. That was good enough for me.
The next time I saw him as "myself to him" I asked if he was cool with all this and he basically repeated what he told her to me.
He is of the I accept it, but I really don't need to see it type. Since then nothing has changed in how we act towards each other.

As far as the rest of my family [brother/sister/mother] are concerned?
They will know very soon, and yes, how they react will be a crap shoot.
Good/Bad, Accept it or never speak to me again. Only time will tell.

Although I knew before hand that the ones who know would be accepting you will always never really know untill you tell them.
And trust me when I say that even if you know for sure they are/will be accepting - it doesn't make telling them, especially that first person, any easier. It is still a big thing but it is something you need to do at some point in your life.

I may have had it somewhat easy so far, but that doesn't mean it still does not still scare the crap out me when it comes to the next person.

I hope all of this helps out and that someone who may still be in the closet will read this and learn from it and hopefully find their courage to tell someone they know or love. PS: It does get easier over time.

[Carly D.]

I have absolutely no interest whatsoever to tell anyone I know.. but one of the entries told of giving a ride to a friend and his friend getting a quick and sudden meeting of hi cross dress side.. I think that if I were to be outed that this might be the way to go, by nearly total accident... the one member of my family that I think would be totally accepting, after thinking it through for a while, is my oldest niece.. she was big into religion not so long ago but has since mellowed a little.. for some reason I think she would just say whatever and be alright with it.. the others I'm so unsure about.. I think of telling mom and she would probably bring up the old standard "what would your dad say" and I say dad knew I was the blacksheep of us boys and that he would probably be ok with it.. strangely enough.. I was fairly close with my dad and was there just minutes before he passed away, although we left before it happened...


I can't imagine telling anyone in the family on purpose.. after today.. just seems too out there of an idea.. like I said I hope if I get confronted by anyone that I can be brave enough to say "yeah, I cross dress"....

[Anna the Dub]

Mine more or less went as I predicted

Mother: Thought she would freak out and she did. Doesn't want to know, it doesn't exist for her

Father: Also freaked out. Now he has Alzheimers so he doesn't really know any of us at all anymore. Now in a home

Eldest brother: Uncomfortable with it, doesn't want to talk about it, but accepts that his wife supports me

2nd brother: Very uncomfortable with it, doesn't want to talk about it at all, but has no problem with his wife and daughter both being very supportive

3rd brother: Seems to be ok, but doesn't talk about it

Sister: Not interested, doesn't want to know at all

Best friend: 100% supportive, she is my rock and keeps me sane. She is fiercely protective of me.

So there we are, none of my immediate family want to know, but 2 sisters in law have been great, and my best friend whom I love to bits, is the one who keeps me going.

[Karen564]

I'm interested in this question because I'm planning to tell my daughter when I see her in late June/early July (no specific date yet). I think that she'll begin with "What! You're kidding!" Then she'll ask me some verification questions like "What? You're kidding?" Then she'll say, "How long have you been doing this?" and "Does anyone else know?" Then she'll say, "Are you sure?" After that I think that we'll get to questions about how often, where, what is it that I like about it, when did I start, etc.
Eventually, I think that she'll be accepting and even encouraging. She will likely say that she wants to see me dressed. I also think that she'll urge me to tell others, but she'll understand why I haven't done so before.
After I tell her, I'll report what actually happens.
Of course, I hope that I'm not too far off. If I am, I may extra helpful from my friends here.

I don't know your daughters age, but if shes in puberty now, I would highly suggest you hold off on telling her anything, it's the very worst time to tell any child, I know this from 1st hand experience now and wish I had that information before I told her anything.. but I didn't know..
So before or after is better, but Not during.. just have to trust me on this..I know a rare few can handle it OK, but statistically, the odds say they wont..so it's just not worth the risk..

Just thought I'd mention this, for anyone thinking of doing this..